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Is sleeping in separate beds the beginning of the end?

As we get older and managing to enjoy a whole nights sleep gets harder, is separate beds or bedrooms the answer?

Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip do it. Nearly one in four couples sleep in separate bedrooms or beds, according to a 2015 survey by the National Sleep Foundation. Recent studies in America and Japan have found similar results.

The marital bed, once the symbol of British matrimony on a par with the diamond ring and the tiered wedding cake is threatened with extinction. “Till Death Do Us Part” is fast becoming “Till Sleep Do Us Part.”

Separate sleepers cite a range of reasons for their habit, including snoring, insomnia, restless leg syndrome, and regular trips to the toilet which cause disturbance to their sleeping partner.

From my own personal experience I think we both get much better sleep when we sleep apart, and my husband agrees saying “Not that we don’t love each other, but at a certain point you just want your own room.” For us, sleeping in separate beds is a practical decision, made with the ultimate goal of both of us having a good night’s sleep.

People are suddenly making their own sleep a priority. If their rest is being impaired by their partner, the attitude now is that I don’t have to put up with this.

So what is your view?  Do you sleep in the same bed with your partner, or separately? Have you tried sleeping apart? How do you feel about separate beds or separate bedrooms?

Is sleeping in separate beds the beginning of the end?

1093 people have already voted, what's your opinion? Yes - it could be No - it makes perfect sense

What are your views?

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SmarttramS
5th May 2017
1
Thanks for voting!
My wife and I sleep in separate beds, in the same room, but also in the same bed, but we have two mattresses. It seems to work for us
nagonthenet
31st Jan 2017
0
Thanks for voting!
Could be the beginning of the end if you do the other one in for snoring all night long!
zelda
25th Jan 2017
0
Thanks for voting!
Probably no longer qualified to enter this debate lol. My current partener, of the furry variety, has been banished downstairs where he has 3 beds to choose from. As for sharing with a human person, not a furbaby, having slept alone fo roughly 8-9 years I cwn luxuriate in my big bed. Imaginary cuddle from imaginary human would be nice but no snoring, imaginary or otherwisw lol
Lionel
18th Jan 2017
2
Thanks for voting!
I've kept out of this one so far because I thought I might be the rabbit down a hole, so to speak. And it proves to be true.

There's perhaps no more than a dozen nights in these last eighteen years when my wife and I have not shared the same bed. For us, it's a part of being married. Days can be very difficult, trying and often exhausting. To finish my late night chores with dogs and retire to bed it's so nice and comforting to find her there. Warm and friendly, familiar.

I'v spent far too many nights sleeping alone and don't want anymore. Besides - she warms the bed on nights like these!
Lionel
2nd Feb 2017
0
Thanks for voting!
I want to change my plea m'lud! If my wife puts her cold feet on me one more time this winter it will be separate beds!

Oh dear, she's on SS and I don't know her username. Could be tears before bedtime.
Munsterlander
18th Jan 2017
5
Thanks for voting!
I must be a lot different than most people as we have always slept in the same bed which is just a kingsized and find we both sleep fine and works well for us
Lionel
18th Jan 2017
2
Thanks for voting!
For us too, Munsterlander.
scandiman
18th Jan 2017
4
Thanks for voting!
With everything that's going on in the world, why is this a topic on this site? I'd like something to stir up a real debate, not this silly fluff!
1
Thanks for voting!
Hello Scandiman, we have a wide variety of topics-some serious and some less so. Please let us know what subjects you would like up on Speakers Corner and we will be delighted to look at them, regards Sally.
scandiman
18th Jan 2017
2
Thanks for voting!
How about theBrexit difficulties? The state of NHS?
2
Thanks for voting!
We have perviously covered those topics but very happy to revisit ... what question would you like us to ask/debate?
Yodama
18th Jan 2017
1
Thanks for voting!
I don't think this is 'silly stuff' scandiman. if you would like a debate? How about the very term 'Flexitarian', I find it rather sinister.
To what end do the retail think tanks drive public opinion, shopping habits, manipulating markets, GDP.
Joe public is constantly being coerced and herded into a subset of behaviours.
Do you remember the Mantra "five a day" what did that result in?
Maybe a surge in fruit and veg sales, market manipulation,
scandiman
18th Jan 2017
1
Thanks for voting!
Do you think that health provision in U.K. should be paid for through health insurance, according to means?
Do you think the Prime Minister has been correct in declining to discuss her Brexit plans in detail?
Yodama
18th Jan 2017
1
Thanks for voting!
Ooops ! I found myself in this section instead of Flexitarian, still debates are possible.
1
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Ok thanks and leave it with me
Lionel
18th Jan 2017
1
Thanks for voting!
How about an open question of Theresa May's statement two days ago/ Should stir up some conflict, and that's what we really want.
Lionel
18th Jan 2017
2
Thanks for voting!
Yep! Rearing to go!
Lionel
18th Jan 2017
2
Thanks for voting!
Yes, Sally, we have visited these topics already, but times have moved on, opinions on Brexit and the NHS, to name but two, have polarised. Could be a good time to sally forth again.

