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Lesbian, Gay, Bi-sexual and Transgender groups.

Yesterday I received my copy of the U3A magazine, Third Age Matters. I have been somewhat bemused by a flurry of letters to the editor about the formation of a Lesbian & Gay group in one U3A area. One correspondent wrote that she neither needed to know nor wanted to know about a person’s sexual orientation. Another found this comment insulting and harmful. I have always made friends with people because I like them, and we have mutual interests not because of their religion, colour, political affiliation, education or sexuality.


Am I missing the point somehow? Is it insulting or hurtful if I don’t need to know a person’s sexual orientation before I extend a hand of friendship? Another person asked if she should lie when asked if she has a partner. Why should she lie? If someone asks a question they should expect to hear the truth - whether they like the answer is a different matter!


Created By on 14/04/2018

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cris1117
6th Jan 2024 15:41:25 (Last activity: 29th Mar 2024 10:17:16)
0
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Hi. I really don't understand why gay people feel the need to tell everyone they are gay, I am a heterosexual man and never felt the need to declare my sexual orientation to anyone.
Response from jeanmark made on 7th Jan 2024 14:07:24
Cris1117, maybe you have never had to as being heterosexual is considered the norm and in our society anything outside of that has to be labeled. There are certain people who will only accept what they believe is normal although unable to explain what 'normal' is.
Response from cris1117 made on 8th Jan 2024 09:34:11
Sorry still don't get it, why do gays feel the need to to tell people they are gay does anyone really care.
Its a bit like me saying by the way I'm black or Jewish does anyone really care.
Seems to me people just want to label themselves not sure why, perhaps they are more comfortable being in a box with others of the same persuasion.
Why would I define myself by colour or religion or sexuality, why would I separate myself from mainstream society by creating a division between me and them.
As I said I don't get it.
Response from jeanmark made on 8th Jan 2024 21:27:21 > @cris1117
I don't think you will ever get it because the division was caused by mainstream society, your sexual orientation was never against the law and therefore you have always been accepted.
Response from ACAJOE made on 29th Mar 2024 10:17:16 > @cris1117
I can tell you if I don’t state being gay up front and a friendship develops when they find out often the friendship is terminated. Many people are homophobic And rejection is real. Not everyone has unconditional love nor treats the marginalized in society as equal. . So just let people be who they want and don’t judge them for wanting to embrace themselves because there is often a lot of pain behind that.
ACAJOE
29th Mar 2024 10:06:11
0
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I think all humans need to feel a sense of belonging to a tribe. When someone is marginalized by society they have more mine fields to walk through in life. Family and friend rejection is a big one. I.e. People will often find out a person is gay and automatically have bias about that individual and often this leads to less opportunities in work, housing, friends and neighbors, etc. and then thier are safety issues. so yes people lie for a reason. It’s called survival. Some don’t and that is thier path thru life ,and some mentally can’t handle it ,so don’t bash them for it. It’s not a choice. And people can be very judgemental throwing thier kids out in the street if they disagree with thier inborn sexuality. Rejection is real and many gays learn at an early life to shut up and lie until you can be on your own, cause if you don’t you could be homeless. It’s messed up. But that is society. I don’t expect anyone who is not marginalized to understand. All I can hope for is unconditional love and kindness and the people with those attributes are the ones welcome in my tribe.
Barry1968
4th Jan 2024 22:18:03 (Last activity: 7th Jan 2024 13:49:09)
2
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Well I am an out and proud gay man. Out because I see no reason to hide it and proud for my achievements.

However, I see absolutely no reason to need to have a 'label'. With the deepest respect to my queer friends and neighbours who do require it, there is, to me, an insidiousness in this flag waving and foot stamping about LGBTQIA2S+ 'rights' and a need to have a specific recognition for that. Where does it stop? Do we need a separate section for people of colour, for Jews or even mechanics?

Surely, this new surge in 'positive discrimination' is the 21st century version of segregation or, God forbid, apartheid?

Yes I am gay but, first and foremost I am Barry. I am a disabled 55yr old medically retired Christian Spiritualist with too many interests and character flaws to list before the need to 'label' me.

