Diary of a self-isolator – week 17

A lighthearted look at a few memories and the situation over the last seven days in our house.

Sunday 05/07/2020 – day 111

Woke up this morning full of the joys of Spring Summer, my son fetched me some decking, if you remember, I have a memorial box to my daughter Vickie which contains lot’s of flowers and plants that have been given to us in her memory, but the box is 7 years old and has slowly been giving way to the weather, someone promised me some offcuts of decking but sadly, they didn’t materialise, it will be her birthday later this month so I wanted to get a new one done, Yes, I could have bought one but why spend £150+ on a feeble and factory made box, there is no feeling in that for me, so, I wanted to make one,  for me, it is part of showing how much you love and miss someone.

Anyway, I was up bright and early with a gale blowing outside and Mrs H worrying herself sick about how her plants would survive outside, I explained very nicely that everyone had plants outside, her reply? “ Yes, but they’re not MY plants are they?” I walked away thinking, ‘mmm best left alone’ and sought the sanctuary of my repair shop (garage) clutching a bag of Buttermints.

Remember Bouncer, the bird that kept bouncing up and down on our memorial bench in front of the mirror there, well he has either gone on vacation or he has just literally grown up, haven’t seen any white evidence on the bench this week, actually I quite miss the little fellow, but you know what they say – you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone.

So, I’m in the repair shop doing the two things I love best, woodwork and sucking on a buttermint – sheer bliss! I am listening to my sixties music through Alexa, which I sneaked past Mrs H without her knowing, I love a bit of subterfuge in my life, keeps the old ticker – well, ticking, Plus it saves me having to go through the  ‘don’t get any dust on it, watch what you’re doing with that paint, don’t have it up too loud’ lecture. She did pop in with a cup of tea and thought the music was coming from the radio which wasn’t working lol, I had Alexa safely hidden beneath an old sheet I use for polishing, Eric 1, Mrs H 0.

Did I tell you that I have been banished to the spare bedroom, No, not at nightime but during the day when I’m writing my poetry or putting articles on one of my sites, apparently Mrs H is fed up with me covering her breakfast bar with history books, poetry books and other paraphernalia including my grubby hand marks when I come in from outside to check my inbox. To be truthful, I was never very comfortable perched up at that bar (wrong kind for me) little legs dangling off a stool that gave me backache, I did try moving to the Dining room table, but I could feel Mrs H’s eyes burning into me whenever I unwrapped another buttermint and absentmindedly discarded the wrapper onto her newly polished woodwork. Anyway, upstairs I have another tower computer as well as my laptop, you know when you saw those synthesiser players in groups on Top of the Pops, they always had two for different sounds, they would twist from one to another, well, that’s me in the back bedroom – twisting  – from one computer to another tapping the keys excitedly and in my high delight, so, all in all a good result methinks. Eric 2 Mrs H 0

There were 22 deaths recorded in the past 24 hours with a further 516 new cases reported.

Monday 06/07/2020 – day 112

At 5.30 am this morning it was nice and sunny, the dawn chorus outside was beautiful and all was well with the world, by 6.00am the wind had returned with a vengeance and the lovely sound of the dawn chorus was drowned out by the constant coo cooing of those native pigeons, I wish Mrs Hinch would recommend pigeon pie, everyone would be looking for fresh pigeon,  that would sort out the problem.

Talking of Mrs Hinch, that dear lady has a lot to answer for, her and her 3 million followers, allow me to enlighten you dear reader, a few months back she took delivery of one of those hanging egg chairs, you know the one, it hangs from a bent stand, and it’s usually made of cane or wicker with a sumptuous cushion for you to relax in. Well, the daughter and I have been trying to buy the Queen sorry Mrs H one for her birthday as a surprise. I kid you not, you have more chance of boiling eggs in cold water than getting an egg chair. It seems that once Mrs Hinch had made her purchase known, every one of her followers had to have one. Three months ago you could have picked one up for £100 to £150, but now they are between £250 and £1000. Worse still – if you are lucky enough to find one around £250 they won’t deliver until after August, one can only assume that these rare egg chairs are being hatched and have an incubation period of around eight weeks. I could have got Mrs H a £750 one from E Bay, from some enterprising knobhead trying his luck, but decided against it, anyway, Mrs H wouldn’t thank me for spending that much on an egg, and I love her dearly but not that much!

