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6th Jun 2016 20:54:58
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I was in a relationship of 25 years, never married but had children and our own home etc.i believe marriage shows commitment and family values, when our relationship broke down I realised this... I didn't even try to forgive , I didn't want to be the long term girlfriend anymore!
Response from celtwitch made on 8th Jun 2016 11:14:11
How 2 people can stay together for decades has always puzzled me, I mean, why would you want to stick around with someone for most of your life?
What happens when your true love comes home blootered, develops halitosis, puts on 5 stones in weight, spends most of his time with his pigeons, and dresses like a scarecrow, do you still love him?
I think that married people just lack the courage to stand on their own 2 feet, they are too scared too scared of being alone.
Response from georgesmum made on 8th Jun 2016 16:14:08
Oh celtwitch those words ar so harsh......after all none of us are perfect.......your post did make me chuckle though, thinking of a scarecrow and his pigeons!
Response from Bella479 made on 11th Jan 2017 20:37:28
yes....there is something to be said about being "too scared to stand on their own" . The longer a person is married the longer they stay that way. I did that and so wish I would have flew the nest years ago. Being married to someone with so many hangups and childhood problems has dragged me down. After 47 years I am sick of waiting for him to shed the 'pity party' and grow up. We had 2 children but I mothered 3....he had no interest in sex and this caused such a rejection feeling in me. It is amazing to read others saying marriage is not necessary because this concept has reality to it.
Response from RayJ made on 8th Sep 2017 16:44:37
Well celtwich that made me laugh.
I don't get home blooted and haven't put on 5 stone in weight. I consider myself to be of athletic physique. I don't have pigeons and would you believe I don't like football either. Though I do have a pint ort two.
We do things together as well as separately with our pals.
Usually before I go out on my own I ask for approval of the way I'm dressed. I want my wife to be pleased she has a smart husband. On many occasions I've been described as dapper in my dress.
In my career I was in structural engineering, I was a travelling man. So we spent quite a lot of time separated.
We are into our 57th year and still happy, even if I do like to flirt a little.
8th Sep 2017 16:26:38
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There's no need to call an end to it. Most folk these days partner up first then get married if they choose to, even after a number of children have arrived.
Marriage is a choice two people make.
In my teens a lot of marriages were because of whups!
Why call an end to it, maybe your statistics are correct but on the day there are two very happy people. Don't forget the beer later.
There are other creatures in nature that partner up for life, though I haven't seen them get married or divorced.
9th Jun 2016 14:51:48
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I neither think marriage is unnatural or silly. The fact you don't consider it right for you doesn't mean it isn't right for other people. You may not be emotionally or psychologically programmed to remain with one person for decades but many of us find that a comfort and it isn't because we are afraid to be alone. Divorce rates may appear to be high but could that relate to the people themselves rather than the 'tradition' of marriage?
Response from KEITH_WL made on 10th Jun 2016 19:30:08
Well put.
Response from Treehugger1 made on 26th Sep 2016 17:42:31
Good point Jeanmark.
Response from celtwitch made on 29th Sep 2016 11:48:19
No, it's not 'the people themselves' it's marriage that causes divorce, i.e. don't get married and then you won't have to go through divorce.
Marriage, and long term painful marriage specifically, is both unnatural and unnecessary.
Being married isn't living, it's existing in a fog of misery, having to deal with the farts and the soiled underwear of someone who treats you like a slave, but who you 'claim' to be in love with.
Give me the single life, thank you.
Response from jeanmark made on 14th Oct 2016 19:06:52
That is being pedantic celtwitch, the fact you have a negative experience of marriage doesn't make the concept of marriage wrong or outdated, just your perception. I am certainly not a slave and would consider our partnership as equal in all ways, but then that's my experience and consider myself fortunate to have found a soul mate.
Response from Bella479 made on 11th Jan 2017 20:25:39
If I would do over I would never get married ... we just come from two different IQs and backgrounds. I struggle a great deal with understanding the concept of marriage, always have. Thought we should have children so we had two at a young age they are very successful adults who have no care for us. People these days do not realize marriage is not worth the effort and tears...just my opinion. I should have put my hormones in the closet and stuck it out single...would have been so much more content and healthier. Just had heart surgery I know due to stress from husband and adult children. Stay single, happy and healthy.
