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Jaccards's bio
Hello - joined this site last year but, only just started to find my way around. I'm a young 70 (or so I think!) My Husband of 51 years passed away last year and now have lots of time to spare and think. I like to do papercrafts, used to sell cards when I was working, also enjoyed being in the garden with my Husband and am slowly getting back out there, to be honest it's a mess right now. I also cross stitch, knit...would love to be able to sew and crochet .......also like to read, watch TV and listen to music. From London originally but, moved around the UK a fair bit and now in Lincolnshire
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Jaccards's latest comments
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9th Jun 2023Jaccards commented on:
Looking or frienshipHi Chris, good to hear from you. I've been doing jobs in the garden today, mainly weeding...seems their neverending, lol. I have a gardener coming out on Monday but, it's so dry out there now and now they are telling us heatwave and possible thunderstorms, we certainly need the rain though don't we? We used to have a large pond in the garden but, herons kept taking the koi carp, etc....it never looked right with netting over it so ended up filling it in after a few years. Don't work out there to hard in the hot weather and take care, ......JackieViewDate:
9th Jun 2023Jaccards commented on:
Looking or frienshipHi Rosemp, I totally get what you are saying, even doing 'normal' things can feel so different and strange. Some days can seem to go on for ever, it's been just over a year for me since losing my John, we were married for 51 years when he died, met when I was 17. Let me know if you want to chat more, take care ....Jackie xViewDate:
5th Jun 2023Jaccards commented on:
Looking or frienshiphello Geeljay, you are welcome to join in - it's sad that we're all getting together through the loss of a much loved one, but hopefully in some small way we can help each other. You live in a lovely part of the country, have you always lived in Devon? Great that most of your family are local to you, hopefully you see them on a regular basis. I have a Son and Daughter and one Grandson, unfortunately they both live over 2 hours away from me so I don't get to see them as often as I'd like to. Like you, I feel lonely a lot of the time, I have a couple of friends here but, some weeks I can go 3-4 days without really speaking to anyone, Even when I've had visitors I can still feel lonely. Moved here to Lincs from Essex, before that was a born and bred Eastender. Do you have any hobbies to occupy yourself? I've found it hard to try and get back into them due to all that happened last year but, am slowly trying to find my feet again, Do take care and come back and chat anytime you want to, I might not answer for a day or two but, will always come back to you ....JackieViewDate:
5th Jun 2023Jaccards commented on:
Looking or frienshipHi Chris, glad to hear you are okay. I understand if you don't always want to chat, I get like that sometimes too. These messages are not showing up in my emails like they used to so missed this one from you. I've been venturing out in my garden a bit more when the weather is fine, finding it a bit overwhelming sometimes as have a lot of ground elder suddenly appeared and lots of unwanted grasses, have a gardener now but, he can't get to me as often as I'd like. I've even tried taking a couple of cuttings and did a little seed sowing at the weekend, will see how they do. Bit chilly here again this morning, they say will be warmer by the end of the week, we'll be able to get out there and enjoy our gardens again. At last I've been told my floors, etc are all dry and am now waiting for a date for decorating to start. Take care and chat again if you feel like it ..........JackieViewDate:
22nd May 2023Jaccards commented on:
Looking or frienshiphi Chris, just checking in and hope you are well, how's your garden going? Take care xViewDate:
1st May 2023Jaccards commented on:
Looking or frienshipHello Dogsbody, hated typing that name!! I know the feeling of not knowing what to do with the rest of your life, been feeling like that a lot recently. I try not to sit and mope but, sometimes it just weighs you down, like you I get anxiety attacks when I think about going out on my own, okay if with other people. All the things I used to do with John and have fun doing just don't seem the same anymore, I just hope one day I'll start to take pleasure in some of the things, have fun and enjoy life. I think as I was carer for my Mum for six years and then John being ill I became used to caring for someone and now on my own find it hard to look after myself a lot of the time. I am slowly doing more in the garden and around the home but, waiting for my home to be returned to some kind of normal is getting me down as well. Our stories are different, I never thought I'd end up on my own at this age. I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter, how is she doing and coping with things? Do you have any other children? I have a Son and Daughter and one Grandchild, my Daughter and her husband were trying for a baby when she had an ectopic pregnancy, she nearly died as lost so much blood, she couldn't conceive naturally after that and had IVF, the second treatment worked and she had a baby boy, that was 10 years ago now, so lucky we have him in our lives. I'm here if you want to chat again then please do, thank you for your kind words and I'd like to repeat them to you, Take care.........Jackie xViewDate:
10th Mar 2023Jaccards commented on:
