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What am I doing wrong?

I have achieved enormous success in my professional life, and achieved all that is possible for me to do. I have enjoyed a lifestyle of which most can only dream. I have no ambitions left to fulfill. So why does happiness elude me ? I quite enjoy living alone, and my own company. But there is a big difference between being alone and being lonely! I have a wide and varied circle of associates, and 1 really good friend, upon whom I would trust my life. I have 3 children, two boys and a girl, all of whom maintain an extremely regular contact with me. I realise that this statement only contains “I” not “we”, which is a source of sadness to me. So, what am I doing that is so wrong, in my personal life ?

Created By on 20/02/2016

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28th Feb 2016 11:32:11
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Hi this is what I got just a thought in an email today so thought I'd post it from

Happiness, much like ‘passion’, is something that (ready for the cheese?) exists inside you. You bring it to the party, you don't go to the party to get it.
7th Mar 2019 07:51:58 (Last activity: 7th Mar 2019 07:54:51)
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Erm are you living on the moment often enough or in the past or future. I'm guilty of that often I'm so stressed I forget to enjoy the moment...silly Happines comes and goes. I find joy in learning something new, maybe step out of your comfort zone and learn Tango or Tap, start painting, write a song and children's book...well I would say that I'm a creative. Maye just play a record and put your feet up in the garden and watch the birds or name all the countries and cities in the world with Rs in the nAmerican. ..oh come on I can only be so helpful. In the UK a nice cup of tea is the answer to everything it's why other countries struggle politically not enought tea! Oh and a digestivery biscuit of course. Success eh lucky you and we'll done.
Response from SomersetCaz made on 7th Mar 2019 07:54:51
Grrr where did American come from...I should say country and digestive biscuit. I hate it when I type one thing and my phone changes it...I sound like a half now no need to jump on board...ha ha
11th Jan 2019 07:15:18
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Maybe happiness should become an ambition. Life is a mix of successful failures, we should not dwell on the failures but acknowledge and move on. The really important thing is how we measure success, it is essentially how we feel about ourselves and our relationship with the world. If we are comfortable that we have done what we can to help other people and live at peace with ourselves then we can say we are confident. Other people are drawn to people who are confident and caring.
Pendle Witch
24th Nov 2018 11:59:48
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You appear to have a near perfect life.

Of course it would be nice to have someone very special to share things with but I feel you are worrying too much. Fate will lend a hand when you least expect it to.
28th Dec 2016 22:20:14
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Hello TaxJudge

I relate to your message above. I have been successful too. I have friends. Both of my daughters live in the same road as myself. I never knock on their door. We respect our privacy and ring first.

I'm afraid I have too many "I's just like you.

I have wondered where I am going wrong, but I have decided it is fate, or some people are luckier than others I guess.

I think that it would be nice if we could both find "Love" we all need to love and be loved.

Best Wishes

Don't give up on life! What will be will be!

I am seeking a holiday companion to travel and see places and meet new people, perhaps go on a cruise as I love travelling, so doing the things that make you happy seems right to me and maybe love will just come along with it.