3rd Oct 2016 17:00:29
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Yes! I agree, although there are marriages when true love endures all through to the end of their lives, not many sadly. We are after all a higher species of animal ( debatable) and should abide by the Universal laws of love, kindness, compassion and gratitude. Personally, I have not found a lot of this in people I have had close to me. If everyone obeyed the laws, there would be lot's of happy marriages. We are still evolving as a species so maybe in the far distant future there will be no need for marriage.
Response from Lochinvar made on 15th Oct 2016 17:20:37
True love endures if it is not true then it will not endure.
You have to be true to yourself and hope that the other people in your life can accept that you are not perfect.
"Marriage is an Institution but who wants to live in an Institution "(Marx (Groucho)
Response from Yodama made on 15th Oct 2016 21:46:24
Quite a conundrum, why is it all such hard work? If Universal laws were followed, then imperfections would surely be accepted within those parameters.

There is however the sad fact that while one person is obeying all the rules, the other has a vested interest in dismantling the very concept. Down to human nature or nurture. There are so many ways to love, and Universal love covers all areas.

I used to use the "Love is.." comic strip by Kim Casali. as a guideline.
28th Sep 2016 17:12:16
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Marriage is the number one cause for divorce!
Response from jeanmark made on 14th Oct 2016 19:09:56
As you have already stated, you can not get divorced unless you are married so your statement is actually correct.
26th Sep 2016 12:37:11
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No. I don`t think that it`s unnatural at all. As for not being emotionally, or psychologically programmed, ...i would have to disagree with that, as well. I would have thought that the very opposite would be the actual case. Let`s face it. Everyone has an intrinsic requirement to feel emotionally connected with that special someone. And, marriage, as an institution, serves only to reinforce that bond. It isn`t easy, of course. It`s something to be worked at..continuously. But, with a sufficient amount of commitment and dedication towards each other, the many and varied complex challenges can be overcome. But, the most important ingredient is, of course...LOVE...Most people are emotionally programmed to be loved, and to love in return. Those who are not...are missing out on something extremely vital to one`s life force.
Response from celtwitch made on 26th Sep 2016 13:51:43
If it has to be 'worked at' it isn't natural, and 'LOVE' can die as quickly as it came into existence.
And, calling marriage an 'institution' makes it sound very unnatural, as indeed it is, why would anyone in their right mind want to spend the rest of their life with the same person?
Love might be ancillary, but it certainly isn't vital.
Response from beneDictus made on 28th Sep 2016 12:38:00
To answer the original question...should marriage be abandoned...Most definitely not. I stand by what i said before. Why would anyone in their right mind want to spend the rest of his, or her life with the same person...? Well..duh...maybe it has something to do with the fact that they have a profound LOVE for that person. And...oh...think of the emotional security which comes with the package. Has to be experienced to be believed.
As for the apparent fragile nature of love...that it can actually still trying to get my head around THAT little snippet. I thought it was as perennial as the grass. One can strangle it...suffocate it...suppress it...deny that it was ever there...glue a stick of dynamite to it, and try to blow it up. But, it can never be killed.
I rest my case. Amen.
Response from celtwitch made on 28th Sep 2016 17:11:32
I think it was Socrates who said the 'the most enduring hatred is one that has been preceded by great love.' I may not have quoted verbatim, but you get the drift.
Love does die. I have a daughter who robbed me 7 years ago, she is the most unpleasant, deceitful person I have ever known. I woke up one morning and realised I no longer love her.
I have never know sexual/ relationship love, and I wonder how anyone can claim to be 'in love.'
I have known plenty of 'lusty' relationships, is that the same as love?
Response from beneDictus made on 3rd Oct 2016 11:30:56
No. That isn`t the kind of love which i was referring to. Not the love which usually comprises the ''in love'' situation. It`s something else...which has the potential to transcend all boundaries and human emotions.
Response from celtwitch made on 3rd Oct 2016 12:04:12
I think the 'in love' situation is short lived, you can't remain 'in love' with someone indefinitely, it's unnatural and unnecessary. Have sex and move on.
Response from beneDictus made on 4th Oct 2016 11:20:17
That`s just white washing the whole issue. It`s only people who have the inability to both nurture and sustain a loving relationship, who conveniently condemn it. Those who strive for higher ideals are searching for something much more fundamental in life. Have sex, and move on...? Move on to what...? Must get pretty meaningless, after a while, to have a seemingly endless series of sexual encounters...most of which are driven by social conditioning and expectation, anyway.
