-
carriex's latest comments
ViewDate:
16th Apr 2021carriex commented on:
Friendship/chatI enjoy a good debate and hearing all sorts Of different views/opinions…. ** Me too - trouble is, if you start 'debating' online, it can get very, very hostile so quickly these days, plus I hate social media places like Facebook or Twitter or whatever. I find the older I get the more intolerant I get too! Oh dear. Ontario seems a very long way away. There was a programme on British TV a while back about a lady who makes programmes about going on cruises, and one of them was on a Great Lakes cruise, Niagara and all that. Your neck of the woods looks very beautiful, but I suspect the climate would be very harsh for Brits. Freezing in winter and baking hot in summer. But very very beautiful and a lot of wilderness left!ViewDate:
16th Apr 2021carriex commented on:
First time on here Say helloGood to hear you are all Covid survivors - nasty business. Speaking personaly, I'm not sure that neighbours are really much use as 'friends'. I've lived in my house nearly 20 years, and don't really know my neighbours except to chat in passing about things like rubbish collection, or lawn mowing or whatever. I think British people can be very reserved, especially neighbours, as you don't want to be 'too' friendly in case you decide you don't like them after all, so best to keep a bit of a distance?ViewDate:
16th Apr 2021carriex commented on:
What is your go-to comfort snack?Crumpets and muffins (proper English muffins, not silly Amerian ones that aren't muffins at all!)ViewDate:
16th Apr 2021carriex commented on:
ItalyI've been to Rome, Venice and Milan in my time. Personally, I'd never be brave enough to drive in Italy - let alone in a city!! Have you considered one of those escorted trips? I think for 'oldies' they are ideal, because you just get on the coach and they do all the rest. Nice and easy. Not that cheap though, I know.ViewDate:
16th Apr 2021carriex commented on:
Round The HorneYes, I dimly remember it too. Julian and Sandy - totally non-PC these days of course! I also remember listening to Family Favourites while the Sunday roast was cooking.ViewDate:
16th Apr 2021carriex commented on:
Older grandchildren who never say Thank Your for Christmas or Birthday chequesYes, just sending them anything except a card. Ingratitude and rudeness are unacceptable.ViewDate:
16th Apr 2021carriex commented on:
I'm a dog person wanting to become a cat person - is there such a thing?Cats are beautiful and if you're lucky, loving creatures. Try a slow blink with them and when they do it back it's wonderful. ** Yes, it's magical when they blink back!! Cats, to do them justice, do usually give you fair warning of their displeasure. If I'm over-stroking etc, mine will usually give me an initial 'soft' bite, which is just a gentle warning that the next one is going to involve teeth... Also, mine usually goes and sits by the corner of the armchair quite pointedly, and looks at me (balefully!) and gives me about ten seconds to get up and do whatever it wants, before stretching out its claws to start on the corner of the armchair shredding it to get my belated attention. You soon learn what the meaning of the term 'operant conditioning' means when you have a cat - they train you like Pavlov's dog!!ViewDate:
16th Apr 2021carriex commented on:
Talking on the phone during a family meal. OK ....or not?thank you to those who commented. I think my SIL is the only person in the world, apart from the sister she was talking to on the phone (!) who thinks it's OK to have a private phone call while other people are trying to eat and chat around the table. I would like to plan that next time I am invited, I have a phone call booked to phone me and I will merrily chat away loudly all through the damn meal, just to show my SIL how intensely irritating and rude it is.ViewDate:
16th Apr 2021carriex commented on:
Begging adverts charity advertsOne has to separate government foreign aid, which is usually just bribes to a country to beg it to trade with us, or buy our tanks or whatever, and charity money, some of which might actually reach the people it is trying to help. Foreign aid is just a complete waste as far as I can see, especiallky when it is given to countries like India, which is rich enough to have its own space programme but apparently not rich enough to stop its people starving or having insufficient medical provision. (Mind you, the UK is rich enough for all sorts of extravagances yet can't provide decent healthcare etc etc - we don't 'choose' to spend government money where it is actually needed....) Some charity money does reach its targets, and does real good, but a lot is siphoned off by corrupt middlemen, and as we know, a lot of charities run like businesses, and pay their top people huge amounts of money. It's a very difficult issue. I like to try and give, passing on some of my own 'good fortune' in life, but I want it to reach those who need it, and deserve it, and I can never be sure of that. Some people say to support local charities, as there is more control over where the money ends up. I give to animal charities, as animals really are helpless and the victims of cruel and uncaring humans.ViewDate:
