Diary of a self-isolator week 25

A lighthearted look at a few memories and the situation over the last seven days in our house.

Sunday 31/08/2020 – Day 168

Well here we are at the end of the 24^th week, that is twice as much as the original furlough of 12 weeks, we are also – thankfully – almost at the end of August, what a complete washout! Just waiting for the smug weather forecaster to come on Countryfile tonight and say that August was the wettest on record – talk about stating the ‘bleeding obvious’.

Despite my protestations Mrs H has got a list as long as my arm to be completed in the garden that has – over the past 23 weeks – become the Harvey wonderland. Firstly, she is going to break every rule in the gardeners bible by moving rose bushes and climbers, Our neighbours often say that they’ll see a plant seemingly ‘floating’ down our garden at all times of the year, they know it’s Mrs H moving plants and shrubs.

Meanwhile, I am going to move the rocking bench over to the circled lawn which Mrs H has decided in her wisdom needs a bit of a makeover.

My original idea was to build around the circle in reclaimed bricks, it would have looked like a ruined tower with fallen walls and a couple of those arrow slits as windows, I could envisage it all in my mind and it was going to look brilliant, Mrs H agreed and I popped inside to get my laptop. My flabber was truly ghasted when I checked out the local builders merchants for reclaimed bricks, don’t get me wrong, there were plenty to be had in most yards, but I’m not surprised at £1 each (the cheapest) plus the dreaded VAT.

The town where I live has been systematically trashed by successive councils, they built a ring-road in the sixties which has strangled the town because it actually goes through it! My point is that what happened to the millions of bricks they knocked down, all at a £1 each, peoples homes destroyed, Georgian buildings destroyed under Murphy’s big demolition ball, and every one of those bricks went to landfill, I’m going to ask where and then I’m going to hire a digger machine , dig them all back up and pay a couple of out of work lads to clean them up at 5p a piece, this time next year I’ll be a millionaire!.

I digress, so we had to knock that idea on the head as it was going to cost more than the National debt, Mrs H came up with this new idea which – in all fairness – was only going to cost us aching bones and a bad back, I cut some small circles in my circled lawn (try and stay with me here) so Mrs H could plant her plum trees, one of which is dedicated to our daughter Victoria, this was a good idea as they were in plots and were always blocking my path when I mowed the lawn. Then I had to erect another six foot by three-foot trellis panel to match the two existing ones opposite.  Mrs H would then move a few roses from various spots around the garden to plant around the circle which meant moving other plants.

I put a slab in the centre to take the fire-pit which our children bought for us three years ago and has rusted well due to lack of use.

By 3.00pm that afternoon the boring circle lawn had undergone a lovely transformation, Most importantly, it hadn’t cost us a penny, everything used was re-cycled from what we already had, I have to admit – that woman I married is so good in the garden!

Apparently, on this day in 1146 the Europeans banned the crossbow from warfare, it appears that those lordly Knights of old (Boris) had to have expensive armour made to protect them, whereas Peasants (me) had nowt but their legs to carry them from battle, The Knights (Boris) thought it grossly unfair that these peasants (me) could bring them down with just one bolt from a crossbow. They basically had a bit of a meeting (this is starting to sound like a Monty Python sketch) and said “Now look here you peasants (me) we’re not having any of this rubbish, it is ok for us to cut you down with our swords and things, but you’re not playing fair with these new fangled crossbows, the upshot is lads, that we in our infinite wisdom have decided that to stop us getting killed unfairly we are going to ban the crossbow, ok. fair enough?”

This I sincerely believe is where the much used V sign came into being, later borrowed from a grateful Winston Churchill.

Speaking of crossbows (I know, I do go on) can anyone remember William Tell? It was televised in 1958 to 1959 but repeated so often that it seemed like it was on for years.

Our playground resounded to the familiar theme tune, plus our own made up lyrics.

Come away, come away with William Tell,
Come away to the land he loved so well;
What a day, what a day when the apple fell,
For Tell and Switzerland

The theme tune was based on the William Tell Overture by Gioachino Rossini. The lyrics were sung by Davd Whitfield, they had to add lyrics because the music was also the theme music for ‘The Lone Ranger’ in America.

