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I have been forgotten, I no longer exist

Today is my 58th birthday, the day started bright and sunny but very cold, I enjoyed an extended early morning walk with my dog before returning home for breakfast. There have been no phone calls, no emails, no visitors, and the postman didn't have anything for me today: the family, that I used to be a part of, have forgotten me, as have the friends I thought would always be there. This is my 20th solitary birthday, but I have become used to it and now it doesn't bother me, it really doesn't. I will be taking my dog out for a longer walk after lunch and then I will make us a nice meal before settling down to watch some TV. I didn't ever expect to be so isolated in my later years, but it's not as bad as you might think, I'm still very active and I enjoy life immensely. However, I do sometimes wonder how I came to be the solitary person I am, I guess it must be me, after all, the others can't all be wrong, can they?

Created By on 27/04/2016

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8th Jun 2016 17:19:41
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I too feel forgotten. When I was working as a nurse I had more mates and friends than enough. We moved from Cardiff when I retired and moved to a place called Fontygary. Then later we moved to St Atans in the vale of Glamorgan. Lived there for 14 years and just a neighbour further down the road from us. Then my hubby was diagnose with lung cancer and bottom fell out of our world. Trouble was we were together all the time and we became selfish I suppose. I lost him 4 years ago and since then have moved to be near my son. He also has non stop ops for cancer of the tongue over the last five years and will nev er be really better. I have a little dog now who gets me up and out every day. But I am so lon ely. This is a small village where I live and rather clicky so I am at home every night and never go out in the evenings. I feel also that I am intruding if my granddaughter invites to cardiff to stay with her, so I make excuses not to go. I am 73 now but feel 60 so I dont want to join the Draby and Joan club just yet.
Response from georgesmum made on 8th Jun 2016 19:45:56
So sorry to hear you feel lonely Dottilind. I have lived on my own for almost 20 years but in my case it was out of choice whereas it was forced on you .It must be much more difficult to come to terms, not only with the death of your husband , but also with having to live on your own when you really don't want to....... I hope it gets easier for you as time goes by.
Response from celtwitch Original Poster made on 9th Jun 2016 10:00:43
Are you a Welsh speaker? If not, you could join a Welsh Learners class, and that way you would meet people.
Or, could you join a ramblers group,many of them will have dogs too and both you and your pooch would love it.
If you have a village pub, I would pluck up the courage and pop in one evening, order a drink (it doesn't have to be alcoholic) and smile, try chatting to people and you might make a friend.
Hwl fawr.
30th Nov 2018 16:57:05 (Last activity: 29th Jun 2019 12:12:22)
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Hello All, just joined and find myself reading through posts on this thread. I'm recently retired and single at 61 and find my world has indeed been feeling smaller than it was. Must agree with comments regarding the choices we make with regard to reaching out. I am not one to isolate myself, being social by nature, but it does seem to get harder as we get older. At any rate, hoping to make some friends here, at least pen pals as I haven't seen any locals from my area as of yet. Up to chat whenever...Gail
Response from PatriciaB96 made on 29th Jun 2019 12:12:22
Good afternoon Gail94131
This site can be esteamly slow , I hope you have found some one to chat too , good luck .
18th Feb 2019 15:00:42 (Last activity: 20th Feb 2019 06:06:00)
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I realise your post is quite old now celtwitch,but I feel the same as you.I moved to the UK from another country 20 yrs ago and have since struggled to make any real friends.I too was once sociable with many friends.Two years ago we(I'm married)met another couple,who were living on a canal boat,so always on the move.However they've since taken over a pub in our town to apparently be closer to us.Two years on,the lady of the couple still does'nt know how many children I have,and has never even asked where we live in town!!! I always ask about her life,her kids,etc but its never reciprocated.I've now decided not to bother having ANY friends.Its too much hard work in my opinion.Yes I do feel lonely too as our kids don't live nearby,but I'd rather feel lonely than be friends with people who are only interested in themselves.
Response from Yogafan made on 19th Feb 2019 16:05:39
Thanks Northern! Not sure what the issue is tbh.Ok this is a good example of what happened to me recently.The friend with the pub?A while ago she was feeling low due to some things happening in her life.I brought her a large bunch of flowers,gave her a hug and said I was there for her if she needed a shoulder.Bumped into her in town last week.She did'nt ask how I was,or what I'd been doing.All she spoke about was herself.At the end of the conversation,I mentioned we were going away the following day,to celebrate my upcoming birthday (last Friday)and would be returning on Sunday.She never wished me a happy birthday,and on my birthday I got no messages from her.I'm putting her in the too hard basket.Friendships should be equal not all about the one person.
Response from Yogafan made on 20th Feb 2019 06:06:00
Thankyou Northern,you're right,and yes I've been told by people I'm too nice!My life is about to take a different direction,and I'm hoping I will meet some nice like minded folk who I can connect with.You sound like a nice person too,and I am wishing you future luck with making nice friends.x
15th Oct 2018 12:27:06
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Dear Celtwitch, I have just joined Silversurfers & noticed your post from 2016, 20 years in Isolation ? apart from chatting on web-sites do you never meet up with anybody even for a Coffee, talk about past times & so forth.

