Food shopping during Coronavirus pandemic
Watch this postI have been with my new partner for just over 2 years, having divorced after a 35 year marriage.
My new partner is 11 years older than me, Irish and very old fashioned. I mention Irish, because if anyone on here is Irish, am I looking at a culture thing?
Last week I finally managed to get an online shopping slot, but only to my son's area around 10 miles away, so I decided to do that and go over and collect it. I was thrilled that I had managed to get us out of a supermarket visit, that would at least minimise our risk for another couple of weeks.
He knew about the shop and I told him I was going to collect the shopping Tuesday morning just gone. I returned with it, only to find he had just got back from Tescos with virtually the same items as me. I went mad, I was so frustrated I broke down in tears, and said why would you put us at risk when you didn't need to.
He then shouted back at me, said he was sick of my nagging (?), and seemed very put out I had got the shop. He is quite victorian in his attitude, and thinks only man brings home the bacon, a bone of contention, as I am very independent.
We went a couple of days without really talking, and he has now asked me to leave! This is a man that a couple of days ago was saying he loved me! He will never talk about a problem, brushes it away, and if he's set on something, there is no compromise. So, here I am, after 2 days of stacking the car, of my belongings, with a view to going back to my little house, to live my life alone!
We had such plans for our future, and I can't believe he's ending it when it's pretty obvious he still loves me and I him.
Am I being unreasonable to have got the shopping as I did to minimise the risk for both of us?
He's 69 on Monday, so not far off the age to isolate anyway, and I had a scare last year with early breast cancer. He will be alone for his birthday which does upset me, but it's out of my hands.
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These incidents, though seemingly small on the outside, are very upsetting. They do give an indication of how a person will react in circumstances, and what we expect is often very different from what we get.
This is not insurmountable, all couples have difrences, but learning from his behaviour, do you really want to continue if he didn't consider you or your feelings?
Another thing, I learned long ago that whoever is the person pushed out of the relationship suffers most. Its like a rejection thing, usually not deserved. Or maybe a punishment for upsetting them? Dont accept the punishment, prove you are worth more, and move on if that is what you want to do.
The confusion over love 'you one minuit, reject you another minuit,' is a pattern to some, and there is often some baggage from previous relationships. So, its always not about you.
Keep well.
I wonder if you have managed to get things sorted out - I hope so. What a good job that you still had your own house to go back to and I hope that you took your shopping with you as well. I'm not sure if it is a cultural thing that's involved here - your (ex?) partner sounds more like a person who wants to be in control.
It is a huge problem if he can't or won't discuss any difficulties and possibly thinks that because he is older and a male that he is always right. You could try writing to him and explaining how you feel and then arranging a meeting to discuss everything. This enforced lock-down is bringing to light many problems which couples and families can generally ignore when they are able to get out and about and see friends and follow their own hobbies. The argument about the shopping might just be a symptom of other problems which have been building up in the background especially if he is unwilling to compromise. Usually in a partnership, one gives more and the other takes more but it has to be mutually agreeable for both partners and without compromise on both sides it generally doesn't work. Private message me if you want to chat more but please let us know how you are getting on. Good luck..