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People Have Forgotten How To Be Friends...

I honestly believe that. There are people whose names I know, who actually refer to themselves as being my friends, and consider themselves to be mine.


They don't behave like friends, though. How............how does a person fit the category of "Friend", anyway? How would I know that those people are friends, or just people I know.


There are 4 main characters in this situation. I've known one for 48 years, one for around 35 years, etc.. At absolutely no time have they ever picked up a phone and started a conversation with me, voluntarily.


If they and I are in conversation, on the phone, it's because I've phoned them...they just seem to have no interest, beyond themselves. I've spent decades telling them that, day or night, awake or asleep, dead or comatose, they can call me if they need to. Many times arose during which they needed somebody and...no phone rang at my house.


Whenever they need something from me, they phone and ask about it. Even when they know I'm going through a bad time and could use somebody to help work things out with...the phone has never - not even once - sounded off. I don't see how they can assume themselves to be friends of mine.


The art of friendship appears to be a dying one!


Created By on 29/05/2021

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Callo
30th May 2021 15:45:34
0
Thanks for voting!
Hello Ian
I think that good decent people can be taken advantage of.
There's a line I read somewhere "people use people they can abd respect those they can't".

Pull back they next tine they call wanting something.
Agree good friends are hard to come by and no you are not being unreasonable.
Response from Sally - Silversurfer's Editor made on 30th May 2021 16:40:18
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Suelene
4th Apr 2023 01:59:16
0
Thanks for voting!
I’m with you! Social media has ruined a lot of things!
[deleted]
13th Mar 2023 14:13:00 (Last activity: 13th Mar 2023 14:15:03)
0
Thanks for voting!
[deleted]
Response from Sally - Silversurfer's Editor made on 13th Mar 2023 14:15:03
Hi Christine61,

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Lawson162
7th Jan 2023 23:20:17 (Last activity: 7th Mar 2023 10:13:17)
0
Thanks for voting!
Ah! Someone who sees the same as me! Hello Ian!

Yes I get where you are coming from. Is why I NOW say 'aquaintances' not friends. Because aquaintances are exactly as you describe them. Friends are there for friends in good and bad times and well just to catch the breeze of every day goings on. I feel the art of friendship is dwindling as no one looks at anyone anymore or talks. Even when you get on a bus these days it's ''quiet''. What happened to the chatter? Too busy heads stuck in their mobile phones. It's all 'chat online'. The art of conversation is dwindling! It's only on occasion I've found myself in a conversation at the busstop with someone. Then feel 'cheered up abit' only it lasts for as long as till the bus turns up then conversation ends. Then it's back to the 'silence' and hum drum of the bus engine.
Response from Mebbe made on 7th Mar 2023 09:19:00
I understand completely. I’m disabled so don’t venture out much, but would totally agree with you. A good conversation is hard to come by. I’m widowed and seem to have become invisible! I have no radical views but can chat about anything. Arthritis has taken my mobility but my brain is still functioning thank goodness.
Response from Sally - Silversurfer's Editor made on 7th Mar 2023 10:13:17 > @Mebbe
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Mebbe
7th Mar 2023 09:14:28
0
Thanks for voting!
Real friends are hard to come by. I’m 76 and have recently moved to another area after being widowed. I am disabled so lack mobility but none of my ‘ neighbours’ have shown any interest in being friendly. I smile when I see them but that’s the end! I seem to have become grey and invisible. My cat and I have conversations, if one sided. I can totally understand why depression and worse creeps up on the older folk. I dispensed medicine most of my life and miss being able to help people.
Always open to a decent conversation with lady or gentleman
VANMorrison
4th Oct 2022 10:46:32 (Last activity: 4th Oct 2022 11:28:46)
0
Thanks for voting!
Thats for sure
Response from Sally - Silversurfer's Editor made on 4th Oct 2022 11:28:46
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VANMorrison
4th Oct 2022 10:45:12
0
Thanks for voting!
yes like Face book I cant keep up with it
VANMorrison
4th Oct 2022 10:44:37
0
Thanks for voting!
I have lost most of my freinds over the years died or moved away
BettsS
6th Sep 2022 16:18:50
0
Thanks for voting!
People get busy with every day life and don’t take the time to chat or come over. I blame social media for some of it.
IanHaines Original Poster
5th May 2022 05:19:04 (Last activity: 8th Jul 2022 01:29:50)
0
Thanks for voting!
Well, nothing much changed. Christmas 2021 was kinda good, but my Alone At Christmas Christmas hasn't change in decades and it's still my favourite time of the year - all that inner child excitement and the appeal of the Christmas Magicality, etc., make it a great time of year for me.

Covid is still out there, still more rampant than the Media, or the Government, would have us believe, and I still can never again have company, which concept I'm becoming more adjusted to, I admit...it's still a weird thought, though.