16th Apr 2021carriex commented on:
Kinda lost - is it too late to start again at 65?Theoretically it's not too late to start over, but in practice it's tough to find a man one's own age (I am similar in age to you) because men in their sixties look for women a good decade or more younger etc. Not fair, but that's the way it is....maybe it will change for the next generation.... Also, I dont' think lockdown/post-lockdown is a good time for drastic changes, as the whole last year has been so, so ghastly. To do something drastic with one's life when things are not 'normal' is dangerous. Can you write down for yourself a list of 'Why I am unhappy?'....a 'What's wrong with me and my husband?, and 'Bad things about him/good things about him.' Does he know you are unhappy? SO many men are hopeless at 'reading' women. We tend to be far more attuned to moods than they are, by and large, and he may have no idea you are unhappy. What is it that is actually making you unhappy? Many men find it hard to show affection, which is SO essential to a marriage (far more than sex I would argue!!!!!!), but so often it is wives who have to show affection, and be demonstrative. Just sitting on a sofa together, holding hands, or in physical contact, can be enough. it's the feeling of being wanted and valued that each partner in a marriage needs above all.ViewDate:
16th Apr 2021carriex commented on:
WellbiengYes, I agree too. I think the trick is to show some 'return on time' for every day spent in lockdown. Whether that is 'well, I enjoyed watching an old film on daytime telly' (great, but not every day!), or 'well, I finally sorted out that cupboard I've been meanign to sort for ten years', the point is to 'achieve' something each day. I would draw up a 'To Do' list, whether it is paying bills, or sorting cupboards, or washing floors, or reading a particular book etc. Try not to 'veg' too much - impose a structure on the day, and every morning at breakfast run through what you want to get done by the end of the day, etc. Mix up work (eg, routine housework) with longer term things (sorting old cupboards, starting a family history write up) and also with 'fun' things, whether baking cakes, or gardening, or whatever. The weather has not helped at all, being such a cold spring after a long winter, but finally I think the good weather is arriving, so for anyone with a garden of any size, that's a blessing, plus just getting out and about more that lockdown is easing. I've found the last couple of months hard as the end of lockdown was in sight, but never seemed to be getting any closer, and I was fed up with winter, and I was sinking into depression (the dreadful 'why bother getting up or doing anythign at all'), but I know from experience that 'forcing' yourself to 'do something' that you don't want to do but which is necessary or useful (that unsorted cupboard, washing the kitchen floor, whatever!) can break the chain between depression and inertia (that dreadful sitting in a chair staring at day time TV and hoping for the evening to arrive to legitimise one's idleness....deadly!)ViewDate:
16th Apr 2021carriex commented on:
Families of carersPlease do get in touch with CarersUK - the website itself is very helpful in terms of what can be claimed by way of support, and the forum is wonderful for providing 'experience' from others, and loads of advice and simply companionship. Carers UK is for anyone who has a care responsibilty, either for a child, partner or parent etc. It applies whether the caree is still living in their own home, or in yours, or in a Care Home. I found it invaluable during the five very hard years when I was a carer. Please please do check it out. It is immensely helpful!ViewDate:
1st Apr 2021carriex commented on:
Hello - brand new!Well, I agree that fashions can change, and manners with them sometimes. But to me it's just so rude and selfish to impose a private phone call on other people. Everyone else just has to wait until the person on the phone deigns to get off. I do think, with young folk texting, not speaking, that's not so bad, as it doesn't interrupt or stop other people chatting .....though if a young person is texting they are clearly not paying any attention to the general conversation, so it's rude in that sense, but not so rude as talking, which stops others talking.ViewDate:
1st Apr 2021carriex commented on:
Talking on the phone during a family meal. OK ....or not?I think if the phone rings during a family meal, OK, let it go to answerphone if it cuts in quickly, but sometimes phone calls are important - so I think it's OK to answer but then, if it's not important, simply say 'Look, so sorry, but we're just at dinner, so I'll phone you back afterwards/tomorrow,'ViewDate:
1st Apr 2021carriex commented on:
Talking on the phone during a family meal. OK ....or not?Glad to know I'm not the only 'anti-phoner' here! I think it's so rude because it forces everyone else to 'wait' while the person on the phone carries on talking. Other people can't even talk amongst themselves if the wretched phoner has it on speaker phone (which my SIL had).ViewDate:
