Anti social behaviour
1 Posts Last Activity 16/10/2019
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Sorry, I wasn't certain if anyone could help us on here, we live in a 1 bed bungalow, I am registered disabled and my husband is my carer. Over the past 2 years and 8 months our lives have been ruined by our, believe it or not a single male who is the same age as my husband 64, he has from the word go caused us so much trouble with his drinking & loud "teenage", thumping base music, it has really been bad and my dear husband of 38 years, has had a breakdown, he has just had about all he can take. It was reported to the housing association well over 2 years ago, 2016 Xmas time, believed to come from a homeless place where he said was full of druggies and drunks. He also said that when in lodgings he came home from work one day, and his things were in the garden bagged up. Now this has told at least 4 people in authority who ask, why hasn't the housing association evicted him? We wish their question could be answered. This person has broken tenancy rules by upsetting his neighbour, us under the alcohol/noise rule. We have filled in diaries until they are coming out of our ears, tried endless ways of taping this "music" but needs special equipment to pick this thumping noise up, Environmental Health have a machine, just the one, but it's in Denmark being fixed. Remarkable only 1 machine for x amount of tenants. This person had agreed to move his 43" flat screen t.v. surround system, together with soundbar and 7 speakers, onto another wall and not against our bedroom wall, but has he! No, 2 days after telling the powers that be he would move it, remains in the same place, also forgotten was the music centre in his kitchen, which he has wired up to the system in the living room. The Environmental Health man went into the kitchen after we asked him to check that our ASB neighbour had his bathroom door on, we knew he hadn't as one can see when his internal lighting is on, oh yes, exclaimed the Environmental Health man, heavy door better than these thin ones, normal hardwood, our neighbour being devious had pulled the door, which is double glazed to the outside sheds, across the bathroom entrance, hence the E. Health thinking, well need I say more. Nevertheless, this neighbour has broken 1 of the tenancy rules which comes under alcohol/noise, their ASB officer just couldn't give a monkey's, and will not evict this person even with Police evidence, they have been called out 3 times and made reports heard it for themselves. We just don't know what to do any more, spoken with C.A.B., but haven't had much luck with them, have reported housing officer, but all on side. Is there anyone that comes here had any troubles like this, or is there any ex legal people who may know what we can do next, please?  This is a very serious situation as our health is at stake and can no longer take this pressure, feel that nobody cares these days. We have nowhere to go, unless we purchase a tent and get permission to camp in a field. Please if someone has any ideas or can think of someone we can contact, be very, very grateful. Bless you for reading this.
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Next Door's Lodger causing trouble - am I being unreasonable?
3 Posts Last Activity 03/08/2019
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I own my property and have lived there for 10 years. 18 months ago a new person bought the downstairs flat. Everything was fine at first. I am away a lot. However about 12 months ago she moved a man into her flat. He seem okay at first. Now however he is an absolute pain. He has started using my bin. I came home late one night and could not get up my drive to the front door as My bin was shoved in front of the path overflowing. I had to move the bin to get to my front door as I have mobility problems and it was dark it was not easy. The next morning when the binmen had been it looked as though someone had vomited in the bin. This has happened several times since. At one point he had the cheek to tell me I didn't use the bin!!!!!!!! I have my own car parking space and quite often I find he has parked in there despite being told not to by myself. He leaves his cigarette butts all over my car parking space and now there is chewing gum all over my space. In the 10 years I have lived there no one has ever taken my car parking space before. Nor have the people downstairs ever complained about noise and I have had 3 other neighbours before this woman bought the property. I have gone down the route of putting polite notes through the letterbox which they take no notice of. I have been told by this man at one point I should not come to my home late at night. I come home when my plane lands. I have thick carpets on the stairs but I do need to get up the stairs. On several occasions I have been woken up having fallen asleep on the couch by this man knocking on my door late at night saying I am making a noise when in fact I am asleep and his insistent ringing of my bell has woken me up. This woman takes no part in any of this indeed when I have tried to speak about her lodger/ live in lover? She stand there mute. I am at the point I just don't know what can be done. Anyone got any helpful suggestions?
