Single for a reason?
Watch this postI'm new to the 'SS' community, so here goes and I can only hope I get this right. I've been on my own for 15 years and my children have now disappeared into the horizon / deep blue yonder / parallel universe....call it what you will. Empty nest syndrome came, went, returned, left again, lingers like a bad smell and part of me dies inside each time I open my mind to it, so I try to let my thoughts of warm family suppers drift away like I do when pretending to meditate in the 'zone'. (Meditation and mindfulness are the 'in' pastimes and yoga usurps aerobics thank goodness. Jane Fonda has allegedly had a couple of hip replacements you know and I was an avid follower back in the day. Mmmm......better make that appointed with a rheumatologist now.) Truth is...I doubt I will ever be able to let go of this void I feel on a daily basis, but it's time to stop feeling sorry for myself. Life has thrown more curve balls than an automatic tennis-ball machine. A mechanism I've ducked and dived over the years although suffered a few injuries like we all do. I never thought a zillion years during my younger life, that I'd end up a Single Surfer now. I had this extremely idealistic picture of myself and significant other, sitting in a beautifully manicured garden with our chilled wine, welcoming our family back on a Sunday for lunch. Life just didn't turn out like that and now like Cinderella left behind while everyone else goes to the ball, I'm in a much smaller garden holding a cuppa in one hand and a brochure in the other wandering where I can endure another dinner for one while ticking my bucket grail. I'm quite gregarious by nature although at times I have to remind myself of that, because over the past decade, I seem to have lost soooo many friends and life as I thought I would know it. Not to illness or death, they have simply moved on. Mostly like Noah's boat guests, in pairs and leaving me to behind. I became the loser in a game of musical chairs. I was too busy to notice while my children were still driving me nuts at home, but now.....wow.....SOS!!! Bridget Jones....you have nothing on me! I'm topic mixing....ha.....that makes me sound like a DJ.....go girl goanna mix it up....but retirement has also become elusive. I assumed a few years ago as quite a number of us did, by the time I reached 60, I may just be able to stretch my State Pension, if I continued to work on a part-time basis. Nope, those scallywags at Lords decided we baby-booming women needed to be put in our place so they aligned us to our male counterparts. My savings and plans were once again thrown into turmoil and it would appear I may have to work until I'm 66, or looking at the grass from the other side!!! None of those prospects enthrall I have to say. So plan T (I've exhausted A-S), keep any serious travelling to a minimum until later....and only tick destinations off that are of paramount importance. So....if anyone out there would like to meet up in Rome for a weekend of laughter please let me know as I'm desperate to see the Sistine Chapel, eat a pizza that doesn't have 'Express' in the title and admire the views. 🙂
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I've been on my own for 7 years now and having lost my only brother soon after losing my husband with no children and my closest relative in the Midlands, me being in the South East, sometimes I feel very alone, although not lonely.
A few years ago I joined U3A. I belong to many Groups, including Gardening, Historical Building Visits, Ballroom Dancing, Fit 'n Fun, Table Tennis,
I'm going to Devon on Monday with a local Group and have also been on many single holidays here and abroad where you can always meet like-minded people. Some have been a success some not so, but you have to tip your toes in the water.
I have also joined a local Community Choir and recently had a small operation and the support and friendship I have received has been overwhelming.
I'm now looking forward to the years ahead and trying to keep fit and healthy and taking one day at a time. Life is for living - Enjoy!
Since my last post I have become very involved in our Community Choir, done a couple of concerts for friends and family and the difference it has made to my life is amazing. I have always loved all kinds of music and although not now doing ballroom dancing (fed up with dancing with women) this has taken it's place. Like Kirsty I cannot afford exotic holidays and trying to make the money stretch. I have stopped dashing about like "a headless chicken" and found I am more concentrated on what I want to do and where I want to holiday.
There is one aim I have and that is to travel around Devon and Cornwall next May or September as cheaply as possible. Planning through the winter by train to Devon and using local transport where possible (good old bus pass ). Hope it will not be too difficult to plan and I can stay fit enough to proceed. Would anyone who lives in the Kent or East Sussex area be interested in this sort of holiday and is a good planner as although I'm going to do it alone it would be nice to have company. Enjoy the summer!!
