The Good The Bad And The Ugly

When we were looking for our house I was fascinated by some of the descriptions and terminology that the Estate Agents used. Often what they said bore resemblance to the property.

Hope you enjoy this little journey through the Estate Agents spiel.

The Good The Bad And The Ugly

(Estate agents spiel)

The agent

“Madam, may we present to you
the home that has it all.
A house with lots of character
as you step into the hall.”

The buyer

“What you mean is old and tired,
a money pit perhaps.
A nice, quick sale for you today,
commission for you chaps!”

The agent

“Madam, there’s a splendid house
so bijou, oh so sweet.
It oozes personality
so elegant and petite.”

The buyer

“I’m just like Alice in Wonderland,
as I walk through the door.
My head rubs on the ceiling
whilst my feet stand on the floor.”

The agent

“Madam, this house is convenient,
as the motorway’s nearby.
We think it is the perfect home
for your discerning eye.”

The buyer

“Convenient for the motorway,
you mean we’d live next door.
Our trip would be a route march
to reach the nearest store.”

The agent

“Madam, we have an older house,
It needs some tender care.
The perfect project for you both,
with your artistic flair.”

The buyer

“So the house needs to be demolished,
as it stands a total wreck.
You’d need a wand to fix this up,
and juicy, big, blank cheque.”

The agent

“Madam the interior is stupendous
a marvel to be hold.
Come take a look at what I mean
this house will be then sold.”

The buyer

“So the outside looks so hideous
a mess to say the least.
No kerb appeal or old-world charm,
or stunning masterpiece.”

The agent

“Madam, this dwelling is original,
each feature is intact.
The fireplace is a work of art,
unique to be exact.”

The buyer

“So everything is knackered then,
hackneyed and defunct.
I think you overstate the case,
for this pile of useless junk.”

The agent

“Madam, this studio is lovely,
an apartment that’s oh so chic.
Imagine sitting with some wine
in this gorgeous, flat boutique.”

The buyer

“The notion of a compact room
where everything would be.
Washing dishes whilst you’re on the loo
as you watch the small t.v.”

The agent

“Madam, you seem quite skeptical,
if I may be as bold.
Stick with me we’ll come up trumps,
just trust me we’ll strike gold.”

The buyer

“I think I’ll stay just where I am,
It’s the devil that I know.
Perhaps my abode is not so bad
this tatty old chateau….”