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Abusive adult children

I’m wondering if anyone lease has experienced problems with abusive adult children ?


My 32 year old daughter asked to come and live with me for a few months due to financial issues. I agreed. I didn’t ask for money from her so she could save. Short version of the outcome is she became very abusive to me- apparently all her bad decisions are my fault, to the point when I was being sworn at and insulted on a daily basis. She refused to leave when I asked her to, so eventually, I had to move her stuff out and change the locks.


Of course, I love her and as she has made it clear I will never see her or my grandchildren again, it’s very upsetting.


If you have expected this and have any tips for getting over the abuse and not being able to see my grandchildren again, I would appreciate your advice. Thanks


Created By on 18/12/2018

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Anonymous
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Chattygirl
4th Oct 2020 18:18:19 (Last activity: 4th Oct 2020 19:19:16)
0
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Hi , I've just signed up today and happened to see your post. I know you posted this a while ago but I had to write to you as I am experiencing the same abuse from my daughter , she is 36 .
I hope you situation has improved , I know exactly what you went through. I would be happy to chat more if you would like.
Thanks
Response from Sally - Silversurfer's Editor made on 4th Oct 2020 19:19:16
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dsr25
15th Oct 2019 09:01:49
0
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Did you lay down some ground rules before she returned? Welcoming back grown up children can be problematic I think. I’ve heard of sons expecting mum to do all their washing and cooking, like old times, then just sitting back and doing nothing. So rules do need to be made and agreed to. Do you think her aggression was out of character? If so, should she have seen a Doctor? One thing to say is we all have a choice, so don’t accept any responsibility for what decisions she has made, she is an adult, not a child, and is therefore responsible for her own decisions. She has made a very hurtful decision to exclude you from seeing your grandson. I would still send cards for birthdays and Christmas, in the hope that once she gets her life back on track, she will reflect on her behaviour. At least she could reply to this and feel she is not making the first step.
Margaret2009
5th May 2019 08:15:21 (Last activity: 15th Oct 2019 08:52:20)
-1
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Regarding adult children and the lack of respect for their parents. I too have experienced hurtful and painful behaviour from one of my children. My Daughter lives in the States with her husband. The last time I went to visit them, almost everything comment I made (I can see why your heating bills are so high, the windows are single glazed) was preconceived as a criticism. When in actual fact I was making a statement of fact. Her husband was equally as bad in telling me "you need to think before you speak." Sadly I now have no contact with them anymore, as one cannot live questioning every word before spoken. It has taken me several years to accept that we no longer get on but what will be will be.
Response from dsr25 made on 15th Oct 2019 08:52:20
I’m sad to read this but I think maybe they thought you were criticising everything. Perhaps if you had changed the way you commented it wouldn’t have been taken that way? So instead of “I can see why your heating bill are so high...” you had said, “ oh, nice place, are you planning on upgrading the windows?” It wouldn’t have been taken that way? If they had come back negatively, you could have just left it and changed the subject. I think the younger generation are very sensitive to criticism as you have found out. They are not called the snowflake generation for nothing! Hope you can restore contact with your daughter.
VegaLyra
1st Jun 2019 10:12:54
0
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I am sorry that you have to go through this .
Dealing with abusive adult children can compromise our livelihood, so we should set strong boundaries.
Your daughter threatens that you will not see her and your grandchildren any more
This is emotional manipulation and we should never accept such behaviour.
Stay strong and courageous.
JanW64
21st Apr 2019 14:31:49
1
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Sully
I was in the same situation, bad divorce when my daughter was 12yrs old, my ex turned her against me and I never saw her for 2yrs, she then walked out on him and came back to me. Turned from a nice child to very selfish, thought that mum was there to pay for her life. Eventually she moved out but left her junk in my house. After years gave her ultimatum as I wanted to sell.
After that I only saw her if she wanted anything. Never spoke to me for months on end. After not even getting a birthday card and when I rang being told she was fed up with my strops. I told her to stay out of my life. Best thing I could have done. Her effort to turn my family against me with lies did not work. I do have a grandson I will never see. Not bothered at all. I am better off without her.
Adult abuse is not acceptable in any shape or form. Do not beat yourself up about what you did.
Get advice about seeing your grandchildren, you have a right to see them.
Dizzylizzy21
10th Mar 2019 17:34:30
2
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I totally agreed with the others on this post. However, I would say that she does sound very selfish, and I think you might find that when she is looking for a babysitter for the grandchildren she might very well decide to ring you!! I seriously think she will sooner rather than later feel she needs you in her life as it seems she needs that stability.
Opal2015
23rd Jan 2019 23:02:45
3
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Hiya. I'm so sorry to hear about your difficulty with your daughter. I had a very similar experience that I lived with for a number of years. I remember being given a very valuable piece of advice. This was that you can't control how someone else behaves, you can only control how you respond to that behaviour. Makes perfect sense, but it so difficult to do when it's your child (regardless of their age) however, it remains the only way forward. I do hope things change for you and her. All the very best
stellis8
14th Jan 2019 12:32:10
0
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i do not think that you are unreasonable, she should arrange her wedding to suit her budget.

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