My Feet And I

My Feet And I

“Well, what a beautiful baby boy!”
They exclaimed on the day of my birth.
“A bouncing, bonnie little man.”
So I yelled for all I was worth.
They cooed at my smile so sweet,
then they gasped at the size of my feet.

At school, I tried to run with the crowd
though I always fell in at the back.
They said I’d make a good sportsman.
“Give him the ball and give him some slack!”
But my team-mates ran in retreat
at the sight of my awesome feet.

“You’re just the sort of lad that we need,”
said the sergeant. “You’ve got the height!”
Well, I marched with pride in my gait
to the rhythm of left, left, right.
They finally admitted defeat.
Couldn’t cope with my two crossed feet.

I fell in love with a gorgeous girl.
“Hey babe! Shall we dance the fandango?”
A horrible shock was all she got,
I could only do the danfango.
The poor girl ran down the street
with a bruise from my cumbersome feet.

My feet and I have tramped this world
and everyone hears when we’re due.
It gives them time to take shelter,
saves them from damage anew.
I love my life with these slabs of meat,
I’ve grown fond of my ponderous feet.