Joan Fraser
5th Dec 2016 14:18:47
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Hi TaxJudge - I don't think you're doing much wrong; maybe worrying a bit too much is all. It sounds like you have a caring but independent family, a choice of company should you want it, and one special person too - that's a healthy mix. Maybe your current state just calls for a change of scene, a volunteering morning, or a holiday in a new destination, maybe even finding a challenging but enjoyable hobby, or some pampering time to let the joy come forth. I most certainly am not 'happy' all the time, but I am regularly reminding myself that I have to be grateful and appreciative; my independence means that any choices I make will be mine - as will the outcomes. Good luck, and I hope you might successfully try something new or different. As one wise man said "Happiness is not around us, it is in us"
20th Nov 2016 13:03:13
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I recognise your feelings but I think life goes in circles and sometimes (well, always) things change and we have to change with them. I have lived on my own now for about 4 years and enjoy it - most of the time - but there are many times when it gets lonely and would be nice to have someone there to share it all with. Definitely do not like weekends or festive seasons!! but would rather be in my cosy home with my little dog on my own than somewhere else with company I would rather not be with. So try and enjoy and remember no situation is perfect - and circles go around.
Rayn Beau
10th May 2016 12:10:44 (Last activity: 20th Nov 2016 09:18:25)
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It is lonely especially in the evening when your just chilling out and have no one to share your comments and thoughts. I do understand and yes it is lonely without a partner you love.
Response from Robanpen made on 20th Nov 2016 09:18:25
For all the comments made on this subject, yours knocked the nail on the head - for me anyway. Being alone and loneliness can mean two different things but your note defined loneliness caused by not having a partner to love. I am in that position. My marriage of seven years sadly ended last year and I'm finding it difficult to be content with all I have in life because I still love the man I married. Many times I have asked myself "am I lonely" and, basically, I don't think I am I miss the love I wanted. It would be easy for anyone to say "get over it". If only I could I would then be content.
28th Jul 2016 03:32:19 (Last activity: 16th Nov 2016 06:52:46)
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You have made your life all about one thing..YOU... and now your finding out what its like to grow old alone....because of that... good luck with that business model...
Response from magdelina made on 14th Nov 2016 02:43:31
Response from LinG made on 16th Nov 2016 06:52:46
A little harsh
14th Nov 2016 02:36:13
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I don't think you are doing anything wrong. Seems to me that you just came up for air and had a look around. Nothing wrong with that.
I think you want to be in L-O-V-E with a like- minded person and share new experiences with them. That someone may even be closer than you think...if you come up for air again.

Really...what have you got to lose...going back to being sad.
26th Oct 2016 15:22:26
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Happy Star and Little Minx
Yes I applaud the comments too. All the suggestions sound wonderful but just because people were successful in the careers does not mean that they have the confidence to go out of their comfort zone to do new things . I could no doubt knit a blanket, and I do give to charity but I do not sit back with a halo - No I do what I feel comfortable with and that is voluntary work. Surely better to encourage people to take small steps towards finding a way forward for them that will benefit themselves and possibly others .One small step at a time and if you want to dive in caves or whatever floats your boat hopefully you will have helped yourself and others along the way.
26th Oct 2016 11:45:11 (Last activity: 26th Oct 2016 12:18:44)
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"I have achieved enormous success in my professional life, and achieved all that is possible for me to do. I have enjoyed a lifestyle of which most can only dream. I have no ambitions left to fulfill"

Have you run a marathon, have you plunged through a flooded cave, have you climbed a vertical cliff face, dived for clams? Have you campaigned for political office, have you written at least one novel, have you knitted a woolen blanket for a poor refugee child? Have considered giving up whinging and starting to live your life and thanking your lucky stars that you have much more than millions of people in this country?
Response from Yodama made on 26th Oct 2016 12:18:44
Great happystar, we often wonder what our purpose is on this planet. Is it work, work, work? I have personally known some extremely rich people who are miserable, their souls have withered.
Maybe the most satisfying and food for the soul, is service to other's. There is not enough in this world. Giving to charities and sitting back is not enough, finding someone to help and lifting the spirits of someone who is having a hard time,is by far a greater reward.
I applaud your message.
lil ole woman
26th Oct 2016 01:42:03
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Often as "one" gets older, often aviod the drama of certains aspects in life. We do not conform it is considered an old person's life. Each generations changes how we interrupted life expectation. Exactly to define term of loneliness to each person is different. Many will believe that one can not be happy as time frees up, allowing one to experience other Avenue that went unexplored in earlier years. Being old is only a frame of mind and what we choose with our time is earned as one enters news areas of life. Do hope this finds you in good spirits. =)
18th Oct 2016 00:05:57
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A quote from Abraham Lincoln is the perfect answer:
Folks Are Usually About as Happy as They Make Up Their Minds To Be.
30th May 2016 17:48:17 (Last activity: 6th Aug 2016 12:28:44)
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Judge, most of the Western world is chasing that elusive quality, 'Happiness.' But I fear it's a red herring, leading to much heart ache and discontent. 'Happiness,' is bandied about all over the media: everyone claims they are 'happy.' But I fear they know not that of which they speak.

