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Would you move into a retirement home?

Planning for end of life is a situation many people don’t consider until they are faced with caring for an ageing parent. 

If you’ve ever had the experience of helping a loved one transition into a retirement living community or care home you know it’s a change that brings with it mixed feelings; some people embrace having extra help and support, while others equate care homes with a complete loss of independence.

Being in the position to choose for yourself can help make later life easier on both yourself and your family.

Some people wish to remain at home living independently for as long as possible, receiving extra support from family or a housekeeper or carer.

On the other hand, retirement homes needn’t represent the loss of independence – moving into a community can help prevent loneliness and isolation as we age and many people who live in these communities enjoy the best of both worlds. You can hand over tasks like cooking, cleaning and managing your household but still maintain control over your days.

What do you think? Would you move into a retirement home voluntarily? Or is this something you would rather avoid? Share your views at Speakers Corner. 

Would you move into a retirement home?

44 people have already voted, what's your opinion? Yes No

What are your views?

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Plum44
5 days ago
2
Thanks for voting!
Maybe, if I was in Australia! My friend out there lives in a retirement village which she and her husband moved into some 10 years ago, with a view to the future. She is now widowed but has a circle of close friends to support her and no-one need be lonely. They all have their own bungalows and gardens but the complex has grounds, a lake and a swimming pool! Sounds heavenly!
ecarg
14th May 2018
1
Thanks for voting!
Gertrude49
I am interested to hear what your group comes up with,but whatever the prepossals are where do you think the n eccessary funding would come from.
Social care is grossly underfunded and individuals do not all have the funds required to make changes.
Private investors need to make a profit ,prehaps your group will come up with some fantastic new ideas and I hope it does but implementing them will be a major achievement. Good Luck.
Gertrude49
13th May 2018
1
Thanks for voting!
I am working with several others of our age group on a new approach to housing and care. Have a peek at the Speaker's Corner and, should you wish to, could you let me know what your thoughts are on housing and care.
Lionel
13th May 2018
1
Thanks for voting!
I'm interested to see what you have. But which bit if Speaker's Corner?
Gertrude49
14th May 2018
0
Thanks for voting!
Hi. As yet I am in the planning stage. My enquiry is to gauge in general what our age group would really like to have. Having seen some of the excellent villages that they have in Europe, and the alternative building systems used I was asking in general, So what would you like, Lionel?
ecarg
12th May 2018
2
Thanks for voting!
Tricky decision to make in advance ,depends how my health pans out ,preference is to stay at home as my aunt's did one reaching 101 with carers visiting regularly
Soon I am moving to live nearer to my daughter'so we can look after you in your old age" so whilst not wanting to be a burden in old age my daughter obviously has a sense of duty meanwhile my duty is to provide childcare for my granddaughters .Surely this is how families should support each other and only when I'll health becomes a real problem would I consider going into an old people's home.
BaW
11th May 2018
3
Thanks for voting!
I prefer the option of going to a country with assisted suicide when I want my time to end, rather than having staff and visitors being 'caring' to my face but then laughing about my dottiness, or being unable to care for myself physically and being roughly manhandled into excruciatingly uncomfortable contraptions for baths...or many other examples of treatment I could cite.

No way do I want to go into a care home. Consider the astronomical cost for what can be dubious service. I have friends who are in sheltered housing villages where some enjoy their life and others do not (and besides these places are only for folk who can afford it). And I have recently seen elderly or terminally ill friends go into care homes as their families could no longer continue to keep them safe at home while caring for them.

My two greatest fears are (i) being mentally capable but locked inside a physical body that cannot communicate, or look after myself. That could happen at any time by many means...accident, stroke, disease...and (ii) forgetting my life and loved ones. Either of these scenarios would inevitably involve my family in distress and hardship while trying to care for me, or make the horrible decision to put me into a home. I have been there, done that and know how sad and distressing it is to see the inevitable and ongoing deterioration, with no alternative.

Of course, the problem is when the time comes that I have had enough, as did for example the Australian scientist who made the news this week, will I be physically or mentally able to make the arrangements. I believe we should have choice. We put pets down when they are suffering at the end of life...that is the humane thing to do. Yet we refuse choice to people with no quality of life, whether physical or mental, to end their lives with dignity.

Within the medical system one can have a 'no resuscitation' or an 'advance decision to refuse treatment', but I strongly believe the choice of assisted dying should be available.

If someone is of sound mind and wants to end their life, there is no recourse in this country. The only way you can end your life is to starve and dehydrate yourself to death, as one of my relatives did although they had repeatedly and intelligently stated their wish to die and had a living will in place refusing treatment. I have never witnessed anything more appalling...totally barbaric. And this is because the medical profession cannot help those in misery, despite their Hippocratic oath to do so.
bink
11th May 2018
0
Thanks for voting!
Would prefer to live in mixed ages community not all 'old fogies' only. Also prefer to have choice of what and when I eat and go to bed. Also sometimes get up during the night and make cup of tea. Need extra room for visitors to come to stay including young grandson. Also cost would be too much for me!
Yodama
11th May 2018
2
Thanks for voting!
Ideally I would like to be a dotty ole lady pottering in the garden till I drop face down into my cabbage patch.