Can't we just accept and value each other?
Response from jeanmark made on 7th Jan 2024 13:49:09
Well said, unfortunately as a society we appear to need to label everyone who does not conform to 'our' perception of things.
jest21
5th Jan 2019 23:30:04
1
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I am so pleased to see that sexual orientation and other taboos are moving along, and agree. I don't need to know anyone's sexaul orientation to know whether we can be friends or not, but equally, it doesn't worry me if I do! I understand why many people, especially the trans community, feel the need to speak of their sexuality due to being judged, but also find that those who "come out" do so because they feel confident in the person they are befriending. I have been blessed and lived an open minded life where I have been to gay marriages, have transgender and transexual friends and love the open-mindedness and understanding this has brought me. This is due to the positive education of those closest to me and the understanding of bigotry. People are real and should be respected, whatever, but I understand the power of religion and how this view conflicts.
ColinM1
7th Aug 2018 17:35:27
0
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Logical and sensible response
jeanmark
19th Apr 2018 15:11:52 (Last activity: 20th Apr 2018 10:20:35)
1
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I so support your approach Carole and wish more people felt the same. Sadly, having worked in the field off HIV in the early years, I am well aware of why people felt the need to hide their sexuality. I do believe things have moved a little forward but prejudice of all types will always be around while people feel the need to judge. Sexuality appears too be one of those areas that many people feel should remain hidden, but why? What a sad reflection of modern day society when individuals feel the need to be defined by a specific 'group' as a means of being accepted. You only have to read the comments made on this site when the issue of marriage was raised as a question, to realise what prejudices still remain!
Response from CaroleAH Original Poster made on 19th Apr 2018 16:51:07
Thank-you, Jeanmark. I think that I have become less judgemental as the years have advanced! You mention the comments made on this site when the subject of gay marriage was raised. I do have an issue with gay couples wanting/demanding to be married in church but I can fully appreciate why they want to get married and make a public commitment to each other in front of family and friends and, if it's a ceremony at the register office or other venue, that's fine. I think a lot of prejudice is fear of the unknown. As naive teenagers in the 1960s my friends and I always believed that men who wore brown suede shoes were homosexual (we didn't have a clue what that actually meant!) and women who wore ankle bracelets were prostitutes. Where, on earth, did that come from? No doubt there are similar silly stories doing the rounds today. The world would be a much nicer place if we could all live in peace with each other but, as Lionel says below, would it be the people who shout the loudest and longest who would take over.
Response from jeanmark made on 19th Apr 2018 20:50:27
Well, having started nursing in the 1960's my naivety didn't last long. Seeing people naked for the first time taught me that we all look alike and thus should not be judged as different - well other than male and female, I did notice differences then!
Response from CaroleAH Original Poster made on 19th Apr 2018 22:47:49
🙂 the age of innocence certainly seems to be getting younger and younger these days!
Response from CaroleAH Original Poster made on 20th Apr 2018 10:20:35
Lionel, your story of your visit to Auschwitz does bring hope (and tears) that we could all live in peace and acceptance of the differences between us.
[deleted]
17th Apr 2018 16:41:25 (Last activity: 17th Apr 2018 22:18:15)
2
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[deleted]
Response from CaroleAH Original Poster made on 17th Apr 2018 22:18:15
Hi Lionel,
So sorry to hear about your dog - how are things going?
Because there hadn't been any comments on my post I had assumed that perhaps it was a subject which, like politics and religion, should not be discussed in polite society! 🙂
You have, as usual, written words of wisdom and, like you, I'm sad that people feel the need to be put into a box which can be identified by creed, politics, sexual orientation, ethnicity etc.
A funny story to finish! When I worked in a large A&E department we had to ask all patients for their religion. One day two little girls, aged nine or ten, came to book in as they had been bitten by a dog - no parents accompanied them. When we had filled all the forms in with names, addresses, dates of birth etc we came to the box for religion. They looked at each other and then one said, "Well we're not Catholics so we must be prostitutes". I still have a smile at their innocence!

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