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Fightingon's latest comments
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30th Mar 2021Fightingon commented on:
Lies on social mediaYou are right Carole. His family and friends cannot believe this is happening and are supporting him. He is looking to find counseling though his GP more or less said there was not much available and he is searching privately. He does have some really bad days though is trying to stay on top of it. There is so much talk about violence towards women at the moment but very little mention of the insidious attacks on the mental health of fathers in these cases, which is so much harder to prove. Sadly he has friends and acquaintances who have gone through similar problems and in one case the man was convicted of abuse. I know him and a gentler kinder man you could not imagine. Some of his friends had even witnessed her attacking him physically but this was not followed up. He had a complete breakdown and several of the other men we know have committed suicide as a result of being denied access to their children, even after court orders have been fought for. It is so easy for a mother to claim the child is ill or any other excuse and it seems almost impossible to implement the court orders without other lengthy legal processes. Please don't get me wrong, my heart goes out to genuinely abused women but the cruelty of denying a child the right to a father by using false claims is despicable. Even the solicitor (a woman) has said this is becoming very common. Sorry for going on. You have caught me after a very bad day as he is now not only worried about the situation but the effect on his other children and the rest of the family. This woman seems to have power over all of us and there is nothing we can do, at least in the short term and meanwhile this poor baby is growing and developing without half of his family. Thank you for listening.ViewDate:
23rd Mar 2021Fightingon commented on:
Lies on social mediaThank you for your interest Carole. He is more than willing to pay maintenance and be an active father. He has in fact sent her money and flowers on her birthday while she was pregnant as she was unable to work. This was when he was still allowed to text. At this she claimed on FB he was emotionally manipulating her and was also using his children to do so as they had made birthday cards for her. This was such a shock as she presents herself as a strong, empathetic, caring woman. Despite promises to use his name and hers on the birth certificate it appears that she has not even named him as father. He has sought legal advice and has been able to complete forms to change this legally though cannot change the child's name without her consent. He will have to do a DNA test to claim his child. After this he will be able to claim parental responsibility but a solicitor has advised that because she is intending to breast feed for as long as possible he may not be able to look after the baby till it is weaned. Meanwhile he cries every day, missing his baby and is losing the ability to function normally as this is overwhelming him. Naturally this is having a terrible effect on his whole family including his other children. If a man took a baby away from a woman and refused contact the law would be on her side and there would be a public outcry! How is this fair? As for the defamatory comments he has contacted the police who can do nothing though they have given him a crime number in case of escalation. He knows about the comments through mutual friends and will not sink to her level to post comments himself and has requested that they don't either as he believes this will fuel her lies that he is 'controlling'.ViewDate:
11th Aug 2018Fightingon commented on:
Death of exWell the funeral is over. I can only say I feel a sense of relief and closure. During the service I felt detached and simply like an onlooker. I realised that he can no longer hurt me or my family. I have survived what he did and I should feel proud of myself for that, not guilty. Certain things will never be forgotten but there is no need to drag them out of the past and revisit them. Those of you with grandchildren who are 'Frozen' fans may know the song, 'Let it Go' and in particular the lines, 'I'm never going back. The past is in the past!' I felt that my children and myself were the stronger for going and reminding ourselves how lovely his family members are. He had put a rift between us in a way although we did keep in touch. There were very few there apart from family members but there was an old school friend of his who I knew around 50 years ago. It was as if we had only spoken yesterday as we fell straight into our comfortable 'jokey' relationship immediately. That was such a positive experience. Thank you to all of you who have kept me going during the past difficult weeks. I very much appreciate your support.ViewDate:
30th Jul 2018Fightingon commented on:
Death of exThank you for your suggestions No worries. It was my first post too and I am moved by the support I have received. I have not yet written it down but it has reminded me of so many incidents I cannot believe I let happen, as my older and wiser self. Things have been complicated by the fact that I have had to share the news with one of his old student friends (who I also knew though not really as a friend). He wrote a long email of his memories some of which I remember too but from an entirely different point of view. I passed it on to my ex's family as myself and my children could genuinely not make any positive and happy comments. He has now sent me the address of another old friend so I have another difficult letter to write to an almost stranger. Sadly both these men lost their wives to cancer so I know that this will stir memories for them too. Fortunately for me my ex did not have many friends as I am finding this emotionally draining. Still, all things pass don't they? I can't wait for the funeral to be over to see how I feel then.ViewDate:
24th Jul 2018Fightingon commented on:
Death of exThanks again Pam. You can obviously empathise due to your own unhappy experiences. I hope you are now in a much better place. Friends and family including children know the gist but I cannot tell them some of the horrible details. I am pretty self aware and so I do know I need to get rid of these feelings in order to move on. (I have actually done some counselling myself.) As I said to Carole I will wait till after the funeral which may itself bring some closure. His family are lovely people and I would never ever say anything that would hurt them.ViewDate:
24th Jul 2018Fightingon commented on:
Death of exThank you for your support too Carole. I am already feeling a little better just by opening up on here. I know there are many other people out there who have probably suffered much worse experiences than I have. Even at my lowest I know I am a survivor and will get through it. I think I was just shocked that I felt glad that somebody had died, let alone my ex! It was the relief that I no longer had to worry about him turning up again after years, and causing more problems with my children. Even though they are now adults we always want to protect them don't we, especially as they had no real relationship with their father. I will take a little time to think about my feelings and maybe take action after the funeral if I need to.ViewDate:
24th Jul 2018Fightingon commented on:
Death of exThank you so much Pam for your positive support. Cruise is not something I had thought of but at the back of my mind I still feel I don't want to take resources from somebody who desperately needs their help. I am of the 'don't want to bother anybody' mentality I'm afraid. I know I need to talk to someone but still need to keep it from friends and family so I will keep looking around. I also thought I might write it all down and then burn it! But that would take a very long time!