View comments by: Most Recent - first / last | Most Popular - first / last | Replies - hide / show

Items to put a smile on your face ? :O)

First Day at The Zoo:


A guy starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks.


First is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds. As he does so, a huge fish jumps out and bites him. To show who is boss, he beats it to death with a spade. Realising his employer won't be best pleased he disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything.


Moving on to the second job of clearing out the Chimp house, he is attacked by the chimps pelting him with coconuts. He swipes at two chimps with a spade killing them both. What can he do? Feed them to the lions, he says to himself, because lions eat anything... He hurls the corpses into the lion enclosure.


He moves on to the last job which is to collect honey from the South American Bees. As soon as he starts, he is attacked by the bees. He grabs the spade and smashes the bees to a pulp. By now he knows what to do and shovels them into the lions cage because lions eat anything.


Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo.. He wanders up to another lion and says "What's the food like here?” (Wait for it !!!!!)………………


The lion says: "Absolutely brilliant, today we had Fish and Chimps with Mushy Bees"


Created By on 16/09/2015

Not a member?

You need to be a member to interact with Silversurfers. Joining is free and simple to do. Click the button below to join today!

Mick J. Original Poster
22nd Oct 2015 09:51:04
4
Thanks for voting!
Pregnant At 71 ? :O)

A woman went to the doctor's office where she was seen by one of the younger doctors.
After about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming as she ran down the hall.
An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story.
After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room.
The older doctor marched down the hallway back to where the young doctor was writing on his clipboard.
"What's the matter with you?" the older doctor demanded.
"Mrs. Terry is 71 years old, has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"

The younger doctor continued writing and without looking up asked,


"And tell me ? , Does she still have the hiccups?"
bootes
3rd Sep 2020 13:09:33 (Last activity: 3rd Sep 2020 13:27:11)
0
Thanks for voting!
brilliant
Response from Sally - Silversurfer's Editor made on 3rd Sep 2020 13:27:11
Hi bootes,

Welcome and many thanks for your first comment in our Forum.

If you already know your way around, then we will leave you to it.

If you are looking for some lively discussions, head on over to the Forum homepage to see what's trending right now and feel free to join in the discussions, with all our friendly members, perhaps ask a question or even start your own post.

[deleted]
9th May 2020 14:16:33 (Last activity: 2nd Sep 2020 12:47:27)
2
Thanks for voting!
[deleted]
Response from DesF made on 2nd Sep 2020 12:47:27
this ones good
DesF
2nd Sep 2020 12:46:40
0
Thanks for voting!
[deleted]
1st Sep 2020 09:58:16 (Last activity: 2nd Sep 2020 12:41:49)
0
Thanks for voting!
[deleted]
Response from DesF made on 2nd Sep 2020 12:41:49
love these . more than a grain of truth
[deleted]
30th Aug 2020 13:34:38 (Last activity: 30th Aug 2020 13:42:03)
2
Thanks for voting!
[deleted]
Response from Wilf made on 30th Aug 2020 13:38:04
I love the trampoline joke Ypdama-mada me lol
Response from [deleted] made on 30th Aug 2020 13:42:03
[deleted]
Valleyman
4th Jun 2020 09:41:59 (Last activity: 4th Jun 2020 21:30:24)
0
Thanks for voting!
Ha ha. Social distanced bar fight! Should all be like that. Nobody gets hurt.
Response from Valleyman made on 4th Jun 2020 21:30:24
Ha ha! Finally found where you made this comment. I'm a bit crap at the structure of the forum. This is pretty funny. Hope it works. https://youtu.be/KXK1at-udX8
[deleted]
11th May 2020 17:25:44
1
Thanks for voting!
[deleted]
15th Apr 2020 04:20:09 (Last activity: 15th Apr 2020 08:26:40)
0
Thanks for voting!
[deleted]
Response from Sally - Silversurfer's Editor made on 15th Apr 2020 08:26:40
Hi iandaclark01gmailcom,

Welcome and many thanks for your first comment in our Forum.

If you already know your way around, then we will leave you to it.

If you are looking for some lively discussions, head on over to the Forum homepage to see what's trending right now and feel free to join in the discussions, with all our friendly members, perhaps ask a question or even start your own post.

[deleted]
21st Jul 2019 13:56:26 (Last activity: 21st Jul 2019 15:05:00)
0
Thanks for voting!
[deleted]
Response from Bikergran666 made on 21st Jul 2019 15:05:00
Well who can blame them! It looked so inviting the other night. I almost missed it as the media said 10.30pm but it was here by 11.30ish. What a sight it was, I managed to take a photo on my mobile for my grandchildren but of course the spectacle I saw didn’t do it justice! Love your new photo.
[deleted]
21st Jul 2019 11:56:30 (Last activity: 21st Jul 2019 12:29:53)
2
Thanks for voting!
[deleted]
Response from Bikergran666 made on 21st Jul 2019 12:29:53
Thanks Yodama,

As always, you make me smile/laugh. Thank you, you’re a star
[deleted]
1st Jul 2019 16:10:24 (Last activity: 1st Jul 2019 19:44:32)
3
Thanks for voting!
[deleted]
Response from Bikergran666 made on 1st Jul 2019 19:44:32
Oh my dog Yodama, you have really surpassed yourself now.

