-
EllenMay's latest comments
ViewDate:
3rd Jan 2023EllenMay commented on:
Who am IHi Kincaid Happy New Year! Interested to hear you like cats - I have had a few, and did some work for Cats Protection years ago. Yes Cumbria is very wet - I've only been there a couple of times - once it was beautiful, the other time it poured with rain! What's the blog about? I'm in Essex where it is one of the driest parts of the country. Don't rely on stereotyping - it is very rural and historic in the part I am in. I enjoy walking my dog, to get exercise for us both, and (amateur) photography. All the best EM.ViewDate:
19th May 2021EllenMay commented on:
PhotographyI enjoy photography - largely nature photography or portraits. I have to have my camera on me all the time. Yes my mobile is useful for this, but I need the actual camera and even on dog walks etc it's with me at all times. I don't do professional photography but have been asked to take photos at baptisms etc for family and other events. Any tips welcome really.ViewDate:
19th May 2021EllenMay commented on:
Is anyone over 50 doing a University degree?I did a degree online after 50 in Translation and loved every minute. The challenge, the other students, the chat, the interaction with experts in the field - fantastic. Well worth it. You only live once so go for it!ViewDate:
19th May 2021EllenMay commented on:
Penfriends south of EnglandHi Darren apologies it's been a while as I couldn't work out how to log on. Consider myself fairly good with IT but hey. Yes where do the years go and suddenly you have grandchildren. Mine's pretty quick on his feet and you have to have eyes in the back of your head. I like to think I'm giving my daughter a rest when she arrives with the Little One but I don't get much rest when he's around. I find that with French people if you make an effort all goes well. The food, restaurants and scenery are amazing and well worth a visit. So much to see. All the best for now and sorry it's been so long as I couldn't see how to log on! EllenViewDate:
11th Feb 2021EllenMay commented on:
Man at Work - looking for relationship adviceI agree with other posts in that he could be (a) very nervous about striking up a new relationship due to a terrible past relationship tarnishing his opinion of women in general so that perhaps your invitation caught him off-guard and his refusal was a knee-jerk reaction which he now regrets, or (b) he is in fact already in a relationship which no one knows about, whether platonic or otherwise, or simply with his family if any (c) he is connecting with you as you are in a similar age, stage of life, situation as him, and you seem very friendly, but it may be he doesn't want it to go beyond just an office friendship; or (d) has some form of personality disorder, autism (thus lack of social skills and ability to relate) and (e) his curiosity is unhealthy, a possibility you can't ignore. I think that I would be friendly but emotionally guarded and see if I could find out anything more about him through discreet and subtle questioning of him, himself, generally without raising suspicions from colleagues or other information eg online, social media etc. If he persists in extracting personal information from you without providing any reason for his interest I would be very concerned, personally. His interest alas could simply arise from loneliness, a parallel of his life with your life, birds of a feather etc and/or a lack of friends on his side for whatever reason and he is giving out the wrong signals. You would expect a reciprocal exchange of information from anyone interested in a relationship. Good luck!ViewDate:
11th Feb 2021EllenMay commented on:
Feeling aloneHi countryrowe It's very, very understandable that your confidence is at a low point after being with the same lady for 25 years. Everyone loses the (intimidating) "dating" habit, if it ever was one, and feels one doesn't measure up to the next person. What you are feeling is exactly what others feel and would feel in the same situation, unless they are extremely confident and outgoing. You see your younger children striking out with their futures ahead of them, and feel that it is too late for you, etc. which isn't the case. Maybe there are other, less pressured, ways of meeting people, although those are compromised at the moment, such as (online) evening classes, or (online) activity groups, or church if you attend this, rather than a dating site per se. Alternatively if you have the money there are very selective dating groups which are very careful about who they allow as members. I tend to think the more you try to find a special person, the more elusive s/he is. By simply mixing in whatever social way possible, with neighbours (even online) or wider friends, you will probably gradually regain much of your confidence, when faced with the acceptance and welcome of others. Being on your own in a small flat having just broken up with a long-time partner is very difficult in normal times, and especially in a pandemic, and maybe you need to take things more slowly to start with. You may think all of this isn't very helpful but best wishes anyway!ViewDate:
11th Feb 2021EllenMay commented on:
Feeling aloneHi lydab I share your feelings of loneliness and need for cuddles in that recently my partner was diagnosed as being on the high-performing autistic spectrum as he is unable to empathise, sympathise or understand others' needs. Like you I sincerely hope better times are ahead!ViewDate:
11th Feb 2021EllenMay commented on:
Should teachers be prioritised for vaccination over half-term?But what about older teachers, like myself? I can't get a state pension as "too young", but can't work in schools because I am critically vulnerable. Still waiting for any sign of a vaccine however before I can start work again for the first time since March!! My daughter's vulnerable in laws aged 60+ have just caught covid - both teachers.ViewDate:
11th Feb 2021EllenMay commented on:
Should teachers be prioritised for vaccination over half-term?Kids may be missing out on learning but that is beyond the control of anyone, let alone teachers. Many adults are losing businesses, relationships, marriages, even older parents. A child's education is critically important but losing lives is far more so. They are getting the best possible support online, as far as humanly possible. Someone said these teachers are teaching online and charging privately. When exactly is that time available? Do these people realise how long it takes to devise a lesson, never mind have to do it all over again to adapt it to be delivered online? To learn these skills in the first pllace. I think what angers me as a teacher is the way that if someone else is furloughed on nearly all of their salary, no one complains. But if a teacher isn't seen to be working his/her socks off, everyone complains. There was even a "snitch line" which parents could use to report teachers. Does this exist for other professions, I wonder?ViewDate:
