The Toilet Roll Debacle

The Toilet Roll Debacle

I was certain that we had some, a pack of toilet rolls,
found buried in the cupboard with the pegs and parasols.
I thought there were a dozen, or even several more.
There was no need to panic, of that I was cocksure.

Clever you!

I abstained from shopping bingo and stayed home instead,
no need to shop for loo rolls was smugly in my head.
As I traipsed around I whistled, as no shortages for me,
the toilet was all furnished should I have need to pee!

Well, aren’t you the clever one!

I wandered in quite calmly with me thingamajigs in hand,
and sat upon the lavatory as though I were quite grand.
No need for explanations why the loo roll was in need,
but it came to my attention that I couldn’t now proceed.

Whoops! A little oversight.

Still no need for trepidation as I called aloud for aid,
no loo roll in the toilet, was what I then conveyed.
My help was then directed to the cupboard where they’re stored,
with confidence and sureness my fix would be restored.

Oh Yeah?

Then the plaintive little whimper as my husband knocked the door.
‘There’s no sign of any loo rolls in cupboard anymore’.
I racked my brains for answers as to where they had all gone,
Then that ‘light bulb’ moment as to what had gone so wrong.

Not so clever now!

I’d mummified my grandson for a party I recall,
and I must have quite forgotten that I’d utilised them all.
So now I’m in a quandary, as I haven’t got a sheet,
not a single ply of loo roll and I’m feeling that defeat!

What are you going to do now, smarty-pants?

I’m running out of options as I think I’ve cooked my goose,
I need to think quite quickly in what I’ll use to sluice.
But my lovely, gallant husband has salvaged a small cache
he found it in the garage behind some tins and trash.

Bliss!

Note to self

Now the fiasco has subsided and I’m feeling more composed,
no longer trapped within the loo and rather predisposed.
I can now enjoy a little wine or soupçon more I feel,
after all, it’s been quite a day and I’ve suffered that ordeal!

Teresa Harrison-Best

23^rd March 2020