Teenagers.....
1 Posts Last Activity 23/07/2017
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Pick their brains while they still know it all.
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Seenagers
5 Posts Last Activity 22/07/2017
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WE ARE SEENAGERS - FINALLY!!!!!! I just discovered our age group! We are Seenagers. (Senior teenagers) I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 40-50 years later. I don't have to go to school or work I get an allowance every month. I have my own pad. I don't have a curfew. I have a driver's license and my own car. I have ID that gets me into bars and the wine store. I like the wine store best. The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant, they aren't scared of anything, they have been blessed to live this long, why be scared? And I don't have acne Life is Good! Also, you will feel much more intelligent after reading this, if you are a Seenager. Brains of older people are slow because they know so much. People do not decline mentally with age, it just takes them longer to recall facts because they have more information in their brains. Scientists believe this also makes you hard of hearing as it puts pressure on your inner ear. Also, older people often go to another room to get something and when they get there, they stand there wondering what they came for It is NOT a memory problem, it is nature's way of making older people do more exercise. SO THERE!!
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Audi Drivers
16 Posts Last Activity 14/07/2017
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"The other day I was cruising along as usual coming onto one of my motorways, which was very busy with inferior cars. First off, I couldn't believe that the volume of traffic DIDN'T slow down for me AT ALL as I came off the slip road! I had to squeeze into a barely big enough gap between two cars in order to get onto my motorway! The driver of the car behind me did realise his mistake though and honked an apology to me with a long blast of his horn. Unbelievably, I had to do the same again before I could get to the Audi lane. Anyway, once I was in the Audi lane and posing along at 110 mph enjoying the adulation that the inferior car drivers were giving me, I noticed an inferior car ahead of me which was not only in the Audi lane of my motorway, but was driving at a ridiculous 70 mph! Naturally, I got within a foot or so of his rear bumper and flashed my headlights to remind him he shouldn't be in the Audi lane of my motorway and to get out of my way. Of course, once he realised it was a Audi behind him, he did just that, but I could hardly believe it when he pulled straight back out behind me! He also tried to keep up with me and when he realised I would out-run him, he put on some blue lights in his front grill and urged me to get onto the hard shoulder so that he could congratulate me on my excellent car. Needless to say, I was eager to oblige and when we had stopped, the man gave me a piece of paper confirming what I already knew - that my car goes fast! Apparently he wants everyone to know what a superior car I have, so I had to take my driver’s licence to a police station to be sent away to have some points put on! (They're not free points either - they're £20 each and I was only allowed 3.) But the man at the Police station said that because I drive a Audi it won't be much longer before I earn the full 12 points, and then I won't even NEED a driving licence, so they will take it off me! See, now THAT'S the sort of respect you get when you own and drive a Audi!. PS I really drive a BMW
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Do young people really think us 'oldies' are simple?
19 Posts Last Activity 23/06/2017
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My sister recently went back to the opticians because her sight was blurred through one lens when looking through her new glasses. She has been wearing glasses since she was five and thus pretty used to wearing them. The young receptionists informed her that you have one dominant eye and she was obviously looking through the wrong eye and was therefore reluctant to waste the opticians time by making her a new appointment!
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A Scottish Experiment
2 Posts Last Activity 15/04/2017
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Hi. I'm not sure this will be seen in time if at all. Being a new member here I am quite frustrated already. Are your messages being seen, do you get any responses. Now we all lead busy lives and things have to get done. I am going to open a chat tomorrow evening at about 7:30. it is called the Scotland Room. Not sure if this will work as on reading how this is done you can't just join in you have to be added by the administrator, who for this purpose would be me. If you see this and are interested in a group chat ( no topic in mind) its an experiment. PM me and I will add your name to the list. I couldn't decide where this post lay in the subject matter so I chose humour as we all like to have a laugh. So the more the merrier. Warning: I am not taking any responsibility for this group chat not working. Did I mention experiment. :)
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Is growing up compulsory?
4 Posts Last Activity 18/03/2017
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I don't know about anyone else here but I find that in the real world life is far too serious and depressing so every now and again I do something silly/strange and certainly not fitting for a 54 year old ....My past exploits include speeding down a hill on a kids scooter and promptly falling off catapulting my shoes so far it would make an Olympian shot putter proud tossing over a handrail and landing on my head obviously my technique needs a little work running and sliding on ice - OK this was not a deliberate thing but was great fun until I knocked myself out having an indoor snowball fight which broke a couple of my willow tree ornaments - collateral damage! Kids climbing frames are a must - no matter how often I get to the top and need rescuing. Slides are fab well as long as they are big enough so I don't get stuck. See-Saws and roundabouts are brilliant no matter how often you fall off. Using kids of friends and relatives for an excuse to get into the ball pool - I am always open to new ideas .... is this just me or are there other 'mature' people out there who love to play?
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Mistaken Diagnosis
9 Posts Last Activity 22/03/2017
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Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sunk to the bottom and stayed there. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered her to be mentally stable. When he went to tell Mary the news he said, "Mary, I have good news & bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because, since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead." Mary replied "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry."
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A Riddle
3 Posts Last Activity 23/11/2016
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Two legs, sitting on three legs with one leg in his lap. Along comes fourlegs, runs away with one. Up jumps two legs, picks up three legs, throws it at fourlegs, gets back one leg!
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Hearing things in the night, I need an appointment with a shrink. A true story.
8 Posts Last Activity 14/11/2016
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I was very busy typing late last night, fingers flying away at the keyboard, tippety tap. It was then that I hear a loud mewing sound, I stopped and listened, it had stopped. I carried on tippety tapping and again the loud mew. I got up and went to the front door to see if there was a stray cat wanting to come in out of the cold. Nothing, just blackness. Oh well I said and went back to typing Once again a really loud mew, this time I took a torch and did a search in the pitch black all around the grounds--nothing I went back to the typing but with half an ear listening for any sounds. It was then that I heard a loud mew coupled with some gurgling sounds. When I realised what it was I collapsed with laughter. It was my stomach thanking me for the Pizza I had eaten earlier. A true story.
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Xmas trees
19 Posts Last Activity 07/01/2017
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Saw first xmas tree of 2016 in a house on way back from Asda, after getting beer for watching Scotland vs England.  Is this a bit early?
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