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Loss of a soul mate

I do feel the need to write this, as I think it helps me go forward.


Over the past 12 years, I have lost my Mother, Father, Brother, Daughter, Niece, Great Nephew and now my wife of 45 years.


Throughout her life, she had her fair share of medical problems, which included 13 or so major operations for different reasons. Last year she was told that she had an advanced form of cancer that was inoperable and was given so long to live, that hit us like a ton of bricks.


She was a very caring person to anyone that needed help, comfort and support and after she had the news all she worried about was who was going to look after me with no thought of her own predicament.


I promised her I would keep her at home nurse her and be there till the end. I cannot describe the final few months but anyone that has gone through the same would understand. The saving grace was that she passed peacefully asleep with me holding her hand and my son the other.


Throughout the last few months we talked about it and she urged me to find another partner, but she would be a hard act to follow, this stems from us witnessing my Father ( a very fit ex-marine) dying less than a year after my mother, we are convinced that he just did not want to carry on alone.


Alfred Lord Tennyson said 'It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all', well all I can say is it is like having your heart ripped out, and it makes you wonder.


I am sorry if this has spoilt anyone's day, but if you have a partner cherish them and enjoy the time you have together, because it can be a very lonely world.


On that note, I intend to give myself a good kick and maybe meet someone and do some travelling and hopefully start a new chapter.


All The Best YOLO.


Created By on 07/04/2020

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Maggie321
8th May 2021 20:04:35
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Hi Reg46. I can so relate to everything you have said. I too lost my husband last year. We had been married for 43 years and he was my soulmate. I nursed him at home up until the end and when he died a part of me died too. I still can't believe I will never see him again and still have very low moments. I know I have family around me which is great but nothing prepares you for losing your partner.

Yes everyone should cherish their loved ones. Make the most of every minute together because none of us knows what is around the corner. When they are not there anymore life can be unbearable at times.

Take care and all the best for the future x
sweetmariea
2nd Mar 2021 02:20:56 (Last activity: 2nd Mar 2021 07:41:14)
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HELLO MY NAME IS JOAN I JUST LOST MY HUSBAND OF 47 YEARS LAST NOV I JUST FEEL SO LOST
Response from Sally - Silversurfer's Editor made on 2nd Mar 2021 07:41:14
Hi sweetmariea,

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barjo43
14th Feb 2021 07:38:53
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where do u live and how old are you
Lesley27
22nd Jan 2021 08:27:43
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Reg46, i know exactly how you feel, my partner died at the end of November very suddenly, he hadn't been ill or had any symptoms of anything, but I got up om 29th November and found him dead on the floor. He had just turned 56 in October, I am 53 later this month. We would have been together 30 years this month.

I agree about it being lonely, we were not lucky enough to have children so it's just me now.

Your wife sounds like a lovely woman, all we can do is cherish our memories and be grateful for the time we had - although I must admit it's hard, when we should have had another 20 or so years together.
Reg46 Original Poster
22nd Aug 2020 14:31:14 (Last activity: 23rd Aug 2020 23:20:19)
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Hi to all that have commented to my postings, I have not been on this site for quite a few months what with one thing and another, but after receiving a post from Dinabob I felt it only right to reply even that is very upsetting to me to do so.
Life is cruel, earlier in the week I decided to contact the charity that re-homed my dog thinking that she had settled down in her new home. Not one of my best decisions that I have made in my life but I was missing her terribly and thought that it would cheer me up. Unfortunately it was not to be, I was told she passed away a few months ago and they thought it was due to a form of cancer, I am not so sure that being the cause. Dogs are like people they have feelings and pick up on people’s emotions and are very aware as to what is going on in their pack (being in a family), I think she lost the will to live having witnessed my wife suffering the last few months of her life, and being there when my wife passed, also picking up on my grief . I am only hoping that by me re-homing her was not the finale straw in her life.
I am very fortunate to have a son that is more than a son to me and we are very close, on telling him the news he came down to stay a few days, and as normal we sat and talked, and during the conversations he suggested that I should try to contact an old female friend 13 years my junior that I knew years ago that held a torch for me, but at the time I believed in the sanctuary of marriage and we lost touch. Once again not a great move I found out that she had passed away in 2012 at the age of 53 life just gets better by the day don’t you think.
My son urged me to join a dating site, as there are many people searching for companionship and more.
One of my traits is that I study people, I like to understand and what makes them tick. After a few months I began to get disillusioned by the whole experience, it strikes me that many people are searching for something that is not there,
The idea that there are perfect partners for them is indeed a fallacy, we all have good and bad points and true relations cannot be grown overnight by just looks alone. I feel that I would know within a few minutes of meeting someone face to face and having a conversation whether I could have a genuine relationship with them. My stature is very much against me being just 1.65 Mts tall, broad and heavy set reasonably muscular my photos seem to somewhat daunting to the majority of women. There is an old saying about books and covers everyone knows but do not adhere to. I am sorry about going on and on but this has taken me quite a few hours to write and has been very emotional for me, but I think it has helped. I do not suffer fools gladly and I just want to move on if at all possible.
Best Wishes to all that read this and take care and cherish What you have. All the best.
Response from Dinabob4 made on 23rd Aug 2020 23:20:19
Thank you for taking the time to do this reply to those who responded to you. I hope as you said at the end of the message, that it helped even though emotional for you to write down what has happened . You want to try and move on and I hope you can.
Life can be so shocking and yet again you have had difficult news. I hope you can take comfort that your dog is now at peace. Cherish your memories of your old friend. Sorry to hear this sad news. It was not meant to be and hopefully you will meet someone new.
I cannot comment on dating sites, as you say they sound like too much emphasis is made on appearance. How can you tell unless you meet people face to face and become friends first. Looking at a photo can be difficult and pretty cold. I am sure for many they are worth trying but it may take time to find someone genuine but you can and some people do. I am sure there are some women who would take a photo on 'face value' and of course 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder'anyway as they say! Best wishes on your new journey.
Reg46 Original Poster
8th Apr 2020 13:23:18 (Last activity: 22nd Aug 2020 14:36:38)
1
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I can't begin to thank you for your kind words and warmly received,One go's through life making decisions hoping they are the right ones.After my wife passed,I made a choice of which at the time was truly heart wrenching.We had a rescue dog that was the love of our lives who was just coming up to the age of 9.After watching her pine away and share my grief I just could not stand it to go on,given that I was unsure of what the future would bring I made the tearful decision to re home her to give her a better life,I am and always will be a dog lover and rightly been accused of preferring dogs to people but I could not bear the thought of her in maybe a few years time ending up in a dog's home,I needed to find a loving forever home for her.After extensive research I found a dog charity specialising in Labradors which vet and match dogs to new owners,re homing them direct into their new homes.They found a retired couple that had just lost a 14 year old dog and was willing to re home her.They lived in the countryside on the edge of a village in a large house and garden backing on to woods.Word passed to me they are besotted with her and they cannot thank the charity enough and neither can I.Apparently she go's for two long walks a day and spends the rest of the time guarding the pheasants and chasing the foxes.I now know that the so difficult decision I made was truly the best that I could have done.But at the end of the day I still miss her terribly,but knowing she is happy is such a relief and comfort to me.I am sorry to ramble on but it helps..All the best.
Response from Dinabob4 made on 21st Aug 2020 21:22:59
I feel for you Reg, Heart goes out to you. Life can be so sad. We have to lose those we love and go through the stages you describe. With time you remember the good times and cherish them. You know they are now at peace. It is so hard because you miss them and you have to carry on as they would want you to.

