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People Have Forgotten How To Be Friends...

I honestly believe that. There are people whose names I know, who actually refer to themselves as being my friends, and consider themselves to be mine.


They don't behave like friends, though. How............how does a person fit the category of "Friend", anyway? How would I know that those people are friends, or just people I know.


There are 4 main characters in this situation. I've known one for 48 years, one for around 35 years, etc.. At absolutely no time have they ever picked up a phone and started a conversation with me, voluntarily.


If they and I are in conversation, on the phone, it's because I've phoned them...they just seem to have no interest, beyond themselves. I've spent decades telling them that, day or night, awake or asleep, dead or comatose, they can call me if they need to. Many times arose during which they needed somebody and...no phone rang at my house.


Whenever they need something from me, they phone and ask about it. Even when they know I'm going through a bad time and could use somebody to help work things out with...the phone has never - not even once - sounded off. I don't see how they can assume themselves to be friends of mine.


The art of friendship appears to be a dying one!


Created By on 29/05/2021

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Sandra222
10th Nov 2021 10:58:42
0
Thanks for voting!
Hello. I would agree with one of the comments in this thread. This sounds simple but it's definitely not easy. Pull back from people who are not giving you what you need in friendship. Maybe think about how often you call them, then double the interval between calls. If you call them once a week, scale back to once a fortnight, and so on.
Either this will get them wondering and calling you more often, or it won't and you then double the interval again and observe the result.
I have myself thought that people were friends and only later realised that they really weren't, not in the way that I would want. So now, to save more heartbreak, they are valued acquaintances, and when I hear from them I do. That's it.
And you might not be any lonelier doing this than you are now. For me it was very lonely waiting for "friends" to call. I've learnt a lot from this experience. And it's opened up space to meet more people who are more in tune with me. So a win all round.
CabooseC
24th Jun 2021 04:33:17 (Last activity: 24th Jun 2021 07:43:47)
0
Thanks for voting!
The biggest virus to the world was the Internet. It doing so much harm. It amazing me how much damage It’s caused and no one blinked and I
Response from Sally - Silversurfer's Editor made on 24th Jun 2021 07:43:47
Hi CabooseC,

Welcome and many thanks for your first comment in our Forum.

If you already know your way around, then we will leave you to it.

If you are looking for some lively discussions, head on over to the Forum homepage to see what's trending right now and feel free to join in the discussions, with all our friendly members, perhaps ask a question or even start your own post.

Chitchatterer
3rd Jun 2021 04:46:49 (Last activity: 14th Jun 2021 01:25:14)
-3
Thanks for voting!
I find true friendship must meet most or all these criteria:

Trustworthy.
Honest with others.
Generally very dependable. loyal to the people I care about.
Easily able to trust others.
Experience and express empathy for others.
Able to be non-judgmental.
A good listener.

If you can honestly say you have these qualities, then you are a true friend. Look to yourself first. Judge your friends second..
Response from Sally - Silversurfer's Editor made on 3rd Jun 2021 06:48:57
Hi Chitchatterer,

Welcome and many thanks for your first comment in our Forum.

If you already know your way around, then we will leave you to it.

If you are looking for some lively discussions, head on over to the Forum homepage to see what's trending right now and feel free to join in the discussions, with all our friendly members, perhaps ask a question or even start your own post.

Response from Chitchatterer made on 3rd Jun 2021 16:05:50 > @Sally - Silversurfer's Editor
Thank you so much for the wonderful welcome. Yes, I'm "exploring" everything right now. I'm sure it will be a rewarding experience!

Thanks again!
Response from IanHaines Original Poster made on 14th Jun 2021 01:25:14 > @Chitchatterer
Never mind "Look to yourself, first - Judge your friends, second". I know what I'm talking about, with these people and you don't. I've had 30-50 years in which to watch their behaviour - towards me, and others who already agree with me.

They are the ones letting the side/friendship down...it's not me. So, maybe, you need to drop being judgemental!

