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Worried about husband!

I've been feeling a little anxious about my husband lately. We've been together for 20 yrs and married for 17 of them. No kids at home, and we both work full time. I feel like we're drifting apart, and I'm experiencing bouts of sadness due to this.


Firstly my husband lost his sex drive. Initially, I didn't know why, but after some prompting, he told me one of his testicles had become swollen, and that he was worried. Long story but I convinced him to visit his doctor, He had a few tests, and it was the diagnosis was a Varicocele. Not life threatening and has since had this fixed a couple of months ago.


Our sex life is still non-existent. My husband tells me he hasn't had any libido for months and that it will probably not return. I sense a loss of intimacy in our r/ship. He seems ok with it. We have slept separately for probably 3 yrs due to husbands snoring keeping me awake. We don't mind sleeping separately tbh so this isn't an issue as per se, but it also means we don't have cuddle time anymore, which makes me feel like I am living with a friend.


Our days off together are ok, but no brilliant. My husband goes inside himself a lot, reading newspapers, watching tv etc and I am becoming increasingly lonely. I don't feel like I am a needy type person, but our marriage seems very weird now.


Please if anyone has any suggestions or you've been through a similar experience, I'd love to hear your thoughts. TIA


Created By on 22/06/2019

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hyperbod
22nd Jun 2019 18:43:56
0
Thanks for voting!
Its a difficult one. Maybe you are just living with a friend, and that is how it is going to be? Difficult to accept, but it sounds as though the physical side of your marriage is important to you. Sometimes there are options , but it does depend on who you are.

I was in a marriage for about 23 years and the last 12 must have been pretty much like that, I felt my life had been wasted. All the good years when I was the only one up for it.
Separated in 2001, eventually divorced, then after 6 years and a brief but unsatisfactory relationship found the love of my life... as they say.
So after a tremendous wait happiness came at last.
Then in 2017 got prostate cancer..... so that put an end to that. Still keep going though, but partner also got a cancer, was sorted out, but then died this April after a short but straightforward operation.
So sometimes life is just what it is, 'a bitch'
Sorry, I have been no help, but maybe after hearing this you won't feel quite as bad?
Good luck.
Response from Yogafan Original Poster made on 23rd Jun 2019 19:42:14
Sorry to hear of your loss,very sad when it was the love of your life.I think(?)I can live with the loss of libido,but its the sense of loneliness I feel thats hard to cope with.The other day,we were both off work.We visited our allotment which was quite nice,came home and husband sat outside watching the cricket for hours via his ipad or whatever it is.I started off sitting with him for an hour,but sensed he just wanted to be alone,so I came back inside.Am I expecting too much?I'm only 58,and feel I have alot of life left inside me.
GardeningGran
3rd Nov 2020 09:51:16
0
Thanks for voting!
Hello Yogafan,
A bit sad for you but one suggestion is to take in an early morning cuppa to your husband and ask him about his plans for the day. Perhaps finding a common interest, even if it’s his, such as F1, which my husband loves and I know a little about! Walks together and lunch out, old photos to sort. It can be hard work but worth a try, and have you told him how you feel?
My husband is most indignant that I told him I no longer want to make love as it was most uncomfortable and usually unsuccessful ( he is 92 and I am 78). We still have a cuddle with a cuppa in the mornings though.
Good luck.
Broncrider
22nd Oct 2020 05:16:41
0
Thanks for voting!
Your husband sounds a lot like my wife. no interest in really anything. Sex is a long gone pleasure. The only reason we have not divorced is my daughters and grandchildren. My wife does have a great relationship with them. I have realized that my situation is never going to be happy.
If I might offer some advice, is to move on. I would take my own advice if it was not for the grandchildren. I could not stand losing them.
[deleted]
5th Oct 2020 14:00:25 (Last activity: 5th Oct 2020 17:10:18)
0
Thanks for voting!
[deleted]
Response from Sally - Silversurfer's Editor made on 5th Oct 2020 17:10:18
Hi oxonm,

Welcome and many thanks for your first comment in our Forum.

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jan19512003
15th Aug 2019 09:13:13
0
Thanks for voting!
Also a reflection of my life - for the past fifteen years now. I intend to get myself a 'new life', I hope to meet - not looking for a long term relationship, but I am sooooo bored, and as he was unfaithful years ago - I feel it's my time now. I have been bringing up grandchildren and now they are over eighteen I have this 'Sense of Freedom' and intend to make the most of it.
I am off on my first weekend away from home soon - not dating, just a retreat for the bereaved, but it's a break, and a taster to see if I can manage on my own.
Kate k
30th Jun 2019 10:10:43
0
Thanks for voting!
Reading your post was like seeing a reflection of my own life. I am 56 and feel i live a parallel life with my husband. We do not sleep together, snoring and night shifts make it impossible. We rarely go out together, but when we do we return home to separate rooms with nothing to say to each other. I sometimes feel that i am invisible to him. We have been married for 15 years and i am about to retire early so i am extremely worried about how we are going to live together, both of us around the house all the time. I feel lke you in that there is so much life and living that i want to do but i cannot get my husband excited about doing anything with me. I know this is no help to you but you are not alone in your predicament.
PatriciaB96
24th Jun 2019 18:11:03
2
Thanks for voting!
Hi., Im sorry about your problems , have you tried experimenting with new things , or role play , so you become him and he beomes you., its worth a try ,he may be imbarest of ashamed of himself , dont give up , society says men cant talk about there emotions like we woman do , good luck .

Patricia

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