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Re-socialisation

Hi all - I'm 67 just remarried 2 yrs ago. I've had a widely diverse life but could be a better judge of character. Lived in Australia for 10 yrs and and France for 5yrs. My passions used to be horses and motorbikes but I have slowed down a bit now.


Unfortunately I now find myself married to a man with passive aggressive covert narcissist personality disorder which impacts on me greatly. As soon as the world is covid safe I would like to travel in a motor home and get as far away as possible.


Any other ladies doing this - would love to hear from them. I used to be quite fun loving though responsible but lost my mojo for a while now. The people where I live are a bit hostile to new people so its a double whammy.


Open to chat too so long as you're not a Trump supporter 🙂


Created By on 04/02/2021

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SandyKG
21st May 2021 17:39:27
0
Thanks for voting!
oh no how awful for you , to have thought you'de found love again and remarried at 65..., which must have been so exciting ,only to shortly tirm into regrets...
I'm even more convinced now we should look to enjoy our later lives independently when we come out of an earlier relationship...I married inv1980 and we are about to Divorce now, after seperating over 2 years ago and both have new lives now.
Ivvrrlocsted yo Portishead after 33 years in the marital home in Lechlade, so its been quite a wrench., but also exciting to make a fresh start on my own, changed job ,bought my own little house, as we sold up and went halves before bothering with divorce proceedings.
Only moved here 1st Sept.Lockdowns have meant I can't join anything to get to know new people and make new friends, so it is a bit lonely at times.
So I'd be happy to meet for coffee and chat if ypu'de like.
Response from Dani made on 22nd May 2021 11:05:51
Hello Streudal. Sorry to hear your current position.
I’m in a not dissimilar one but with a son. He came to live with me and my husband six years ago after a breakdown. We were really happy to help.
Sadly, my husband died a year later but the son is still with me...increasingly manipulative and preventing me from meeting friends or moving on. I look after his children far too much and feel trapped. He’s started criticising everything I do, and is deliberately unkind, freezing me out if he doesn’t like something I’ve said or done. It’s just as hard to escape as it would be from a partner, maybe harder as I feel a ludicrous sense of responsibility towards him and his children.
My idea of a retreat was a canal barge but honestly, why should we be the ones to pack up and run? It shouldn’t be like this at our age, should it?
Good job we can open up here, a safety valve.
Best wishes.
Response from SandyKG made on 22nd May 2021 12:12:44 > @Dani
Hope the son is paying you rent ??
Maybe if asking him to leave would make them all homeless, you could charge enough rent for them to stay in your house and you rent somewhere for yourself with his rent money ?
You certainly need to get away before you are the one having a breakdown...
Awful situation to be in.
Roblooking
9th Jul 2021 20:57:33 (Last activity: 28th Jul 2021 05:18:19)
0
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well heck darlin you got me as a friend as soon as you made your comment about not being a Rump oops Trump supporter
Response from Sally - Silversurfer's Editor made on 9th Jul 2021 21:44:07
Hi Roblooking,

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Response from Shopgirl2000 made on 28th Jul 2021 05:18:19
Lol! The same here…I can definitely be friend of someone who is not a Trump supporter. I’m 59. I’m from Costa Rica, Central America. I’m engaged and will get married again in December. Hope it works out…I don’t want to regret my decision.
Michelle56
22nd Jun 2021 12:16:40 (Last activity: 22nd Jun 2021 14:50:34)
0
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Hi you don't sound like you're in a good place. I hope your life improves and never underestimate the value of your worth. Keep your chin up and move forward.
Response from Sally - Silversurfer's Editor made on 22nd Jun 2021 14:50:34
Hi Michelle56,

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Lillywhitewc
13th Jun 2021 22:40:22 (Last activity: 14th Jun 2021 07:57:13)
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Hi there!

I am at a crossroads in my life & have been thinking about the motor home & travel as well. I see your post was this past April. Are you still using this site? I’m 63 & just joined.
Response from Sally - Silversurfer's Editor made on 14th Jun 2021 07:57:13
Hi Lillywhitewc,

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shindy
4th Jun 2021 12:31:13
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Hi would like to travel and chat. Been out of work for over a year but now found part time job. Getting back into the swing. Nice meeting people again.
KellyGirl
28th Feb 2021 16:53:56 (Last activity: 4th Mar 2021 20:23:33)
1
Thanks for voting!
Hello, Streudal