11th Feb 2021EllenMay commented on:
Should teachers be prioritised for vaccination over half-term?Absolutely agree on every point you make.ViewDate:
11th Feb 2021EllenMay commented on:
Should teachers be prioritised for vaccination over half-term?That is a perfectly good question but unfortunately teaching isn't like that. Primary teachers not only teach but toilet and clean children, dress children, feed children and sort out falls and grazes etc. It is a very close relationship. Small children are very clingy and needy. In secondary the sheer numbers prevent social distancing. A single teacher can see more or less than 150 students a day, sometimes more if 6 classes a day. Imagine this over a week. Kids are packed into classrooms. The exposure is horrendous.ViewDate:
11th Feb 2021EllenMay commented on:
Should teachers be prioritised for vaccination over half-term?Absolutely correct. My daughter's in laws are both teachers in their early 60s and have been given NO protection. I am a CEV supply teacher - again NO protection so unable to work.ViewDate:
11th Feb 2021EllenMay commented on:
Should teachers be prioritised for vaccination over half-term?I am a supply teacher but am critically extremely vulnerable. I haven't been able to work, or obtain any form of income, since March 2020 for fear of catching this, with local schools banning protective equipment, masks, etc. This has forced me into a situation of dependency on my partner and our relationship is already difficult. As a supply teacher a vaccination would offer me protection and I would be able to return to working in schools and to help where help is desperately needed in catching young people up in their education. Teachers have been expected on occasions during this pandemic to continue as if nothing is happening around them. They are expected to face up to some 150 students a day in secondary, entirely without protection. The teaching unions are rightly against teachers being exposed to a potentially fatal virus in this way. If you want to get the unions and their members on side, the kids back in school, and parents freed to continue working, then VACCINATE NOW.ViewDate:
11th Feb 2021EllenMay commented on:
People who make no effort when buying giftsHi Molly Your post reminds me of a woman my parents knew who used to go to boot sales and buy a load of second hand junk for them, having set her own maximum spend on this. They would buy her something attractive and she would hand over enormous quantities of rubbish bought second-hand in a plastic bag!!! Minimum effort whilst enjoying second-hand browsing and shopping!! It's a very difficult situation you're in. Have you directed her to eg your Amazon wish list? You could say to avoid duplication of presents as you've had some duplicates recently (imply her novel) and to save money you are directing people to the wish list (which offers a range of presents and their costs, for every purse). I think this is my best suggestion. Alternatively say to her that in future you are cutting back on presents and just sending Amazon vouchers to your closest family and friends, including her, so that people can choose their own present (for the above reason, if you like). It could simply be that your friend has no idea on what to buy people and is no good at it. My partner is exactly the same. He completely lacks any empathy on this level, and hasn't the first clue on what to get anyone and inevitably I have had to do all of it for the past 30 years, including for his direct family (mother, brother, niece...). Alternatively obviously it could be that she likes to delegate the job for whatever reason. Perhaps her daughter enjoys the shopping experience and offers, with obviously the results you know!. Anyway, if you've tried the above in vain apologies, but I think that's what I'd do, with some insistence!ViewDate:
11th Feb 2021EllenMay commented on:
Re-socialisationHi Streudal it sounds like you have a lot on your hands. I'm in my early 60s in the UK but the problems ignore borders. I'm living with a man who has high-performing autism, and like you this has a huge impact on my life. He was only diagnosed recently but has had it throughout the 3 decades I've known him. I can totally empathise with your plight. I think your plan of a motor home sounds amazing, so go for it. You deserve it. You sound like you need the space to think about and for once prioritise yourself and have a life and cherished moments of your own. Fortunately however we have online forums like this one to escape to in the meantime! Take care, EllenViewDate:
11th Feb 2021EllenMay commented on:
Son's wedding (not invited)Hi Rubyshoes I'm sorry I've come in late to your problem and I expect you've now had the registry wedding. I have the same thing with my stepson who I raised from age 4. His wife, for some unknown reason, dislikes us as the parents acutely. We have no idea why, other than her flagrantly (and naturally) preferring her own parents but exclusively. We were even accused of not wanting to be our grandson's grandparents. To some extent it is inevitable that sons who we have nurtured and cherished for so long then default to their wives as a priority. However how this is done can be extremely hurtful for a parent. All I can suggest is maybe see your son privately as we did, and emphasise that you want to be a non-intrusive but nevertheless present part of his life in some way. You could ask not directly what is wrong, but instead ask how you could improve the relationship with him and with his wife yourself, what you could do to improve this. That way your approach would be non-accusatory. We have come to the conclusion with my stepson that he is caught in the middle of this (what exactly we don't know) and we respect their space, supporting from a distance. We can only hope that one day they come around. It is extremely hurtful and your feelings are completely natural. Never feel that your feelings of hurt are of your own making or imagination. See if as I say you can approach this in terms of what you can do to help and above all never criticise his wife or her family as then the situation will deteriorate much further. As long (as I am sure) you have been a good mother to him in the past there is no reason his loyalty to you should be impaired. In my case it is a stepson with whom I do not have the natural bond as I do with my own son. Good luck!!