As for, "Able to be non-judgmental."...you were judgemental about me when you decided to say that to me. If you don't like what I write, go and read something else!
Dani
11th Jun 2021 07:30:13
0
Thanks for voting!
Hello Ian, just hoping that things are going better for you and that you’re feeling a little less lonely.
Daae
9th Jun 2021 08:00:16
0
Thanks for voting!
I completely agree. Throughout my existence, one by one, I have watched my friends dwindle out of my life to the point where I'm not sure I can actually say I have one true friend. I have many acquaintances but true friends, no. Life just seems to get in the way, there is always something more important going on for others it seems. I've had friends saying they want to meet up, so I suggest a date and place and I get no response, I've had people demand that I travel to them when they know I'm at high risk of Covid and would find it difficult getting to them. Some people just don't seem to stop and think how their actions affect others, they are too wrapped up in themselves. It's really, really sad and I get that these are tough times for everyone but I really struggle with considering any of these people as 'true friends'. I know I certainly wouldn't treat people like that. Maybe my standards are too high for today's society. Or maybe I just don't have the right people in my life. Either way, it leaves for a very lonely existence sometimes.
Annyn46
6th Jun 2021 09:49:38
0
Thanks for voting!
Hi IanHaines have just managed to view messages on here . After months ago so I’m new to this I started a while ago couldn’t remember passwords etc as I’d moved: the pandemic : not seeing anyone etc etc . Forgot my password . I do understand what your saying. Ive helped that many people . that my phone never stopped ringing for advice when I was working , on relationships Agony Aunt ..do it yourself . Medical, computers. You name it Now I’m retired. People don’t phone because of the Pandemic they might send an odd message ? But don’t phone . For a chat. Maybe they think they can get the virus down the phone who knows ? Haha I don’t. Know. There is an awful lot of lonely people out there . More because of this Pandemic . It has been frightening for a lot of people. Very lonely . I suggest you phone up your friends say Hi thought I’d give you a ring as hadn’t heard from you for such a long time I did wander if you were ok ? I hope not as I miss YOUR CALLS even though they haven’t rung you . Leave it in there court to ring you it may remind them that they haven’t. Or get a new set of friends when we can go out more join a club or something . Anyway I’ve only just been able to get back on here so if you want to chat ok . I am a busy lady so I may not not see message straight away DONT give up .ok If your already chatting to others THATS ok to . As I’m late in getting back on here . You may be feeling bit more ok hope so best wishes Annyn46
Dani
29th May 2021 19:51:43 (Last activity: 2nd Jun 2021 16:54:55)
0
Thanks for voting!
Hi. Make new friends. Online, in the park, at church, in a class. It’s hard. Go for it.
Response from IanHaines Original Poster made on 1st Jun 2021 04:25:26
There are so many complications to that, Dani...too many to make inroads into. Add agoraphobia, to Covid 19, to a damaged immune system, and social anxiety that is 3 feet taller than I am, and then...folk start to see how difficult it all is, for me. If I could "go for it", believe me...I would.
Response from Dani made on 1st Jun 2021 05:34:46 > @IanHaines
I’m sorry if I sounded trite, Ian. It was not my intention. I realise how difficult it is for many people and I appreciate your comments in your original post about so called friends just abandoning you until they need something.
I hope that on here you will make some new connections that could develop into worthwhile friendships.
Response from IanHaines Original Poster made on 2nd Jun 2021 16:54:55 > @Dani
Thanks for that, Dani.
IanHaines Original Poster
31st May 2021 02:15:07
0
Thanks for voting!
There are so many complications to that, Dani...too many to make inroads into. Add agoraphobia, to Covid 19, to a damaged immune system, and social anxiety that is 3 feet taller than I am, and then...folk start to see how difficult it all is, for me. If I could "go for it", believe me...I would.
Callo
30th May 2021 15:45:34 (Last activity: 30th May 2021 16:40:18)
0
Thanks for voting!
Hello Ian
I think that good decent people can be taken advantage of.
There's a line I read somewhere "people use people they can abd respect those they can't".

Pull back they next tine they call wanting something.
Agree good friends are hard to come by and no you are not being unreasonable.
Response from Sally - Silversurfer's Editor made on 30th May 2021 16:40:18
Hi Callo,

Welcome and many thanks for your first comment in our Forum.

If you already know your way around, then we will leave you to it.

If you are looking for some lively discussions, head on over to the Forum homepage to see what's trending right now and feel free to join in the discussions, with all our friendly members, perhaps ask a question or even start your own post.

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