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Respect

Hi all, does anyone find some young adult grandchildren seem to have no respect for their grandparents? A couple of years back,I had recently left my marriage of 38 yrs, not used to travelling alone, not a driver, decided one christmas to take the bit between my teeth an take the coach from Cornwall to Nottingham, 9hr journey, to visit family,my eldest grandaughter,( 20yrs old at the time) met me at Birmingham to get the train to Notts,I was 65 at the time,osteoarthritis in both knees,I had trolley case,plus large shoulder bag,plus handbag,she came up to me in coach station,ranting at me because coach hadn't stopped at the bay she was waiting at,proceeded to plough on ahead,through Birmingham town centre,which is all steps an hills,not once offered to help me with luggage, reached train station, she dipped into coffee shop, left me panting outside,came out with her coffee,none for me,I struggled down escalator,just in time, boarded train, had to ask her between clenched teeth, if she could help me put luggage in the rack.Ahh,your thinking,bit of a trail,there is more,Christmas day dawns at my daughters, her son, almost 18, arrives with his partner, we all do the exchanging of gifts, I had struggled to make sure I had gifts for everyone,my son,his two children,my daughter,her partner,her two children plus girlfriend I had not as yet met,my grandson stood in middle of the room in front of everyone,as he was pocketing money I had given him,he looked me in the eye and declared " I haven't got anything for you,I only buy for close family" My youngest grandaughter had to be restrained from jumping up an slapping him, I calmly replied "No problem Ben,I don,t give gifts to receive them but did notice you pocketed my gift to you pretty quickly", I was so hurt at the humiliation I felt that after a while went to my room, all I wanted was to come back home.


This has caused a little rift between him an I. He has since moved into a brand new house, he loves the good things in life, I am currently living in one bedroom at my youngest daughters house, trying to find somewhere to rent. My eldest daughter told me on my last visit, a month ago, that Ben would love me to go see his new house, I replied "Ben owes me an apology first" to which my daughter replied "You are the one who should apologise to him, you will never get one from him" !!!!! Don't get me wrong, when I go up North to visit, I stay at my daughters and apart from this one issue, everything is fine albeit a little strained when her son comes around, my daughter will not listen to reason with me, Ben has always had his own way ( a BMW) for his 18th. I am sorry but I do not think I should be apologising to him, for what ??


Created By on 02/05/2017

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Yogafan
27th Jun 2021 12:39:51
0
Thanks for voting!
Re write your will if you have one! I can understand why you'd feel hurt re your grandson's comment.I think I would of asked him for the money back tbh! Said something like "Ah ok...if I'm not family,or close to you,I'd have the gift/money back thanks"! Sad that your grand daughter did'nt offer to help you either,but thats the times we live in unfortunately.Do you think she met you under duress?Could your daughter not have met you?
daviddxb
13th Apr 2018 11:17:21
0
Thanks for voting!
Valeryanne - my instinct says that and that his wish for you to visit his house is his way of apologising and on that basis, why not give him a call next time you are nearby and arrange a time to call round. What he said clearly hurt but that's what children / grandchildren do and it seems to me that the best thing to do is just ignore it and move on.

Separately, and picking up on Ben's comments about close family, my son told me about 18 months ago that my children no longer regard me as "family" as I live too far away and have no involvement in their day-to-day lives. he went on to say that yes, I was their dad, that they loved me dearly and knew that I was there for them but that didn't make me "family" in their eyes. Ouch!

Two of my children make time to see me whenever I am home, but the third has cut me off completely because I am not "family" and will not even allow me to meet my new grandson. Ouch!

You have a chance with Ben - take it!
CaroleAH
4th May 2017 00:19:48
0
Thanks for voting!
It's a sad fact of life that some people, even though they know that they are in the wrong, will never apologise and I'm afraid that Ben sounds, very much, like one of these people. So, what can you do, Valeryanne? Being realistic - what do you want to happen? I think that I would have to discuss this further with your daughter and see why she thinks that you owe Ben an apology. Was he embarrassed or humiliated by your comment about your gift because no-one had ever expected him to be polite during his seemingly privileged upbringing? Could/would other members of your family, who were present at this unhappy family gathering talk to Ben (and his mother) and point out how hurtful his remarks were? And, just one last thought - is it possible that Ben is trying to meet you half-way by asking you to visit his new house? If there is the slightest glimmer of a chance that this could be possible, then seize it because, at the end of the day, this young man is your grandson and all this pent-up bitterness is destroying you - not him.

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