Wait for it – we went out this evening! Yes, we ventured out in the car for only the second time in 112 days, the reason? Our gorgeous Granddaughter Alisha and her boyfriend Sam have moved in together, within basically one week, they have rented a flat, On Saturday it was all hands to the deck when they got the keys, there was nothing wrong with the décor it was all painted with the standard Magnolia colour, which Alisha is not too keen on, so they bought three 10litre tubs of white silk emulsion and invited everyone to bring their own brush! Sadly, Mrs H and I couldn’t go as it was far too risky with all those people there. By Saturday evening the job was done.

So tonight Mrs H, Myself, Alisha’s mum, dad and grandson went to visit, We all got in the car and Gemma (daughter) remarked that the radio was on, not only that – it was on Smooth radio which Mrs H isn’t too keen on, Gemma casually mentioned if her mum had suddenly changed her mind about the station, the reply was “No, I can’t find the damn off switch”.  We finally arrived and I have to admit that the transformation was stunning, in just one week they had got a flat, re-decorated and furnished it beautifully, oh to be young again. We had a lovely evening with a couple of drinks. I put up a couple of pictures then suddenly Mrs H quoted from her own phone

‘Gemma Marshall, Hi everyone, I’m looking for an egg chair for my Mum’s

Birthday, don’t worry, she can’t read this, I’ve blocked her’

Well, you couldn’t make it up could you! Eric 2 Mrs H1

A total of 16 deaths were recorded yesterday which brings the number to 44236, a further 352 new cases were submitted.

Tuesday 07/07/2020. – day 113

After a day painting yesterday we were hoping to go outside and transfer the plants to the new memory box which is now completed, but we are in July and yes, it’s raining cats and dogs, hopefully it will brighten up but it feels really cold, I was going to put the heating on but Mrs H has a bout of hayfever and is ‘very hot’ at the moment, so, consequently I am sat here with a Winter jumper on (and my other clothes of course).

I decided to do a bit more work on my next chapter of my life story (I’m on chapter 25 and I’m only eight years old). I love learning new words I always have done, while contemplating this an incident from my past came to mind.

It was 1956 and the Summer term was about to start at the Infants school, I was just over four and a half years old and it was my first day, I was really excited, as I entered the school gates, I almost ran into the playground, I looked back and mum must have had something in her eye, I remember her dabbing it with the same handkerchief she had spit on a few minutes earlier to wipe a smudge of dirt from my forehead, probably picked up from those dirty walls as I rubbed my hand along them on the long walk to school.

The first person I bumped into was a girl with a mop of brown very curly hair, when I say bumped – we actually clashed heads as I wasn’t looking where I was going in my  excitement, as she lay sprawled on the floor she muttered the words ‘Effin ell’, (But she used the full word)  Always the gent I offered her my hand and helped her up, “You should watch where you’re effin going” she said, but it went over my head, I was more interested in the new word she’d just uttered – twice!

“What does that mean?” I asked innocently, “Effing”,

She looked me up and down as if I was an alien, ” I don’t effin know, I’m not five yet, but me mam and dad use it all the time so it must be ok”

With that she was off back to the playground, I did a bit of a tour around, boys were playing marbles, or flick, or just kicking around a partly deflated football, I felt a bit strange this morning when mum dressed me in my elder brothers hand me downs, ‘you’ll grow into them’ she assured me, the short trousers were so long there wasn’t much space between my ankle and the bottom of them, but at least they hid the long woollen shirt tails.  and the shirt sleeves had been rolled over umpteen tines. But looking around the playground, most of the boys looked the same, so I felt a whole lot better, the girls were all basically dressed the same except for the few that had a patch sewn onto their dresses.

I walked past a building and almost passed out with the smell that was coming from it, I later found out that they were the toilets. Then a woman appeared from a doorway and swung a big brass bell, the noise was deafening, but suddenly every boy and girl in the playground formed about four different lines, except the new pupils like me, they all walked into the school one after another, leaving us out on the playground, then another lady appeared,

“Ok, all new pupils please line up here”

Everyone did as they were told and formed a line.

“Now, you must do this every time you hear the school bell ring, understood?”, there was a low murmuring, “Understood!!”, the resounding ‘Yes Miss’ drowned out the noise of the nearby traffic.

