The Little Room

The Little Room

Having read a wonderful book by Dulcie Lewis about Kentish Privies, it was only right and fitting to honour the good old privie.

As you sit on your shiny, white porcelain,
spare thought of the hard times before.
No chain to give a good yank on
or a nice, warm, comforting floor.

The privie was really quite basic
with a function that served you at best.
No time for a jolly good ponder,
or having a ten minute rest.

You’d often be joined by the wildlife,
well certainly a spider or two.
The flies were always a nuisance,
as you sat in your draughty old loo.

Now holes were crucial for comfort
quite a science it has to be said.
Small ones designed for young children,
they didn’t hang there by a thread.

Maiden aunts who had generous bottoms
would require a bounteous hole.
Beware of the screaming hysterics,
should they encounter a short sighted mole.

The Storm King was proud of its flushing,
It promised a powerful surge.
Assurance of proper disposal
and stopping the flow to diverge.

Great care was given to paper
as the print could play havoc you see.
The headlines transferred to a buttock
was a feature, I guess you’d agree.

The discerning would choose a posh paper
to safeguard against any smears.
For no one would want any captions
adorning their fleshy, bare rears.

Thomas Crapper a man of distinction
with his ground breaking W.C.
Luxurious and really quite lavish,
a treat for a jolly good wee.

So next time you visit the small room,
remember the privies of past.
The drafts round their shivering ‘derries’,
and the cold winds that gave a good blast!

Teresa Harrison-Best