31st Mar 2021carriex commented on:
What do you think about designer dog breeds?So long as it doesn't introduce health problems. Horrible news stories at the moment about 'overbred' flat faced dogs who are going blind. The flat faced ones have breathing difficulties too. And that dreadful case of the Cruft's Alsation with the deformed slanting back. Any breeding programme that introduces health problems should be stopped immediately. To my mind, ALL breeding programmes should be halted until every single abandoned and homeless dog has been rescued and rehomed. So many people just want a 'vanity dog' to boost their ego.ViewDate:
31st Mar 2021carriex commented on:
I'm a dog person wanting to become a cat person - is there such a thing?Oh dear, I can tell you're not a cat person, as you admit you don't know how to train them! As all cat folk will tell you, you CAN'T!!!!! That's the whole point of cats. They do what they want when they want and that is that. One thing though - do NOT believe people who say there are cats who do not 'need' to be able to go outdoors. NO NO NO. It is simply cruel to keep a cat indoors the whole time, even if they have a view to look out on (that's essential - looking out of windows is the main activity of a cat when indoors - other than sleeping of course!) I appreciate no everyone has gardens, but it's perfectly possible to take a cat 'for a walk', depending on just where your flat is (not busy roads obviously). You can get cat harnesses, and cats DO enjoy 'going for walks' (if they don't enjoy it, believe me, they won't cooperate!) I'm lucky enough to have a garden, but I also live on a quiet, low traffic housing estate with a lot of little cul de sacs and so on, and wide grass-edged pavements, and I often take my cat for a little 'local walk' (without a harness, as he knows the area so well now). He really enjoys sniffing around (the estate has 'open' front gardens), but can be very slow when he finds something very interesting to explore. I have to be careful he doesn't regard a neighbour's very nicely dug over flower bed as an extra toilet for him - I take poo bags like for dogs. If you're not sure if you are a cat person, one of the good things about cats is that if you don't look after them properly, according to their own standards, they will simply wander off and find 'alternative accommodation' that is more up to scratch!ViewDate:
31st Mar 2021carriex commented on:
Establishing territorial boundariesPoor old Bullcat. I hope he's found a replacement for your garden! It's so hard for established cats when new ones arrive. Cats do learn to 'time slice' and will divide up a common area by time of day, and so avoid conflict that way. It can involve a lot of spraying alas!!!ViewDate:
30th Mar 2021carriex commented on:
Over 75 TV licence - what are your views?Cessna, that seems sensible and fair. I also wonder if they have done the sums on whether if they made it free to the over-80s only, how much that might raise from the 75-80 year olds? Overall, I don't mind the licence fee, but I DO object to the sky high silly salaries so many 'celebrities' seem to screw out of the BBC.ViewDate:
30th Mar 2021carriex commented on:
Full Time CarerYes, your brothers should definitely pay for respite care to allow you and your husband to have essential time out from caring. I'm afraid I would also urge you to check out your mother's will. If your brothers are doing NO caring (and refuse to pay for respite care), then YOU should be 'paid' by your mum to provide her care while she is alive, so that whatever is then left when, sadly, she passes away, even if it is divided equally between you and your brothers, will NOT seem like your brothers did stuff all and yet got her money when she died. JUST not fair. That may seem very venal, but why should they get equal dibs with you, if they don't do anything for your mum, but you do everything? It's very easy for brothers to assume 'oh, caring is what sisters do ..... not my problem'. (I know that's very unfair for all the 'good' brothers out there, but it happens!)ViewDate:
30th Mar 2021carriex commented on:
Deputyship - need helpMay I strongly recommend you check out Carers UK, both for the information they have on their site, and for the forum. I used both extensively when I had care of my ageing MIL (who developed dementia). You get not just information, but huge sympathy and support. Sadly, with Alzheimers/dementia, you are setting out on a long and challenging journey. Learning from those who have, alas, 'got the T-shirt' may well be invaluable to you. There is so much to learn, from how best to relate to someone with dementia, but also practical and financial matters as well (eg, Carers allowance, attendence allowance and so forth.)(and yes, things like power of attorney etc etc) Carers UK (a charity) is for anyone who has any kind of care responsibility or role, whether its the parents of a child who needs care, or an elderly relative. The forum is hugely supportive. Please check it out.