View comments by: Most Recent - first / last | Most Popular - first / last | Replies - hide / show

Full Time Carer

Hi. I’m a full-time Carer for my Mum of 98yrs, I do have help from my lovely husband, we all live together, Mum is downstairs & we are upstairs in our own flat upstairs so all works well :0)) but our life isn’t our own, haven’t been away for 4yrs now.


To have carers in is so expensive, I have two brothers but it is still left to us to care for her, makes me sad as they can swan off on holiday whenever they like, they have all the time to go out & enjoy themselves, while we are stuck indoors with my Mum, she is very hard of hearing, eyesight not very good & disabled & can only walk with a walker, have to do nearly everything for her, she still manages to wash & dress herself with difficulty at the moment.


Luckily we have our Photography to keep us sane LOL & go out once a month to a Camera Club.


Thanks for listening to all my problems in looking after my ageing parent seeing we ageing ourselves LOL xx


Created By on 07/01/2020

Not a member?

You need to be a member to interact with Silversurfers. Joining is free and simple to do. Click the button below to join today!

Celtictaf
12th Jan 2021 09:42:37 (Last activity: 26th Jun 2021 14:12:40)
0
Thanks for voting!
Hi im in a different situation but still feel guilty about it. I live abroad and my sister minds my mother. I keep thanking her which annoys her and i do try and get over to mind her so my sister can go away. Lock down has scuppered that though.
Response from FrankMCT made on 26th Jun 2021 13:03:49
Hi, agree. Situations are different. As an author, I'm caring alone without any help from my sisters. It's really hard, you losing your money, patience and etc., every day struggling. They won't give a little money for a necessary recliner - Who but us?
Wish you all the best
Response from FrankMCT made on 26th Jun 2021 13:04:47
Hi, agree. Situations are different. As an author, I'm caring alone without any help from my sisters. It's really hard, you losing your money, patience and etc., every day struggling. They won't give a little money for a necessary recliner. Who but us?
Wish you all the best
Response from Sally - Silversurfer's Editor made on 26th Jun 2021 14:12:40 > @FrankMCT
Hi FrankMCT,

Welcome and many thanks for your first comment in our Forum.

If you already know your way around, then we will leave you to it.

If you are looking for some lively discussions, head on over to the Forum homepage to see what's trending right now and feel free to join in the discussions, with all our friendly members, perhaps ask a question or even start your own post.

carriex
31st Mar 2021 00:53:32
0
Thanks for voting!
Yes, your brothers should definitely pay for respite care to allow you and your husband to have essential time out from caring.

I'm afraid I would also urge you to check out your mother's will. If your brothers are doing NO caring (and refuse to pay for respite care), then YOU should be 'paid' by your mum to provide her care while she is alive, so that whatever is then left when, sadly, she passes away, even if it is divided equally between you and your brothers, will NOT seem like your brothers did stuff all and yet got her money when she died. JUST not fair.

That may seem very venal, but why should they get equal dibs with you, if they don't do anything for your mum, but you do everything?

It's very easy for brothers to assume 'oh, caring is what sisters do ..... not my problem'. (I know that's very unfair for all the 'good' brothers out there, but it happens!)
country lady
4th Jul 2020 04:52:36
0
Thanks for voting!
I take care of my 98 yr old dad. caregivers have no life. I crochet to keep me sane. he is now getting mental ...
Sally - Silversurfer's Editor
7th Jan 2020 12:05:23 (Last activity: 29th Jan 2020 13:35:03)
0
Thanks for voting!
Wow! How lucky are you to have your mum still with you at 98 ... truely amazing.

I totally empathise with you though as it must be really challenging to be her full time carer.

Such a shame your brothers won't give you a break ... perhaps for their new year's resolution it should be for them to each give you a break, and either step in or pay for a respite carer... everyone needs a holiday 🙂

Fingers crossed!
Response from PDurrant made on 29th Jan 2020 13:35:03
Totally agree with Sally too

Carers need time off even when they are caring for family - if you don't look after your own physical and mental health how will you be able to look after your mum?

Maybe mention that to your brothers - what would happen if you are taken ill? But don't pussy-foot around the conversation and become bitter - just ask your brothers outright if they will either provide respite care themselves or pay for someone else to do it.
ecarg
7th Jan 2020 12:24:43
2
Thanks for voting!
I agree with the editor.

If you're brothers can not spare the time to help and are unwilling to give up their own holidays they should contribute to respite care costs.

Have you asked social services what help they can offer?

You need to consider your own health and so do your brothers.

Community Terms & Conditions

Content standards

These content standards apply to any and all material which you contribute to our site (contributions), and to any interactive services associated with it.

You must comply with the spirit of the following standards as well as the letter. The standards apply to each part of any contribution as well as to its whole.

Contributions must:

be accurate (where they state facts); be genuinely held (where they state opinions); and comply with applicable law in the UK and in any country from which they are posted.

Contributions must not:

contain any material which is defamatory of any person; or contain any material which is obscene, offensive, hateful or inflammatory; or promote sexually explicit material; or promote violence; promote discrimination based on race, sex, religion, nationality, disability, sexual orientation or age; or infringe any copyright, database right or trade mark of any other person; or be likely to deceive any person; or be made in breach of any legal duty owed to a third party, such as a contractual duty or a duty of confidence; or promote any illegal activity; or be threatening, abuse or invade another’s privacy, or cause annoyance, inconvenience or needless anxiety; or be likely to harass, upset, embarrass, alarm or annoy any other person; or be used to impersonate any person, or to misrepresent your identity or affiliation with any person; or give the impression that they emanate from us, if this is not the case; or advocate, promote or assist any unlawful act such as (by way of example only) copyright infringement or computer misuse.

Nurturing a safe environment

Our Silversurfers community is designed to foster friendships, based on trust, honesty, integrity and loyalty and is underpinned by these values.

We don't tolerate swearing, and reserve the right to remove any posts which we feel may offend others... let's keep it friendly!