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Where to get help
2 Posts Last Activity 19/05/2019
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I retired last year. Decided to get some work done on my garden - patio now I'm home more. The work is poor but they have said they will rectify it. They came and did some more work but it's still very poor. They are coming again in a weeks time. I don't really want them here. Without going into details they have been condescending and patronising. Citizens advice said I need to give them a chance to put the work right. Is there any kind of organisation who would have someone be here with me when they come? I can't express how nervous they make me feel.
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Decline of the high Street
3 Posts Last Activity 24/06/2019
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The media keep telling us that our High Streets are in decline because we consumers have abandoned them in favour of the internet. But I think the shops themselves must accept their share of the blame. I recently tried to buy a new mobile. I went to Carphone Warehouse, which has provided helpful and informed advice in the past, sadly the staff had no advice to offer. They could read the specifications on the cards next to the phones, something I am capable of doing myself, but couldn’t advise or help me choose the most appropriate model. “That one must be better because it’s more expensive”, was considered informed comment. Disappointed, I tried PC world. I had gone to a shop because I wanted to assess the touch and feel of the different phones. The phones on display were not real phones that you could use for this purpose. They were “dummies” because the store is frightened that real phones would get stolen. Have I just been unlucky, or do others feel that the high street has forgotten how to serve customers and so contributed to its own demise?
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Abusive adult children
9 Posts Last Activity 15/10/2019
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I’m wondering if anyone lease has experienced problems with abusive adult children ? My 32 year old daughter asked to come and live with me for a few months due to financial issues. I agreed. I didn’t ask for money from her so she could save. Short version of the outcome is she became very abusive to me- apparently all her bad decisions are my fault, to the point when I was being sworn at and insulted on a daily basis. She refused to leave when I asked her to, so eventually, I had to move her stuff out and change the locks. Of course, I love her and as she has made it clear I will never see her or my grandchildren again, it’s very upsetting. If you have expected this and have any tips for getting over the abuse and not being able to see my grandchildren again, I would appreciate your advice. Thanks
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Older grandchildren who never say Thank Your for Christmas or Birthday cheques
23 Posts Last Activity 11/10/2019
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I have six grandchildren who no longer live at home with their parents and I very rarely receive a Thank You. It is so easy these days. They could easily pick up the telephone or send an email. I feel like just sending a card. Do other grandparents always receive a Thank You?
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Is it ok to ask for money instead of presents?
11 Posts Last Activity 20/08/2019
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I have received a message recently from a friend through Facebook inviting me to her 60th birthday. I was pleased to get the invite as I have not seen her in around 8 years; we had worked together for a couple of years before I moved location. Reading through the invitation, it says “if you are thinking of giving a present for my 60th birthday, a cash gift would really make me go "Yay" etc etc..... I’ve always valued being given a present and take time choosing presents for others; I think it is something special and I always value any presents that I am given, regardless of value. To ask for money instead leaves a bit of a bad taste in the mouth so to speak. I was just wondering what other people thought, is it was just me? I think I will have to make some excuse not to go, it’s a real shame, I would have liked to have seen her again.
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Spelling mistakes - should these be pointed out on social media?
10 Posts Last Activity 05/01/2019
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I know there are some people who have trouble with spellings and on another forum I saw comments on people being quite rude about this.  I was picked on for misspelling something on Facebook; I didn’t know who the lady was and felt quite surprised to have a comment made. Am I being unreasonable?
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Mothering Sunday - am I being unreasonable?
