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Top tips!

What three top tips would you give to a friend of yours who has recently become a grandparent?


Created By on 04/03/2014

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cloudless13
26th Jan 2017 20:22:07
3
Thanks for voting!
One take up fishing and let the parents do the job of bringing up their children.

I see over and over again old people pushing prams up the road, the children as lovely as I am sure they are get confused who is the real parent. I also know of many grandparents who are totally exhausted by the end of a day looking after these babies and very young children, some doing so five days a week.. Yes it saves having them in child care, yet voids them truly bonding with their mothers... Many of whom go back to work to further their careers... why not just hang on a few years before carrying on work, those first 3 to 5 years are the most important of a child's life. Money, work or your children first....

I know this will not be a favored post and can see so many getting hot with rage, yet all research is showing just what I have posted. There is a time for grandparents, yet not used as full time baby sitters.......
Response from Pola made on 28th Jan 2017 20:33:29
Wholeheartedly agree with you. I have 2 grandsons: eldest just over a year old and little brother 2 weeks old. I told both my lovely daughter and her equally lovely husband that there would be no over night sleepovers with the eldest until he was at least one year old. I would on occasion watch him to let them have a night out for dinner, meet friends, go shopping but they would have to be home at a reasonable time as I, too, have a social life. They both have respected my wishes as I have respected the boundaries of being a grandmother. My situation is that my own mother died before I had any of my children and my late father was a man of his time (was in his 70's when my children were born) : your children, you look after them so my children were used to me being at home 7 nights a week. There was no-one else I could ask nor trust with my children. The same rules apply with the newborn. Then the 2 of them can sleepover. This allowed both the parents to establish a routine with the first born and will allow them to establish a routine with the second born. When I had the first one recently for a sleepover I followed the parents routine for feeding, bath time, bedtime etc until he woke up at 7am on a Saturday morning with the "mum,mum,mum..." Then I understood why my late father "was a man of his time!"
Response from cloudless13 made on 1st Feb 2017 10:30:59
Hi Pola

I felt like a horrible person posting the above comment you kindly posted to. Yet it seems I am not alone... So many parents seem to think its a right to have children then pop off to work six months later saying its all fine and dandy the grandparents can fill the gaps and it wont cost us anything.
The grandparents feel totally obliged to take this on. Yes of course they love their grandchildren, want contact, however most days of the week is taking the bisket.... Its not right us oldies pushing prams down the road, trying to meet the needs of these so young children. I can only say if you out there are so willing to do all this, your life must be so boring you need to fill the gap..
Response from Georgie Girl made on 1st Feb 2017 14:51:24
Agree with you cloudless13, my friend ran herself ragged looking after 3 grandchildren, this was not because the parents struggled or needed to 'keep their heads above water' but because they wanted a bigger house, a bigger car, promotion at work. What are they thinking about, talk about having your cake and eating it. Why on earth do they have children, we live in a sad world. My friend then someone and out of 3 months they possibly only spent 1 month together, the rest of the time she was babysitting, she then died...exhausted!
Grandparents, stand up and be counted, let a mother, father, look after their own children the way it should be.
Response from Pola made on 1st Feb 2017 20:30:03
Hi Cloudless13
Thank you for your reply. You certainly did not come across as a horrible person but more of a straight forward person - a spade is a spade sort of person. I have never ever made any "bones" about that I only want the good times to be the "grannie" my children never had. I still work full time and have no intentions of retiring any time soon. I have a lovely partner in my life having been divorced from their dad for a long time. I have done my time of sleepless nights, teething, nightmares, homework ... and so on. I always tell the parents this is where you will build your memories of your family as I have of all of you when you were this age, that age and the next age... enjoy, enjoy, enjoy. Nobody nor anything can take these precious moments away from you however I, too, am entitled to a happy life filled with new memories and experiences.
Response from cloudless13 made on 2nd Feb 2017 14:00:26
Thanks Pola what a gentleman you are..

I retired early, yet am slowly going mad with winter boredom, time to get a part time job I think.
Response from Pola made on 3rd Feb 2017 18:44:34
Hahaha given the name Pola, I am indeed a lady.
Response from cloudless13 made on 4th Feb 2017 18:22:30
OOOO Dear Pola I am so sorry.... It must be the new pills they are giving me at the old folks home..

Ha ha sorry darling..
Miranda kayak
19th May 2017 07:41:27
0
Thanks for voting!
Stay fit.
Never give advice.
Restrain yourself from boring other people with photos/stories.
Otherwise use enjoy every minute you can.
Beebee46
13th Mar 2017 09:50:02
0
Thanks for voting!
Who wants to be a granny ?,how do we decide
Is it what we really want, or just our stupid pride
I'm going to be a granny I heard whilst on the bus
Don't be boasting women,don't make such a fuss.