I am always happy to chat with most People & help out if I can.


23rd Aug 2016 00:55:53
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It's choices we made celtwitch. We need to put effort in to keep in touch or make new contacts. I'm alone because I choose to not make that effort.
22nd Aug 2016 21:21:46 (Last activity: 22nd Aug 2016 22:26:26)
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I'm so grateful that I found this thread ..............i'm not the only person on the planet who's isolated and alone.
It's been 10 years now and I can go for weeks without talking to another person other than saying thank you in the newsagents when I pay for my newspaper.
I have even started using the self serve checkouts in the supermarket so I don't speak to anyone there either, other than cursing when the stupid machine keeps telling me to do things and hurrying me up haha.
I think the longer you are alone you lose the habit of making conversation and chatting to people which can just exacerbate things and now if I see someone approaching who I might have spoken to in the past I cringe and find myself making excuses not to stop.
It's not healthy apparently and isolation and loneliness are as bad for your health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day, but it seems to become ingrained and a hard habit to break, despite feeling lonely.
Oh well, at least I have control of the tv remote control lol.
Response from Wilf made on 22nd Aug 2016 22:26:26
I find that there are lots of friendly people on this site. I dont think you need to feel alone at all
21st Jul 2016 01:26:57
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Oh. I know that feeling. I guess it's part of life. When I lost my husband most of my friends and family abandoned me. After they used me for sure. And it does get way easier.
celtwitch Original Poster
8th Jun 2016 14:27:34
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I have done voluntary work in the past, but never again: working for free is not the answer.
5th Jun 2016 18:10:34 (Last activity: 5th Jun 2016 19:25:44)
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Response from georgesmum made on 5th Jun 2016 19:25:44
I agree! Since moving to a new area 2 years ago I now volunteer in a local charity shop and also help raise funds for a dog whilst doing my bit for the charities that interest me I also meet lots of different people!
1st May 2016 08:59:50 (Last activity: 5th Jun 2016 12:20:42)
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I ve joined this site today and want to wish you a belated Happy Birthday....I can relate to some of the things you mentioned, certainly didn t expect to be alone and looking for a travel buddy! Life gives you lemons(I married two of them) so make lemonade. Big Hug to you xx
Response from celtwitch Original Poster made on 5th Jun 2016 12:20:42
Love your comment Chere.
27th May 2016 19:44:59 (Last activity: 2nd Jun 2016 17:18:05)
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Celtwitch, I am 56 and definitely think I have become more withdrawn in my older years. I can't explain it but everyone does get wrapped up in their own children, grandchildren, etc. My sister's only txt me if I txt them first so I have just deleted them from my phone so I don't intrude in their lives again. Some might find that sad but I think it's for the best. My children are adults now, no grandchildren but have the most beautiful little mongrel bitch that is 11 yrs old now. I work part time so do meet a lot of people there which is good.
Response from Wilf made on 2nd Jun 2016 17:18:05
Josephina-I do think that as people get older and out of the workplace etc and have less energy they do become slightly more withdrawn from society.
celtwitch Original Poster
1st Jun 2016 09:34:11 (Last activity: 2nd Jun 2016 15:56:44)
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A couple of recent events has brought home to me just how isolated I really am. I looked out of the window on Sunday and saw two of my neighbours going up the lane together with their dogs, it isn't the first time, but they never ask me if I would like to tag along with my pooch.
Admittedly, they don't go up on the hill as I do with my dog, they wander 100 metres down the lane, pause to allow their dogs to do what dogs do, then wander back. Not very exciting, but sometimes I would enjoy the chat.
Then, on Sunday evening, another two neighbours emerged in their finery for a meal and drinks in a pub restaurant, again they didn't invite me. It suddenly occurred to me that I have almost become invisible and that no-one notices me, which is a difficult thing to deal with for someone who is naturally gregarious and sociable.
I'm now wondering if this is my lot, between now and my date with the crematorium?
Response from georgesmum made on 2nd Jun 2016 15:12:52
Do you stop and chat to other "dog walkers" whilst out and about? Since moving to Chepstow from the depths of the West Midlands a couple of years ago I have made friends with several other dog walkers......I wouldn't say we're great buddies but we always stop for a natter. I'm quite a shy person but have forced myself to chat to people and it does break the ice. Mind you they probably think "Oh no here comes that mad woman with the funny accent!"
Response from celtwitch Original Poster made on 2nd Jun 2016 15:56:44
Yes, I do stop to chat with other doggie people,but it doesn't go any further than that.
I think that I must look like someone not to get too close to, could it be my deodorant?
31st May 2016 23:36:55
