Bereavement
Watch this postRecently lost my son and would like to talk to people with similar experiences
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I am still trying to cope with physically and emotionally grief .
Please accept my deepest sympathy on the loss of your dear husband. I'm sure that you will have read the posts below from Yodama and myself to CarolC57 and I can only reiterate what has been said. I have a friend in the same situation as you and she tells me that the things which help her are talking about her late husband with family and friends and looking at photos and recalling all the happy times you shared together. Sometimes you may feel that people are avoiding you - I would suggest that 9 times out of 10 it is because they just don't know what to say to you to convey their sympathy. Both Macmillan and Sue Ryder offer on-line support to the bereaved so that might be an avenue to explore. You don't mention any family - if you do have children I hope that you are all supporting each other - when asked if you are okay, don't say "I'm fine" when you are not. Accept help when it is offered - sometimes people are better at doing things than sitting talking so let them help. No matter how long you knew that your husband was not winning his valiant fight against cancer, when the end came it will still have been a dreadful shock to you. Be kind to yourself and ask for help when you need it. Take care and let us know how you are getting on.
Thank you for your reply to my post ,
It is still early days for me with the grieving process as my husband only passed away in March , my husband did receive some social care at home twice a day but i was the one that cared for him more often . The strain and pressure of caring for him was getting to much for me , it was the hardest decision that i had to make but i knew in my heart it was for the best i agreed that it would be better for my husband to go in to a local hospice to live the last days of his life .
I have three grown up children my eldest daughter was so supportive she made all the phone calls and arrangements that had to be made after my husband passed away i couldn't have done what she did without her help. I had more sad news as on the day after my husband was cremated i had a telephone call informing me that my husbands youngest sister had sadly passed away.
I have been offered some grief counselling from the hospice that my husband was in .
I miss my husband so much i feel so empty and lonely without him .
I'm sure that you made the right decision about your husband's care at the end of his life. It will have meant that you were able to sit with him, talk to him and just be there instead of having the one hundred and one things to do at home that involve caring for someone who is terminally ill. Far better that you could sit and hold his hand than be busy doing the laundry, making meals, sorting medication etc.
My friend's husband was also in a hospice and they invited all bereaved relations to attend a monthly lunch and chat session for a year after their loved ones had died. My friend found this really helpful and has now decided to offer her services as a volunteer at the hospice - not as a visitor to the patients yet but either helping on the reception desk or in the shop. All small steps to start with but gradually, with the help of your family and friends, life will not seem as empty as it does now.
The following statement is from a bereavement counselling website (www.facingbereavement.co.uk/bereavementcounselling) which you might find useful:
Turning to bereavement counselling after the loss of a loved one is not an admission of weakness, but instead it is an admission of the strength to seek help when it is needed.
Take care and be kind to yourself, Carole
I have a large family although only one other child. My mother is 89yrs and recently lost my dad so we have an understanding. However I do still talk about him and have many happy memories. Unfortunately I live in Dorset and he lived in London so we didn't see each other as often as I would have liked. I very much regret that.
I will continue to see if there is any breavement counselling avaiable other than Cruse.
Very Best wishes,
Carol
As Yodama says, losing a child is not the natural way we expect things to happen and the fact that you have also recently lost your Dad must make many of your days feel completely unbearable. There is the year of "firsts" which we have to go through - birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas etc. which is hard but I have found it does get easier as the years go on. It is over 30 years since my elder sister died, just before Christmas and on the same day as my parents' wedding anniversary. I remember the day as if it were yesterday because Maureen was brought into A&E as an "unknown female" and it wasn't until the ambulanceman gave me her address that I realised that it was my sister who had been brought in. I can't remember how long it was before I stopped thinking "I must tell Maureen this or that" but then, like Yodama, I do still have one-sided conversations with her (and my parents) and it helps to keep the memories alive and the sadness at bay. There are always regrets at things that were said or done which perhaps shouldn't have been and I know that some people feel that we should live each day as if it were our last {and be good and kind all the time 🙂 } but real life's not like that so, as I said, be kind to yourself. If you think that counselling might help, make further investigations but, above all, talk about your son and your Dad and keep the memory of them in your heart. xx