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Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

I find myself at 57 starting over. I am happy most of the time, but it can be lonely...this is why I thought making new friends from all over the world would help fill the void Is there anyone else feeling the same pain?


Created By on 02/11/2015

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kat522
26th Jul 2019 21:09:18
0
Thanks for voting!
I am 66 and feel totally alone and overwhelmed at the thought of starting over at this time on my life. I have been in a relationship with someone I believe is a narcissist for 29 1/2 yrs. My time with this person has been negative for the last 23+ years with me feeling inadequate physically or mentally strong enough to make a change. I am on a smallish tight budget and wonder how others do it. I have physical medical issues that I leave me wondering if I can do it. I want so much to be able to do things I have always dreamed of. The thought of living in a community with other seniors doing things together such as dinner, activities or just finally having friends seem wonderful. I am how or if anyone else feels about what I have said. My loneliness exchanged for friendly companionship is a hope of mine. Is it possible? How does someone work up the courage to make a change after physical, mental and financial ruin? Can a person at my age really find the strength to start over and to be alone? Thank you...
Response from CaroleAH made on 29th Jul 2019 11:27:50
Hi Kat522, I've sent you a private chat message. Carole 🙂
Ajk
20th Dec 2018 10:26:02
0
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I am 57 on christmas day and i too now find myself going in to a new chapter of life alone without my Husband thought it was till the end ..but a week before Christmas and my birthday the present he gave me is too leave me as he cant cope with me being a full time carer and his daughter has stirred the pot thinking he will go to her but he isnt and now its in his head and he is leaving me with nothing taking all he can. You think you know someone think again .. i dont know what the next chapter involves but i have to be strong now and face it as mum relys on me .
I feel your pain and the loneliness too can only hope it will get better sending best wishes x
FloraL
3rd Mar 2018 14:26:16
0
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Hi Mary Lou, yes I totally get the loneliness as I have been on my own for 5 years now, it's when I come home from work night after night and no one to talk too, the Christmas holidays was very difficult for me this year and I have come to the conclusion that I need to plan to be around people especially during the holiday periods, I have recently joined a local group, combating loneliness, and its surprising how many people out there feel the same loneliness, I do feel this is a real issue, I look forward to hearing from others who feel the same and do they have any ideas on combating loneliness ☓
Paul300949
16th Jan 2018 12:35:09 (Last activity: 3rd Mar 2018 06:06:40)
0
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Yes, I feel the same at 66. It almost seems too late to start over. Feel terrible
Response from CaroleAH made on 17th Jan 2018 13:11:24
Hi Paul, welcome to Siversurfers. Sorry that you are feeling terrible - life can often throw a curve ball and it is not always easy to try and see the light at the end of the tunnel. But, it's there even though you may have to look hard. When you say that "it's too late to start over" do you mean that you would like another relationship or do you just want good friends for the time being? On this site you can join in as many conversations as you wish - click on the turquoise icon on the right-hand side of your screen and you will see if there have been any posts on a subject you are interested in. After finding myself alone at a similar age to you I have had to make an effort to join things so that I don't sit at home feeling sorry for myself! I have definitely grown a bit selfish with my time and try to do only the things that I want to do instead of fitting in with other people to keep the peace. If you have retired why not do some voluntary work - it will make you get out of the house and meet other people or you could join your local U3A (look your local branch up on Google) and attend any of the groups which take your fancy. If you like gardening, some National Trust properties love volunteers to go and help them. It's all baby steps to start with but you will soon be striding out! Good luck 🙂
Response from 9blackbird made on 3rd Mar 2018 06:06:40
Hi Paul, sorry you’re feeling so bad but I agree with CaroleH, after a divorce I had to make myself join some groups and meet different people. It’s not easy but worthwhile. What I really miss is having one special person who is there just for me but my grandchildren are the ones who lift my spirits. Good luck.
Daisy54
1st Aug 2017 23:09:09
3
Thanks for voting!
Hi MaryLou, I have just joined this site hoping to make friends. I am in a relationship and know it isn't going anywhere, but haven't plucked up the courage to end it. I suppose I am hoping that tomorrow he will move in with me, but tomorrow never comes. As the days, months and years move on we are becoming more like friends. I am very lonely and this month is especially hard on my emotions as it is coming up to my eldest sons death anniversary, inside I am screaming for a hug but my partner won't talk to me about what I am feeling. So joining this site I am hoping to get to know people, have a laugh, have a moan but find something to do rather than feel so alone with my thoughts.
Casahanney
6th Jan 2017 12:28:03
1
Thanks for voting!
