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Worried about MIL

Hi all, My Mother In Law, is 94 yrs old and lives independently alone.


She is becoming more and more frail and has just had another fall,having had a few other falls in the last 6 mths. She was rushed to hospital yesterday after my sister in law discovered her on the floor hallway. She has now got a fractured hip and is being operated on today. I am married to her son, and she also has two daughters. We all live close by,but all work full time too so don't visit that often.


We're now wondering what's best for her. Personally (Having worked in aged care myself a few yrs ago) that she needs a residential home type setting, as its now apparent she can't really stay where she is. My MIL however will not discuss it.


She wants to remain where she is, and I understand that totally. I just don't think its feasible for her or safe. She had a bad fall last September, the day after our daughter's wedding (She didn't attend, too frail). We had planned a busy day too, packing etc for a trip away for 2 weeks, and chores around the house, but instead spent the whole day at her house waiting for the paramedics, then following the ambulance to the hospital, and we never got home until very late that night.


We are on holiday right now (About to go away) and last night got the call from SIL to say Mum had been found on the floor and was now in hospital. SIL had taken her recently to be assessed mobility wise, and my MIL got to the appt, to then refuse to be seen. Probably scared the professionals would say she was incapable of staying living where she is.


I'm wondering though, at what point do we intervene and can we? I feel the MIL has the onslaught of Dementia (Becoming forgetful,keeps going back in time thinking its the present time etc). When she returns from hospital,she will no doubt be living back in her own home,but we will of course worry sick that something untoward will happen again. A neighbour recently found my MIL outside at night,just wearing her pj's.


It's very sad. Can we speak to someone about this?


When does it get to a point where elderly people are actually admitted into a residential home/nursing home?


Tia


Created By on 12/02/2019

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PDurrant
29th Jan 2020 13:47:57
0
Thanks for voting!
I've only just joined SilverSurfers (was trying to deny my age!) and I can see this is an old post but maybe people are still reading it.

There has been research done about going into care homes and almost no one wants to - everyone wants to stay in their own home but think they don't have a choice. But there is a choice - you can have a carer come daily to your home or even live with you - and I don't mean the social services supplied carers who are only allocated 15 minutes and it's always someone different who turns up each time (been there with my Dad).

Neither is it as expensive as people think - I'd say check the cost of homecare or live-in care before you assume you can't afford it.

My Mum paid £1,200 per week (that's per week!) when my Dad was in a care home for 8 weeks rehabilitating after a fall but when he came home they found a lovely carer privately (but on a social services approved list) who came to the house for several hours a day. When he passed away some months later it was in his own bed, his own home and with his family there.

The 8 weeks he spent in the care home was enough for us all to know he would have hated living there full-time
PennyB22
8th Oct 2019 13:01:04
1
Thanks for voting!
Your Mother needs to wear a life line pendant around her neck that she can just push and speak to help via the telephone from anywhere in the house. You can also get ones that sense and will ring the help line if she was to fall over. They will speak to her and if they don't get a reply would ring the ambulance and a pre arranged relatives phone number. They are not that expensive and well worth the cost for peace of mind. You can see a list of all who supply them at https://www.personalalarms.org/lifeline-alarms/
That is if you are in the UK, but they have like ones in other countries. I hope this has been of help.
Shazzan
22nd Jun 2019 21:19:39
1
Thanks for voting!
HI
I looked after my parents with the help of my sisters at their home and still held down my full time job. We fought long and hard with the local council, and used every hospital visit to secure social care funding (there are two pots one from the council, one from the hospital) to secure carers. We simply wouldn't allow them to leave hospital without care in place. You have to get the occupational therapist on your side.

Once we had secured funding we then tried various companies who provided care until we were happy. We then were on top of every visit to ensure the right people were allocated and they became our regulars.

Both my parents have now passed and yes it was a very difficult period of time for us. However it meant they could stay together in their own home. We are still in contact with the carers who looked after my parents who have become like old, lovely friends - but this was after a lot of toads and trial and error.

I wish you luck on your journey.
Bagellover
26th Mar 2019 13:31:18
1
Thanks for voting!
Hi, if she is in hospital, they have a duty of care to provide ongoing support for her. This can be in the form of care provided at home, or a care home for her to move into, depending on her level of need and risk factors considered. Either way this is their obligation.

Regarding her mental health, if you make the hospital aware of your concerns, they can ask their mental health team to assess her for dementia. This would also count towards deciding on what level of care she needs. If she does not have a diagnosis of dementia, she would be considered to have capacity and therefore capable of making her own decisions, so you would have to work around that. Under the Mental Capacity Act, the path of least restriction is followed and every effort would be made to respect her wishes until it was decided that she was unable to do so. If she did get a diagnosis of dementia, you would most probably be called to or at least informed of a "best interests" meeting, where all parties, GP, hospital, social services, etc., would agree the best course of action for her.

I think you need to take action, partly for peace of mind for you and other family members, but mainly to ensure she is safe. I strongly suggest that if she has already left hospital that you contact social services and ask for their advice. Repetitive falls means she is at high risk of injury and it would be better to take action now. The dementia test can be booked to take place in her home and you can also ask her GP to conduct a memory test in the first instance. He will then refer to the mental health team if deemed necessary.

Happy to chat privately to give more advice if needed.
CaroleAH
21st Feb 2019 12:39:28
0
Thanks for voting!
I don't think that anyone can be forcibly admitted to a care home unless they are a danger to themselves and others e.g. leaving the gas on without lighting the burner etc. Your mother-in-law could possibly be admitted to a Care In the Community bed in a local nursing/care home after discharge from hospital after treatment for her fractured hip and her mobility and possibly mental state will be assessed then. If this option isn't suggested then push hard for it to happen. Are there any apartments/bungalows in your area where there is a residential warden? This might be a stepping stone towards eventually going into a care home and would allow your mother-in-law to retain her independence whilst knowing that help could be summoned if necessary. Another thought - if she refuses adamantly to even discuss a care home, would she wear one of the pendants which she could use to call for help if she fell?
Good luck, Tia. This is a perennial problem that most of us face at one time or another. My mother was terminally ill with cancer and also had vascular dementia but didn't want to go into a nursing home but my father was unable to cope at home so after a spell in hospital Mum was admitted to a nursing home and all the staff collaborated with our story that she was only there for respite care until she was well enough to go home. Sadly, she died a month later. A few years later I was lucky in that my father, aged 93, decided that he wanted to sell his house and go into a care home and he spent two happy years there.

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