Loss of a soul mate
Watch this postI do feel the need to write this, as I think it helps me go forward.
Over the past 12 years, I have lost my Mother, Father, Brother, Daughter, Niece, Great Nephew and now my wife of 45 years.
Throughout her life, she had her fair share of medical problems, which included 13 or so major operations for different reasons. Last year she was told that she had an advanced form of cancer that was inoperable and was given so long to live, that hit us like a ton of bricks.
She was a very caring person to anyone that needed help, comfort and support and after she had the news all she worried about was who was going to look after me with no thought of her own predicament.
I promised her I would keep her at home nurse her and be there till the end. I cannot describe the final few months but anyone that has gone through the same would understand. The saving grace was that she passed peacefully asleep with me holding her hand and my son the other.
Throughout the last few months we talked about it and she urged me to find another partner, but she would be a hard act to follow, this stems from us witnessing my Father ( a very fit ex-marine) dying less than a year after my mother, we are convinced that he just did not want to carry on alone.
Alfred Lord Tennyson said 'It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all', well all I can say is it is like having your heart ripped out, and it makes you wonder.
I am sorry if this has spoilt anyone's day, but if you have a partner cherish them and enjoy the time you have together, because it can be a very lonely world.
On that note, I intend to give myself a good kick and maybe meet someone and do some travelling and hopefully start a new chapter.
All The Best YOLO.
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So sorry to read of your sadness...life can be very cruel sometimes but a life without love is so much worse that a life with loss, no matter how hard and you seem to have a good attitude going forward. Stay positive when you can and don’t be afraid to move on whenever you are ready.
Yes everyone should cherish their loved ones. Make the most of every minute together because none of us knows what is around the corner. When they are not there anymore life can be unbearable at times.
Take care and all the best for the future x
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I agree about it being lonely, we were not lucky enough to have children so it's just me now.
Your wife sounds like a lovely woman, all we can do is cherish our memories and be grateful for the time we had - although I must admit it's hard, when we should have had another 20 or so years together.
Life is cruel, earlier in the week I decided to contact the charity that re-homed my dog thinking that she had settled down in her new home. Not one of my best decisions that I have made in my life but I was missing her terribly and thought that it would cheer me up. Unfortunately it was not to be, I was told she passed away a few months ago and they thought it was due to a form of cancer, I am not so sure that being the cause. Dogs are like people they have feelings and pick up on people’s emotions and are very aware as to what is going on in their pack (being in a family), I think she lost the will to live having witnessed my wife suffering the last few months of her life, and being there when my wife passed, also picking up on my grief . I am only hoping that by me re-homing her was not the finale straw in her life.
I am very fortunate to have a son that is more than a son to me and we are very close, on telling him the news he came down to stay a few days, and as normal we sat and talked, and during the conversations he suggested that I should try to contact an old female friend 13 years my junior that I knew years ago that held a torch for me, but at the time I believed in the sanctuary of marriage and we lost touch. Once again not a great move I found out that she had passed away in 2012 at the age of 53 life just gets better by the day don’t you think.
My son urged me to join a dating site, as there are many people searching for companionship and more.
One of my traits is that I study people, I like to understand and what makes them tick. After a few months I began to get disillusioned by the whole experience, it strikes me that many people are searching for something that is not there,
The idea that there are perfect partners for them is indeed a fallacy, we all have good and bad points and true relations cannot be grown overnight by just looks alone. I feel that I would know within a few minutes of meeting someone face to face and having a conversation whether I could have a genuine relationship with them. My stature is very much against me being just 1.65 Mts tall, broad and heavy set reasonably muscular my photos seem to somewhat daunting to the majority of women. There is an old saying about books and covers everyone knows but do not adhere to. I am sorry about going on and on but this has taken me quite a few hours to write and has been very emotional for me, but I think it has helped. I do not suffer fools gladly and I just want to move on if at all possible.
Best Wishes to all that read this and take care and cherish What you have. All the best.
Life can be so shocking and yet again you have had difficult news. I hope you can take comfort that your dog is now at peace. Cherish your memories of your old friend. Sorry to hear this sad news. It was not meant to be and hopefully you will meet someone new.
I cannot comment on dating sites, as you say they sound like too much emphasis is made on appearance. How can you tell unless you meet people face to face and become friends first. Looking at a photo can be difficult and pretty cold. I am sure for many they are worth trying but it may take time to find someone genuine but you can and some people do. I am sure there are some women who would take a photo on 'face value' and of course 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder'anyway as they say! Best wishes on your new journey.
I have lost parents I was close to, as well as siblings, aunties, uncles and grand-parents.
I like to think they are still around. We all have our own beliefs in that respect. You would do anything for a chat and a cup of tea with them.
I am glad you have found out your dog is having a good life. You made the decision you thought was the best at the time. It sounds like you made a sacrifice for the good of the dog because you cared so much and wanted him/her to have a quality of life.
You could always think of another pet in time if you are ready.
You should find a way to release your feelings and thoughts as it is good for you to do that. You can post here. Cruse are a good organisation for the bereaved. It is a shame that during covid many support groups have stopped. Some do them on zoom online. Keep us updated about how you are getting on, on here.
Take care
I have replied generally. take care
I carry on everyday..have made many friendships..but keep that wall up for protection..don't do that. let people in..dodon't be afraid of being vulnerable..but do be careful and safe..
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He told me in the last days not to mope, and I have tried to live up to that, and I think he would be pleased with me. I never wanted to take another partner, he was irreplaceable in my life. Like you we cared for him at home, and he passed away in the place he wanted to be - at home with his family.
It was 6 months before I ventured to take my first trip alone to Venice, where we had once spent a day and the worst part was taking my evening meal alone in a restaurant with couples all around.
When you are ready, try travelling with a singles group, I have very happy memories doing this, to China, Morocco Egypt and many other places. I am in my 80's now, and more likely to have a day out on a local coach trip! when circumstances will allow! My life since I lost him has been a full one, and I am the happier for it.