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Problems with People

I have a lot of problems with people. 1) Extended family, mum and sisters = are all very nasty and ignore me. They have now all cut each other off and i'm isolated from them. 2) I have been bullied out of 2 jobs in the past 3) I found that I was suddenly widowed 15 months ago and I really loved my husband with my heart and soul 4) I needed a job after my husband's death and managed to get one. This was great because I needed to pay bills etc 5)


Not long after starting my job a man my age started flirting with me - interrupting my work. I found I liked him. He is a very secretive man and people advised me to find out more about him. He turned out to have never been married and he knew all about me. However, he didn't like it that I had found out things about him. He told our boss that I had been finding out all about him and our boss called me into her office and gave me a warning. My boss also added other incidents- e.g a woman at work being angry with me because she couldn't do a project she wanted to do and blamed me. This woman had been into my boss to complain that I was a liar. My boss brought up 5 things and was hinting that I should go. I just burst into tears and left. 4 of the things were cited by the man who fancied me and the other was from this woman colleague. I don't go out of my way to upset anyone - I'm cheerful and try to support people. When I go to work I keep my home life away from work despite having 5 deaths last year - two of which were my beloved husband and also my father. My dad died a year ago today and no-one at work knows. So, when my boss had a go at me today it hit me hard.


My question is difficult to answer really because you don't know me as a person. I have been told that I am too nice and caring by mental health experts and that is why I get targeted by people.


My question is: Am I the one at fault at work? I didn't invite my male colleagues attention and I did not even try to sabotage my female colleagues project. These are facts. Somehow, they blame me and they have both tried to get me the sack with my boss today. Please I need some help to understand why I end up in this mess and what should I do?


Created By on 16/01/2020

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Yogafan
1st Mar 2020 07:28:09
0
Thanks for voting!
Sounds like you've been through an awful lot.Family?I've more or less given up on mine,quite toxic and not good for my soul either.Having recently lost your husband,please be careful as you may be feeling quite vulnerable.The guy at work,I think if it were me,I'd just have a working r/ship with him.As he's already reported you,he can't be trusted tbh.I don't know the full story but if he was interested in you, you only reciprocated that interest,and you then get reported?Ridiculous.As for the other lady who claimed you sabotaged her project,stay clear.I've learnt in my years of working,trust no one.Its unfortunate but true.People do stab you in the back,and are then nice to your face.I go to work,do my job,interact with colleaques at a basic work level and thats it.I'm not there to make friends,not with those kind of people anyone.Maybe these two people feel threatened by you?
Last year I was awarded an "Employee of the month"award.I had only been in my job for 4 mths.However,a colleaque who had been there for 20yrs and never won,instead of congratulating me,piped up "They should scrap those awards,I've never won anything in 20 yrs"! Wow talk about bitter and twisted.And with that attitude should she be suprised she's never won?lol
Just do your best at work,keep your head down and don't take any crap from anyone.Speak up for yourself when needed,and stand your ground.You'll be fine.
Response from countryrowe made on 22nd May 2020 17:38:32
I am now retired but had some bad experiences working in office/warehouse and found that doing your job, and keeping workplace relationships just that, never mix work and personal relationships together.
Find your place in the office and steer clear of the man and woman who have it in for you, Any romantic relationship ideas keep for outside the workplace, so you keep your Private life Private, works best.
David.
JuliePconfused
11th Sep 2022 01:34:15
0
Thanks for voting!
I was silverteddybear years ago.
Just thought I'd update.

Well, I lost my job during the pandemic. I was the only one made redundant. The other co workers are still employed and doing fine. I haven't had a job since. When I apply employers say I'm too old at 63. I know it's against the law but they get away with it. I try to survive from day to day but I'm still lonely. Sisters have cut them selves off. They say they are on 'different paths'. I feel like I'm on the scrap heap and it's so hard to keep going. I've seen several counsellors and they say there is nothing wrong with me. If anything people/family are jealous. This amazed me as I can't for the life of me think why anyone could be jealous of me- I have nothing! Every day is a struggle.
I just thought I'd up date this post and let you know what happened following the time I first posted.
lunastar
14th Jul 2020 06:44:19
0
Thanks for voting!
Yoga fan, How are you now? Have you been working through this Pandemic? I believe in keeping the work place entirely separate from personal, do not leave yourself open by talking about feelings etc. Comments can be taken out of context and used against you. You are still grieving, look after yourself. Families are a minefield, you look at tv and see all these happy ones,mlooking out for each other, I find real life the opposite, petty grievances and jealousy often rearing its head. I wonder if towards the end of life most of us end up alone despite those we loved and cared for. Through this lockdown, I have felt alone , even by a close friend and a daughter, despite me contacting them their was no time to do the same back, it hurt me as much as staying in to think I was if do little value, busy with their own lives. Life changes so much when you lose your partner I feel you drop of the radar. You are not alone, many of us feel the same as you.

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