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How Do Single Retired People Not Become Isolated And Alone?

I'm basically a recluse. I'm a nice enough guy but I got no friends or relations. I could be gregarious if I knew where to turn it on. The last person to share a coffee with me in my house was may 2013. What do other people do to meet people ???


Created By on 29/07/2016

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Iancw12
25th Aug 2016 12:12:58
0
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A dog makes all the difference. Not only do you have a friend, but it also certainly helps you make friends with others.
AnneS101
30th Aug 2019 20:45:02
0
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I do not go out because of a disability but i invite people to stay. I made new friends at an online church and some of the other hosts live in the UK and one of them visits for a break two or three times a year. We have a great time. People who know me and visit regularly all know they have 'fridge rights' and can help themselves to food and refreshments as long as they make me regular coffees. lolol I have no fear of going out, it is just very difficult as I need to use a wheelchair which needs someone to push it. If I feel I am going down the lonely road I pick up the phone and call friends. Most of them Facetime me so we can see each other.
Catsareus
24th Feb 2017 15:28:12
1
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You just have to get out there. Find something that interests you, join a club, volunteer.

If you like dogs, get one and take it for walks, chat to fellow dog owners.

Walk down the street and say hello to people, they usually respond.

i haven't got many friends, but I've got loads of acquaintances.
Suzanne511
2nd Aug 2016 16:12:52 (Last activity: 20th Aug 2016 03:14:23)
3
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I think when one admits "bravely" to being a recluse and they have not shared a coffee with someone in their own home since 2013, there are probably reasons WHY they have got to this stage, and that reason why they have become so cut off, will be the answer ultimately to this question. It is highly likely this gentleman is aware of groups, walking clubs etc..or about getting a dog, but my guess is there is something holding him back from what he would like to achieve. He doesn't share with the forum what his life was like before becoming a recluse which is an extremely difficult issue to overcome, and often pragmatic, direct..pull yourself together kind of advice does not help as there is a more to the face value of the problem...
Response from davittsdame37 made on 20th Aug 2016 03:14:23
well Viv if you WANT to meet people then get out of your house walk down to town or village and offer your time in a charity shop, and not only will you be welcomed but you may find that you meet some very nice people that you may even be able to get to know better after work, ie a coffee in a cafe, or trip to some nearby theatre, or walk in the park, etc., etc., if you are going to wait for some stranger to knock on your door and invite you out you are going to be very disappointed. If you help in a charity shop you can work as much or little as you want and you will meet other volunteers who you can get to know and even suggest tea in a cafe nearby. good luck, the longer you carry doing nothing the more time you are wasting, there are nice friendly people out there, Good luck. alice
ThatManViv Original Poster
1st Aug 2016 10:24:30 (Last activity: 3rd Aug 2016 21:37:59)
1
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what happened to all my replies ???
Response from Silversurfers Editor made on 1st Aug 2016 10:38:53
If you scroll down, I can see two of them under Celtwitch and Dollie 🙂
Response from serenitywoman made on 2nd Aug 2016 10:27:43
thatmanviv i think as you read replies they are deleted automatically to avoid building up ... i think ...
Response from Fflorielle made on 2nd Aug 2016 17:28:41
You have had lots of replies
Response from ThatManViv Original Poster made on 3rd Aug 2016 19:26:35
I meant ...what happened to the replies I wrote and posted
Response from Silversurfers Editor made on 3rd Aug 2016 21:37:59
All your replies are here .... you just need to click on some of them to see them, where it says 'view replies' Nothing gets deleted automatically ... they are all here to view in the various threads 😉
[deleted]
30th Jul 2016 10:49:06 (Last activity: 3rd Aug 2016 19:55:08)
0
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[deleted]
Response from ThatManViv Original Poster made on 30th Jul 2016 12:56:42
I cant do volunteer work cos I have a police caution recorded against my name ....
Response from ThatManViv Original Poster made on 3rd Aug 2016 19:55:08
a caution is now considered a criminal record ... I ddnt know when I accepted it, and I accepted it because I was due to fly somewhere and the police were mischievious and told me they could hold me on bail and I wouldnt be flying anywhere ...
Fflorielle
31st Jul 2016 08:49:14 (Last activity: 3rd Aug 2016 19:42:26)
1
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Join the U3A university of the third age, they have groups all over the country covering many activities.You may like to form a group of travelers sick ot paying single supplements, if so I will be the first to join.
Response from serenitywoman made on 2nd Aug 2016 10:18:00
many moons ago I joined a walking group through a friend of a friend, we went walking over saddleworth moor, it was lashing down but soaked I enjoyed the walk, as I love nature, the friend who was also in the group chatting away to me said your really nice, I said thankyou, others chatted to me and made me feel very welcome... a man was chatting to me and this other man said what are you talking to him for, I said well am new here i guess we are getting to know each other. we ended the walk in a nice country pub, and this man said i would like you to live with me , gulp ... oh i said i just came here for the walk trying to be polite ... i left the group thought it may have been best, ha ha so am not sure why he was in the group maybe looking for a wifey.. i was there to walk i walked 19 miles, at one point the leader of our group got lost we ended up in a field. i was chased by a bull everyone was laughing saying they just saw my legs going over a wall giggling ... i think i was chased twice that day ha ha
Response from ThatManViv Original Poster made on 3rd Aug 2016 19:24:11
blimey, can you get insurance ..... 🙂
Response from ThatManViv Original Poster made on 3rd Aug 2016 19:42:26
couple of years ago I went to an U3A open day, I got the impression my wardrobe didnt come from the right shop, ... anyway, I got myself invited to a day out with the photography group ... we met in a car park, parked up, and then all piled into 3 cars ... I must have got in the unlucky car because I was in the car with a couple who had worked for the govs benefits dept and went on and on about how the country was overrun with lazy people refusing to work and inventing illnesses so they didnt have to work ... I should have kept my mouth shut I suppose but I had to defend those people who relied on benefits and deserved them, and then, when we got to this stately home and gardens the cars emptied very quickly and everyone seperated ... it just seemed weird, no sharing of scenes to photograph or anything ... then later someone found me and said we're leaving now, and I was driven home in a different car blasting out music ...I got in touch with the organiser and asked if anyone met up to look at each others photos ... nooo, they didnt do that, so I invited everyone to my house or suggested a pub but no they didnt do that either ... here endeth my experience of the U3A
nettap
31st Jul 2016 20:11:49 (Last activity: 3rd Aug 2016 19:20:59)
1
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Stop being a pessimist, get yourself a dog. If this is not possible volunteer as a dog