The day went quite well actually, Thanks to the long Summer holidays and my older siblings I had already learned the basics of reading and writing. At around 3.45 my sister – who was down the road at the Junior school, came to pick me up, it was a quiet walk home with a few questions asked along the two and a half mile journey.

When I got into the house there was a sumptuous smell of bread pudding freshly baked.

“How did you get on?” mum asked wiping a mark from my chin with her apron.

I answered her “I don’t effing know, I’m not five yet” I was so proud letting my mum know that I’d learnt new words, but I saw the colour drain from her red face, she grabbed my collar and literally dragged me up the stairs to the bath room, she got my dad’s shaving stick and brush rubbing it vigorously till it lathered, then added it to some cold water and said “Wash your mouth out” I looked at her pleadingly, but she wasn’t going to budge, I offered the cup to my lips and reluctantly swilled its frothy contents around my mouth.

And that dear reader is why I never ever swore in front of my parents and why I abhor the language used today.

There were 155 more deaths registered today and 581 new cases.

Wednesday 08/07/2020 – Day 114

Another cloudy day but at least it wasn’t raining, after breakfast Mrs H and myself braved the grey skies and started to transfer the plants from the old memory box to the new one, ‘shouldn’t take long,’ she said

An hour later we were both still trying to free the rather large clematis from the old box, there were a couple of roses in there and a few other plants, they all came out easily, but that clematis had taken over the whole space which was collapsing even more each time I put the spade in to free the plant.

Remember that song from Bernard Cribbins ‘Right said Fred’, well, that’s exactly what Mrs H and myself did, we sat right down and had a cup of tea, I swear that clematis was grinning at us, or was it Vickie laughing from above, she had a great sense of humour.

We eventually freed it and discovered that it had more roots coming from it than the M5 motorway. Now, just to complicate things, dear Mrs H – bless her – wanted to incorporate the water feature into the new box I’d made, that wasn’t a problem until she said she didn’t want to see the cable, so I sat down, had another cup of tea and thought hard about it. I sat staring at the new planter, mulling it over in my mind, then I had that ‘Eureka’ moment, I knew what to do, so I showed she who must be obeyed and waited for the ‘That’s brilliant’ accolade, Mrs H got a hold of the wire to the pump, hooked it over the corner where I had suggested an hour beforehand and said “ Why don’t we just put it over there”, If one of the neighbours hadn’t walked down their path I don’t think I would have been responsible.

So, we established where the pump was going, next job was to get that clematis safely back in the new box. An hour later I had fixed the three -foot trellis to the back, we tied the clematis in then switched on the pump, the effect was brilliant even if I do say so myself.

Mrs H sat back and admired our work, then came out with this gem, “I must say darling, we really do work together well don’t we”, Dare I tell her that there were a couple of times I could have gladly strangled her – best not! Eric 2 Mrs H 2

Mrs H has asked for a whole new wardrobe for her forthcoming milestone birthday, I couldn’t believe my luck, they’re only about £30 in the second – hand shop. Now that’s what I call a result.

Apparently, George has been stopped from getting his clothes online during lockdown, sadly, all his neighbours now take their washing in at night.

Sadly a  further 126 deaths were reported today, with another 630 new cases.

Thursday 09/07/2020 – Day 115

Another brilliant July day, pouring down with rain again, poor Mrs H is in such a deep depression that I’m sending her postcards in Australia!  And I’m going to cheer myself up tomorrow, I’m going to have root canal work without anaesthetic!!

The problem with all this rain of course is that everything grows at a rapid rate, not only Mrs H’’s prize blooms but also all the foliage and trees sort of spurt up out of control, then before you know it they are out of reach even by standing on tip-toe  on top of a pair of rickety steps with an extended lopper/ pruner.

This is exactly what’s happened on the Harvey homestead, but – I hasten to add – it’s not all my fault, Mrs H is partly to blame. About five or six years ago she was into flower arranging, so right down at the bottom of the garden she planted a willow tree, it was one of those types where the main stems twisted together, the idea was that she would use the lovely twisted foliage in her flower arranging. Well, that was fine at first, but then the tree just grew and grew and grew, (thoughts of Bobby Goldsboro with ‘Honey’, See the tree how big it’s grown, But friends it hasn’t been too long, it wasn’t big, ) the thing is, even after I pruned it back two years ago, it now stands thirty five feet tall, my extending pruners are long, but not that long.

