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How do you feel about giving money as a wedding gift?

It is not uncommon these days for a bride and groom to ask for money to contribute to a honeymoon or a large item rather than have a selection of smaller items on their wedding list.

Most guests attending a wedding or even those who can’t attend but were invited, will still give gifts to the newlyweds, not out of obligation or duty but because they want to.

Weddings and civil ceremonies are a milestone in a couple’s life that their friends and family are happy and honoured to share in. The tradition of gift giving reflects this.

Brides and grooms often worry whether to include gift information on invitations; this anxiety is increased when they would prefer to receive cash gifts. The reality is, with more and more couples cohabiting before tying the knot, many of them already have the usual types of products and appliances customary to traditional wedding gifts.

One creative way used to request money is in the form of a poem like this:

If you were thinking of giving a gift to help us on our way,
A gift of money in a card would really make our day!

So is asking for cash instead of wedding gifts likely to offend the guests?

What are your views?

How do you feel about giving money as a wedding gift?

175 people have already voted, what's your opinion? I am happy to give money if that's what they want I prefer to give an actual gift

What are your views?

We'd love to hear your comments

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tf2006
29th Apr 2018
0
Thanks for voting!
My daughter got married last year and they set up a marriage gift account with Virgin. People could give what they wanted or give nothing, The choice was theirs. They got a notice that someone had given a gift but not how much they had given.
I think it is a great idea as a lot of couples have lived together and have most household items. I don't see how asking for money instead of gifts is begging as has been suggested down the debate. It's your choice to give or not and how much should you decide to,
If the thought of it plays on your principles, then you can always turn down the invitation! I say good luck to anyone that takes this choice and spend it on a good holiday. Because I know after that wedding I needed a holiday!
orchardlane
13th Apr 2018
0
Thanks for voting!
In some societies money is given by pinning it to the brides dress.

Personally I would suggest all gift should be cash. Saves the embarrassing situation of having to accepting gifts which are mostly unwanted. And no shopping!!.
Costezuela
22nd Feb 2018
0
Thanks for voting!
I live in Spain where it is traditional for all guests at a wedding to give money instead of presents.
At some point during the wedding feast the Bride and Groom will circulate around the room and each couple/family will pass them a plain envelope containing cash.
Although there is an accepted amount it is really up to the individuals and because it is given anonymously there is no stigma attached if someone is unable to contribute fully.
A sensible idea all round?
ginntonic
16th Feb 2018
0
Thanks for voting!
My daughter got married last year. They already had a nice house and had worked hard to furnish it so didn't really need anything. They added a short poem to their wedding invitations saying there was nothing they needed just the company of the guests, but, if they felt they had to give them a gift could they have money to put towards their honeymoon. Everyone did this with no problem. As they were going to USA some guests gave them dollars.
It saves people trying to guess what to buy and ending up with things you don't want or need.
sian55
11th Feb 2018
0
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I haven’t bought a wedding gift in ages! A lot of couples have already set up home together so I give the same amount of cash as I would have spent on a gift
iestynlad
9th Feb 2018
0
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We got married in our 50s and got no presents
iestynlad
9th Feb 2018
1
Thanks for voting!
It costs a lot to attend a wedding: travel, hotel, outfit, present all just to get a free meal! I think the guest should get the money
Pwilly
9th Feb 2018
1
Thanks for voting!
One of my boys and his fiancée asked for money, as they'd lived together and bought a house years earlier. I found the gift I would Have been buying for them which had a price tag of £40, so I gave them exactly what I would have spent on the gift. They used the money for their honeymoon. After all who needs two toasters.
Lydia321
8th Feb 2018
1
Thanks for voting!
When I got married 50 years ago we didn't have anything for the home as we did not live together before we were married but it is different today. Couples often already have all the basic things we had bought as wedding presents. If they want money to buy a more expensive thing then it is better for them.
ElsieC7
8th Feb 2018
0
Thanks for voting!
When requested I will give a gift of money.
Life is different from when I married, so many couples now set up home together before marriage, therefore have all household items in place. Who wants to be gifted 3 woks!!
Nancers
8th Feb 2018
0
Thanks for voting!
Most brides and grooms pay the bulk of their wedding themselves these days. They find it hard to find more money for a nice honeymoon. Giving them cash towards this is gving them a honeymoon to remember for the rest of their lives, an experience they'll never forget. Memories are made of this! Most couples just want to celebrate their day with people they love and don't judge the size of the gift.
SianB
8th Feb 2018
1
Thanks for voting!
I have no problem with giving money towards the honeymoon as so many people have already set up home by the time they marry but don’t like the idea of them knowing how much people give which could lead to judgements being made when they don’t know guests financial circumstances. Also attending a wedding these days is not cheap especially when so many couples choose venues where guests need to stay over.
This begs the question- are guests invited for their company or their gifts? Or is that just cynical old me
Jabeen
8th Feb 2018
-1
Thanks for voting!
In the past 30 years or so Asians tend to give money as a wedding present. And just to remind us, often on the wedding invitation, it is printed on
‘No boxed gifts please ‘
linj
1st Feb 2018
0
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A few years ago my goddaughter got married. I received an invitation via a wedding agency they had employed. The invitation stated that the happy couple didn’t want presents but would like contributions towards a dream holiday. I found this rather impersonal especially as I was only invited to the evening party some 100miles away and which I would have to make my own way there. Never the less I did sent a cheque but with a very heavy heart. It was some 6 months later I eventually received a thank you note enclosed in a Christmas card.
Captkev
23rd Mar 2018
0
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You were lucky to receive a thank you note! The last 2 weddings I attended neither bride or groom could be bothered to acknowledge either cash or gift.
Pam1960
31st Jan 2018
1
Thanks for voting!
I think a number of people prefer not to give money is they feel an amount they would have spent on a gift does not look much as cash. I doubt very much that the bride and groom care that much and will understand if it is just a fiver that someone can afford. All these small amounts add up when going towards a large item or honeymoon
Pam1960
30th Jan 2018
0
Thanks for voting!
I prefer to give money then They can spend it on what they need it want rather than have a lot of items which aren't to their taste or will not be used cluttering up cupboards for years to come. To me that is a waste of money. In fact I still have a variety of glasses, decanters and table mats taking up space in the loft after. 32 years of marriage. I wish someone had given me money towards a honeymoon instead
Yodama
31st Jan 2018
0
Thanks for voting!
i don't think you are alone Pam, ever thought of a car boot sale? My remark about being given 7 toasters was not a joke. The problem arises when you choose to use one toaster and then have to contend with hurt countenances because the rest have been returned or given away, or stored in the loft for ever and a day. ( or sold if you are canny.) "Oh, not using the toaster I gave you then?"
( Usually said with a smile, eyes like daggers....awkward moments!
Like you, I wish I had been given the money instead, we had exactly 2/6d after the wedding. Yes we could have done with a money gift.
Judith53
30th Jan 2018
0
Thanks for voting!
My nephew aged 50 recently got married for the first time to alovely Irish girl. The wedding was held in a town outside Brighton and involved a hotel night costing me over £150. Brighton is 200 miles from my home. Add in cost of clothes, I felt it was enough. Apparently though, bride silly was very upset that grooms family did not contribute financially in the wedding gift bucket, which we knew nothing about. I am offended. I have never received a thank you for the handmade gift I gave him
Nannypeppermint
27th Jan 2018
0
Thanks for voting!
I don't really like giving money but as most couples have probably lived together for some time they more than likely have all that they need so rather than give nothing at all I give money or alternatively an Argos or B&Q vouchers
Lionel
27th Jan 2018
3
Thanks for voting!
Remembering stories about my Victorian grand parents and my mother's wedding in 1947 gifts were given to help them set up a home. These gifts weren't always new goods; grand mother received two well used sauce pans from her mother.