walker. Or just go out for early morning walks and say Good Morning to every one you see.
Response from serenitywoman made on 2nd Aug 2016 10:25:07
i do want a dog i love puppies those tiny ones that don't grow so cute, i told a friend i would put puppy in a leather biker outfit, ha ha
Response from ThatManViv Original Poster made on 3rd Aug 2016 19:20:59
I didnt ask anyone to tell me what to do ... I asked what other people do ... and I dont want you or anyone to behave in a particular way
bobo5000
1st Aug 2016 16:02:17 (Last activity: 2nd Aug 2016 17:18:10)
1
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As far as meeting people that's why I joined this website but still have met no one. So I guess keep trying I write to people and just wait for a reply. Bobo
Response from Fflorielle made on 2nd Aug 2016 17:18:10
What are you interested in Bobo
Brunhilde
1st Aug 2016 11:04:58 (Last activity: 2nd Aug 2016 09:46:18)
2
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As an afterthought, Yes I would join something a class a gardening club or work a few hours for a charity shop, I would like to say I ,set myself tasks no matter how small, we have to keep trying and moving forward otherwise we stagnate. It does depend on your mobility. But If I could only walk I'd not be in home, I'd be out mixing and making new friends. Wishing you luck. I'm here anyway to chat when you like.
Response from serenitywoman made on 2nd Aug 2016 09:46:18
my favorite poet is William blake , songs of innocence and experience , the little chimney sweeper gives an insite into what life was like in the Victorian times especially for children and through his poems I think he wanted the rich people realise that just going to church wasn't enough better to help the poor little children I think he was talking about reality and religion and how to really help and researching his period I realized that the nspca was formed before the nspcc, I think the Victorians didn't really value children as muh as pets, they used to send babies and children up chimneys to clean them and light a fire with them up there until they brought out a law.. and a little like van gogh and his paintings who wanted to free the poor people by looking at his wonderful colourful paintings, but if you mention his name to anyone today the thing they remember and say was oh yes van gogh he was mad insane cut off his ear didn't he .. its sad that people are so misunderstood and judged.. peace 🙂
Brunhilde
1st Aug 2016 10:50:19 (Last activity: 2nd Aug 2016 09:35:58)
0
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My word, as a disabled and by now mostly abandonned grandmother.... Not the same as you, as I have a lovely new husband but I feel the same, regarding friends ( who now I can't get involved, give me a wide berth). I do bury myself in either the computer or in Painting as I'm an artist and a very prolific one at that.
I hate being still although I can barely get accross the room. I find the brain must be engaged in something if I'm not to die of bordom. So I paint or read.....I hate the TV except for the occasional soap or drama or good film that is not innadated with violence and cruellty. I have no suggestions but hope someone else can be more constructive..... but here to chat to whenever you like.
Response from serenitywoman made on 2nd Aug 2016 09:35:58
Hello Brunhilde

