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It's the tortoise life for me

As I was lying in bed pondering the problems of the world, I rapidly realized that I don't really care. It's the tortoise life for me! 1. If walking was good for your health, the postman would be immortal. 2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, and is fat. 3. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years. 4. A tortoise doesn't run and does nothing, yet it lives for 450 years. And you tell me to exercise?? I don't think so. I'm retired. Go around me. God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference. Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered: 1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it. 2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and all-bran. 3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart. 4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded. 5. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded. 6. If all is not lost, where is it? 7. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser. 8. Some days, you're the dog; some days you're the lamp post. 9. I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few. 10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents. 11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids. 12. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere. 13. The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom. 14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees. 15. When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone want to play chess? 16. It’s not hard to meet expenses . . . they're everywhere. 17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. 18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . . .I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm hereafter 19. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded. 20. DID I SEND THESE TO YOU BEFORE..........??????

Created By on 07/09/2016

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19th Sep 2016 22:42:06
Thanks for voting!
Hi Gregson, I thought your pitch was so funny, really enjoyed reading it, keep up the good work, it's made my day or should I say night, thanks, I'm still laughing
11th Sep 2016 17:33:41 (Last activity: 14th Sep 2016 08:53:25)
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Tortoises live to 450, who told you that, I said, who told you that?
Response from Greyson Original Poster made on 14th Sep 2016 08:53:25
OK it was a teensy weensy exaggeration but an Aldabra Giant Tortoise named Adwaita had a life span around 255 years. Estimates put his birth date around 1750, making him older than the United States of America.
12th Sep 2016 17:42:42
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Love it!,,,
Really cheered me up .
10th Sep 2016 22:50:23
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Well i think i can relate to most of these statements but please text me to let me know i have replied.
10th Sep 2016 21:47:45
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So funny I read it twice!!
10th Sep 2016 21:28:44
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Enjoyed it from beginning to end, better than anything on the telly.

Thanks stottyonmaroma
10th Sep 2016 19:43:47
Thanks for voting!
10th Sep 2016 18:39:56
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well, if nothing else this made me laugh, thank you lol and ditto x
10th Sep 2016 13:00:26
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8th Sep 2016 18:28:36
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love your sense of humour, this is so funny .....
7th Sep 2016 13:20:33
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That's very funny. Thank you.

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