As the article above states, so many young people today co-habit, already have a rented/mortgaged home and most appliances and comforts afforded them in this 21st century I don't feel a strong urge to send more than a card.

There are two wedding venues within a few miles of us. The most expensive, medieval premises, charges £10,000 for the use of the building and is fully booked year round.

If a couple can afford that, and the catering etc., they don't need an expensive gift from me. I worked too hard for my money to fritter it away. No, my practice is send a card only, a nice one and I certainly don't give money in these circumstances.

My second wife and I married in 1999. We already had a home and careers. We declined any gifts but welcomed cards and offered a place at the bash afterwards. Total cost of the bash? £200! 19 years on we're contentedly married and those wedding guests still surviving remain as friends. How good is that?
Judith53
30th Jan 2018
1
Thanks for voting!
Could not agree more
[deleted]
27th Jan 2018
1
Thanks for voting!
jeanmark
27th Jan 2018
0
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Why Alicia? I thought the whole point of a wedding gift was to give something the bride and groom wanted. If they would prefer money to put toward something they actually wanted, what is the problem? I certainly do not find it offensive and certainly not impolite, it is still a gift just in a form the bride and groom prefer. I don't think I have the right to dictate what they receive.
Lionel
27th Jan 2018
1
Thanks for voting!
Yes, it most certainly is begging, I quite agree.

This sort of financial blackmail makes me very angry.
[deleted]
27th Jan 2018
1
Thanks for voting!
[deleted]
27th Jan 2018
0
Thanks for voting!
Lionel
27th Jan 2018
2
Thanks for voting!
Yes, I was too! I take the view, as written below, if they can afford a big sploshy wedding then they don't need my hard earned cash. Neither my cash nor their wedding will guarantee a contented life after the event.
jeanmark
27th Jan 2018
0
Thanks for voting!
I would agree with that Alicia on the basis that a honeymoon isn't an automatic component of a wedding. From a gift point of view, I was once given the wedding gift list and the cheapest thing on it was a tumble dryer. They where given money to put toward their 'essential' items.