Breaking up is very hard. The good memories are always with you. That's what makes it hard. I lost my husband then soon after found someone who was so lovely and I a thought we were going to be together for the rest of our lives. But after six years I realised that all his promises were just lies to keep me helping him from being lonely. He was a widower and wanted a replacement wife. I finally learnt the truth and ended it. I am 66 and am not in any hurry to meet someone. I intend to travel with my dog. Nothing long distance but just to get out and about not sit at home alone. You're never to old to get out into the works stay positive and enjoy life. It also helps you to stay young. Think young and be young.
Daisy53
24th Jul 2016 19:29:46
0
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Hi MaryLou
I am single now - i was in a long distance relationship, but it wasn't going anywhere. So it took a lot of courage but i ended it. Feel so hurt and lonely now as we spoke on the phone every night, he gave me this great future planned out, but they were all lies, my children have grown up and although two of them live at home still, they do their own things.
I was so looking forward in getting older, my children leaving home, etc but all i do is feel sad, work a lot and don't get a social life.
And it isn't just because i don't have a partner that i feel like this, its seems that i am in a rut and have no clue what to do with myself.
petesline9
14th Jan 2016 11:35:18 (Last activity: 27th Apr 2016 22:56:49)
0
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Hi MaryLou
Have you tried contacting newfriends4u
It a penal-pal site that puts you Intouch with people
Worldwide
Pete
Response from kattie75 made on 8th Mar 2016 22:51:31
You mentioned new friends you do you know if that's a free site only some say they are free and if you want to open the replies from your add you have to become a full member and that's what costs
Response from Jacquiwren made on 27th Apr 2016 22:56:49
Hi, am in a similar situation. Marriage break up after 38 years. It's difficult and takes some adjustment but I am determined to connect with people and turn my life around. Not ready for dating sites but am on NewFriends4U. It is not entirely free as you need to upgrade to respond to contacts. Find Global Penfriends a better site, well managed and run and would recommend.
I realise it is a mine field out there and wish anyone in a similar position the very best.
Blueboy46
15th Apr 2016 20:30:14
0
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Hi Marylou I am in the same boat as yourself. Marriage ended after 27 years I don't know what to do or how to laugh again.the house feels so big and empty but at least I can sing without people laughing
baileyb
20th Mar 2016 15:26:04
0
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Hi Mary Lou, as Forrest Gump said " life is like a box of chocolates " still if you don't get what you want you can meet a lot of people along the way. Just make sure your glass is half full and not half empty. If all else fails, pour yourself a large glass of red wine. It doesn't solve anything but if you drink enough you won't care haha,
Kazzy57
17th Mar 2016 13:32:16
1
Thanks for voting!
Hi Mary,
I am Kaz.
I am on my own, age 58, very lonely and have no one at all now in my life, all of my friend have passed over with Cancer and I am in the same boat as you, I am thinking of moving to start a new life as I am in an area where there is nothing for someone on their own, worth being involved with, everyone is in families or couples and I feel out of it all.
I would love to meet new friends and have a new meaningful relationship but don't feel I am in an area where I can meet anyone, so I empathize with you, it is very hard.
It isn't the done thing as a woman, to be going in pubs alone in the hope of meeting someone, and it isn't much fun either, so it leaves you at a loss.
Online dating seems a joke, most of the profiles appear to be fake and others I have seen give me cause form concern, it is a minefield for someone in their late 50's on their own, how do we break out of the loneliness and isolation?
I am here if you want a friend Mary.
Kaz
[deleted]
23rd Nov 2015 02:47:37 (Last activity: 8th Mar 2016 22:54:47)
1
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[deleted]
Response from mandy gere made on 29th Dec 2015 07:26:28
How lovely for you! Nice to read a happy ending! How did you get over the nerves tho?
Response from kattie75 made on 8th Mar 2016 22:54:47
Congratulations my dear it's nice to hear of happiness being found on sites like this
Alabama Gal
6th Mar 2016 04:53:23
0
Thanks for voting!
I feel your pain and the feeling of being alone, it really does effect you, your so used to married life, you just don't know anything else.
wpshark
28th Feb 2016 22:47:34
0
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Hi All
Firstly , please state where you are from. It is ridiculous to try to start a relationship with someone who lives in Europe if you live in the USA.
I am 62 and care for my wife (of 38 yrs) full time. We live in Huntingdonshire UK.
I too would like to chat to people from around here and even further afield just to fill the loneliness.
I am struck by the repeated use of that word in these forums. Loneliness.
And I ask myself WHY? Why are we all so lonely at this age? Surely the maturity and life lessons have taught us enough so that we do not need to play an elongated dating game? Let;s get to the point and state what we want. [email protected]
SteveJ60
14th Feb 2016 02:25:21
2
Thanks for voting!
Hi MaryLou. Reading your post, and the others, let me know that I'm not alone. I had a tumultuous life with a 24/7 career, two divorces and a common law, 5 kids (one recently passed), and hundreds of "work" friends. When I retired in 2011 I was so busy with caring for my mother, having three adult children living with me, and helping my oldest with addictions, I failed to notice that I didn't actually have any friends or a life, without my kids and social media. 4 years on and now I'm down to two adult children living with me (but at 20 and 23 have their own lives), my mother passed, and now realize that I'm alone.

