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Is it ok to ask for money instead of presents?

I have received a message recently from a friend through Facebook inviting me to her 60th birthday. I was pleased to get the invite as I have not seen her in around 8 years; we had worked together for a couple of years before I moved location.


Reading through the invitation, it says “if you are thinking of giving a present for my 60th birthday, a cash gift would really make me go "Yay" etc etc..... I’ve always valued being given a present and take time choosing presents for others; I think it is something special and I always value any presents that I am given, regardless of value.


To ask for money instead leaves a bit of a bad taste in the mouth so to speak. I was just wondering what other people thought, is it was just me? I think I will have to make some excuse not to go, it’s a real shame, I would have liked to have seen her again.


Created By on 11/09/2018

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[deleted]
12th Sep 2018 08:39:00
4
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[deleted]
Response from michaeljohn67 Original Poster made on 12th Sep 2018 21:09:22
"Asking for money is a bit like begging to me", it does feel a bit like that, even sending flowers I would be thinking, she'd rather have the money. I'll probably just send a card.

"Not worth agonising over!" - wise words!
jan19512003
20th Aug 2019 14:07:31
0
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I agree, I don't like it. However, I attended a wedding this year and it was suggested we give cash instead of a present, as the couple wanted to visit family in South Africa. I was happy to give cash in this instance as the couple have been together for a few years and have two children. A present in this situation would have been a waste...i.e. kettle. iron etc.
My grandson received an invitation to an engagement party recently, and was asked for cash as a present. Maybe its a 'Thing' now.
Mrsl2
26th Apr 2019 13:42:58
0
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I would attend the party and just give her a card.

On my second read through I noticed that it's an IF you want to give me a pressie.

Sounds like you don't know her all that well, and are no longer close so a gift is not required imo.
Yogafan
18th Feb 2019 14:44:09
1
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Personally I feel you should appreciate any gift you are given.Its the giver's choice really what they decide to get you,its not your choice as the recipient.
David46
11th Jan 2019 21:17:34
0
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Until recently I would have agreed with you. As I get older it is so much harder to think what I would like as a present and I am sure other people find the same thing. We tend to already have what we need. Money on the other hand can be spent on small treats rather than one specific item and the gift can be appreciated over a period of time.
Issy 01
28th Oct 2018 15:48:36
5
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I personally think it's bad mannered to ask for a specific gift let alone money. When I invite anyone to my party I don't expect gifts from anyone,I just want them to join me to celebrate my birthday. I have raised my children not to expect presents from everyone either. If you really wanted to go to the party I would still go and meet up and if you wanted to take a gift of your choosing or just take yourself thats ok,If she doesn't appreciate that then that is her problem.
CaroleAH
12th Sep 2018 00:25:39 (Last activity: 12th Sep 2018 23:56:13)
2
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Hi,
That's a difficult one - you haven't seen her for 8 years so unless you can glean information from Facebook, you are unlikely to know her tastes in books, music, chocolates 🙂 wine, etc so a cash gift that she can put towards a luxury treat seems a sensible idea ...... but, I know how you feel. It would be a shame not to go especially when you would like to see her again so why not buy a gift voucher (M&S or John Lewis) that can be spent on something frivolous or food or an Amazon voucher which could be spent on anything or if you really object to giving a cash gift how about a beautiful bouquet of flowers? Good luck!
Response from michaeljohn67 Original Poster made on 12th Sep 2018 21:18:03
"...so a cash gift that she can put towards a luxury treat seems a sensible idea", that does make practical sense.
It’s interesting how we respond emotionally to things; I guess that is to do with the values we hold and when things conflict with those values we feel discomfort.
Response from CaroleAH made on 12th Sep 2018 23:56:13
I agree! I hate it when people ask what I would like for my birthday or Christmas because I then have to try and guess how much they want to spend. Also, when you are sending a present, as opposed to a gift voucher, there's the postage to take into consideration. As Yodama has wisely said "it's not worth agonising over" especially as you only seem to be Facebook friends.

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