New Grandson

I just really need to offload after sitting with my sobbing, distraught son for several hours as I have done many times over the past few months. It is a long story but I will try to cover it briefly.

He is the father of 3 beautiful children and has them to stay 3/4 times a week after splitting with their mother. The only word to describe her now is 'toxic'. There have been years of heartbreak to get to this point. I won't go into details about what she has done.

My son was very careful not to start a new relationship so that the children would be stable. Then he met someone he thought was right and finally introduced her to the children. They had some ups, downs and a separation but last summer she became pregnant (failed vasectomy). After the initial shock they started to plan but she began to insist he gave up everything to move in together as one big family. My son wanted to compromise feeling they were not really ready for such a step but should wait till baby was born and see how it went. At that she left him and basically cut contact with him. Basically he has respected her wishes and kept his distance but has always tried to give his support as much as he can. This has been a tough year for him as he is prepared to care for this child as much as the others. Again this lady has been bad mouthing him on Facebook and has twisted things and even lied, totally at odds with what she has said in her limited contacts with him and the wonderful, caring, positive person she presents on her web site. Anyway baby has arrived and today (now yesterday) she invited him to see his new son. He posted beautiful photos on our family app group so we were all feeling more positive.

The fly in the ointment is the baby's name which was chosen not by her or my son, but by her little boy (who frankly rules her) and it is awful. I know it is just a name but he has told her he cannot call his son this name and has chosen another which she said could be his middle name. Anyway baby has arrived and she invited him to meet him yesterday. He posted beautiful photos on our family app group which the children are also part of.

We were all feeling that this was the start of something good and then my 11 year old grandaughter's phone was used by her mother to post a vicious attack on our family for trying to give the child another name and involving her children (the baby's half siblings). Foul language was used. She has also threatened to tell the mother how evil we are. It transpires she has messaged her claiming to be worried that her son was worried he would not meet his baby brother and that she is now also a Facebook friend of hers though they have never met. She has now made the children leave the group.

We know they will be terribly upset by this as it is an innocent family friendly group. So now my poor son is more distraught than I have ever seen him before, worrying about the effect on the children and fearing that all his patience and positive attempts to come to a reasonable relationship will be destroyed by his ex, who always does something like this if she thinks he might be even a little bit happy.

I don't know what to do for him. I dare not contact either mother. The first one I have always kept onside so she has never been able to accuse me of anything. The second I don't know well enough to interfere but I expect it would be twisted if I did. I'm not asking for advice or sympathy.

I seriously just need to offload as it is so raw.