The famous opening scene saw Tell shooting an apple off his son’s head, Tell was played by William Conrad.

I wanted to relay this useless fact to you because we had a Bus conductor (remember the clippies) who was the spitting image of Landburgher Gessler the baddie in William Tell, every time he came to collect the tickets the whole bus would whistle the theme song.

One death has been reported today but an astonishing 1715 new cases were logged.

Monday 31/08/2020 – Day 169

Here we are at the start of week 25, I can hardly believe that I’ve been at home almost six months.

Outside it is bland, the skies are like myself this morning – lifeless! It is bank holiday today and for some reason known only to the dark recesses of my mind I hate Monday Bank holidays.

Of course being smack bang in the middle of a pandemic doesn’t help the Bank Holidays cause, It may be that during my childhood the shops all shut down on a bank holiday, yes, I know the shops were closed all day Sunday, but I learned to live with that, on a BH they were closed from 5.00pm on a Saturday until 7.00am on a Tuesday.

That communal area outside the local grocery shop was where we all met, where we all planned our day, where we would offer to carry heavy bags home for our neighbours with the hope of getting a nice golden (brass actually) thruppeny piece. It just wasn’t the same when the blinds were pulled down and there was no awning to shelter under when it rained.

When Mrs H and I got married everything was gridlocked around us, we lived about a mile from the West Midland Safari Park and it was nigh on impossible to get off our drive on a BH, It didn’t matter what the weather was like, in fact if it rained then the roads were even busier, the Park was the ideal place to take the family as no-one had to even get out of the car.

Today we remember the peoples Princess, Lady Diana lost her life on this day 23 years ago. Mrs H and I were lay in bed on the Sunday morning that the news was trickling through from Paris.

My son rang up today to ask if I needed anything from B & Q, I gave him a list as long as my arm and then – mostly in sympathy – I reduced it to three tins of paint, Within 30 minutes he walked through the back gate carrying paint for the decking, the woodwork and a large 5ltr tin of Wild Thyme, which has just reminded me that I have to send him the money!

Two more deaths today with a further 1406 deaths registered in the UK.

Tuesday 01/09/2020 – Day 170

The sun was streaming through the window this morning, so much so that Mrs H was wide awake by 6.45, it is a long time since she has seen two 6.45’s in the same day, on the other hand I was so tired I had a lie-in until eight when the delectable wife actually brought me a cup of tea in bed – two records smashed in one day!

I was determined today that I was going to finish the front drive at long last, this entailed laying two bags of Tarmac outside on the pavement close to the wall, I started about 10am and was a bit wary of the people passing by on their way into town, joggers going past sucking in all the traffic fumes – gasping for breath – and not one person wearing a mask!

I was bent down cleaning the space when I heard a more than familiar voice:

“Gizza job, I can do that Gizza Job, can I help, I used to do the blackstuff”.

“Morning George”, I replied,

“That was my best Yosser Hughes impression, remember? Boys from the Blackstuff”.

“Yes” I said, “Very depressing if I recall, Maggie Thatcher’s Britain of the eighties”.

“I thought it was brilliant” he replied, “Same year the Missus walked out, great times”,

“I’ve got a great joke for those people who follow you on that bloggy thing you put out every Sunday morning”.

“George, as you can see, I’m really busy”,

All to no avail, he started to tell the joke anyway

“If Noah had to builds an Ark today.

In the year 2020, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in Britain and said:
“Once again, the earth has become wicked and overpopulated. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans. You’ve got 6 months to build the Ark before I’ll start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.”

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard – but there was no ark in sight “Noah!,” He roared, “I’m about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?”
“Forgive me, Lord,” begged Noah, “but things have changed. I needed a building Permit. I’ve been arguing with the Boat Inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbours claim that I’ve violated the neighbourhood by-laws by building the Ark in my garden and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the local Planning Committee for a decision. Then the local Council and the Electricity Company demanded a shed load of money for the future costs of moving powerlines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark’s move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear none of it.”

“Getting the wood was another problem. There’s a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the Greater Spotted Barn Owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I
Needed the wood to save the owls – but no go! When I started gathering the animals the RSPCA took me to court. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.”

“Then the Environmental Agency ruled that I couldn’t build the Ark until they’d conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.”