As for me, for the first time in my life I feel isolated at nearly 69 - and not what I expected at all. Got divorced in 1994 but was busy working full time and raising my two children as a single parent so no time to think too much about my future life. Then the shattering blow of breast cancer diagnosis but Stage 1 and quick mastectomy in 2001 has kept me very well indeed and it's not something I think about. Having said that, though, I do not want to spend the rest of my days alone and really worry about telling a prospective partner about the breast cancer treatment I had - and when to tell them, so I am still alone because of that. Has anyone been in the same position to offer advice, so maybe I can find the courage to try to meet a new partner.
Just moved out youngest (33) of four for, lets see, the 3rd or is it 4th time last week. Crazy it still stings the heart and removes an enjoyable companion. Spousal unit just doesn't fill the void.
Eataly does sound enticing....
Have you written the next instalment yet? I'm sure many on the forum would be interested as to whether you went to Rome or not .When I read posts like yours I wonder why I have such a boring life or is it just boring to me and if I could express myself as colourfully as you could even I perhaps sound a bit interesting.
which I have found fun given me a focus for a new activity. You write really well- maybe you should give blogging a go?
John
Two house moves in 8 years has seen of all but the bravest of my former friends and I now get almost no visits and practically no phone calls. The internet has taken the place of friends.
My eldest daughter, who lives 300 miles away, popped up unannounced 6 years ago,cheated me out of a wedge of cash, then slipped away again. Nothing from her since and I guess I can say sayonara to my dough!
I'm lucky in that I don't feel lonely, just isolated at times, well, ok, most of the time. I live in a small retirement community though there is almost no interaction, no coffee mornings, bingo, or tea dances, so it's not all bad!
I think that I sort of expected to have a couple of madcap friends with whom I would get up to all sorts of crazy things, a bit like Foggy, Compo and Clegg from Last of the Summer Wine. But, I am still looking for friends who would be willing to jump off bridges into the river, tear about on mountain bikes, go camping, or do a bit of gentle rock climbing.
So, I have decided to train myself, and my dog, for an attempt on the almost 1,000 mile cycle ride between Lands End and John o' Groats. If I have to be alone then I'm going to make it as exciting as possible.
I hope you make it to Roma.
Are you thinking of getting a doggie bike or just a long lead? Don't forget its helmet will you? lol
My first marriage lasted almost exactly 12 months before we split up, rather acrimoniously. My second attempt at domestic bliss lasted 21 years (3 broken mirrors!) at which point I walked out before the suffocating atmosphere and my partners insecurities and jealousies consumed me and turned me into a meek little drudge.
I haven't met anyone else in the intervening 19 years, and apart from the odd holiday fling with the odd man I have remained virtually celibate.
I guess that I just don't attract the right sort, and the reason for this puzzled me for a long time. I'm 5'10'' so short men are no use to me, and they are often afflicted with 'Petit General syndrome' and can be quite aggressive as they try to make up for their lack of height.
I don't think its my body odour as I squirt myself with fly repellant every few days and take a dip in the canal every 3rd Sunday, whether I need it or not.
I'm blessed, or cursed with the Northern tendency to be quite blunt and the lingering effects of childhood ADHD means that I can sometimes be rather impulsive and say, and do, quite inappropriate things
As if that wasn't bad enough, I'm a lousy housekeeper, I can cook only spicy food, I can't knit, the WI rejected my application for membership, I hate musicals, I'm completely unromantic, and I spend most of my day out on the hills with my dog. How many good men would take on a challenge like me? Not many.
So there you have it, these are the reasons that I am single, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Many involve themselves in busyness and other distractions, even become'spiritual' - which is a good evolution of the specie. But as Robert Augustus Masters writes in: "Spiritual Bypassing", there's no substitute for a little...maybe not a lot, hahaha of psychotherapy. Now I know that there are many, and rightful so, who will say where has 100 years of Freudian shrinkage gotten the human race? Good question. But still, it ought to be looked at. This is what true partners do in spades.
I hope you find a travel companion to share your new journeys and adventures with soon.
When you do, why not consider writing a book for the not dead yet generation to be inspired by.
Like you I may have to keep working until 66 for that extra cash. I'm convinst the government is hoping most of us will drop off our perch before then to save them some money. Well, lets how them they are sooooo wrong. I intend living my life for a long time yet.
So not all disappeared for you.
Good luck with the Sistine Chapel.....
Look forward to hearing the next instalment soon........