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Step Mother

After nearly 30 years of silence, my step mother used a private detective to track me down and sent a letter to my home address. During this time our Dad whom we were not allowed to see died. We were not tracked down then so consequently were denied the chance to attend his funeral. I sent her a pleasant email in reply as I did not want her turning up on my doorstep and her letter out of the blue quite freaked me out.


My sibling and I were badly treated by this women when we were children. Our own children have been born, grown, married and have children of their own. Never once has this woman remembered a birthday of any of the children or grandchildren in our family.


Now after all this time she is demanding their addresses and wants to make contact with them. She has her own blood relations whom I think she may have fallen out with and I believe thinks our lot will do instead.


What can we do? We don't want her turning up on our doorsteps and given that she denied us the chance to see our father or attend his funeral we are all quite annoyed by her behaviour. What advice can you give us?


Created By on 24/10/2019

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Janel1948
9th Apr 2020 21:30:51
1
Thanks for voting!
cassien, we must be related. My father had an affair when my parents were married. In fact, he introduced me to her once when he took me to dinner. She was conveniently at the restaurant. I was 15 at the time. My parents divorced a month later. I had nothing against this woman; I just wanted my parents to be happy.

This woman was friendly to me, but had no children of her own. I never found it easy to relate to her. She was simply my father's wife. I had no relationship with my father (his choice) so I rarely saw either of them. I married, had children. My father died in 1982 and his wife remarried 10 years later. That husband died. My father's wife just died at the age of 93.

My brother asked about how to list me in the obit. I didn't want the word 'stepmother' used as the woman and I were never close.

My brother distanced himself from age 20 and now is reaching out to my adult children. They make their own decisions about how to handle this. It does irk me he is doing this after 50 years of ignoring me.

My point with this explanation is that people show you who they are. Granted, your 'stepmother' is lonely. Sometimes the hurt is too great and like they say, 'you can't go home again.'
nancyj1950
23rd Dec 2019 21:30:13
3
Thanks for voting!
One of the most important things I've learned in life it that someone being a relative (through blood or marriage) does not mean that they are automatically worthy of your time and life. It does not automatically make them a good person. You do not have to sacrifice your emotional well-being and mental peace to indulge them and their self-serving actions. If I were you, I would just cut ties and move on. I know that this is hard for some people to do, but it can do wonders for making your life easier. Good luck, my friend!

Nancy
PatriciaB96
27th Oct 2019 15:21:57 (Last activity: 12th Dec 2019 20:46:58)
0
Thanks for voting!
Good afternoon , it sounds like jealousy to me , maybe she resented you , but over the years if that's her or others attitude , maybe there is a lot going on , you have done nothing wrong , unfortunately step mothers are not always nice people , and the ones who are get a bad write up , I'm so sorry , I suggest a lot of thinking needs to be done , and be careful , she may not have the morals of an innocent person
Response from TonyP63 made on 12th Dec 2019 20:46:58
I suppose the way the email was worded would be my red flags. If worded contrite, reply as to her motivation etc. If worded like a demand, reply, it will only need a 2 worded answer. Sometimes, people change, but rarely. She could have bypassed you and went straight to them, and she still may. Let them choose, otherwise, you are robbing them of the option, just like her
swaneldo
23rd Nov 2019 13:35:40
3
Thanks for voting!
Personally, I'd just cut the tenuous ties. Over the years I've realised that being a relative is not a valid emotional reason to have your life ruined. Psychological bullying / hurt lasts through your entire life and is as dangerous as physical abuse so cut away anything with bad karma to lessen the damage caused and get on with your life. I suggest you ignore all requests and draw a line under it all for your own wellbeing and mental health.
[deleted]
26th Oct 2019 15:10:47 (Last activity: 9th Nov 2019 14:33:52)
2
Thanks for voting!
[deleted]
Response from Blossom52 made on 9th Nov 2019 14:33:52
Is it possible she has things of your fathers that she wants to give you or may he left you something?
CaroleAH
28th Oct 2019 17:37:18
3
Thanks for voting!
Hi Cassien,
If I were you, I would insist on knowing why this woman has tracked you down and if you don't get a satisfactory reply then I would tell her that you don't want any further contact and I definitely wouldn't give her any of your family's addresses. You were badly treated by her and denied access to your father - why would you want to bother with her?

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