Your post provided a much-needed smile--thank you! Loved the Trump comment at the end, as well 🙂 I hope you've been away from here driving town-to-town, in your motorhome, like a madman in search of the Holy.. Mojo 🙂
Response from Streudal Original Poster made on 4th Mar 2021 20:23:33
I am convinced in a kind of pseudo conspirisists kind of way that my husband is distantly related to Trump.......its the only explanation **?!
Wol54
21st Feb 2021 12:27:10 (Last activity: 4th Mar 2021 20:18:41)
1
Thanks for voting!
Hi Streudal.....This is my first time in this site.. I saw your post regarding narcissism. I lived with a narcissist for 7years. Get away as soon as you can. Happy to chat anytime. I'm not surprised you've mislaid your mojo( this is temporary I'm sure) a narcissist drains you of most things in life which are positive. Good luck to you.x
Response from Sally - Silversurfer's Editor made on 21st Feb 2021 13:47:16
Hi Wol54,

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Response from Wol54 made on 27th Feb 2021 10:09:07
Hello again. My instinct was to escape. Narcissists cannot relinquish control and will always try to find a way to draw you back in. It was only once I'd found the strength and the means to leave that I started to heal. I think I have recovered in a way but I'm afraid the darkness of the whole experience has left me unable/unwilling to have another serious relationship. I'm fiercely independent and determined that no-one( apart from my children, now grown up) will ever get their hands on my front door key.
I have heard of Sam Vaknin but haven't read his book about malignant self love. For a while after I left, I was a bit obsessive about finding out more about narcissism. I'm over that now! However I'm really, really happy to offer support to anyone who is still enmeshed. If you'd prefer to private message - not sure how to do that but happy to try. This is a bit public!
Stay strong.
Wol
Response from KellyGirl made on 28th Feb 2021 16:58:47
rebuild garage in the garden with an underground bunker, then stock up on water, beans and clean underwear--win win!
Response from Streudal Original Poster made on 4th Mar 2021 20:18:41 > @KellyGirl
Hey KellyGirl I like your spirit! lol I think it may come to that there is only so much worrying a gal can do 🙂
Wol54
28th Feb 2021 13:16:42
0
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EllenMay
11th Feb 2021 19:07:41 (Last activity: 17th Feb 2021 17:35:16)
0
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Hi Streudal it sounds like you have a lot on your hands. I'm in my early 60s in the UK but the problems ignore borders. I'm living with a man who has high-performing autism, and like you this has a huge impact on my life. He was only diagnosed recently but has had it throughout the 3 decades I've known him. I can totally empathise with your plight.

I think your plan of a motor home sounds amazing, so go for it. You deserve it. You sound like you need the space to think about and for once prioritise yourself and have a life and cherished moments of your own. Fortunately however we have online forums like this one to escape to in the meantime!

Take care, Ellen
Response from Streudal Original Poster made on 17th Feb 2021 17:35:16
Hi Ellen thankyou for writing - it is comforting to hear from someone in a similiar situation. ... I think I'm getting to a better stage now where I can let go of the research and frustration and look ahead for myself. Do you think you will ever have a separate break? I have had a wonderful support councellor who teaches autistic children and there seems to be an overlap with my husband (he also seems to have a processing issue. Tell me about your partners behaviours if you would like; I have studied psychology a bit and so quite interested - it may help me too.
Cheers Anni
[deleted]
6th Feb 2021 18:53:49 (Last activity: 17th Feb 2021 17:26:15)
1
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[deleted]
Response from Streudal Original Poster made on 7th Feb 2021 17:12:57
thankyou Mosquito - too expensive to divorce so just separate travel - once upon a time I did travel and camp on my moto in France and New Zealand - its still quite appealing but would have to be fitter than I am as they are quite heavy to wrangle. The thing is there is such a lot of cameraderie on motorcycles; you meet all types of people and no edges. Sounds like you have a good plan for your life too - you can't beat the coast no matter what the weather although the sun always wins 🙂
Response from Streudal Original Poster made on 11th Feb 2021 15:48:28
I didn't know you get divorced like that but it would have to be simple I can see that. I'm interested in Tasmania at the moment - I've seen quite a bit of New Zealand which is truly unique - if you ever get the opp you might enjoy it. The people are so nice and friendly and less Covid ....
Response from Streudal Original Poster made on 17th Feb 2021 17:26:15
haha! I was going to get a cat and call it Streudal but waiting until Covid is over. It sounds fun pronounced in a kind of Austrian accent. I used to breed Devon Rex cats a long time ago (but not a mad cat lady) they are so sweet and retrieve like dogs. I had one that used to be so laid back and tuck himself in under a throw in the afternoons. I would walk into to my daughters bedroom and he would lazily lift his head then back to sleep......I still have a house in France - it was supposed to sell 4yrs ago but became tied up in court over a boundary issue. So I think for a safe holiday we might try a trip there in August all going well. Straight into The Chunnel at Dover - no bnb - a tent at Le Touquet then on to the Charente. Its a bit quiet there but at least it will be a change with good weather.
MissJo
5th Feb 2021 07:45:33
1
Thanks for voting!
Agree to disagree with the weird guy and move on. Later on, you will look back and say, "Uh - why did I wait so long?"

COURAGE! Forward march!

Blessings to you!
Miss Jo

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