28th Sep 2016 12:43:04
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Have to agree with be beneDictus could not have put it better, well said
26th Sep 2016 03:51:36
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My wife and i divorced after 30 years there were many faults most of which sadly to say were mine. We are still friends and i support her finically in addition to her income. The thing is if you try everything and nothing works you cant expect the other person to forget or forgive. You cant control another persons mind. Hopefully time will heal. The person that says and does hurtfull things has to live with thier self.
6th Jun 2016 22:11:35
Thanks for voting!
It's one thing to disagree with others' beliefs; something else to call them silly. After 52 years marriage still works well for my wife and me.
Response from celtwitch made on 7th Jun 2016 11:50:59
52 years married to the same person! It sounds like a fate worse than death.
Response from georgesmum made on 8th Jun 2016 16:07:19
And here's to many more happy years together!
Response from Lib made on 9th Aug 2016 03:49:12
I was married once for 12 years. Never remarried as I had children and didn't feel up to putting my children though a series of relationships or burden them or myself with an outside person suggesting how they should be raised. So, I stayed single. It seems there is a time and place for marriage. Some people want and need a partner to get through life and others do not. It seems silly to fault folks for wanting a marriage under the right circumstances and silly to fault folks who choose to remain unmarried. What does anger me is the discrimination single parent must deal with. In the USA single folks to do not get the same tax breaks as married folks. Why? Insurance is most instances is more expensive. Why? There seems to be a belief that married folks are more responsible which makes me laugh. Doesn't the sheer fact that they are sharing the load of life with someone else demand less? If a spouse loses a job the other spouse can hopefully work and help out. A dependant child cannot. The point to my rambling is simply this. There should not be a reward or a punishment based on marital status. Those who want marriage should be married and those who do not, should not be required to marry. Not everyone is marriage material! No, I am not gay such a female who did not want to force some strange guy onto her children. And no I did not receive child support or the family home. Anyone would be hard pressed to undermine my sense of accomplishment or belief in myself. More importantly all four of my girls know they can do whatever they set their minds too. 2 are housewives and 2 are college educated but all four made the decisions they felt were best for them.
17th Jun 2016 14:46:18
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I hope not, I'm 52 and never been married but have been with my partner for 9 years and we're getting married in July. Woo hoo... Leaving singledom... ..We just want a low key affair, I don't like to be the centre of attention, it seems to bother others that we don't want to make a lot of fuss, but we have each other, that's all that matters.
Sandy 58
9th Jun 2016 00:46:10
Thanks for voting!
I don't think marriage is unnatural if you are with the right person. I think life was simpler when families survived in council houses, no car, no savings, no computers, no smart phone, living from one week to the next. All the money went into the one pot. That was the norm for most and divorce rate was minimal. Sticking together through thick and thin was what marriage was about.
But it's a new world and finding the right person that you can trust with your life and your money may be getting more difficult. People are becoming more full of self interest.
But I think most people would want to have that special someone who will be there for them till death do you part.
That may not fit for everyone. But if it became the norm to have no marriage, and people to have 3 or 4 relationships over their lifetime, would we then have children with the same mother but different fathers and less divorce but more court battles over custody or maintenance payments.
Response from KEITH_WL made on 9th Jun 2016 12:27:41
Well put.
Response from georgesmum made on 9th Jun 2016 14:16:15
You are so right....nowadays we expect too much and give too little!
Response from fordfocus made on 10th Jun 2016 21:07:54
Times have changed sandy but not for the better I think. Marriage has so many pressures these days compared to when we were young and our parents had no phones, big holidays, or even money problems or keeping up with the Jones s
Joan Fraser
10th Jun 2016 20:52:08
Thanks for voting!
I would never get married again, but share the joy of couples who stay the course in happy loving relationships. Religion, faith, belief, emotion and love, as well as personal standards/values, or expectation all play a part, and I certainly couldn't call those factors silly albeit I don't sign up to them all
8th Jun 2016 18:29:12
Thanks for voting!
theres nothing unnatural or silly about marriage I was married for 47 years sadly he passed away 7 years ago...and yes if he were still alive I would still be married to him!
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