The reality is a bit different, it will be inevitable to either be put in a home or to voluntarily book myself in. All depends on the marbles, will I still have them and be able to choose?
I wouldn't expect my children to have to look after me.
Some retirement homes as described above seem to be quite nice without any signs of Nurse Ratchett types...so the answer is yes!
John Walsh
11th May 2018
2
Thanks for voting!
I worked for many years in a private elderly care home and there's no way I'd move into one. No matter what's said. You do lose your freedom.
Lionel
13th May 2018
1
Thanks for voting!
John, I did my time in those places too. Never will my wife or I go into one, no matter what.

What said John. Best answer yet.
SueU1
11th May 2018
2
Thanks for voting!
I think I would be much better staying in the local area
I would not like the lifestyle of my mother. The places are full of gossips who dominate the communal area. One lady even thinks she owns the communal gardens. It is a most unpleasant way of life. However men are devoted carers to their wives. They never moan unlike the ladies. The managers are not really interested in the residents. Definitely not for me.
Lionel
13th May 2018
1
Thanks for voting!
Sue, you're so right. I worked in these places- they're little more than the work houses of old - for some years.

I will not allow either my wife nor I to be committed to a care home. We have adapted our former Council house to accommodate our future needs. Well, as best we can at this time. We're staying here with our dogs.

Your post is a statement of truth.
Vicky2018
10th May 2018
0
Thanks for voting!
I wouldn't ,mind moving into one of those any ones but the cost is prohibitive for most.
MrsPat
9th May 2018
1
Thanks for voting!
Maybe in time although we do not have enough to pay for one and would not want to be a burden on the state.
Bald123
9th May 2018
3
Thanks for voting!
No thanks they are full of old people....just like me.
Pam1960
9th May 2018
2
Thanks for voting!
I would prefer to stay in my own home but it will all depend on circumstance. If when the time comes I am struggling to get out and about I would consider sheltered accommodation as they have communal areas which would combat loneliness. I am hoping I don't have to go into a Care home. However if it is a choice of going into a home or my children having to give up their time to look after me then I would chose a home as I wouldn't want to be a burden on them
Woottonm
9th May 2018
4
Thanks for voting!
Not if I can help it I don't want stuffing into a chair and left all day staring at four walls bored out of my brain.

Its a question of quantity or quality. Everyone has their own ideas but my is definitely quality before quantity.

No retirement home for me that would be MY choice
Wilf
9th May 2018
3
Thanks for voting!
I wouldnt want to loose my independance and the cost can be horrible. Woudl much rather stay put for as long as possible
Alicia
9th May 2018
4
Thanks for voting!
I would avoid it at all costs, sadly some people have no choice in the matter.
I do not wish to spend my final years sitting in a big armchair bored sick with nothing to do.
jorid
9th May 2018
3
Thanks for voting!
MMMM retirement apartments, care homes, sheltered housing are all different.
In my town retirement appartments are very expensive, but afford the folk living there security and having friends in a small community. I do know that is not for everyone.
Sheltered housing is simuliar but mainly run by trusts or local council. I just moved into one and been here 3 months. I am dying to move, it is not for me comununal living so to speak. The flat is grand, all a single person needs and you can join in activities if you so desire. I find it clostraphobic but many here have lived 10years here or more and love it.
Care homes are something different altogether and maybe there is a place for them. Me i am hoping assisted death is brought into law, as if i get a bad disease i would rather just go not hang on to a disabling life.
Lionel
8th May 2018
7
Thanks for voting!
There isn't the remotest of possibilities either I or my wife with go into a care home!

I've worked in far too many of these places and know too much for anyone's good. However friendly and caring these places present themselves it is mostly a lie. Well, that's my experience. Yours might be different.

Whilst a carer for geriatrics so many people said they wished they had prepared their home for their later years. I took note.

Over the last years in my home I've widened doorways, had new wall sockets installed, levelled floors and built ramps to the back garden. There is no part of the ground floor which is inaccessible to a wheel chair. Two rooms can accommodate a hospital bed with all around access. Much more has been done besides this.

We do not intend to move out of our marital home.

All care homes I've worked in ban pets. Of course they do! But my entire life has been spent with Collies. Without a Collie I know for whom the bell tolls.

Care homes? No, no. I've seen too much, and been party to some of it, to my eternal regret.
Margaret Hart
8th May 2018
7
Thanks for voting!
I do not intend to move into a retirement home and I have in fact made a living will but of course it is useless until the law is changed. If I get any type of dementia I do not wish to live - please note I do not expect this to be the case for others they must make their own choices while they are of sound mind. My choice is an informed choice as I have been a volunteer for the Alzheimer’s Assoc. and have dealt and nursed relatives with the disease. Everybody in this country paid for their pension, it is not a benefit but the various Governments squandered the money on many things instead of placing it into a properly organised fund similar to that run by ICI.
Lionel
8th May 2018
4
Thanks for voting!
So well said Margaret. I couldn't disagree with a word.

I've cared for dementia patients in their homes as well as in nursing homes. If my wife or I went down that road we would choose to remain in our home. As said above, I think, after a lifetime with Collies to be parted from my dogs ... well, the bell will toll for me. My wife and I spoke of this only this evening and she doesn't want to leave this homelike and doesn't want to part from her Collies.

Whilst working in nursing homes and care homes I understood it was the change from their domestic existence to an institutionalised life which sent so many people into depression. Separated from the familiar and dropped into the unfamiliar. Geriatrics don't have a way back from depression. Actually, the medics don't care too much.

No, we'll stay where we are.

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