image

Is it time to buck the trend?

Is it just me, or are the costs involved in weddings and all the paraphernalia surrounding them, getting totally out of hand?

Back in our day, a hen or stag night meant just that – a night out with the girls or lads, having a few drinks and a laugh before the big day.  It now seems that in order to achieve your right of passage, this has turned into a whole weekend of shenanigans, and quite often the location may even be overseas.

The cost associated with this can run into several hundred £’s per person, and from what I can see, most of the guests don’t have the funds to partake but feel morally obliged to do so. Out comes the credit card!

And then there is the new outfit for the wedding, a gift and possibly another over night stay in a hotel. And this is just the guests.

The cost for the families of the bride and groom can potentially run into many £000’s, but the question is, who has all this spare money, and is it a sensible investment when many newly weds are struggling to get on the property ladder?  The glossy magazines which feature celebrity weddings have a lot to answer for. Have they created the illusion that you need to have a lavish do so you can share your images via social media?

What are your views?  What memories do you have of your wedding spend? Have you had experience of wedding overspending? Is there too much pressure to have a lavish wedding? Is spend associated with weddings getting out of hand? Would you be brave enough to buck the trend in your family?

Is it time to buck the trend?

203 people have already voted, what's your opinion? Yes No

What are your views?

We'd love to hear your comments

Not a member?

You need to be a member to interact with Silversurfers. Joining is free and simple to do. Click the button below to join today!

Click here if you have forgotten your password
WendyJ21
18th Aug 2017
0
Thanks for voting!
For those with a lot of friends impending weddings must be a nightmare. Women are expected to have a different outfit for engagement, hen party, wedding breakfast and evening party. Present for engagement and wedding. Phew! Not to mention hotel accommodation etc. Mad.
SueC62
10th Aug 2017
0
Thanks for voting!
Two years ago I attended the best wedding I have ever been to. It was held on the green of the small village that the couple lived in. After we all walked across the green to a large marquee. The meal was a buffet, and later we danced to a DJ. Supper was burgers and hot dogs, cooked to order.

The tables, furnished with 'disposable' cloths, cutlery, plates and glasses looked as good as at any wedding. Villagers and friends had helped with all the floral arrangements which reflected the countryside theme. The ceremony was held under a canopy surrounded by old boots and Doc Martins planted with flowers.
Transparent brollies were on hand for guests in case it rained (glorious all day). The couple must have saved a fortune on hiring a venue and this was returned to the guests as wine, beer and soft drinks were provided throughout the day.

Of course, the following morning, all the guests who were staying locally pitched in to help pack up the marquee etc and it's possibly the inclusiveness of the event that made it so special for me.
Irene88
6th Aug 2017
0
Thanks for voting!
Going to a family wedding in two weeks, bride arranged most of it. Invites, catering, etc. My son doing photos, groom's mum made cake, Reception in Nan's garden. Most of us 'mucking in' with catering etc. However the church bit itself will cost £700! (a bit steep I think. ) Just know it will be a lovely day with lots of family and friends creating more happy memories and that is what is important.
ArchieUK
6th Aug 2017
4
Thanks for voting!
We got married in 1963 so our ideas may seem a little old fashioned.

We went to the local registry office with four friends and went through the proceedings, after that we went to a little pub down the road, had a glass of beer and a packet of crisps,end of that bit.
We did not have a stag/hen night, we did not have a honeymoon, but what we did have was the deposit for a house and enough to put some furniture in it.

Marriage is about a commitment to life not about showing off on a particular day.
VeraS
5th Aug 2017
3
Thanks for voting!
I cant see the point of getting into debt to pay for a wedding as that's what a lot of couples do.
ginntonic
4th Aug 2017
0
Thanks for voting!
My oldest daughter and her husband had 12 guests at their wedding. Close family and a couple of friends. It was at a beautiful country hotel. We all sat around a big round table in a lovely private dinning room with a log fire and candles. We had a lovely meal and good wine. The staff were attentive but not intrusive. My son in law made the wedding cake as he is a chef, my younger daughter made the bouquet and button holes. My daughter made her own jewellery wedding favours for the women and personalise pens for the men. We all had a brilliant day. The whole thing cost less then £3,00 which is good for weddings today.
PaulineW55
4th Aug 2017
1
Thanks for voting!
Everything is over the top when you mention Wedding. Would rather give the money to the Children and have a quiet affair.
Yodama
3rd Aug 2017
2
Thanks for voting!
Whatever happened to running away to Gretna Green, marriage on a shoestring.
Everything has gone stark raving mad today. Keeping up with the celebrities image I suppose.
Lydia321
31st Jul 2017
4
Thanks for voting!
When I married my husband nearly 50 years ago I had the big white wedding, bridesmaids, 150 people sitting down to a three course meal and more people in the evening with a 7 piece band playing the music. I had my mothers dream wedding. Apart from turning up on the day the only input we had was choosing the decoration on the cake. I wanted flowers but my mother chose a bride and groom instead. We were very young so did pretty much as we were told. This is probably why we remember very little of it apart from the fact it snowed.

