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Limericks

Where are the funny Limerick writers?


Created By on 13/04/2019

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Dani
2 days ago (Last activity: 23rd Oct 2020 10:00:50)
0
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There was an old lady from Cheshire
Who found herself under some pressure
From children who cared
And were awfully scared
About what she got up to for leisure
Response from Yodama Original Poster made 2 days ago
Welcome Dani the limericker, nice limerick to remind us
that our kids have no idea what we wrinklies get up to when they are not around 😀 😀
Thanks for joining in!
Yodama Original Poster
16th Oct 2020 13:12:39
0
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An Ice hockey player called Clyde
Had eyes set incredibly wide
When his ice hockey puck
Made all his mates duck
“Hey, the goalpost’s in the middle” they cried.
Yodama Original Poster
14th Oct 2020 16:41:56
0
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A pious and hungry mendicant monk
tired of just bread, decided to bunk
His first stop was at Kentucky’s
Which was awfully unlucky
When he died from eating the junk.
Yodama Original Poster
6th Oct 2020 10:23:01 (Last activity: 6th Oct 2020 11:15:18)
0
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An Aussie once swallowed his didgeridoo
An impossible feat I’d think, wouldn’t you?
But after ex-lax was taken
The doctor was shaken
To hear mystical music, emanating from the loo.

The very pinnacle of literature!
Response from Wilf made on 6th Oct 2020 11:09:47
Hahaha-That is funny Yodama!
Response from Yodama Original Poster made on 6th Oct 2020 11:15:18 > @Wilf
Glad it gave you an early morning laugh Wilf. 🙂
elgin52
2nd Oct 2020 16:50:33
1
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Ever wondered what the characters from these limericks do in their spare time?

Find out in Yodama & Elgin`s hilarious new story, Melrose Hall Hosts Its Annual Limerick Characters Convention!

On Showcase/Literature/Short Stories NOW!
elgin52
2nd Oct 2020 11:30:18 (Last activity: 2nd Oct 2020 15:07:46)
2
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I used to have a life. I used to exchange music with people. Argue with people in Speakers Corner. Even post the odd photo. Now I wander the streets like a lunatic searching for a rhyme for Penzance.

Forgetful Flo from Penzance
Was invited by Bert to the dance
But when Bert span her round
The poor woman found
She`d forgotten to put on her pants
Response from Yodama Original Poster made on 2nd Oct 2020 15:07:46
Get help while you can, you don't want to get to the place where you are having conversations with the postman in rhyme...just sayin'
If you wish, I will send you the number of my therapist!!...
Signed:
Ga, Ga!
Yodama Original Poster
2nd Oct 2020 08:58:26 (Last activity: 2nd Oct 2020 10:00:29)
1
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Johnny invited buxom Flora for dinner
And secretly thought he was on to a winner
When she devoured the whole menu
Then asked to change venue
“Not likely” he said doing a runner.
Response from elgin52 made on 2nd Oct 2020 10:00:29
Timeless .Deeply moving
Shelfside
30th Sep 2020 19:45:51 (Last activity: 1st Oct 2020 16:28:05)
1
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Bit of a naughty one again I’m afraid. I trust nobody takes any offence or reads anything that isn’t there. Puerile humour, and nothing but!

From deep in the crypt at St Giles
Came some screaming that carried for miles
The curate said: Gracious!
Has Father Ignatious
Forgotten the Bishop's got piles?
Response from Yodama Original Poster made on 30th Sep 2020 19:48:39
Is this all your own work Shelf? If it is, it's very good.
Never tempt Karma - I wouldn't wish piles on anyone.
Response from Shelfside made on 1st Oct 2020 16:28:05 > @Yodama
That particular one is not, but I have an original based on a similar theme tucked away in my locker, all my own work, but it’s one that would most definitely see me booted off of this site with the utmost ferocity and intent. Probably end up in hell and eternal damnation when I eventually depart this earth as well...

But I’ll be back with some more not so risqué items, you can count on that.
elgin52
1st Oct 2020 11:56:44 (Last activity: 1st Oct 2020 12:21:33)
1
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A jockey entered the races
But forgot to fasten his laces
At a bend in the course
He shot from his horse
Now he hangs in a tree by his braces
Response from Yodama Original Poster made on 1st Oct 2020 12:21:33
Bracing limerick!
elgin52
1st Oct 2020 11:53:09
0
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A limerick of almost mystic profundity (:
Yodama Original Poster
1st Oct 2020 10:07:09
1
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Houdini the escapist was late for his tea
Locked in his chains, he couldn’t get free
Although he was hungry
His wife would be angry
So he decided in panic, to swallow the key.
Yodama Original Poster
30th Sep 2020 13:21:17 (Last activity: 30th Sep 2020 19:57:46)
1
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Percy the parrot could swear like a trooper
The local WI were shocked at his bloopers
“Oh Vicar” they cried
“Please take him outside”
But the Vicar instead, bashed him into a stupor.
Response from Shelfside made on 30th Sep 2020 19:47:03
Those men of the cloth, eh?
Response from Yodama Original Poster made on 30th Sep 2020 19:57:46 > @Shelfside
I hear he was defrocked over this un PC act of violence.
Shelfside
28th Sep 2020 19:29:52 (Last activity: 30th Sep 2020 13:19:56)
1
Thanks for voting!
Apologies in advance if this causes any offence.