I just think things have changed thus the traditional giving of gifts has also changed. I have never been 'asked' for money but when enquiring about a gift, cash or a gift voucher has been suggested and always for a specific item. Maybe I have been lucky or maybe I'm just to laid back to worry about etiquette.
kentrix39
27th Jan 2018
1
Thanks for voting!
Never thought about it really. I suppose money is better then they cannot say that they got a lot of useless gear as they would have bought it themselves or not as the case may be.
Yodama
27th Jan 2018
1
Thanks for voting!
I feel sure the Bride and Groom would like the money. Receiving 7 toasters from different people creates a problem.

In several countries the custom is to pin money to the bride and groom, I wouldn't mind money, preferably enough to cover the vast expenses incurred in planning a wedding which is very costly these days.
Lionel
27th Jan 2018
2
Thanks for voting!
Well Yodama, if one can't afford to settle the wedding costs then plan for something smaller and cheaper. The dictum, live within your means is something lacking these days what with credit cards and bank loans, all of which must be repaid.

The tradition of pinning money on the bride and groom is common place among Orthodox Jews. I've seen it happen. The point, as was explained to me, is that they have some money with which to buy the basics of a home.

I have grave reservations about that being the case in so many weddings today.
Margaret Hart
27th Jan 2018
0
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I think,the problem of 7 toasters was solved long ago my the bride and groom giving a list to a department store who watch that things are not repeated.
Yodama
27th Jan 2018
1
Thanks for voting!
In a perfect world your adviice would be heeded Lionel, unfortunately maxing out their credit cards and relying on relatives to help out has become the norm. All in the name of keeping up with the unrealistic pressures placed upon young brides of today.
TV programmes and celebrity media hyped stories have a negative effect on young women, the big, better, best culture has them believing that this is what they should aspire to.
I am afraid the culture of living within your means is becoming the thing of the past.
A very few are able to make sensible decisions.

The practice of pinning money is popular in Africa too.

Are couples still running away to Gretna Green these days?
Yodama
28th Jan 2018
0
Thanks for voting!
Thank goodness, good idea, but if there are seven toasters and the store filters out six, what do they do in lieu of the six unwanted toasters I wonder?
Margaret Hart
27th Jan 2018
2
Thanks for voting!
Many couples today have lived together before they get married so have already got a house and furnishing and when they ask for money towards a honeymoon I feel as though they are asking you to pay to go to the wedding. Some I have been to have asked for money towards a piece of art as an investment for the future which I feel is sensible but to ask for money for a honeymoon i feel is not polite and in fact cheeky as they could have a much smaller wedding andpay for the honeymoon themselves. Most people I know feel the same way and in fact give a much smaller amount in these cases.
Lionel
27th Jan 2018
2
Thanks for voting!
I quite agree Margaret.
Wilf
27th Jan 2018
3
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We would prefer to give gifts its too impersonel with money and anyway I would not like other people to think I had only spent £20 on them! Ha Ha!
Lionel
27th Jan 2018
3
Thanks for voting!
You're getting tight on the wallet Wilf. Been reading too many of my posts, perhaps?
Wilf
28th Jan 2018
0
Thanks for voting!
Well I think giving money is a difficult one Lionel as people can get carried away and boastful. Why should I spend my hard earned cash on young couples who I know will just fritter it away? And before you say it I am becoming a crusty old chap!
Lionel
28th Jan 2018
1
Thanks for voting!
Crusty old chap? I think not, Wilf. A man of your years, yes, and if you must be so described how about a crusty and elderly gentleman?

Let's enoble ourselves, gentleman, because we are the last generation which has a clue what gentleman means!

I'm pleased to be difficult, crusty. feisty and unbearable but I stand for a right and a virtue which can't be bought nor traded. You're much the same, Wilf.

I'm a couple of years older but none the less I welcome you to the old age club whose members are entrenched in the very virtues you display.
Wilf
29th Jan 2018
0
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You are too kind Lionel!
Jean177
27th Jan 2018
3
Thanks for voting!
This is ok if it is family, ie grandchildren , nieces and nephews etc but to family friends it can be embarrassing if you are on a limited budget. I never wish to appear mean but I don’t see why my pension should go on a jolly for them . If they can afford a wedding surely they should be able to make this include a honeymoon ; if they have been together for years do they actually need one .? Just another holiday for them.
Lionel
27th Jan 2018
2
Thanks for voting!
Exactly Jean. We're on our pensions. Yes we have savings, not a lot, but I don't understand that we should give away our hard worked for savings to send someone on a jolly when we will need that money before our life's end.
Bald123
27th Jan 2018
1
Thanks for voting!
Quite a few weddings at the moment as the kids are all in their 20s. i dont mind giving money-what little we have-so long as it is incognito and also the kids spend it on sensible things and not just drinking or parties. It is my hard earned cash.
Lionel
27th Jan 2018
2
Thanks for voting!
I'm with you. We both worked too hard for our cash to be frittered away on someone else's jollies.

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