Our sons weddings were a joy, even though we contributed towards paying for them, they were exactly as they wanted them
Jo Kingham
31st Jul 2017
2
Thanks for voting!
We had a hen do and stag do - just a day and night out, We alsogot married out of season in October (glorious sunny day though). Had the whole thing at one venue. We dispensed with a lot of the traditions as didn't want it. We did everything as we wanted it, so no flowers, cake, bridesmaids and frills. We had people to the whole day so no awkward evening guests joining half way through, We paid for everything all the food and drink all day and it was just like one great big party. We also banned kids - as many of our friends had little ones and it was nice for them to let their hair down and enjoy the day. It was one great party and a wedding many of our friends refer to as one of the best they've ever been too. We did it on a fraction of the cost but were strong enough to stand up for what we wanted rather than what people expected us to do.
Lionel
31st Jul 2017
2
Thanks for voting!
sarah jane
31st Jul 2017
8
Thanks for voting!
The best weddings I have been to have been simple ones with family and friends making dresses and cake etc, doing the reception, mainly in a village hall, flowers, driving cars and helping out generally. So personal!!!
FrancesT9
31st Jul 2017
3
Thanks for voting!
I was married 57 years ago. We had very little money but had a wonderful day. The fabric for my wedding and 2 bridesmaids dresses cost £7.15.0 and mums trusty singer worked well. We had a very special reception for very close family 15 in total and was in my family home. Mum did the catering just nibbles and a beautiful cake. Mum had baked the cake and it was iced by a friend. What a day, me sitting on the floor in our lounge with all the family around us. It was a day I'll never forget and we still recall it to the younger members of our family. You don't need to spurned £1000's for your wedding to last. No need to impress friends or extended family. 57 years down and looking forward to celebrating our diamond!
scandiman
30th Jul 2017
5
Thanks for voting!
Maybe I'm an old fogey, but to me this is another example of the increasing vulgarity of this country. A relation of mine has a business doing music at weddings. He has thousands of pounds worth of equipment for weddings where happy couples are demanding more and more. From what he tells me, it's about the 'wow factor ' and showing off. The antics of some guests is unbelievable. He is marrying soon and that wedding will be like a circus. The reason for marriage is forgotten in a welter of partying. Then you hear that divorce is planned!
pat123
31st Jul 2017
1
Thanks for voting!
Hedonistic society scandiman!! More, more, more. Why, why?? Somebody wrote that the simple things are much more enjoyable, I agree so much. As for the Stag parties, well! If and when my daughter and her partner get married they are having a simple, maybe Cornwall beach, party. They do not have great amounts of money to spare for this and this is a blessing!
Lionel
1st Aug 2017
2
Thanks for voting!
Scandiman, I've thought about your post for a while. It disturbed me. Something I had seen but not taken on board. Now I may say yes, vulgar is the word. That disturbs me a lot. Society had become so crude, so primeval (sorry about the American spelling), so base.

As a chorister I sang at many society weddings only to read a year or may be two later they had split. Headed for the divorce courts. These weddings were truly vulgar, in the sense you mean. But this was more than fifty years ago!

Has not our society lost its base line of decency, of restraint and modesty? Has it not let go of everything British and embraced the American model, all glitz and glamour but no substance? I think it has, but there will be a price to pay.

That price comes after the wedding. Real life, one in the real world.

Tonight I wonder ... as an armed police officer how your wife coped with you when you had shot a man? I wonder how she coped with your personal terrors. Somewhat different from the glitz and glamour!

