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Loss of a Loved One

I was recently speaking with a friend who lost her partner prior to Christmas. Apart from the obvious trauma of that she went through I was amazed at all the hoops she had to jump through regarding the resulting financial issues. I began to wonder if reluctance to discuss death/dying is likely to leave a lot of people with similar problems.


Do you know where all the appropriate financial documents are? Does your partner know? PS: I think my answer would be No (but I’m working on it)


Created By on 17/01/2020

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CaroleAH
18th Jan 2020 15:49:44
1
Thanks for voting!
It can be an absolute nightmare for those left behind. To make things easier for my daughters, as well as having a properly drawn up will, (they have copies) I have typed a list of my bank account and savings account details, pension details and also my wishes for the type of funeral and music I wish to have. I have also got a Lasting Power of Attorney for finance and health so that if I should be incapacitated, they can see to my affairs on my behalf.
Being organised isn't going to make me die any sooner but at least it will make thinks easier for my daughters to deal with everything 🙂
Response from CaroleAH made on 18th Jan 2020 20:00:47
You are right, Lionel. I have spoken about this before and it is something I feel quite strongly about. Talking about our inevitable deaths isn't easy and neither of my parents said anything apart from wanting to be cremated - my Dad's funeral was easy to arrange as he loved the Scottish pipes and drums so we got a Scottish piper who played all the music and he was wonderful. A bit more difficult for my Mum but she loved the Salvation Army so we had a CD with their music and hymns.
I occasionally change my mind about my music so I just update the addendum to my will and email it to my girls and they file it away. The LPA was easy enough to do on-line and so I didn't have the expense of a solicitor doing it for me.
Hope you and Kathryn are keeping well.
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Mafoogie
22nd Jan 2021 08:01:20 (Last activity: 22nd Jan 2021 08:19:07)
0
Thanks for voting!
My husband died recently and I am filling out numerous forms. Sometimes it is almost overwhelming, even though I handled most of our financial affairs. I’m not sure about other countries, but here in Canada, I inherit his retirement pension without taxation. Recently, I realized how fortunate I am because of this. I can’t help thinking that, in a way, the tax system benefits married people, in a weird way, almost discriminating against those who are unmarried and therefore cannot leave their estates to a loved one, without taxation. For example, if a bachelor had a particular parent, niece, or cousin, or even just a very close friend, he could have his estate pass directly to them. Wouldn’t it be nice if everyone were allowed to name a “significant other” in his or her will?
Response from Sally - Silversurfer's Editor made on 22nd Jan 2021 08:19:07
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topcatturner
9th Jan 2021 12:04:09
1
Thanks for voting!
It’s great that you did get some compassionate folk along the way. So many of my colleagues refused to do bereavement meetings in the majority of the bank branches i worked in for 38 years. Simply because it was to do with death and they assumed it would be hard to handle emotionally. Many that did the meetings reluctantly would come across as unfeeling or clinical as they didn’t want to encourage any of those emotions to be released. Me, it was my mission, whilst remaining matter of fact, to complete the process, satisfy compliance and legalities, to make sure that I referred to the deceased by name, encouraged the bereaved to talk about the deceased, not rush the appointment, have them leave with a hug, if acceptable, and a smile on their faces. I tried to pass this on by having staff sit in and observe to prove it wasn’t that hard to make it easier
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topcatturner
9th Jan 2021 11:46:27
1
Thanks for voting!
There is still such a reluctance to discuss our deaths or incapacity plans and so many problems arise from this. I’ve seen it from the point of view as a bank manager, seeing the frustration, anger and heartache, me being verbally abused and assaulted, after explaining why I had to refuse access to accounts as they’re not legally entitled or allowed to draw funds, even on a joint account due to dementia, because there were no attorneys nominated or a will made. ‘I’m next of kin’ means very little where finances are concerned. My nephew died, unexpectedly, at 23, his son booked in to be delivered by Caesarian the next day, no will. At 23 you’re going to live forever, right? He didn’t leave much estate but the complications to sort out his car and bank accounts took so much longer. These are the reasons I became an estate planner & will writer.
No getting away from it, we will all die. Talking about it won’t make it happen any sooner. One of the best gifts you can leave your family and friends is a clear plan of what you want, or sometimes more importantly, what you don’t want!!!
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Carnflower
8th Apr 2020 03:43:50
1
Thanks for voting!
A timely.rrminfer of good practice.
Difficult but nessassary conversations .Do you know of your love one has a donor card as well as a will power of attorney and choice of funeral.
This is a work in progress for me .
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