First Day at The Zoo: A guy starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks. First is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds. As he does so, a huge fish jumps out and bites him. To show who is boss, he beats it to death with a spade. Realising his employer won't be best pleased he disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything. Moving on to the second job of clearing out the Chimp house, he is attacked by the chimps pelting him with coconuts. He swipes at two chimps with a spade killing them both. What can he do? Feed them to the lions, he says to himself, because lions eat anything... He hurls the corpses into the lion enclosure. He moves on to the last job which is to collect honey from the South American Bees. As soon as he starts, he is attacked by the bees. He grabs the spade and smashes the bees to a pulp. By now he knows what to do and shovels them into the lions cage because lions eat anything. Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo.. He wanders up to another lion and says "What's the food like here?” (Wait for it !!!!!)……………… The lion says: "Absolutely brilliant, today we had Fish and Chimps with Mushy Bees"
Added By :
View Post
Very many moments in comedy are side-splitting. Fawlty Towers scene when Basil bashes his car with a branch. I think it was called "Gourmet Night" when he is at his most super stressed. What makes you laugh?....
Added By :
View Post
I have a beloved T shirt from 1998, it has a hole in it but I can't part with it, too many memories. I know there are people out there who hang on to stuff long past their sell-by date. Time to confess all....
Added By :
View Post
Optimism is going after Moby Dick in a rowboat. Confidence is bringing the tartar sauce.
Added By :
View Post
Those wonderful Church Bulletins! These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
  • The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
  • The sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water. The sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus.
  • Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
  • Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
  • Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
  • Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
  • For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
  • Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
  • Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
  • A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
  • At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
  • Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
  • Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
  • Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
  • The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
  • This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
  • Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
  • The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
  • Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
  • The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
  • Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
  • The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday:"I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
Added By :
View Post
Apparently somebody telephoned B&Q and said they wanted to go in and asked how big the queue was. The answer was "the same size as the 'B'"
Added By :
View Post
Police have raided a factory producing thousands of counterfeit Kipling products. A Police spokesman said " They're exceedingly good fakes"
Added By :
View Post
I’m sure there is a lot of good news out there but we just don’t hear it. Well I want to hear yours! :-) We haven’t got to this stage in our lives without hearing or BEING the amusing story. Yodama has even suggested that we tell about our most embarrassing moment. In my case it’s embarrassing moments!! If it’s funny or heartwarming then we want to hear it or if you have come across a RAK (random act of kindness) then PLEASE SHARE.....
Added By :
View Post
I’m sure there is a lot of good news out there but we just don’t hear it. Well I want to hear yours! :-) We haven’t got to this stage in our lives without hearing or BEING the amusing story. Yodama has even suggested that we tell about our most embarrassing moment. In my case it’s embarrassing moments!! If it’s funny or heartwarming then we want to hear it or if you have come across a RAK (random act of kindness) then PLEASE SHARE.....
Added By :
View Post
Loading more posts...
More Comments