Dear Spider

As it’s spider season (and I’ve already come across one or two rather large eight legged creatures in my home)  I wrote this light hearted poem about our scurrying, and not always welcome, home invaders.

Dear Spider

I know that you keep flies away
that’s quite an important job,
but every time I see you
a scream emanates from my gob.

While you’re up there in the corner
all calm, curled up and still,
I don’t mind your company,
I can cope with that, until…

You crawl down the wall onto the floor,
which gives me such a scare
and you do a little victory dance
when I jump up onto the chair.

I get someone to throw you out
“Take him far away!” I say,
but no sooner is the door closed,
to get back in you’ve found a way.

You don’t seem to come back alone though,
you bring your family, and a few mates.
You tell your wife to get me too,
so for the dark she waits.

When I’m in my bedroom sleeping,
she abseils down on my face,
and stomps on it while I’m dreaming,
then goes back to her hiding place.

Then she sends the kids out,
to run amok around the house
some as small as penny coins,
others as big as a mouse!

One to wait on the middle stair
so I can’t get up to bed,
one waits till I draw the curtains
to jump down, “Tally-ho !!” on my head.

One to sit in the washing basket,
then run halfway up my arm,
one to creep up on the baby
and snigger at my attempts to keep calm.

I don’t want to resort to the newspaper,
or pneumatic drill or blow torch,
but I might just let the cat eat you,
if you come in any nearer than the porch.

You just stay up there in that corner
and we’ll happily get along fine,
where I’ll leave you to do your job,
and you leave me to do mine.

Cate Hayes 2016

About the author

1582 Up Votes
I'm a mother of four fantastic children (three grown up now) I took up writing again as I became disabled after a paralysing illness and needed a focus. I like to draw and paint to keep my hands busy and moving, and writing keeps my brain cells stretched, keeping the old cogs working. Of course it also keeps me out of mischief. Much love Cate

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17th Sep 2016
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Lovely poem Cate. See Mr Spider's reply below xx
17th Sep 2016
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Hello, I'm Mr Spider
And I've just read your verse.
You do misunderstand me
And make arachnophobia worse!

I really wouldn't hurt you
Nor would my family
You'd have a lot of maggots hatch
If it wasn't for me!

I love to catch those pesky flies
And keep your house so clean
I spin my web and wait for them
If you know what I mean!

My cousin, Itsy Bitsy
Who likes having a laugh
Is the culprit here I fear
Who inhabits your bath.

I hope you'll grow to love me
And know I wish you well
Just hold me gently in your hand
And you'll find that it's not hell.

My lovely, little furry legs
(There's eight of them in all)
Would love for you to stroke them
And I'll curl up in a ball

So watch for me please Mrs Hayes
And I'll prove that I'm your mate
Once you get to know my family
So....... is that alright dear Cate?
24th Oct 2016
Thanks for voting!
That really made me smile Thank you so much, I enjoyed reading that, thank you for taking the time to reply Mr Spider.
I promise to be tolerant of you and your family in my house, you really must have a word with that pesky itsy bitsy though, he keeps scaring my daughters.
8th Sep 2016
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Well I think you wrote that poem all about me. I relate to all of it. Last weekend a spider, or, as I call them, a creature from the black lagoon, appeared in the bath. How do they get there? Well there it stayed until yesterday when my husband eventually answered my pleas to get rid. He said he caught it and put it outside. This afternoon I arrive home from work and head to the bathroom, and yes, you can guess, the creature from the black lagoon was back in the bath. Help!!!!!
Brilliantly written Poem by the way. Thanks for sharing it. Kx.
8th Sep 2016
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My thoughts exactly! Lovely poem.
8th Sep 2016
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Thank you so much
Thanks for voting!
What a great poem .. really made me chuckle! 🙂
8th Sep 2016
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I'm glad it made you smile, thank you for publishing my poems
11th Sep 2016
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brilliant, made me smile, thank you.... and as for not getting up to mischief, I was walking past a row of terraced house's last week, on my way to a store, and I knocked on a door and ran, just wanted a reminder of my past life lol, have to say the "ran"....wasn't anywhere near as fast as i could do 40 years ago, lol, but it made me giggle for a minute, sometimes I just need a little laughter in my life. I promise not to do it again, my knees still hurting lol, keep well Cate.

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