Brilliant brilliant joke, love it!!!!

Hope you don’t mind if I copy it and pass it on to all my friends and family.

I think my mum would love it too but she’s not online!

Thanks for the laughter Yod, I look forward to the next one!! 🙂
Bikergran666
30th Jun 2019 18:53:01 (Last activity: 30th Jun 2019 19:04:37)
0
Thanks for voting!
You may not think it world class Yodama but it made me smile and we all need to smile and laugh more! 🙂

Much better than my jokes, they’re non existent as I can never the punchline.

Maybe I could take a course in ‘joke telling’.

You could be my teacher! 🙂
Response from Bikergran666 made on 30th Jun 2019 19:04:37
Re last comment Yodama,

I can never REMEMBER the punchline or remember to read my own comments before posting. They may actually make sense but I can’t guarantee anything!!! :-0
Bikergran666
24th Jun 2019 21:58:53 (Last activity: 24th Jun 2019 23:30:07)
0
Thanks for voting!
Yodama, you should be on the stage (maybe you are!)

You have made my day. Your stories, jokes are brilliant. I’ve laughed my socks off......now my feet are cold!!!!

Just keep ‘em coming, this world needs more laughter and good news.

I’ll have to start a ‘good news’ thread, well I would if I knew how.

Any ideas folks! 🙂
Response from Bikergran666 made on 24th Jun 2019 23:30:07
My most embarrassing moment, (actually there have been many, toooo many!!!!!) This one happened recently but I have loads from my terrible teens 🙂

Ok, so I help out at a charity shop and I was running late, which I hate.
I got home quickly changed into a pair of old jeans on the bed. I was walking down the street when I felt something dragging behind me.
I looked down and to my horror I saw a pair of my pants were hanging out of my jeans. I must have taken both off together and forgot about them!

So the moral of the story is: Always check yourself in a full length mirror before leaving home of suffer the consequences!! lol but then life would be boring if we were all perfect! 🙂
Saw54
12th Apr 2019 14:33:40
0
Thanks for voting!
Home after years in hospital now want to meet & make friends & start living life. My interests are Sun sea travel from days out to holidays like to start Dancing lessons, pick up my saxophone learn how to Play it.
Sports of all kinds,but do spend most of my time in front of the TV,
Billy no mates that’s me these days.
So come say hi & chat with me I can’t be the only one in this position.
CaroleAH
27th Jan 2019 18:22:09
0
Thanks for voting!
These are brilliant, Lochinvar! :-). 🙂
CaroleAH
20th Jan 2019 19:05:21
0
Thanks for voting!
[deleted]
17th Jan 2019 12:24:01 (Last activity: 18th Jan 2019 13:26:17)
3
Thanks for voting!
[deleted]
Response from CaroleAH made on 18th Jan 2019 13:26:17
Aaargh, Lochinvar! I've choked on my coffee!!! 🙂
Gail94131
18th Jan 2019 04:46:54
1
Thanks for voting!
Omg you two got me rolling,,,,thank you, I so needed a good laugh!!!! 🙂
[deleted]
17th Jan 2019 12:38:13
4
Thanks for voting!
CaroleAH
30th Jul 2018 16:55:30
0
Thanks for voting!
Since when did priests have wives .............. house-keepers, maybe 😉
Page 1 of 4

Community Terms & Conditions

Content standards

These content standards apply to any and all material which you contribute to our site (contributions), and to any interactive services associated with it.

You must comply with the spirit of the following standards as well as the letter. The standards apply to each part of any contribution as well as to its whole.

Contributions must:

be accurate (where they state facts); be genuinely held (where they state opinions); and comply with applicable law in the UK and in any country from which they are posted.

Contributions must not:

contain any material which is defamatory of any person; or contain any material which is obscene, offensive, hateful or inflammatory; or promote sexually explicit material; or promote violence; promote discrimination based on race, sex, religion, nationality, disability, sexual orientation or age; or infringe any copyright, database right or trade mark of any other person; or be likely to deceive any person; or be made in breach of any legal duty owed to a third party, such as a contractual duty or a duty of confidence; or promote any illegal activity; or be threatening, abuse or invade another’s privacy, or cause annoyance, inconvenience or needless anxiety; or be likely to harass, upset, embarrass, alarm or annoy any other person; or be used to impersonate any person, or to misrepresent your identity or affiliation with any person; or give the impression that they emanate from us, if this is not the case; or advocate, promote or assist any unlawful act such as (by way of example only) copyright infringement or computer misuse.

Nurturing a safe environment

Our Silversurfers community is designed to foster friendships, based on trust, honesty, integrity and loyalty and is underpinned by these values.

We don't tolerate swearing, and reserve the right to remove any posts which we feel may offend others... let's keep it friendly!