oh your an artest how wonderful I would love to see some of your artwork not sure where on here it would go as I am new. I have great respect for artest poets musicians. I have an open mind though I like van gogh's starry starry night, and also the song is beautiful, there are many theories about his death I read one recently that he was shot by accident by a young boy but he didn't tell the police as he wanted to protect the little boy. I guess we will never know will we... and beethovens 5th symphony was played for a group of ladies with cancer and some notes in this music killed some of the cancer cells apparently .http://hyperboreanvibrations.blogspot.co.uk/2011/03/fifth-symphony-by-beethoven-destroys.html
davittsdame37
1st Aug 2016 02:51:01
0
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i love the way you say you are a recluse and then say you have no friends or relations. ???? not one relation??? I am surprised you are Cornish, most of my Cornish friends are gregarious and always wanting to know everyone elses business Dont you go to the local pub?? Its so much easier for men to go to a pub than a woman. When I first went to Cornwall I decided i would go to a pub, there were about four to choose from. It happened that my American cousin had come to visit and she is like Goldie Hawn on speed. When we went into this Cornish stone pub, called The Radjel there were no women at all but about five real old codgers smoking their pipes they looked up when we entered and the look was one like a Man United group suddenly being disturbed by some lively Arsenal fans. To my horror Mariefrance decided to tell me a dirty joke, in a very loud voice with lots of giggling. OMG i did wonder if we would get out alive at one point, but we did and i pushed her into my car and drove quickly making sure no cars were following us. it was ok for her she left Cornwall two days later, i lived there for another 14 years. If you stay long enough even the most grumpy old chap does eventually grunt "mornin" I love the Cornish they are the best people ) and the young people are the best in UK, They seem to have loads of friends and they nearly all surf from a very young age.
AK
31st Jul 2016 21:43:19
1
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Not sure but when you find out please do let me know :):)
GOSTEVE
31st Jul 2016 09:19:32
0
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Join something anything jest get going even if you go there for 1/2 hour .Try it you might like it. We were all teenagers once. We have done this before
rigga
31st Jul 2016 01:18:12
2
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I was one of those people having retired and upped sticks and moved and all I knew for several years were my immediate neighbours, one of whom couldn't speak English! However I then saw an advert inviting lonely 55+ to meet for coffee, lunch or whatever. I went and haven't looked back, I now have a good bunch of friends, visitors pop round, the phone rings and the group meet weekly for lunch plus go to shows and other activities. Now together with my (solitary) hobbies I am really enjoying life. Life doesn't come to you, you have to go find it and you will - just get out there!
davittsdame37
31st Jul 2016 00:47:16
2
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HI VIV. WHATS THE MATTER WITH YOU MAN? IF YOU DO NOT REALLY KNOW ANYONE IE NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOUR ETC., I WOULD ADVISE YOU TO VOLUNTEER FOR A CHARITY SHOP. WHEN I WENT TO CORNWALL THE FIRST TIME I KNEW ABSOLUTELY NO ONE, SO I WORKED FOR THE AIR AMBULANCE CHARITY SHOP THE OTHER VOLUNTEERS WERE VERY FRIENDLY I MET CUSTOMERS WHO TOLD ME ABOUT DIFFERENT SOCIETIES, ART CLUB ETC., I WAS NEVER WITHOUT FRIENDS AND I STILL HAVE THE SAME FRIENDS EVEN THOUGH I AM LIVING IN EIRE NOW. HOWEVER, I MISS CORNWALL TOO MUCH SO I AM SELLING UP HERE AND GOING BACK TO PENZANCE ASAP. YOU WILL NEVER MAKE ANY FRIENDS IF YOU STAY INDOORS AND LIVE LIKE A RECLUSE. DO NOT WASTE ANY MORE OF YOUR LIFE, BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE AND YOU DIE FRIENDLESS AND VERY ALONE. VOLUNTARY WORK IS VERY REWARDING AND YOU WILL I AM SURE ENJOY MEETING VERY NICE PEOPLE, AND I WOULD SAY DONT JUST SAY GOODBYE AT THE END OF THE DAY, ASK SOMEONE TO HAVE A COFFEE OR GO TO A FILM ETC., YOU WILL BE SURPRISED HOW YOUR LIFE WOULD CHANGE. GOOD LUCK.
serenitywoman
30th Jul 2016 20:16:08
1
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Hi I guess its the persons choice to mix or be isolated if they wish, I prefere like minded people, if you find people that like what you like its ok.. there are plenty of places to go to meet people dance class gardening sport etc and walks to join they would be in your local paper or maybe online. I am very selective about people I have as close friends but can chat to people while out also sometimes its about trust and honesty too ..
Suzanne511
30th Jul 2016 19:13:21
1
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All the suggestions made by people are good, but it depends on what one means by lonely and isolated. You can be in a crowded room, out with a group of people, on a walk with ramblers, in a class learning something new, all are perfectly practical and pragmatic answers but it does not mean you won't feel lonely and isolated. Many couples of long standing years on the surface seem happy but a lot don't communicate together, or share their feelings, so again it matters less where or what group you actually decide upon to welcome into your life, but more to do with the " kind" of connection YOU want or need to enable you to feel less isolated. And of course the people you eventually attempt to meet through whatever means, ideally seek the same kind of connection, then you are more likely to feel happy and fulfilled! But you must try to create the opportunities to meet others to be of benefit.
DANYOU14
30th Jul 2016 17:36:59
1
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Get a dog, join a walking, ramblers group. Find your local community meeting place and go for coffee. Join a gardening club or keep fit class ... so many ways to meet new people and not be lonely or isolated
Mollflanders
30th Jul 2016 13:16:36
0
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Hi, how about joining a scrabble club. Lots of these going on at local libraries. If there isn't one, start one. I did. If scrabble isn't your thing, walking clubs are popular (don't forget your brolly, after all - this is England!). You've already made a start by joining this club and you could always have a coffee morning and invite those of us living nearby. Worth a shot.
celtwitch
30th Jul 2016 09:30:15 (Last activity: 30th Jul 2016 13:11:28)
-1
Thanks for voting!
I will answer your very pertinent question by quoting a verse from Lord of the Rings.