I'm hoping to get out for some overnight walks, this Summer, on the hottest of the nights, because those walks are like bliss, for me...getting out of this house. This time, I plan to take along a cigar and listen to music on my mobile phone, while seated in a silent, darkish field, and just...............loving the experience.

However...I'll believe that happens just after it finishes happening!
Response from Dolly5 made on 5th May 2022 22:13:59
Make it happen Ian. Going back to your original post...Society has changed over the years not for the better in some ways. My fears are for the next generation. They are going to have no social skills as they are spending too much time on computers. Dare I say that they will have a nation of narcissists and that is scary. LOL
Response from KennaLynn made on 8th Jul 2022 01:29:50
Ian - you say you can never again have company. I don't want to read a couple of years worth of posts, but is the why something you can share? It seems so sad to me. If the old friends are not in contact anymore - make new ones! There are those of us still out here that want friends.
KennaLynn
8th Jul 2022 01:25:58
0
Thanks for voting!
I related so much to your post. I have many 'friends' who I only see on Facebook and who I rarely if ever hear from on there even unless I reach out first. I have worked to try to reach out and it seems like everyone wants to stay at a distance. I wonder sometimes if our recent bouts with COVID have divided us more than we already were. We have become accustomed to isolation and social distancing. It's wrong. Humans are 'herd animals' who need each other. Don't misread me, I don't equate humans with animals it is simply a terminology that means we all should have our groups of family, friends, and concentric widening circles.

So Ian, I hear you!
Adelia
5th Jul 2022 17:52:48
0
Thanks for voting!
This is an older thread, but it piqued my interest. They don't sound like friends, more like acquaintances... and not good ones at that. You may have known your "friends" for quite some time, but there are still nice people out there whom you can strike up a real friendship with... ones that reciprocate and know the meaning of friendship. I have one friend that sends me cards... thinking of you, birthday, Christmas, etc. Now that is a friend... real cards, envelopes, stamped and delivered. Puts a smile on my face. A lost art, real mail, and for no reason, except she is my friend.

Get off the dock, hop in the boat, and paddle... look for new folks, you might be surprised. May sound harsh, but it doesn't seem your old friends would notice, nor care.
[deleted]
17th May 2022 16:47:04 (Last activity: 17th May 2022 18:55:18)
0
Thanks for voting!
[deleted]
Response from MrRon made on 17th May 2022 18:55:18
Sandra I think the problem is, that many have forgotten how to communicate. The world has changed, family and friends are busy doing their thing, so unless an appointment is made, friends and family become ships in the night, you know they are there but no one sees each other... Also, there are friends and family that hate the surprise visit, Its a crazy world of late..
Damned if you do and damned if you don't.

Today I saw a friend for the 1st time in over 5 weeks, she cancelled, I cancelled, she had ill kids, I had antibiotics, texts from a distance, we both knew where each other was..

Also, take my two brothers, one likes weekly contact, quick phonecall about his work and what we are doing, my other brother, we have a periodic system, no news is good news, so if we call its important at that moment.

So I feel your pain my dear, when we were younger, there was no hiding behind technology and gizzmos. Also we could walk to the Village Hall for the Friday disco in safety, unlike today

Take care
WHT
11th Mar 2022 16:49:45
1
Thanks for voting!
Quite agree! At last someone who has a similar viewpoint to myself. Friends are meant to look out for each other, be there for one another and be happy to interact but today 'nothing'. I say 'acquaintances' now. As friends are people you can rely on; pick up where you left off; have a laugh; have a moan and put the world to rights! Not someone who is just a name and there is no interaction no contact; that is not friendship but acquaintanceship.

So I don't rely on anyone but myself. I keep me to myself as I've learnt people only want you when you are of some use or want something from you. Rest of the time you never hear from them. Also when you tell them that FRIENDSHIP is a two way street they agree with you but never contact you! HOW WEIRD! I'm not saying behave like a spouse but even once a week for a catch up. But I'll be darned if they pay any attention. So I stop chasing people. I stop contact if they don't interact!
CabooseC
24th Jun 2021 04:33:17 (Last activity: 24th Jun 2021 07:43:47)
0
Thanks for voting!
The biggest virus to the world was the Internet. It doing so much harm. It amazing me how much damage It’s caused and no one blinked and I
Response from Sally - Silversurfer's Editor made on 24th Jun 2021 07:43:47
Hi CabooseC,

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Chitchatterer
3rd Jun 2021 04:46:49 (Last activity: 14th Jun 2021 01:25:14)
-1
Thanks for voting!
I find true friendship must meet most or all these criteria:

Trustworthy.
Honest with others.
Generally very dependable. loyal to the people I care about.
Easily able to trust others.
Experience and express empathy for others.
Able to be non-judgmental.
A good listener.