I’m still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I’m supposed to hire for my building crew. The Immigration Dept. Is checking the visa status of most of the people who want to work.

The trade unions say I can’t use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.”

To make matters worse, the HMRC seized all my assets, claiming I’m trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10years for me to finish this Ark.”

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.

Noah looked up in wonder and asked,
“You mean you’re not going to destroy the world?”
“No,” said the Lord. “The Government beat me to it.”

I must admit it did raise a smile from my face, as I waved him goodbye he pulled his face mask from his pocket, the same mask he should have been wearing while he talked to me, to my amazement he blew his nose in it and returned it back to his pocket.

Within an hour the tarmac was finished, it didn’t look to bad actually, just really new and sort of shiny wet, as I was sweeping up the pavement I accidentally brushed some dust onto the new tarmac, it was amazing, it looked as if it had been down years, I quickly accumulated a pile of dust from the path and brushed it on to the new stuff – job done!

Just the sand to brush into the new pavers and my day was done, a few people passed by and remarked how good it looked, I was quite chuffed.

1923 new cases reported today with 3 more deaths.

Wednesday 02/09/2020 – Day 171

Looks like another fine day today, just a bit of cloud around at the moment, today I have to go and pick pears, our conference pears are bending the branches under the weight, looks like they’ll have to be shared with family, friends and neighbours otherwise they will just rot, a bit like myself when I’m just hanging around lol!

I note with interest that the Great Fire of London started today in a Bakers shop in Pudding Lane, the baker escaped with his family but left a girl servant to her fate as they did in those days poor souls, Samuel Pepys who was nearly as good as me with diaries wrote:

“I saw a fire as one entire arch of fire above a mile long: it made me weep to see it. The churches, houses are all on fire and flaming at once, and a horrid noise the flames made and the cracking of the houses.
“Having staid, and in an hour’s time seen the fire rage every way, and nobody, to my sight, endeavouring to quench it, but to remove their goods, and the wind mighty high and driving it into the City, I to White Hall, and did tell the King what I saw; and that, unless His Majesty did command houses to be pulled down [to create fire-breaks], nothing could stop the fire.”

Of course, the good thing that came out of it was the re-building of London which included Wren’s St Pauls Cathedral and of course the end of the Black Death caused by rats, although, there are still rats among us – must get Guy Fawkes back.

I reckon Mrs H was the baker’s wife in a past life, when she cooks now she uses the smoke alarm as a timer, when it goes off it’s cooked! Speaking of cooking, I walked into the kitchen this morning and the delectable Mrs H was preparing a Beef Hotpot for my tea, she had put the diced beef in and was chopping onions and weeping like a good un! Well you know me, forever the gent I got a handkerchief and dabbed her eyes so she could see alright to finish, but to no avail, she just kept filling up with water so I offered to finish them for her, then her eyes were so red that I offered to do the potatoes as well, in fact, I seem to be doing my own hotpot, but, that is what love is  all about bless her.

There was a large increase in deaths today up to 10, a further 1508 new cases were reported

Thursday 03/09/2020 – Day 172

Yesterday after I’d prepared my hotpot I got the pressure washer out and cleaned all the slabs around Mrs H’s greenhouse, as those of you who’ve used one of these beasts know, there is a bit of a spray back from them, I was carrying on cleaning when I felt a tap on the shoulder, it was Mrs H, apparently it had been tipping it down for ten minutes and I hadn’t even noticed!

Today 61 years ago was the official start of World War two, but two days ago on the 1^st of September operation ‘Pied Piper’ began, this was basically the evacuation of one and a half million civilians of which 800,000 were children, the other 700,000 were pregnant women and school teachers. I wrote a poem about child evacuees, but it tells a story and alas it is far too long to put on here.

Bit of excitement in the Harvey household this afternoon, because of the rain our little grandson (golden child) turned up at our house cold and hungry, it had been warm when he left home on his bike, but the weather soon turned and so did he – toward our house. Anyway, we fed him and decided to take him home, picking his Mum up from work on the way.

But, this was the first time any car had driven over my newly laid block paving at the entrance to our drive, so, it was with great apprehension we sat in the car and drove out onto the road, so far so good, when we returned I jumped out of the car to inspect the pavers, they hadn’t budged! To say I was over the moon would be a gross understatement, my millennium was complete!.

