King John … my private life

Sealed, not signed,  June 1215, mostly fact but well poetic licence must not be ignored…

King John … my private life

Eleanor mother, Henry pater
Not first born, arrived much later
Therefore title wasn’t grand,
Nicknamed me as John Lackland

Stood five foot six in woolly socks
Complexion good, had ruddy locks
Temper fierce, did manners lack
Upset me, I’ll get you back!

Enjoyed reading, couldn’t write
Relished food, likewise a fight
When brothers and that Richard dead
They stuck the crown upon my head

It toppled off and t’ floor was hit
But not because it didn’t fit
I thought I’d show ’em who was boss
I threw a wobbler, I was cross

First marriage, had that one annulled
Soon another bride I pulled
Got sick of her, my crafty plans
Chuck her in jail and keep her lands

Taxed subjects hard, must take firm stance
To pay for all those wars in France
But I lost the lot, it’s sad to tell
Just had to look and view the swell

As boatman couldn’t row me over
My realm it ended, back in Dover
So 1215, fed up to the teeth
Barons had Fitzwalter for a chief

Made me agree to loads o’ rules
They thought I’d keep to ’em, the fools
Got someone to ink a quill
Told the Pope to quash the bill

He said just rip it up instead
Of pestering me ……. I’m still in bed
Returning home was not as planned
Me baggage got stuck in the sand

After I stayed at the abbey
I tell you now, I felt right crabby
Folk nearby, they all agree,
The cunning monks had poisoned me

For when I dwelt at their abode,
They spiked my drink with nasty toad
I state it wasn’t them who dunnit
Just  too many peaches from my punnet!

And even now I’m dead and gone
That ruddy charter lingers on!


About the author

968 Up Votes
I have always written poetry but when my husband died suddenly I used it as a kind of therapy. I don’t usually share these unless I feel they will help someone in distress. The ones I share are mostly humorous intended to bring a smile in what I feel can be a very lonely world..

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13th Jun 2019
Thanks for voting!
Horrible history..... brilliantly foretold.
13th Jun 2019
Thanks for voting!
I joined a U3a Magna Carta group, the kindly did the research and being nearly as crafty as the king, I pinched the fact and wove a few extras into a poem
16th Jun 2019
Thanks for voting!
You are an expert weaver Glenys. You've reminded me of a history lesson in primary school, obviously many many moons ago, when I first heard the words ‘Magna Carta’. I thought it was the name of a new girl that was going to join our class. Magna Carter. Oh, I thought at the time, I don’t know anyone called Magna, what a good name. Well, obviously I wasn’t paying much attention in class. I never did like history lessons.
16th Jun 2019
Thanks for voting!
Haha, here’s the one I wrote previously when they asked what I knew about it. As they were quite refined sod all didn’t fit the bill

What I knew about Magna Carta

There was a king, by name of John
Who with his subjects didn't get on
The church did not find it funny
When he robbed their land and took their money
He told the gentry who to wed
Decreed all must do just what he said
After arguments he did concede
To meet his barons at Runnymede
They wrote out after loads of barter
And called the missive Magna Carta
Never signed but had the royal seal
'Tho the nasty king reneged his deal
With crafty ways and bad intent
Penned letters to Pope Innocent
Who knew the king he had to flatter
So replied "hey up" it doesn't matter
"They had you backed up to the ropes,
So rip it up and dash their hopes"
Therefore it existed only days
But returned in many different ways
Fact is many an aspect stands
To form basic laws in many ways
Regards Glenys
17th Jun 2019
Thanks for voting!
Haha. I like both Glenys. You’ve actually taught me more about the MC than I knew before.

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