If you can honestly say you have these qualities, then you are a true friend. Look to yourself first. Judge your friends second..
Response from Sally - Silversurfer's Editor made on 3rd Jun 2021 06:48:57
Hi Chitchatterer,

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Response from Chitchatterer made on 3rd Jun 2021 16:05:50 > @Sally - Silversurfer's Editor
Thank you so much for the wonderful welcome. Yes, I'm "exploring" everything right now. I'm sure it will be a rewarding experience!

Thanks again!
Response from IanHaines Original Poster made on 14th Jun 2021 01:25:14 > @Chitchatterer
Never mind "Look to yourself, first - Judge your friends, second". I know what I'm talking about, with these people and you don't. I've had 30-50 years in which to watch their behaviour - towards me, and others who already agree with me.

They are the ones letting the side/friendship down...it's not me. So, maybe, you need to drop being judgemental!

As for, "Able to be non-judgmental."...you were judgemental about me when you decided to say that to me. If you don't like what I write, go and read something else!
Dani
11th Jun 2021 07:30:13
0
Thanks for voting!
Hello Ian, just hoping that things are going better for you and that you’re feeling a little less lonely.
Daae
9th Jun 2021 08:00:16
0
Thanks for voting!
I completely agree. Throughout my existence, one by one, I have watched my friends dwindle out of my life to the point where I'm not sure I can actually say I have one true friend. I have many acquaintances but true friends, no. Life just seems to get in the way, there is always something more important going on for others it seems. I've had friends saying they want to meet up, so I suggest a date and place and I get no response, I've had people demand that I travel to them when they know I'm at high risk of Covid and would find it difficult getting to them. Some people just don't seem to stop and think how their actions affect others, they are too wrapped up in themselves. It's really, really sad and I get that these are tough times for everyone but I really struggle with considering any of these people as 'true friends'. I know I certainly wouldn't treat people like that. Maybe my standards are too high for today's society. Or maybe I just don't have the right people in my life. Either way, it leaves for a very lonely existence sometimes.
Annyn46
6th Jun 2021 09:49:38
0
Thanks for voting!
Hi IanHaines have just managed to view messages on here . After months ago so I’m new to this I started a while ago couldn’t remember passwords etc as I’d moved: the pandemic : not seeing anyone etc etc . Forgot my password . I do understand what your saying. Ive helped that many people . that my phone never stopped ringing for advice when I was working , on relationships Agony Aunt ..do it yourself . Medical, computers. You name it Now I’m retired. People don’t phone because of the Pandemic they might send an odd message ? But don’t phone . For a chat. Maybe they think they can get the virus down the phone who knows ? Haha I don’t. Know. There is an awful lot of lonely people out there . More because of this Pandemic . It has been frightening for a lot of people. Very lonely . I suggest you phone up your friends say Hi thought I’d give you a ring as hadn’t heard from you for such a long time I did wander if you were ok ? I hope not as I miss YOUR CALLS even though they haven’t rung you . Leave it in there court to ring you it may remind them that they haven’t. Or get a new set of friends when we can go out more join a club or something . Anyway I’ve only just been able to get back on here so if you want to chat ok . I am a busy lady so I may not not see message straight away DONT give up .ok If your already chatting to others THATS ok to . As I’m late in getting back on here . You may be feeling bit more ok hope so best wishes Annyn46
Dani
29th May 2021 19:51:43 (Last activity: 2nd Jun 2021 16:54:55)
0
Thanks for voting!
Hi. Make new friends. Online, in the park, at church, in a class. It’s hard. Go for it.
Response from IanHaines Original Poster made on 1st Jun 2021 04:25:26
There are so many complications to that, Dani...too many to make inroads into. Add agoraphobia, to Covid 19, to a damaged immune system, and social anxiety that is 3 feet taller than I am, and then...folk start to see how difficult it all is, for me. If I could "go for it", believe me...I would.
Response from Dani made on 1st Jun 2021 05:34:46 > @IanHaines
I’m sorry if I sounded trite, Ian. It was not my intention. I realise how difficult it is for many people and I appreciate your comments in your original post about so called friends just abandoning you until they need something.
I hope that on here you will make some new connections that could develop into worthwhile friendships.
Response from IanHaines Original Poster made on 2nd Jun 2021 16:54:55 > @Dani
Thanks for that, Dani.
IanHaines Original Poster
31st May 2021 02:15:07
0
Thanks for voting!
There are so many complications to that, Dani...too many to make inroads into. Add agoraphobia, to Covid 19, to a damaged immune system, and social anxiety that is 3 feet taller than I am, and then...folk start to see how difficult it all is, for me. If I could "go for it", believe me...I would.
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