I have lost parents I was close to, as well as siblings, aunties, uncles and grand-parents.
I like to think they are still around. We all have our own beliefs in that respect. You would do anything for a chat and a cup of tea with them.

I am glad you have found out your dog is having a good life. You made the decision you thought was the best at the time. It sounds like you made a sacrifice for the good of the dog because you cared so much and wanted him/her to have a quality of life.

You could always think of another pet in time if you are ready.
You should find a way to release your feelings and thoughts as it is good for you to do that. You can post here. Cruse are a good organisation for the bereaved. It is a shame that during covid many support groups have stopped. Some do them on zoom online. Keep us updated about how you are getting on, on here.

Take care
Response from Reg46 Original Poster made on 22nd Aug 2020 14:36:38 > @Dinabob4
Hi There
I have replied generally. take care
LovetoChat55
19th Aug 2020 11:33:38
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My heart breaks for you. Your wife was so lucky to have a partner there for her through thick and thin. It sounds like you were extremely blessed to have her, as well. Many of us think we have the 'forever thing' only to suddenly find out that might not be so. Cherish the memories of the time you had together. We renewed our vows for our 25th anniversary and I thought this too was 'forever'. Feeling so broken right now. Big hugs to you.
SandraP897
5th May 2020 23:17:01 (Last activity: 5th May 2020 23:30:09)
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Hi reg46..I truly feel you, my soul mate of 35 years went to work one morning and never came home. I was called at home to be told he had fallen over on the job..he was a vibrant ..and I thought healthy man..53 yrs old..died instantly..my world fell apart and my walls went up. He was the common ground that held our family together..now ..no more..

I carry on everyday..have made many friendships..but keep that wall up for protection..don't do that. let people in..dodon't be afraid of being vulnerable..but do be careful and safe..
Response from Sally - Silversurfer's Editor made on 5th May 2020 23:30:09
Hi SandraP897,

Welcome and many thanks for your first comment in our Forum.

If you already know your way around, then we will leave you to it.

If you are looking for some lively discussions, head on over to the Forum homepage to see what's trending right now and feel free to join in the discussions, with all our friendly members, perhaps ask a question or even start your own post.

CarolO8
9th Apr 2020 10:21:57
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Oh my heart goes out to you. I lost my husband 16 years ago, he was only 48 and I had 2 young kids. . My mum died 6 months after my dad so I understand what you are saying. Take care, stay strong. This current situation wont help you as you will be stuck in with your own thoughts. Be brave . I'm sure your wife would want u to carry on. Xx
PansyPuss
7th Apr 2020 21:12:20
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Hello Reg46
So sorry to read of your sadness...life can be very cruel sometimes but a life without love is so much worse that a life with loss, no matter how hard and you seem to have a good attitude going forward. Stay positive when you can and don’t be afraid to move on whenever you are ready.
PurpleHat
7th Apr 2020 17:20:10
1
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I feel for you indeed. I lost my soul mate of almost 50 years to cancer also some 20 years ago now, and although the sense of loss never altogether goes, I can look back thankfully over the times we had and the life we shared and be comforted. He said it had been a good life, and I can think of no greater compliment.
He told me in the last days not to mope, and I have tried to live up to that, and I think he would be pleased with me. I never wanted to take another partner, he was irreplaceable in my life. Like you we cared for him at home, and he passed away in the place he wanted to be - at home with his family.
It was 6 months before I ventured to take my first trip alone to Venice, where we had once spent a day and the worst part was taking my evening meal alone in a restaurant with couples all around.
When you are ready, try travelling with a singles group, I have very happy memories doing this, to China, Morocco Egypt and many other places. I am in my 80's now, and more likely to have a day out on a local coach trip! when circumstances will allow! My life since I lost him has been a full one, and I am the happier for it.

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