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Hi celtwitch, just catching up on the site after a long absence and stumbled across your article....too late to wish you well on your birthday but I can relate to many of your comments...... I know how I became the solitary person that I am today....... I'm morphing into my dad......and the older I get the more of him I can see in myself....the worst of it is I'm female!
We're all different aren't we so who cares if we don't crave lots of company all the time as long as we're happy with our lives. Like you I keep busy and volunteer with a couple of dog rescues(dogs being my passion) but I 'm always glad to get home, close my front door and luxuriate in my own company.
27th May 2016 21:02:23 (Last activity: 28th May 2016 10:22:18)
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Bit of a belated Happy Birthday, but couldn't miss it out.
Response from celtwitch Original Poster made on 28th May 2016 10:22:18
Thanks Fruitcake13.
27th May 2016 20:55:29
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Oops, forgot to wish you a Happy Birthday. Happy Birthday, celtwitch! xxx
27th May 2016 20:53:44
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Hi celtwitch, I'm a solitary person 95% of the time, and I don't mind it at all, in fact I'd go so far as to say I really enjoy it, I love the freedom. I spend Christmas and my birthdays on my own and I don't mind at all. After my children left home and I divorced, I saw it as a new start and a chance for a whole lot of 'me time', which I felt I'd earned, as my ex husband was a serving officer in the RAF and everything was about him and his career, even where we lived and our social life, and all that travelling about (which was fun at the time but you do eventually get very tired of it) had become totally wearisome to me. I found that I just wanted to stay in the same place and do what I wanted to do for a change, while I still had some life left to live. I can honestly say that I've never regretted it for even a moment. I do some regular voluntary work, just one day (occasionally two) a week, and that involves mixing with other people, and I find that's more than enough company in a week for me. I also have two very good friends that I see from time to time, and both of them know and understand that I don't always want company and respect that. There is nothing wrong about being a solitary person.
28th Apr 2016 09:03:22 (Last activity: 27th May 2016 20:12:01)
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Happy Birthday to you x
Response from bun-wun made on 27th May 2016 20:12:01
SMILEYSUE.!! Where is the sunnier climates?
1st May 2016 17:06:16 (Last activity: 27th May 2016 19:59:42)
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Why does this happen, why do families forget. I work as a carer and have seen this so much, in care homes, dementia care homes and people in their own homes. African and Asian cultures keep their elderly folk as part of their households. I think in this country we have a lot to learn about nurturing the elderly so as they don,t feel lonely. I would definitely want to be a visiting friend when I retire. I,m sure there must be groups that vet people and put them in touch with people who have a need.
Response from jeanmark made on 19th May 2016 14:10:09
Age UK are always looking for volunteers to do just that
Response from Josephinea made on 27th May 2016 19:59:42
That sounds interesting. I would like to be a 'visiting friend' to people. I'm in Northern Ireland so hopefully I might find something online. Thanks, Mirimiri, for the idea!!
June V.
30th Apr 2016 20:41:30 (Last activity: 27th May 2016 19:54:30)
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Oh dear - I won't say that I am sorry for you because you don't sound too worried yourself but I wonder if you are in need of a chat ? If so please chat to me....if you want to.
I have spent many years alone on my birthday as my husband has always worked away from home for 3/4wks at a time & I too have become used to it. While living here in France I have tried to make friends but unless you belong to the English church here the English ex-pats don't want to know you !!!
Nobody phones me either - except husband 3 or 4 times a day. My sister never bothers. No letters anymore= Does anybody want a big drawer full of stationary ?!!! I used to write a lot of letters but nobody bothers anymore because its easier to Email. One day there will be nothing for young people to look back on from descendants.
I will stop before I bore you silly....I will end by saying - NO, its not you at all, although I can't pin point a reason/ cause/ answer to the dilemma ! Best wishes...SJV.
Response from Josephinea made on 27th May 2016 19:54:30
I used to write letters all the time too but, as you say, everyone prefers to e-mail now. Not quite the same, is it?
14th May 2016 18:21:13
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Hi cel twitch, excuse me calling you that don't know your name.
I am also soon to be. 58 if my two sons didn't live with me I would
be in your position. Happy belated birthday!
My sons live with me because of financial issues otherwise I'm
sure I would not speak or see many people.
5th May 2016 20:20:09 (Last activity: 6th May 2016 16:15:31)
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Have you tried volunteering it gets me out and meet people
Response from celtwitch Original Poster made on 6th May 2016 16:15:31
I don't want to commit to working for no money, on the off chance that I might make a friend.
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