Looking or frienshipHi Janet, it must of been so traumatic for you to find your Husband like that, I do understand the shock of it must of been horrendous for you and your family, no wonder your brain is trying to block a lot of what happened out. I also understand not being able to say goodbye, I believe John was in denial about what was happening and going to happen to him, he didn't talk about it at all, right up to the end. The only comfort I have is knowing how much he loved me and vice versa and I'm holding tight to that thought. Sounds like we again have something in common, after chasing my insurance co up this week it appears I need to get some pipes replaced! We had a leak some years ago, floor was dug up where the damp was showing and I'm sure they damaged a pipe and it seems they replaced it with one using a compression joint,......now I'm being told you shouldn't have compression joints under concrete floors and it needs to be replaced with a soldered one. I have a company coming out next week to quote to do the job. It's driving me mad now, John started the claim back this time last year, couldn't have anything done due to him being in a room that adjoins where the leak was, then Mum got ill so more delays. The floor was dug up and leak repaired in June last year, was only a small area and new flooring was booked in for November. Then all flooring had to be taken up and machines installed, it's been about 4 months now with the noise and dust from the machines all day. Can't wait for it all to be over. Have you had much snow the past few days? We had a fair bit yesterday but, it had gone before I went to bed, got up this morning to find the garden full of it again and now after some rain it's all gone again and the sun is shining - typical for us Brits, eh! Just can't wait for it to warm up enough to get into the garden, I have a gardener coming out next week to quote for some tidying up - just hope I don't get to much of a shock at the cost, lol. Take care and hope to chat again soon ....Jackie ps.......it's getting really difficult keeping up with everyone these days on hereViewDate:
10th Mar 2023Jaccards commented on:
Looking or frienshipHi Chris, sorry I've been on the missing list for a few days, lol. Had a friend round and trying to sort out an insurance claim has taken it's toll on me. Glad to hear you've been sorting your garden out, I'd like to make mine a bit more low maintenance but, not sure where to start! I have a gardener coming out next week to quote for tidying it up as like you didn't get to do anything out there last year. It's really strange that I used to know the name of every plant we had and now can't seem to remember a lot of them and am getting surprises with some things that I'd forgotten were out there. Are you really into gardening/plants? Or just like to have it tidy for somewhere to sit, etc. If you really enjoy gardening, etc then you probably could give helping others out for a fee. I live in Sth Lincs, to far for my children to come and help out, not that either of them are into gardening, lol. As said before, I hope that once it's tidied up it'll encourage me to get back out there and into sowing seeds/taking cuttings, etc. My poor old greenhouse is suffering to and needs a good clean and sort out!! Been snowing here the past couple of days, you wouldn't think so now as rain has cleared it all away and the sun is trying to come out...............can't wait for warmer, sunnier weather to arrive. Take care and hope to speak soon...........JackieViewDate:
7th Mar 2023Jaccards commented on:
Looking or frienshipHi Janet, No snow here as yet!! I live in South Lincs, about 20-30 minutes from Boston, we border Cambridgeshire and Norfolk amongst other places, used to work in Peterborough which is about 30 minutes away as well. I agree with the hibernation thing, it's what I do most winters. Thankfully, I don't really suffer with arthritis, a little in my thumbs oddly. I was told years ago that I would suffer arthritis in my ankle after a fall where I broke my leg and dislocated my ankle, had to have an operation on the ankle to put it back. I'll make you laugh now, the fall was getting out of the car, yup not many people have the skills I do!! I also think that due to using crutches at that time has caused the arthritis in my thumbs, was never shown how to use them correctly. I just hope this is the last of bad weather for now, I'm really looking forward to things warming up a bit, am sure it's affecting my mood too. I've been thinking a lot lately of how our (and others) partners died and have been afraid to mention it on here but, trying to figure out if it's better to lose someone suddenly or watch them fade from the person they were. Obviously, both are traumatic in there own way and I wouldn't wish either on anyone, just trying to figure things out in my head as part of my feeling low now is down to the fact that this time last year John was here, all be it in a hospital bed and being nursed by me, nurses from the Hospice and carers coming in - I keep getting flashbacks at things that happened and what is coming up - I wish our brains had an off switch!! I'm off now to chase my insurance company up, not heard anything from them for two weeks since the floor was dug up again - another thing to cope with. Take care, hope you don't get snowed in - think you'll get more than us further South, keeping warm is the main thing. Chat soon JackieViewDate:
7th Mar 2023Jaccards commented on:
Looking or frienshipHello Leila, Am having trouble finding posts lately! It was so tough, don't think I grieved for John at first as was so busy filling in all the paperwork, etc that goes with someone dying, backwards and forwards to hospitals, etc with Mum and then her diagnosis was such a shock .............she always said if she found out she had cancer she would curl up and die..............that's exactly what she did, just gave up. My Stepdad died three years ago, suddenly from a heart attack, he was a wonderful man and did everything for Mum (she had a few disabilities, which is why she came to live with us). I was at a total loss after Mum died, I was so used to looking after her and didn't know what to do with myself, to much time on my hands. I'm hoping that once the weather improves I'll start going out and about a bit, trouble is I just don't know what I want to do. So used to just getting in the car if we went shopping or a day out to the coast.........not being able to drive where I live is a real pain and none of the real friends that I have drive either. I think it's wonderful that you've book to go on a cruise, are you going with friends or family? I'm sure you will have a lovely time. I've only been on one cruise, some years ago now, with John, we did enjoy it. Nothing wrong with being a Bank Manager Leila, many, many years ago I used to work as a cashier for NatWest Bank and we had a lovely Bank Manager then. Take care and hope to chat again soon JackieViewDate:
7th Mar 2023Jaccards commented on:
Looking or frienshipHi Chris, wow it's getting so hard to find our messages on here! thanks for understanding what I said, after being married for 51 years I'm finding it so difficult not to have someone to lean on and having to do all the things we used to do together is tough. I'm having to get a gardener in as a lot of the jobs I can't do..........heavy lifting, cutting back thick branches, etc. We always used to be out there together, it was our passion - looks awful at the minute but, hopefully once tidied up it'll encourage me to get back out there, I could barely go out there last year. Think I've been taken on by the people I've had so far and have had to bite the bullet and go with someone who is more expensive but, I think he'll do a better job. Do you have any hobbies? I'm trying to get back into the hobbies I had, trouble with that is John also dabbled in them and again I miss his input and help when I couldn't figure things out. I hope you feel comfortable chatting with us all and would look forward to hearing from you again JackieViewDate:
5th Mar 2023Jaccards commented on:
Looking or frienshipThanks for your kind words Terry, replying to everyone on here today has helped a bit, good to know I have people on here to chat with ....take care yourself, expect your busy planning for your trip later in the year, will chat again soon....Jackie xViewDate:
5th Mar 2023Jaccards commented on:
Looking or frienshipHello Debbie, thanks for your kind words, just an even more difficult time lately. My Daughter lives in Birmingham with my Grandson, my Son lives in London, both to far away for me to see them often.... not sure brave is the word for it, not really been left with much choice but, to try and carry on without them. Will try to chat more sometime......JackieViewDate:
5th Mar 2023Jaccards commented on:
Looking or frienshipHello Janet, I've been so low this past week, almost had a falling out with my Daughter this morning, but, it's okay now. It was so difficult getting through the anniversary and now I have this feeling of dread as it'll be the anniversary of John's dying at the end of April and can't seem to get that out of my mind. The week before our anniversary John was taken into hospital as couldn't breath, they let him come home on our anniversary and it was such a happy day. Trying to remember how happy we were made it all the more difficult last week. He slowly deteriorated after that, lost so much weight, he was always such a fit man, never ill. I'll get through this, given time. I feel for you in regards to your Mother in Law passing away, mine did just before Christmas, so that's three losses in 8 months. I'll leave it there before I get to maudling and hope you are okay. JackieViewDate:
5th Mar 2023Jaccards commented on:
Looking or frienshipHello Chris, hope you don't mind me jumping in. This comment struck a chord with me, we did everything together and trying to cope without him is just so hard. We used to talk things through, make decisions together, plan our future and now that's all gone, like you on my own, I do have two children and a grandson, but as said here previously they live miles away from me and we only speak every so often. Hopefully, we can all help each other get through these tough times ......JackieViewDate:
5th Mar 2023Jaccards commented on:
Looking or frienship~Hello Terry, just to let you know that I'm still here, trying to deal with emotions, it's tough but, I'll get there xViewDate:
2nd Mar 2023ViewDate:
2nd Mar 2023Jaccards commented on:
Looking or frienshipHello Janet, I've not been great this week, was our 52 wedding anniversary on Monday, spent all day on my own and to be honest crying for most of it. This time last year John came out of his first stay in hospital on our anniversary and we were both so happy that that could happen. I'm still 'not right' so won't stay long - I'll will be okay, just need time I guess. I was trying to think about things the other day as I know you and Leila both had to suffer the sudden deaths of your husband's, I had five months of knowing what was going to happen and still don't think I believed it was true, still get thoughts that he'll come home.ViewDate:
26th Feb 2023Jaccards commented on:
Looking or frienshipHi Terry, Yes, we did have a happy marriage, had a few rough patches, like a lot of people but, the love was always there. I think it's different for my children, they have their own lives to live and I try not to cling to them to much, would like a bit more contact and visits from them than I get but, such is life! I guessed the 'offer' to accompany you on the yellow truck wasn't serious............what would you have done if I jumped at the chance though, lol. Given half the chance, I think my Daughter would love to do something like that, she still has the travel bug, I think but, with a 10 year old Son now and divorced not sure she (like me) could afford it these days. I'm not into many sports but, do remember Saturday afternoons as a youngster watching the wrestling with my parents which I loved. Then with my Husband started to get into boxing, he did some when in the Army, more recently got into golf and I did enjoy watching that on the telly. My Mum was a huge tennis fan and I kind of got into that over the years she lived with us, but not something I would choose to watch now...........I might have the golf on when it's on though. Shame nothing interested you on telly last night and that you had a good read instead, think I might do more of that when I can sit in the garden............what type of books do you like to read, I really like James Patterson and Tom Clancy. I got a couple of Richard Osman books for Christmas pressies and will try to get into them soon. Stay well JackieViewDate:
25th Feb 2023Jaccards commented on:
Looking or frienshipHello Leila Yes, it's so difficult to live alone after all those years spent together, never been on my own before. I lost 2 stone last year, partly through looking after John and my Mum, but also not eating properly, as you say cooking for one is tough to get used to. I did get to a point where I needed to do things and started to cook again, like I used to. I batch cook and freeze into portions just big enough for me so I always have something in the freezer. It was hard at first as I cooked a lot of the meals John and I used to like and even eating them brought memories back and I'd cry sometimes just eating them. Am better at it now, although some things still stir memories of him and my Mum. I do get shop bought ready meals as well, not as many as I did at first. I understand the 'leaving a big hole' in your life........we only had one year of retirement to ourselves and had planned many things to do ................my Stepdad, a wonderful man passed away suddenly and my Mum wasn't able to take care of herself, so we made the decision to have her live with us, in many ways I don't regret that decision, but due to her disabilites, etc we didn't get out much or take holidays and then the awful pandemic hit and we went out even less. Then the awful diagnosis for John and within five months he was gone, a month after losing him my Mum was diagnosed with cancer and she just gave up, although they only gave her the same as John, five months she was gone within two. I don't think anyone can understand the loss I feel after losing two of the people I love the most. Life is so unfair, isn't it.............I have no idea what I'm going to do with the rest of my life, I don't want to sit moping around, but get anxiety attacks when I think of going out on my own. I've only been out a couple of times since last summer and only with people I know and my children. I'm hoping once the weather changes I'll start to want to go out. Keep well Leila JackieViewDate:
25th Feb 2023Jaccards commented on:
Looking or frienshipHello Terry, Yes, make sure you don't get us J's muddled up, lol. John, my Husband was in the Army too, he was in the 2nd Royal Tank Regiment, he did three years, we met the first time just before he joined up, liked each other immediately but, I was going out with someone else then. When the other guy and me broke up a friend told John - he'd joined up in the meantime - and we started to write to each other, met up and the rest is history, as they say. Once I'd had our Son, John decided to leave the Army as wanted to spend more time with us. I guess we all make life choices and I don't regret a second of being with John and our children, my Son has never married.....lived with a few girls, mind you. Think he just likes doing his own thing! I can imagine how exciting it must be for you to travel, Africa must be fascinating to visit. When my Daughter left Uni, some time ago now, she travelled around a lot of the world and has lived in a couple of European countries. Not sure where she got here adventurous genes from! Thanks for the offer but, on a truck overland in Africa, hmmmm....... Keep well JackieViewDate:
25th Feb 2023Jaccards commented on:
Looking or frienshipHi Janet, Hope you are feeling better today. Like you yesterday was a bit rough, cried most of it - my Daughter rang on Thursday evening and mentioned my upcoming wedding anniversary on Monday, just set me off. I've been trying to ignore it up until then. This time last year John was in hospital and he managed to get them to let him out for our anniversary.............to many memories coming up now and I know I'm going to be up and down. Not to bad today, made myself be busy..............even made a card for a friends birthday next month, not one of my better efforts but, as said before am slowly getting into doing the things I used to. Hope to hear from you when you are feeling better. Take care JackieViewDate:
24th Feb 2023ViewDate:
24th Feb 2023Jaccards commented on:
Looking or frienshiphello again, Seems we do have a lot in common! I've just had another trench dug to find out if leak still ongoing, will probably have to have plaster taken off the walls as well. Not sure what's going to happen after that................guess it's keeping me busy. How lovely that your Daughter met her partner through your eow problem, you never know what's going to happen if life, do you? It's good that that guy has been good to you throughout your trauma, must be great to have someone to lean on. Weather has changed here so no plans to get into the garden for the time being, was supposed to have gardeners here today and yesterday to cut the hedges but, they said due to weather conditions can't do it but, will hopefully be back next week, fingers crossed, it's so difficult finding reliable gardeners that don't cost the earth. Keep well and warm JackieViewDate:
24th Feb 2023Jaccards commented on:
Looking or frienshipHello Terry, Don't feel like you are butting in and it may be good to have a male joining this chat. Wow, you certainly do get around! John, my Husband and I used to love going on holidays, not as adventurous as you though, the furtherest we've been was on a cruise about 26 years ago when we went to Egypt and Israel. Other than that we loved Greece amongst other places. Although I'd probably love to go on a safari, not sure I'd be brave enough!! Sadly, we were not able to travel much in the short time of our retirement as we cared for my Mum here after a year of freedom, she passed away just 3 months after John. I have a friend that I met through a gardening group on facebook that lives in Southampton, looks like a nice place to live, I'm in Lincolnshire. From the Eastend of London originally and moved here about 25 years ago. Due to work, etc never really got the chance to make many friends here. My children live 2 hours away and I don't get to see them as often as I would like. Nice to meet you and chat JackieViewDate:
22nd Feb 2023Jaccards commented on:
Looking or frienshipI agree with you Feen021, the silence is deafening, I always have the TV or radio on, not the same I know but, it helps a bit, although due to a leaking pipe under my floor I've had to have a dehumidifier and fans going for the last couple of months as well...not good. It's so hard to be without someone you've spent your life with, isn't it? I've had lots of different jobs in my life, won't bore you with a list of them all, the last 10 years of working before retirement was working for an insurance company, John, my Husband and I both worked there, so spent more time together over those years, meeting for lunch, etc......he drove us there and back as I don't drive - one of the big regrets of my life ...................we both came from the Eastend of London and back in the day I didn't need to drive as buses and tubes everywhere...so easy to get around and then 25 years ago we moved to Lincolnshire, I still didn't feel the need to drive as we went everywhere together.............hence me being more isolated now. To be honest, I don't feel the need to go out much and when I have it just doesn't feel the same without John. My home is a complete mess with most of my flooring taken up due to the leak but, when it's all dried out (whenever that'll be the way things are going) a lot of it will be decorated, etc. John had hospice at home care and I really need the room he was in changed, like your experience the memory is so strong, I don't think we'll ever get over that. People have said maybe I should move, I don't want to though, we spent so many happy years here. We both loved our garden and spent a lot of our time out there, I couldn't even walk round it last year without crying, he was everywhere out there. Time does help things though as I went out there last Sunday and cut the roses back, over did it a bit and went giddy! My fault for not eating first. I agree also with the dark nights, etc. I've never been a fan of winter ..so dismal and even more so this year, hopefully we'll both feel a bit better about things when the lighter nights and warmer weather is with us. I'm also trying to get back into some of my other hobbies, cross stitch and making cards, have made a start but, find it hard to get into the mood to do them sometimes. You take care and hope to chat again soonViewDate:
21st Feb 2023Jaccards commented on:
Looking or frienshipHello again, I think I have the opposite problems with family to you, mine live 2 hours away from me - I don' get to see or speak to them very often, but I agree they don't understand what it's like to be left on your own. I have friends that say they understand, but you know they don't - they've not been through it, how can they? You can't like losing your life partner to losing a parent or sibling, we were married for 51 years, 52 a the end of this month, I was 17 when we met, never been anyone else for me. It's been 10 months since my Husband died, I'm still trying to find my feet. Like you, not sure how I feel sometimes.........it's difficult trying to keep busy 24/7. I've never lived on my own before and it is all new, trying to cope with your feelings as well as running a home on your own, all the jobs we used to share. The last year seems like a nightmare when I look back on it. I still don't sleep well, feel drained a lot of the time. thanks for coming back to me, I'm here if you want to chat moreViewDate:
17th Feb 2023Jaccards commented on:
Looking or frienshipI'm new to commenting on here but, like you bereaved last year. My Husband was diagnosed with cancer just before Christmas 2021 and passed away at the end of April, aged just 70 - my Mum, who lived with us was also diagnosed with cancer in June last year and she passed away at the end of July, she was 91. Both so sudden and quick, I have family and friends but, not many of them fully understand the loss that you feel. If you'd like to chat with me, please do....... -
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