The now divorced Martin
Told his ex ‘Since our partin’
I’ve had women and men
Several geese and a hen
And a hoover, that’s just for startin’

Coat...
Response from Yodama Original Poster made on 28th Sep 2020 20:13:02
And hat....Quite a clever limerick writer Shelf. Thanks for the contribution.
Response from Shelfside made on 28th Sep 2020 21:51:32 > @Yodama
One tucked away from a uni rag week was that, as I get older my memory of things long past seems much more acute. Weird or worrying? I’m not sure either way.
I think you’ll appreciate this next offering - not mine, although I wish it was - which personally speaking I rate as one of the most clever I’ve encountered. What do you think?

A young psychic midget named Marge
Went to jail on a serious charge.
But despite lock and key
The lady broke free
And the News said "Small Medium at Large".

Boom-boom!
Response from Yodama Original Poster made on 29th Sep 2020 09:11:20
😀 😀 😀 Yes, this really is a clever limerick. I love limericks, embraces the ridiculous like no story or poem can.
More please Shelf.
Response from Shelfside made on 29th Sep 2020 12:30:21
Another one I’ve lifted I’m afraid - a double helping of tongue twister and limerick. Well thought out by whoever put it together.

A tutor who taught on the flute,

tried to teach two young tooters to toot.

Said the two to the tutor,

"Is it harder to toot or,

to tutor two tooters to toot?

Try getting Toyah Willcox to say that one...
Response from Yodama Original Poster made on 30th Sep 2020 13:19:56 > @Shelfside
Hahaha, I can see all the Silversurfers trying to say that.
Glad you found it, very clever indeed.
Yodama Original Poster
28th Sep 2020 20:13:49 (Last activity: 29th Sep 2020 12:21:52)
1
Thanks for voting!
A Gallic garlic seller called Pierre
Rode his bike to the Melrose fair
His mission was dire
He’d heard of a Vampire
And would make a killing selling his wares.
Response from elgin52 made on 29th Sep 2020 11:31:14
Ha! I know where he`s going!
Response from Yodama Original Poster made on 29th Sep 2020 12:21:52
Necklaces to sell!
elgin52
28th Sep 2020 14:00:31 (Last activity: 28th Sep 2020 15:11:06)
1
Thanks for voting!
When Yodama ((I`m never quite sure how to pronounce Yodama) started this thread
I thought I would do as she said
But her wit knows no end
While all I can send
Is the first thing that comes into my head
Response from Yodama Original Poster made on 28th Sep 2020 15:11:06
Yoda-from Star Wars, with ma tacked on the end.
Thank you for the compliment, my wit will have an end...one day!! 😀 😀

Elgin is terribly humble
His words are never a jumble
He's witty and quick
With his funny Limerick
And is mad about any fruit crumble.
Yodama Original Poster
28th Sep 2020 12:38:34 (Last activity: 28th Sep 2020 13:58:23)
1
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A Guru who sat by the riverside to think
In transcending too much, fell into the drink
His frantic ‘om’ chanting
Was oh so enchanting
That Ayesha fished him out with a wink.
Response from elgin52 made on 28th Sep 2020 13:58:23
Transcendental. Om
elgin52
27th Sep 2020 11:04:31 (Last activity: 27th Sep 2020 11:37:02)
1
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An opera conductor called Sweeney
Gave beautiful Jill a zucchini
She said "That sounds posh
But its only a squash
Then they sang a duet from Puccini
Response from Yodama Original Poster made on 27th Sep 2020 11:37:02
Excellent, That Jill is a wayward one I must say!
elgin52
27th Sep 2020 11:00:57
1
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Serves the little blighter right 🙁
Yodama Original Poster
27th Sep 2020 09:46:29
1
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Young Harry was repeating tongue twisters
And showing off to his innocent sisters
But his attitude
Was so terribly rude
That he suffered from tongue twister blisters.
Yodama Original Poster
26th Sep 2020 10:35:26 (Last activity: 26th Sep 2020 14:01:23)
1
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Brian the gourmet dreamed secret dreams
Of eating at once, a vat full of baked beans
But his troubles all started
When he explosively farted
Now his trajectory is Mars so it seems.
Response from elgin52 made on 26th Sep 2020 11:49:08
Wicked 😀 😀
A parable for our times
Response from Yodama Original Poster made on 26th Sep 2020 14:01:23 > @elgin52
And they are saying that we did actually land on the moon. With the increased sales of baked beans that the hoarders are hoarding, there will be many more reports of humans reaching the outer limits methinks. 😉
Mars next, where they will find Brian showing off his culinary skills.
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