A substantial jump again in new  cases today, up to 1735, the highest to date, a rise in deaths to, up to 13.

Friday 04/09/2020 – Day 173

Dull as dishwater day today, but – wait for it – yes, they are forecasting an Indian Summer with temperatures reaching 26 degrees. I have this theory that the government issue these weather facts to create a ‘good news’ factor when bad news is about to break, watch this space.

Scored some Brownie points with Mrs H today when we moved some trellis to another part of the garden and created – or at least – tidied up a bit of a messy corner.

Had the big weigh in to find out how the diet was going, Mrs H was a bit disappointed as she hadn’t lost any weight, I, on the other hand had lost a couple of pounds after my disastrous weekend where I had put them on, I mean, it’s not my fault I have a double chin, when God was handing them out I thought he said Gin so I said I’d have a double!

I used all the remaining block paving to do some jobs that had been annoying me for a long time.

Highlight of the day was our first walk out! We walked down the road to watch our youngest grandson Hatton (golden child) play football on the local playing fields, well worth the walk, he scored the first goal and a few minutes later he hit the post. Victoria Beckham has ‘golden balls’ and we have ‘golden child’ lol.

Ten deaths reported in the past 24 hours and a further 1940 new cases, this is the biggest rise so far and must be very worrying for the experts.

Saturday 05/09/2020 – Day 174

Woke up this morning (lucky eh) wish I hadn’t bothered, I was freezing cold most of the night and poor Mrs H had to keep retrieving the bed clothes from my side of the bed.

I am aching in most of my joints so it looks like a day of rest for me and a day of boredom for Mrs H. I was eating my four Weetabix and my mind wandered back to my childhood.

As you know I came from a large family with five sisters and four brothers, this is where I reckon I get my early rising from, because first up was best dressed in our house, we were so poor that we only had ‘K’ for breakfast.

Everyone had to be out of the house by 8.00am while his lordship got his rest, he worked permanent nights in those days, more money. So we would just go off with mates or – if no-one was around – we went out over the warren.

The warren was a place of wander, a lot of it was covered in ferns but every now and again there were long grassy slopes, so on the way there we would call in at the local grocers shop to see if he had any cardboard boxes, of course they were plentiful back then, they were either burnt or went to the tip, then it was over to the warren and those dry grassy slopes where we would sit on the cardboard and slide all the way down to the bottom, then you had the long haul back up, but it was well worth it!

Another wonderful pastime from those banks was flying a kite, not one of those cheap plastic things from the shop, No, these were homemade, with a couple of sticks, a newspaper (the broadsheets were ideal in those days, so big) some string, and it was all held together with paste made from flour and water! If you took it back home then you’d had a good result, but if it didn’t make it – well, you’d lost nothing really.

Then there was the stream at the bottom of the hill, you could actually paddle in it and families from all over the estate would gather there on a hot day, we would have fishing nets made from mothers old stockings, and a jam jar with string around the neck ready to take the tadpoles and sticklebacks we would catch that day.

I don’t know what the kids of today do but we had nothing except our own imaginations and intuition and we used them to their utmost.

Happy days!

There were 12 new deaths reported today and 1813 more new cases, The total deaths for the UK is now 41,549 and the Number of cases to date are344,164. The government should be very concerned at the number of new daily cases, especially with Winter on the way.

And finally, a few of you have in-boxed me saying you’re having a problem getting my book. Just  go to Amazon Books UK and then put my name in. The books available are:

1. A Poetic Trip Along Memory Lane (all poems about the fifties and sixties) £6.47.
2. Poetry From The Heart ( A mixture of poetry I’ve written in the last 5 years, £5.49
3. World War One In Rhyme. ( A collection of poems telling the story from the outset to when it is all over) £4.99

All are free if you have Amazon Kindle. They would all make wonderful stocking fillers as most are full of memories.

Just one more favour, if you have already bought the book and enjoyed it, would you leave a review underneath please.TIA.

Well, that’s me done for another week, I’ll leave you with a picture of a plaque Mrs H had made for us.

Until next week – It’s been emotional!