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Loss of a soul mate

I do feel the need to write this, as I think it helps me go forward.

Over the past 12 years, I have lost my Mother, Father, Brother, Daughter, Niece, Great Nephew and now my wife of 45 years.

Throughout her life, she had her fair share of medical problems, which included 13 or so major operations for different reasons. Last year she was told that she had an advanced form of cancer that was inoperable and was given so long to live, that hit us like a ton of bricks.

She was a very caring person to anyone that needed help, comfort and support and after she had the news all she worried about was who was going to look after me with no thought of her own predicament.

I promised her I would keep her at home nurse her and be there till the end. I cannot describe the final few months but anyone that has gone through the same would understand. The saving grace was that she passed peacefully asleep with me holding her hand and my son the other.

Throughout the last few months we talked about it and she urged me to find another partner, but she would be a hard act to follow, this stems from us witnessing my Father ( a very fit ex-marine) dying less than a year after my mother, we are convinced that he just did not want to carry on alone.

Alfred Lord Tennyson said 'It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all', well all I can say is it is like having your heart ripped out, and it makes you wonder.

I am sorry if this has spoilt anyone's day, but if you have a partner cherish them and enjoy the time you have together, because it can be a very lonely world.

On that note, I intend to give myself a good kick and maybe meet someone and do some travelling and hopefully start a new chapter.

All The Best YOLO.

Created By on 07/04/2020

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5th May 2020 23:17:01 (Last activity: 5th May 2020 23:30:09)
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Hi reg46..I truly feel you, my soul mate of 35 years went to work one morning and never came home. I was called at home to be told he had fallen over on the job..he was a vibrant ..and I thought healthy man..53 yrs old..died world fell apart and my walls went up. He was the common ground that held our family more..

I carry on everyday..have made many friendships..but keep that wall up for protection..don't do that. let people in..dodon't be afraid of being vulnerable..but do be careful and safe..
Response from Sally - Silversurfer's Editor made on 5th May 2020 23:30:09
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9th Apr 2020 17:05:05
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I lost my husband suddenly 3 years ago, he was 55, we had been married for 27years. Like yourself, we had always said if anything happened to one of us the other must move on and find a new love, if that is what we wanted but never thought it would be so soon. Don’t be hard on yourself it’s so hard learning to be on your own when you’ve been a pair for so long.
9th Apr 2020 10:21:57
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Oh my heart goes out to you. I lost my husband 16 years ago, he was only 48 and I had 2 young kids. . My mum died 6 months after my dad so I understand what you are saying. Take care, stay strong. This current situation wont help you as you will be stuck in with your own thoughts. Be brave . I'm sure your wife would want u to carry on. Xx
Reg46 Original Poster
8th Apr 2020 13:23:18
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I can't begin to thank you for your kind words and warmly received,One go's through life making decisions hoping they are the right ones.After my wife passed,I made a choice of which at the time was truly heart wrenching.We had a rescue dog that was the love of our lives who was just coming up to the age of 9.After watching her pine away and share my grief I just could not stand it to go on,given that I was unsure of what the future would bring I made the tearful decision to re home her to give her a better life,I am and always will be a dog lover and rightly been accused of preferring dogs to people but I could not bear the thought of her in maybe a few years time ending up in a dog's home,I needed to find a loving forever home for her.After extensive research I found a dog charity specialising in Labradors which vet and match dogs to new owners,re homing them direct into their new homes.They found a retired couple that had just lost a 14 year old dog and was willing to re home her.They lived in the countryside on the edge of a village in a large house and garden backing on to woods.Word passed to me they are besotted with her and they cannot thank the charity enough and neither can I.Apparently she go's for two long walks a day and spends the rest of the time guarding the pheasants and chasing the foxes.I now know that the so difficult decision I made was truly the best that I could have done.But at the end of the day I still miss her terribly,but knowing she is happy is such a relief and comfort to me.I am sorry to ramble on but it helps..All the best.
7th Apr 2020 21:12:20
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Hello Reg46
So sorry to read of your can be very cruel sometimes but a life without love is so much worse that a life with loss, no matter how hard and you seem to have a good attitude going forward. Stay positive when you can and don’t be afraid to move on whenever you are ready.
7th Apr 2020 17:20:10
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I feel for you indeed. I lost my soul mate of almost 50 years to cancer also some 20 years ago now, and although the sense of loss never altogether goes, I can look back thankfully over the times we had and the life we shared and be comforted. He said it had been a good life, and I can think of no greater compliment.
He told me in the last days not to mope, and I have tried to live up to that, and I think he would be pleased with me. I never wanted to take another partner, he was irreplaceable in my life. Like you we cared for him at home, and he passed away in the place he wanted to be - at home with his family.
It was 6 months before I ventured to take my first trip alone to Venice, where we had once spent a day and the worst part was taking my evening meal alone in a restaurant with couples all around.
When you are ready, try travelling with a singles group, I have very happy memories doing this, to China, Morocco Egypt and many other places. I am in my 80's now, and more likely to have a day out on a local coach trip! when circumstances will allow! My life since I lost him has been a full one, and I am the happier for it.

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