So your going to be a granny,it will cost you,I'll be bound
Cots and prams and dummies they cost pounds and pounds
Your services will be required and you wan't have a say
Cos you'll be blooming babysitting every single day.

So your going to be a granny with obligatory car seat
You want have time to see your friends or have something to eat
The child will be demanding throw tantrums by the score
The terrible twos are looming,please don't have anymore.

So your going to be a granny to 2 or 3 or more
How many can you cope with,O! No, here comes number 4.
Grannies house is funny,she doesn't have a tele
And when we need to go the loo it really is quite smelly.

So your going to be a granny,have no time to yourself
By the time that you go shopping there's no food on the shelf
You'll be asked to keep the highchair as you have him more than me
It doesn't make sense me taking him,when you can give him tea.

I told my kids when they were young,I don't want to be a granny
Don't be bringing prams and cots I don't want to be a granny
Babysitting while you go to work,I don't want to be a granny
I hope by now you understand,I don't want to be a granny.
Georgie Girl
1st Feb 2017 14:52:55 (Last activity: 2nd Feb 2017 14:10:15)
0
Thanks for voting!
Mistake in my post below, it should have read...

My friend then met someone...
Response from cloudless13 made on 2nd Feb 2017 14:10:15
I think you have hit it on the head dear Georgie Girl.... its not about having little money and having to work ..... its about mostly having four holidays a year, driving the latest 4x4 or lovely new cars, about wanting more and more.... a sad reflection of this modern world and the traps people fall into.

If one adds the extra holidays, the loan on a new car, the cost of using it for work, and spending what people don't have together it will most lightly be almost the ladies take home pay... so why not give up a few things for just a few years, get to know your children at the most important time of their lives, and stop trying to keep up with all your social friendships.......... its called greed and at the expense of grandparents good natures who feel obliged to do their duty... Or course some don't feel this way, yet if they are spending all their retirement time looking after babies and very young children you have to ask WHY are they not doing things with other people and enjoying retirement..... a big clue is written here maybe....
Clog Dancer
29th Mar 2014 12:17:47 (Last activity: 1st Feb 2017 10:36:09)
1
Thanks for voting!
Enjoy the time with your grandchildren, as you didn't have the time when your children were growing up. Mine now live in Australia and I miss them like crazy. I do keep in contact on Skype but it's not the same as cuddles and kisses in person. Never contradict the parents wishes, bite your tongue you could loose children and grandchildren in one blow. 😉
Response from cloudless13 made on 1st Feb 2017 10:36:09
Dear Clog. The voice of doom.... who said we did not have the time with our children when they were growing up ??? We did.. the children came first not work.
celtwitch
7th May 2016 15:51:58 (Last activity: 1st Feb 2017 10:33:53)
1
Thanks for voting!
I had absolutely no 'quality time' with any of my grandparents, they were strange, distant people and a bit scary, they seemed completely disinterested in me. It was the era of 'children should be seen but not heard.'
Consequently when, in turn, they died, I felt almost nothing, no sense of loss, no grief, and no regrets.
It was only when I became a grown up and had children and grandchildren of my own, who I loved and doted on, that I realised that, as a child, I had been cheated out of something very special.
Response from cloudless13 made on 1st Feb 2017 10:33:53
Old people and young children/baby's the gap is far to long.. MUM s are what these baby's want and need. Its often said the first words uttered by a child are missed by the parent, its the grandparent who hears this... how sad is that.
ArchieUK
12th Sep 2016 07:57:20 (Last activity: 1st Feb 2017 10:25:55)
1
Thanks for voting!
1 Keep your nose out

2 Let the parents do the parenting even though they do not do it the way you like

3 Only help when ASKED.

Do not pretend to dote on grandchildren trying to bribe them with gifts etc is a waste of time. We have our oldest grandchild many years ago he is now 29 years old and other grandchildren as well, and there are even great-grandchildren so we speak from experience.
Response from cloudless13 made on 1st Feb 2017 10:25:55
Rock on Archie totally agree.
celtwitch
7th May 2016 10:39:09
1
Thanks for voting!
1 Look after them only if you absolutely must.

2 Hand them back as soon as possible.

3 Keep your hand on your wallet/purse.
EsmeCara
31st Jan 2016 19:21:50
1
Thanks for voting!
Enjoy them, they will remember you for ever, indulge, become a child again, leave parenting to the parents, never mind heaps of gifts, give you live and time.
Sue15197
20th Mar 2014 05:38:06
3
Thanks for voting!
Only offer advice when the parent asks for it.
Spend as much time building a relationship with your grandchild as you can, cuddles, kisses, hugs, playing with them.
Kids come first, if they want your attention, give it to them. It my not be important to you, but it is to them. 😀

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