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live-in parent

Hi there,

I am considering moving my 85yr old father into my home to be able to look after him in the future. I hope to be able to give him his own living room n bedroom so he can retain his independence. Has anyone done something similar?


Created By on 13/10/2014

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ChristineP727
26th Dec 2018 17:03:46
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Hi. My mum passed in October and I want my Dad to come and live with us. He is 87 and has never been alone before. He only lives next door but one.
He says he doesn’t want to come because he doesn’t want to sell his house or leave it empty. But he comes round every evening till bedtime. I walk him home but hate leaving him.
But then he expects me to go round to his in the day time which is not always possible as I work from home. The trouble is I feel so guilty when I am not able to be with him.
Is this because it’s still early days or what?
I can’t see me having my own life (my fault not his) as I don’t want him to be alone and unhappy.
How have people coped in similar situations?
daisy duke
11th Nov 2016 22:29:58 (Last activity: 13th Nov 2016 20:21:42)
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yes i had my mum come live with us when she was diagnosed with renal failure and given 12 months to live .she had lived 5 hrs away from me so it made sense .. it was a big upheaval for her as she had lived in her house for over 40yrs but once she moved in with us and had her own room and bathroom she soon settled ..she was no trouble and yet we were never alone and some days i just wanted my own space ..we had not long moved to Scotland and i didn't really have any friends here yet so i signed up for some keep fit classes a few times a week which led to coffee afternoons and lunches with ladies i met..so we all settled into a routine ..she had her own TV in her room and after a time in the evenings she would leave us to go watch the programmes she liked .. she had wonderful treatment at the Hospital in Dundee and lived for another 2 very happy years ...
Response from jeanymay made on 12th Nov 2016 05:54:09
Lovely story daisy duke. When I left my husband I bought a property just a stones throw from my mum, so I could keep an eye on her as she was house bound. It worked well and I did her shopping and other things for many years.

Sad ending but just how she would have wanted it...I found her dead in her chair one morning she was 82 . I couldn't get a response when I kept ringing her, so had to let myself in...couldn't find her at first and then spotted her slumped sideways in her armchair. She must have been there a while and was turning blue.

I sat next to her while they sent a doctor to confirm her death, and also the police had to come as she had not seen a doctor for years. My sister arrived within about 45 minutes, and we both gave mum a kiss then went into the bedroom while they lifted her body and took it to the mortuary.

We can both say we did our best for them though.
Response from daisy duke made on 13th Nov 2016 15:14:59
Oh dear Jeany , what a sad ending for your Mum but it seems like she had a peaceful death and I would have taken comfort from that .. my Mum on the other hand was sitting up in bed doing a crossword after having an op so she could have the home renal treatment But just deteriorated every day .. and ended up with wires all over her which dragged on for 8 weeks ..she was only 80 yr ..
It must have been a shock for you and something you won't ever forget to find her turning blue ..
I comfort myself that in her last years mum was really happy , she was cremated here in Scotland but then we took her ashes back to Lancashire and had a Memorial in the Church where she was married and a party afterward .she still had 2 sister's left who both reached their 90's the last one going 2 years ago at 96 ..both had heart failure ..my hubby reckons I will go to be that age too , I am fitter than him and he is 10 yrs younger .. ha ha .
Response from jeanymay made on 13th Nov 2016 15:20:11
It's something none of us want to face, but we eventually adjust and life goes on. Well you certainly look fantastic Daisy...it's that younger man ha ha !
Response from daisy duke made on 13th Nov 2016 15:32:19
Well thank you Jeany , we all try our best I think , I don't know anyone my age so,I tend to dress younger I soppose ..I live in my Jeans ..
ps you don't look bad yourself considering you will soon be a pensioner .. lol xx
Response from jeanymay made on 13th Nov 2016 15:45:00
Ha ha ! Thank you but unfortunately u have to wait another 6 years Daisy as my pension age has been upped by the government...not even a bus pass sniff sniff !
Response from daisy duke made on 13th Nov 2016 20:21:42
i dont think that's fair and i actually signed a petition about it some weeks ago .. i retired early at 50 and it was the best thing i ever did .. i even passed my driving test 1st time .. so sorry for yr situation lets hope Teresa will do something about it ..
Cora
24th Sep 2016 12:58:47
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Hi yes i have my 86 year olf father living me with me he has alzheimer's he has his own living room and his own bedroom but its very very demanding and can be stressful but i wouldent have it any other way 🙂

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