I sit beside the fire and think of people long ago,
of people who will see a world that I will never know.
And all the while I sit and think of how it was before,
I listen for returning feet and voices at the door.

The sad, but indubitable truth is that the 'returning feet' (friends/family) may never arrive at your door.
The world will not beat a path to our doors, we have to go out to be noticed, or no-one will even know that we exist.
There are hundreds of thousands of lonely older people, abandoned by family, dropped down the memory hole of life, forgotten by former workmates, colleagues, neighbours and the system.
Here are a few pragmatic suggestions,
1 buy a bike, cyclists are very friendly people.
2 pop into your local pub, or WMC
3 brew some beer and invite the neighbours round
4 Host a barbeque
5 ask your local council what's going on for older men
6 go to church
7 do a college course
8 join ISIS (only joking!)

But, please do something, anything, but just get out there, smile, talk to people, laugh...go on, give it a go.
Response from ThatManViv Original Poster made on 30th Jul 2016 13:11:28
1. I gotta bike ... I use it .... but there arent any geriatric cycling clubs here, and Ive no wish to wear lycra, or break a hip cycling off road ...
2. I hate pubs
3. Im not brewing beer, puts the pounds on ya, and I have no neighbours who would come in ... theyre all foreigners with loads of their own mates, and quite a few of the houses around me are muslim
4 I dont eat meat and conditions of 3 apply
5. waste of time going to the council and the library ... I tried... U3A is about all they suggest, and I found that elitist
6, I am not religious
7. I have a serious ptsd problem with places of education. I've never lasted in a course yet.
8. I;m far too nice
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