The more page views you get the better it is for you.
Wilf
18th Jan 2017
1
Thanks for voting!
How about "Should Trump & Putin meet in Reykjavik and outlaw all nuclear weapons?" discuss. yes or no. Now that is a debate worth having! Should they get rid of all their nuclear weapons immediately?
Wilf
18th Jan 2017
0
Thanks for voting!
Yes thats the most enjoyable part of Silversurfers I think the debates
Wilf
18th Jan 2017
0
Thanks for voting!
How about a debate about should we have zero nuclear weapons ?
1
Thanks for voting!
Hello scandiman ... There is a new Speakers Corner for you to kick off regarding the NHS crisis ... here is the link: https://www.silversurfers.com/speakers-corner/how-would-you-solve-the-nhs-crisis/

You may also what to take part in the Donald Trump debate today as well: https://www.silversurfers.com/speakers-corner/will-donald-trump-model-president/

Brexit debate to follow ... looking forward to some lively debate!

Many thanks Sally 🙂
Yodama
19th Jan 2017
0
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Don't think Kim Jong-un will take to that, he loves his arsenal of Nukes.
Wilf
19th Jan 2017
0
Thanks for voting!
Yes he is a danger to everyone. China and the USA need to sort him out before he goes mad and plonks one on Seoul. Its a total nightmare and an accident waiting to happen
ginntonic
21st Jan 2017
2
Thanks for voting!
It's just light hearted banter to escape from all the other things for a few minutes.
Wilf
22nd Jan 2017
0
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I agree ginntonic we need some lighthearted moments and its a lovely place to see all the different posts-love your name as well as I do like an occasional G&T!!
Yodama
25th Feb 2017
0
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Hrrumph! Gruuumph! Why then are you choosing to comment on this silly subject scandiman?
Perhaps you need to be posting on the subject of ' is the end of the world imminent'.
This is just silly banter, time for a laugh in these times of flux. Go on, do you or do you not agree on separate beds?
Perhaps you are a snorer and too shy to say!
scandiman
25th Feb 2017
0
Thanks for voting!
I actually don't care about separate beds.
Yodama
26th Feb 2017
0
Thanks for voting!
Presumably you are not tortured by any untoward behaviour of a/your partner.
For some, night after night of having no sleep results in poor workplace performance, tiredness, bags under the eyes ( bad for those relying heavily on beauty sleep), heavy bruising after a nightmarish thrashing, ending up on the floor without a duvet...........!
This is a serious subject and one to be debated at length.
You could bring Psychology into it, couples and their passive rage enacted under the cover of darkness?
Lot's going on here, not frivolous at all!
TerryM9
18th May 2017
0
Thanks for voting!
Scandiman, What is your position with regard to the tunnels discovered running under the Korean border which are large enough to allow trucks, buses and tanks through. What are your comments about the murder of the American sergeant that was murdered whilst he pruned trees on the border between the Koreas. How about the relaxed attitude of the South Koreans to the north. Perhaps there could be discussion in respect of the merits of generating fresh water from seawater against towing glaciers across the oceans. Finally, how about the use of Bioremediation on garage forecourts and in garage workshops.
Yodama
27th May 2017
0
Thanks for voting!
i think we were the pioneers of Bioremediation. For camping or Safaari in Africa, the "long drop" ( makeshift toilet) as it was called, used natural organisms to detoxify the results of a campfire barbecue where copious amounts of food and drink were consumed. Ahead of our time methinks.
chrisdeering
17th Jan 2017
3
Thanks for voting!
Beginning of the end of what? We sleep separately and both get a good night's sleep. The odd occasion where we have to sleep together when we go away usually results in a poor nights sleep and both of us irritable all the next day. You don't have to share a bed to love each other.
Ktrott1998
17th Jan 2017
3
Thanks for voting!
My wife and I found, especially after we retired, that having your own space and somewhere to sleep without disturbing each other, meant that we both got a good nights sleep and were not under each other's feet all day and all night.
It works well for us and we have never been happier!
Lynn harvey
17th Jan 2017
3
Thanks for voting!
Makes life much easier fully rested no disturbed nights for both of us.wished id done it years ealier.
Proudpatti
17th Jan 2017
4
Thanks for voting!