So after cleaning up the mess from yesterday, which had been unceremoniously dumped in my workshop at the first drop of rain, I spent an hour scouring the local newspaper for a tree surgeon, then of course we had to check them out on line, after all we didn’t want Tarzan and Cheetah swinging from the twisted tree (that conjures up all sorts of images in this old mind).

We got them down to a couple, we rejected one who sounded a little suspect, we thought that the neighbours might like to keep their feather edge fencing in the erect position and we really did not want to open up our garden with half the fence missing.

Within an hour of the phone call the first chap had arrived, he looked older than me! But I could tell he was a worker, there wasn’t an ounce of fat on him and I hated him already. He took a quick look and said he’d get back to me later, meanwhile the other chap is coming to look tomorrow night.

I was just thinking – it’s a good job there wasn’t another one or they’d be tree fellers, apologies to my Irish friends.

As he was leaving we had our third parcel of the day I think Mrs H has invented a new motto ‘A parcel a day keeps the sadness away.’.

There were fewer deaths today the figure was 85, but the new cases registered were 642,this pandemic hasn’t finished with us yet.

Friday 10/07/2020 – Day 116

When I got up at 5.30am the sun was streaming through the windows, but now it is once again wishy washy with a grey sky and yes, it’s raining. It’s not all doom and gloom though, I Know I sometimes get on Mrs H’s nerves and my snoring really annoys her, but now I know she really loves me, I woke up in the night and she was holding a pillow over my face to protect me from Covid 19 bless her. Eric 2 Mrs H 3

Not doing much today so put on my best clothes, I call them ‘best’ because I don’t get to wear them very often, I usually lounge around for a couple of hours then it’s straight into the work clothes and outside to find something to do. I have at last got through Mrs H’s job list, problem is that this is the third or fourth list since lockdown – I await the next one with trepidation.

My biggest problem at the moment is keeping this blog to a reasonable length which is normally around 3500 words, looks like I’m going to be well over that this week, Mrs H reckons I can talk for England lol!

Tomorrow has promised some half decent weather, well, when I say half decent it means there will be no rain, so I will take the opportunity to re-paint my decking, if you recall dear reader, in the first week of lockdown I re-painted all my decking areas, that was over 14 weeks ago, and Mrs H and myself have watched large sections being stripped off – back to the bare wood – when we walked on it or it rained heavily, this is because some tight git who will be nameless at this point, bought some dirt cheap decking paint, serves me right, oops!

The death figure has fallen substantially again today, it is down to 48, but the new cases figure has yet to fall below 500, today it stands at 512.

Saturday 11/07/2020 – Day 117

Up bright and early this morning after the lovely Mrs H ‘accidentally’ kneed me in the stomach as she turned over in bed, her excuse? She couldn’t see me and she thought I’d got up already, she was having a good stretch, still it could have been worse, ooh my eyes are watering just thinking about it. Eric 2 Mrs H 4.

Don’t know why I was surprised really, bad luck stalks me every day, in fact, I am so unlucky that if I were the first person in the pub after 4 months lockdown I guarantee the landlord would say ’I’ve just got to change the barrel guv’

So, after my four Weetabix and umpteenth cup of tea it was outside into the warmish day to clear the decks so to speak, I have to admit that the well known brand of decking paint was a lot thicker than the watered down rubbish I had used a few months back. I had coated the decking in less than 2 hours with the cheap stuff, the proper stuff took over double that. But the finish was excellent, it really did look first class.

Forgot to tell you on Tuesday that we didn’t receive our parcel of food, Not that we’re bothered, we give it to our neighbours anyway, but I was under the impression that they finished at the end of July, in another three weeks. I just couldn’t get it out of my head that some little enterprising twerp with seriously bad acne was selling my – nay – the neighbour’s groceries on the black market. Does that actually still exist?

Mrs H said if I don’t get off this computer and help her with the dishes she’s going to slam my head on the keyboard,  but I know she really loves me and she’s only jok-SSHSOOFNFMEIEMCNCHDDPSS;SNDNNF………………………Eric 2 Mrs H 5

Well that’s me and my sore head done for another week, I know that this pile of garbage is never going to win the Booker prize for Literature but I do hope you enjoyed it, to do that of course you have to have about the same mentality that I have, and on that thought dear friends I will leave you, until next week.

It’s been emotional!