Happiness is a fleeting thing. A moment never to be repeated in quite the same way. A first kiss, or touching of hands (yes, I'm going back a long way), perhaps a glance from a loved one or the first sip of a fine Cognac from a balloon gently warmed in the hands.

We may not plan for happiness, expect or manufacture it. It arrives and is gone, in an instant. We savour the moment for years to come.

We all remember the moments when we were happy. Looking back on life, they are the moments we use to define ourselves to ourselves; the moments which pleased and fulfilled us completely.

If happiness is a fleeting thing, contentment is not.

Contentment undergirds those 'happy-times.' I might say it is the progenitor of happiness. It is the bedrock on which we may live our lives. Without contentment there is anguish, self searching, sometimes bitterness and self hatred. As we pass through each of these steps contentment further eludes us. At each step we are diminished as a person.

We are looking for the wrong thing in the wrong place. There is no good outcome to that.

Contentment is not easily defined, although the OED gives a shallow clue. It is a point we may, or may not, arrive at. In essence, contentment means to accept our lot in life and live in and with that. Acceptance, without the all too common mental and spiritual striving for more and more, as if reaching those goals would ever fulfil us as humans. It doesn't.

It may seem as if I preach. I do not. I write from hard won experience, and from my heart. I am content in the place I find myself; I purpose only to share with you, Judge, what I learned the hard way forty-five years ago.

I learned, when an impoverished farm worker, to accept my lot, dwell in it. Once accepted, my lot seemed better, more rosy, hopeful. Hope returned to me and as my demeanour changed new opportunities presented themselves, one of which I accepted.

Contentment and hope are closely related. They're in the same family. When we lose contentment, hope disappears out of the window to be replaced with ambition. Dangerous stuff, ambition.

Judge, please, if I may offer you anything else in this line, please come back to me. The privilege will be mine.
Response from KimFh made on 30th May 2016 20:17:43
Maybe it is time to stop looking and to make the most of each day in whatever place you happen to be. I've had my fair share of disasters and still have lot's of uncertainty in my life, but the good thing is I don't share the dreadful condition that some people do. This is about me and I'm certainly not preaching. Having had so much sadness in my life I tend to take each day as it comes. It is lovely to see two people still caring and sharing and looking after each other and enjoying life together, something not everyone has experienced. Maybe being on here and just making friends and even meeting up will give some happiness and enjoyment if we all make an effort, after all we are on here because we want to travel and make friends, lets get on with it.
Response from Lionel made on 30th May 2016 22:47:30
KimFh, you are so right. In this world we now care only for ourselves and that is so very wrong.

It just requires a hand of friendship, no matter our place or theirs.

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

I've lived and loved by that. It can't be beaten
Response from Sueblue made on 6th Aug 2016 12:28:44
Thank you for this reply. My late partner always used to ask me if I was happy. I always seemed to have something in the way. Now I live alone , try my best to help out where i can. I always seem to be happier in the company of older people. Currently I am taking my 95 year old friend to various hospital appointments. She is such good company. I tell myself that this is the situation and to accept it - your post made such sense to me. I hope one day to find contentment and be at ease with myself.
1st Jun 2016 17:30:43 (Last activity: 15th Jul 2016 17:11:25)
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The thing is we always come back to ourselves so whatever we strive to do or achieve it will always leave us empty and a feeling of more to do to fill the void. We all feel it to a greater or lesser degree. Things like meditation are helpful as they take us to a place of inner peace and then sometimes in that relaxed state we can truly feel connection with ourselves and life around us. This then extends into feeling more accepting of life and all its ups and downs. Mindfulness also encourages us to focus and give 100% to each present moment - be that washing up or hanging out the washing etc. This is said to still the mind/ego and stop what can be incessant thought that potentially leads us into negative thinking. I think also our natural disposition and also upbringing play a part and for that reason some find life easier! I see myself as a work in progress!!
Response from celtwitch made on 2nd Jun 2016 10:28:41
About as profound as marmalade! What the flick is 'mindfulness' and how has it managed to infiltrate the thought processes of otherwise intelligent people?
We should perhaps be more like dogs, 'scratch some grass, and then get on with our lives.'
'Meditation' and 'mindfulness' are waste of time and energy and are no substitute for a brisk walk over the hilltops.
Response from Vix made on 15th Jul 2016 17:11:25
We all have our own way of dealing with things and what works for you may not work for someone else but that doesn't make it any less valid.
1st Jun 2016 11:07:04
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Perhaps it's time to stop feeling sorry for yourself and start thanking your lucky stars for what you have, which is shedloads more than many retired people have after pulling their tripes out for decades in horrible low paid jobs.
Some people are never satisfied, are they?
Ginger nut
10th May 2016 00:04:00 (Last activity: 30th May 2016 17:50:28)
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I could have written that. Why does happiness elude me? I am another professional person, worked hard and done been well, come from a well balanced middle class background, lots of family but unlike you never had children.