My ex husband snored,tossed and turned half the night,and bounced on the bed in the morning getting ready for work,all which disturbed me..I used to sleep in the spare room when his snoring was really bad...I liked the bed to myself but he didn't like it when slept in the other room...I've bn on my own now for over 13 yrs IF I met someone it would definitely be separate rooms..
hatters
17th Jan 2017
3
Thanks for voting!
I snore very loudly so we started sleeping apart when I was 40 I am now 59 I think that even though we are celebrating our 34th anniversary this year I think that you are never as close even now I miss a cuddle and because we don't sleep together we never seem to want to cuddle now
Proudpatti
17th Jan 2017
2
Thanks for voting!
That's a shame, maybe if you started the cuddling again,it might become a regular thing,it obviously bothers you so make the 1st move..
Baxi
17th Jan 2017
3
Thanks for voting!
I don't think sleeping separately is the beginning of the end and I think people should do what works for them.
But I don't like sleeping on my own so if my husband isn't there the dogs keep me company. I feel reassured when I hear/feel someone moving around.
The main thing which disturbs me is light, so I have blackout blinds and wear and eye mask!
Cactus14
17th Jan 2017
6
Thanks for voting!
My wife and I started sleeping in separate beds after she had a hip replacement op initially to allow her have space and for me to get a good nights sleep so I could help her recovery. After about 3 months we had a chat about it and decided to give it a try. After about 8 months we both agree that it works well for us. It doesn't mean we don't love each other, in fact I feel after a good nights sleep we work better together. I have spoken to some of our friends and they agree.
judyap
17th Jan 2017
5
Thanks for voting!
We started sleeping separately several years ago. I had a bad cough and after a few tuts suggesred that we would both sleep better separately, I was keeping him awake and being worried about coughing and trying not too didnt help me to sleep! I also like to read when I cant sleep and putting the light on woul wake him up. We are both happier now and separate rooms doesnt rule out the odd cuddle!
howardkendall
17th Jan 2017
4
Thanks for voting!
We'd miss the closeness but appreciate the need to counter the tossing turning and erratic look visiting partner!
Our solution is 2 single mattresses with a super king size double sheeted 6ft bed!!
Best of both worlds....can't imagine separate rooms....even if we argue it's key to make up before sleeping....only a few times in 40 years have we slept not talking.....
howardkendall
17th Jan 2017
2
Thanks for voting!
That should be LOO visiting!
Vics
17th Jan 2017
4
Thanks for voting!
We are mostly in seperate beds but hasnt affected our relationship and im so much nicer after a good night sleep !
jstagg
17th Jan 2017
4
Thanks for voting!
I started sleeping in the "spare" room when I had a dislocated shoulder as I didnt want it knocked - then when I moved back I found a) OH snored so loudly and b) he exudes heat and it gets far too hot so I was waking up through the night - so sleeping seperately just happened I also have to wake up very early some mornings so I dont disturb him - seems to work as we are about to celebrate our 47th wedding anniversary ans still together
Kes
16th Jan 2017
4
Thanks for voting!
Me and my husband have had our own bedrooms for some time. We may not always have a good nights sleep every night, but neither of us can blame the other for that. Perfect harmony
Wilf
16th Jan 2017
3
Thanks for voting!
Problem is the wife snores so I have to move out most nights. I start by giving her a gentle nudge, then make a few noises like "Shut up snoring" then a little kick...never works so I go off to another bedroom and get a good nights sleep zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
MrsPat
16th Jan 2017
5
Thanks for voting!
It was the best thing we ever did about 5 years ago. Hubby is constantly getting up in the night to go to the loo, banging about, making a noise, disturbing my sleep. So he now sleeps in our spare room which used to be one of the kids. he is still up all night while I sleep uninterrupted and wake refreshed each morning. Now why didn't we do this 10 years ago?
Yodama
16th Jan 2017
4
Thanks for voting!
Not at all, in fact it could contribute to a really good night's sleep for both partners.
Restless leg syndrome,
stealing the covers,
flailing arms when dreaming,
one partner is too hot, the other too cold,
getting up in the middle of the night waking the other.
These are some of the reasons people are grumpy when they wake up.

Maybe it is a good idea, in some cases where loud snoring continues interspersed with grunts, and random acts of shouting, "who took the lawnmower" ,a nice bed in Outer Mongolia may be considered.

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