8 Posts Last Activity 20/08/2019
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My husband and I have two children, a son and a daughter whom we both dearly love, yet our hearts have been broken by our daughter's harsh treatment towards us over the past five years. People have said to us: "Sometimes as parents we can do too much", yet for us nothing has ever been too much where doing the best for our children was concerned. Neither my husband, nor I can really understand exactly why our daughter behaved the way she did the last time I visited her and our 18 month old granddaughter in December 2015. We had though felt for a long time prior to their marriage that her husband and his family were intent on monopolizing. Nevertheless, we accepted albeit sometimes reluctantly the situation continuing to make him feel welcome and supporting them - particularly when his mother passed away a few years later. I was hopeful that our relationship might be strengthened with him in the ensuing years. Regrettably, he seemed to be resentful of the fact that I especially was around when our granddaughter was born in the ensuing year. The following summer they spent two weeks with us at our home in France; he maintained a noticeable distance (constantly tapping out messages to his family and friends on his mobile phone) and we observed how stressed our daughter seemed at times. Nevertheless, apart from that it was an enjoyable fortnight and lovely to have time with our granddaughter. A few weeks later we returned to the UK for our granddaughter's first birthday, and instantly we sensed an atmosphere on arriving at their home. He neither welcomed us, nor conversed with us the whole time we were there and our daughter showed us little regard. Our journey there had been delayed by heavy traffic that day, and we arrived 40 mins later although our daughter had said that the first two hours were for a toddlers party with a BBQ for adults and close family later. We returned to France a few days later, and then it was me always contacting my daughter and her responding briefly to my messages. I had for sometime been suffering with a bowel condition and finally decided to seek medical advice when I returned to the UK. This I did in the December, when my GP hastily referred me for an urgent colonoscopy. I decided not to tell the children until I had the results, and up to the date of the investigation I had heard nothing from our daughter. Fortunately, the result was not as bad as it might have been and by the following weekend I was so happy to have been asked by my daughter to "come and see her mum". Our granddaughter had been unwell with Slap Cheek Syndrome symptoms that previous week, so I went to see her and our daughter the next day. I was in shock by her aggression towards me and her father soon after arriving - her accusations were completely unjustified and her attitude was such that it was clearly frightening our granddaughter who began to cry. I decided it was best to leave. As I did so, she threw back at me the bag of gifts we had brought back from France for our granddaughter. Since then, we have neither seen nor heard anything from her. Birthday, Christmas and Easter cards and egg have never been acknowledged. Mothering Sundays , she always used to remember me and send cards and gifts but since that day she has not. Our son is thoughtful, and was always generous with cards and presents for his parents. Yet, over the past two years he has changed. Now, it is apparent that he acts under the influence of our daughter in law where the giving of gifts is concerned. Our generosity is not reciprocated in a way that shows their appreciation of all we do for them - babysitting our grandsons for many hours each week, and at weekends. Giving them as much as we can afford to in clothes and outings throughout the year, and helping them at holiday times. Tomorrow, is Mothering Sunday ... perhaps I am being unreasonable to expect more in the way of thoughtfulness from our children. My son is ill now with the flu, and is dashing out to buy two cards for me tomorrow. I appreciate the effort he is making now, but it always seems a last minute race for him in this regard, and why when there are two of them. My daughter in law always writes on the card so why could she not have bought one when I babysat for an additional hour and a half so she could do a weekly shop alone earlier this week. Just saying, or perhaps I shouldn't!!
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Family problem
2 Posts Last Activity 19/11/2017
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I am 67 and live in the Midlands, my daughter is 45 and lives outside London. My sister is 55 and lives 3 minutes walk away from my mother. I live approx 20 miles from my mother. My sister has not spoken to my mother for approximately 15 years. My younger brother aged 62 recently died. Two weeks before my brother's death my daughter 'popped' up by train to see my sister. My mother was due to visit my brother that day. My brother in law visited my mother to tell her that my daughter and sister were visiting my brother and that my mother couldn't go. My mother is 88, physically very frail and my brother's illness and death has made her fragile and confused. What upsets me is that my daughter did not visit her grandmother on that day. This probably sounds like some terrible rant but during the time after my brother's death my daughter texted me once to see if I was ok and then only left a voicemail to inform me that she would be attending the funeral to support my sister. I phoned my daughter only to be told some insincere psycho babble about my grieving. I would also mention that my daughter never visits me but that I have to drive and visit her if she needs a babysitter. I love my daughter dearly but am ashamed of her and disappointed in her. Her behaviour and attitude have bowled me over and I am extremely hurt and upset. I don't think I can ever speak to her again, Am I being unreasonable?
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