I always thought it was it was the the ability to have children that was the problem ( medical )BUT it never was and now I realise that I am just not happy. I work hard, I am good at what I do, but I have lost all my zest for life because I realise I am unhappy.

I truly believe that I was born with my cup half empty and that as much as I do, I will never be happy. Like you I am alone, and at times very lonely. Perhaps we have too much time, or think too much. were our grandmothers happy? Was it possible to be HAPPPY fifty years ago? Content, yes, proud and pleased, and all the time doing their best. I have done my best, I started out with that intent but lost sight of family and friends.
Response from Rayn Beau made on 10th May 2016 12:12:06
You just need someone to love
Response from celtwitch made on 10th May 2016 21:42:19
My dog and my cat are the most important 'people' in my life, they are always there for me and they will never abandon me the way that humans have in the past. I am truly happy in their presence and feel so privileged to have such genuine companions.
I also get great happiness from watching baby rabbits in the fields in the summer and my heart soars when I stand on the hill tops and marvel at the panoramic views where I can see 4 counties. If that ain't happiness then the word needs to be redefined.
I have little money, no close friends and no family, but I have more than money can buy, a deep and enduring sense that I have all that I need and that anything else would be superfluous to my needs.
The secret is in not 'getting what you want, but in wanting what you've got.' I don't know who said that, but it sums it all up for me.
Finally, I have, or, should I say, had children, and they are not always the blessing you might think they are, mine certainly were not.
Response from Lionel made on 30th May 2016 17:50:28
Perhaps a quick read of my reply to TaxJudge might help Ginger.
1st May 2016 18:52:34
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Your work defined who you were You need to find out who you are now . maybe look at this part of your life as a new role .... Try and relax and try and enjoy your new role ... And believe me you are not doing anything wrong . X
20th Feb 2016 18:56:53 (Last activity: 29th Apr 2016 18:16:03)
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You are independent and successful and some people find this intimidating,it makes you appear as if you don't want anything different in your life.I'm finding this hard to express but it is a critisim I have had levelled at me "Your far to independent"
Response from Lesley made on 29th Apr 2016 18:16:03
I get that 'independence' bit too. I am because I have to be, sometimes I don't want to be.
15th Apr 2016 11:52:26
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I am sorry you feel this way, but my belief is that happiness is not a realistic permanent state to pursue because it doesn't exist. Its temporary by its very nature and its purpose is to give you motivation enabling you to get through the"everyday". Try a kind of contentment and count the the things you have. Many would love to be in your position, even boredom can be an enviable luxury. When you have lifes essentials and not living in fear of things like domestic violence, bullying, homelessness and war you are very lucky. This might sound harsh and I dont mean it to, but try and not focus on the I, you have many skills and talents that others may find use for which in turn could lead to new adventure's. This is is just one way of looking at things and i could be very wrong, but it has helped me. Its not easy, so, I wish you lots of luck. x
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