Keep on posting Scandiman, you're a ray of sunshine in an otherwise dark world.
MrsPat
29th Jul 2017
6
Thanks for voting!
We had a very simple wedding in a church and then with some friends in a local hall. Everyone had an enjoyable time and we had a short honeymoon. I blame social media for this as all the youngsters are constantly on their phones pouting and trying to show that they are having the perfect lives. Weddings are the same. Our Kids have little money and I have said to my daughter that we will give them a few thousand pounds to either use for their wedding or more sensibly put as a deposit on a house. When we were first married I had to melt down my lipstick and use that as we had no money but we scrimped and saved and in the end 40 years later we are ok. My thoughts are if you cannot afford something like an expensive wedding just do not do it.
Pam1960
29th Jul 2017
9
Thanks for voting!
I would love to buck the trend. My son is getting married next year. I originally said I would pay half towards the cost. I thought I would be contributing about £4000. The total costs excluding rings and honeymoon are now looking at around £14000. To give my son and girlfriend their due they have both taken on 2nd jobs to pay for the wedding and have said if they can save enough I don't have to pay the extra costs. They say it is every girls dream to have the big white wedding. It wasn't mine I got married at the local Register Office with 2 friends as witnesses. My father would have paid for a big wedding if it was what I wanted but he bought me a three piece suite for our new home instead, much better. I have been married 32 years and to me my wedding day was perfect. Today there is too much trying to outdo friends and colleagues. When discussing the music for the ceremony I was told we can't have that as someone they knew had it at their wedding. I pointed out it was to be their day and they should have music with meaning for them. I'm so glad I'm not having to go through this now
Marley444
29th Jul 2017
2
Thanks for voting!
I so agree with you Pam1960, and I feel for you too. I hope you manage to sort it all out but I do feel sad that there is this feeling that the wedding day has got to be such a big 'event'. Best of luck x
jeanmark
29th Jul 2017
7
Thanks for voting!
It appears that today's trend is more about the wedding than the actual marriage.
Marley444
29th Jul 2017
6
Thanks for voting!
I completely agree with you jeanmark ... a couple of years ago I attended a very lavish wedding, only to find out that the couple didn't even make it to their first year anniversary! I think it is so out of hand now, that it is easy for people to get swept away with what now seems to be the norm. This puts unnecessary pressure on everyone ... the bride and groom, the families and the friends
aliwil
29th Jul 2017
2
Thanks for voting!
This isn't new - but it's the crazy amount that some couples spend on the wedding that has got out of hand. I remember going to a wedding over 30 yrs ago, where the bride planned it all down to the tiniest detail, and had exactly what she wanted - and within weeks she was back home, saying the marriage was over. That was it. What her mother, who had made her the dress of her dreams, thought about this I never dare ask!
Wilf
29th Jul 2017
1
Thanks for voting!
We know a similar story with friends of ours whose daughter married-they paid a fortune for the wedding, food, drinks etc and within a year it was all over. i never did ask our friends what they thought!
jeanmark
30th Jul 2017
2
Thanks for voting!
I know of a similar experience but when the girl returned home saying the marriage was over, her mother sent her back and said try harder! She has now been married ten years and is clear her mother did the right thing!
aliwil
30th Jul 2017
1
Thanks for voting!
Brilliant! In my case, (it was my neighbour), the daughter's stubbornness and strong will exceeded even her mother's, to everyone's surprise.
pat123
31st Jul 2017
1
Thanks for voting!
My sentiments exactly. Some people need to party, party, party, to feel they are happy methinks!

Community Terms & Conditions

Content standards

These content standards apply to any and all material which you contribute to our site (contributions), and to any interactive services associated with it.

You must comply with the spirit of the following standards as well as the letter. The standards apply to each part of any contribution as well as to its whole.

Contributions must:

be accurate (where they state facts); be genuinely held (where they state opinions); and comply with applicable law in the UK and in any country from which they are posted.

Contributions must not:

contain any material which is defamatory of any person; or contain any material which is obscene, offensive, hateful or inflammatory; or promote sexually explicit material; or promote violence; promote discrimination based on race, sex, religion, nationality, disability, sexual orientation or age; or infringe any copyright, database right or trade mark of any other person; or be likely to deceive any person; or be made in breach of any legal duty owed to a third party, such as a contractual duty or a duty of confidence; or promote any illegal activity; or be threatening, abuse or invade another’s privacy, or cause annoyance, inconvenience or needless anxiety; or be likely to harass, upset, embarrass, alarm or annoy any other person; or be used to impersonate any person, or to misrepresent your identity or affiliation with any person; or give the impression that they emanate from us, if this is not the case; or advocate, promote or assist any unlawful act such as (by way of example only) copyright infringement or computer misuse.

Nurturing a safe environment

Our Silversurfers community is designed to foster friendships, based on trust, honesty, integrity and loyalty and is underpinned by these values.

We don't tolerate swearing, and reserve the right to remove any posts which we feel may offend others... let's keep it friendly!