Since my (last) divorce in 2001, I had a few, mostly bad, relationships, and nothing since about 2006. I was so busy with "life", I failed to recognize that it was passing me by.

I've traveled a few times since retirement, but always with my children. They are aged 20 to 39 now and have their own lives and aren't there to travel with. I recently took a trip to Tulum Mexico to stay with some "work" friends that had purchased a condo there. The last 2 weeks of the trip I spent in hostels in the Riveria area and Cancun. With all of the amazing people and things that I encountered on the 4 week trip, all I could think of was there wasn't someone there to enjoy it with me. I'm running out of excuses for not wanting, or needing, a relationship and/or network of friends, and it scares me!

It's been so long since I've been a part of the "dating" scene, that I've lost the confidence to pursue either an intimate, casual, or friendship based encounter. I'm turning 60 in April and have more or less accepted that I'll be alone during the last years. That's a depressing thought, and aside from the sexual needs/desires, I need to change that, as I'm a good person that deserves to have people in my life.

Thank you for writing your post, as it made me look at myself. A lot of what I shared in my post, I've never discussed before, so I feel better, and I hope that you will also get the connections that you need from this forum.
Jeanette21
2nd Jan 2016 16:33:22
0
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Please write your comments here...Iam sorry to hear you are struggling. I have just broken up after 3 and half years and am finding it very difficult. Just trying to keep busy I have great family and friends but am still lonely. just need to get used to a different life.
cjt123
31st Dec 2015 21:31:19
0
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Hi I've just joined silversurfers, I'm 66 and my year long relationship has ended at Christmas. I'm shocked and devastated and terribly lonely. I'm posting on here so as to find people to chat with which may help me get through these early difficult days.
Tin
30th Dec 2015 21:02:11
0
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HI there , sorry to hear of your feeling of lonliness , I can relate to this , as i lost my partner of 10years , 9 years ago , was hard the first few years but i found the way , and enjoy life now ........ but do admit to have these feelings of lonliness from time to time especially at this time of year but know it will pass ............yes making new friends is a tremendous boost as I have found , hope you do find your way and life becomes more bearable for you all the best for 2016 .
mandy gere
29th Dec 2015 07:24:23
1
Thanks for voting!
Hello Mary Lou I'm the same- most of the time I am fine but just sometimes the lonelliness is to much! I hate new year eve with a passion! Feels like I'm the only person sitting alone watching tv at 12!
Trouble is with me is I like to have someone to do things with but family are all busy with their life's!
I'm a typical empty nest person and I've been divorced 5 years now.
orchardlane
7th Nov 2015 15:29:11 (Last activity: 11th Dec 2015 11:02:05)
2
Thanks for voting!
You are certainly not alone. Problem is what to do about it. On line introductions are a no no and I have found that singles groups seem to be for people who want a social life but also want to remain single.
Response from Deee1 made on 27th Nov 2015 22:35:36
Orchard lane... You certainly have a sense of humor putting George Clooney as your profile picture... Gets a girls attention.. HAHA BRAVO!
Response from orchardlane made on 30th Nov 2015 14:30:56
I had to do something. Got fed up being mistaken for Robert Redford.
Response from Red Head Swift made on 9th Dec 2015 16:17:18
Why do you think that on line introductions are a no no.
The press and the TV are always giving us horror stories about fraud and scams that started with an on line contact, and quite rightly we all need to be careful. But what the media industry rarely features are the thousands of very successful relationships that started with an on line introduction. Try it for a couple of months, go very slowly and of course do not send money to anybody, no matter how plausible they seem
Response from orchardlane made on 11th Dec 2015 11:02:05
Thank you for your response, RHS, and for pointing out that a proper explanation was not given in my previous comment.
I have tried all the main on line introduction agencies giving appropriate criteria etc, Several contacts were suggested it is true but none of them were even close to the given profile. Is it surprising that a certain cynicism is felt?
Mushwee47
9th Dec 2015 10:25:03
0
Thanks for voting!
Maybe it would help if you said where you live
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