Mothering Sunday - am I being unreasonable?
Watch this postMy husband and I have two children, a son and a daughter whom we both dearly love, yet our hearts have been broken by our daughter's harsh treatment towards us over the past five years. People have said to us: "Sometimes as parents we can do too much", yet for us nothing has ever been too much where doing the best for our children was concerned. Neither my husband, nor I can really understand exactly why our daughter behaved the way she did the last time I visited her and our 18 month old granddaughter in December 2015. We had though felt for a long time prior to their marriage that her husband and his family were intent on monopolizing. Nevertheless, we accepted albeit sometimes reluctantly the situation continuing to make him feel welcome and supporting them - particularly when his mother passed away a few years later. I was hopeful that our relationship might be strengthened with him in the ensuing years. Regrettably, he seemed to be resentful of the fact that I especially was around when our granddaughter was born in the ensuing year.
The following summer they spent two weeks with us at our home in France; he maintained a noticeable distance (constantly tapping out messages to his family and friends on his mobile phone) and we observed how stressed our daughter seemed at times. Nevertheless, apart from that it was an enjoyable fortnight and lovely to have time with our granddaughter. A few weeks later we returned to the UK for our granddaughter's first birthday, and instantly we sensed an atmosphere on arriving at their home. He neither welcomed us, nor conversed with us the whole time we were there and our daughter showed us little regard. Our journey there had been delayed by heavy traffic that day, and we arrived 40 mins later although our daughter had said that the first two hours were for a toddlers party with a BBQ for adults and close family later.
We returned to France a few days later, and then it was me always contacting my daughter and her responding briefly to my messages. I had for sometime been suffering with a bowel condition and finally decided to seek medical advice when I returned to the UK. This I did in the December, when my GP hastily referred me for an urgent colonoscopy. I decided not to tell the children until I had the results, and up to the date of the investigation I had heard nothing from our daughter. Fortunately, the result was not as bad as it might have been and by the following weekend I was so happy to have been asked by my daughter to "come and see her mum". Our granddaughter had been unwell with Slap Cheek Syndrome symptoms that previous week, so I went to see her and our daughter the next day. I was in shock by her aggression towards me and her father soon after arriving - her accusations were completely unjustified and her attitude was such that it was clearly frightening our granddaughter who began to cry. I decided it was best to leave. As I did so, she threw back at me the bag of gifts we had brought back from France for our granddaughter.
Since then, we have neither seen nor heard anything from her. Birthday, Christmas and Easter cards and egg have never been acknowledged. Mothering Sundays , she always used to remember me and send cards and gifts but since that day she has not. Our son is thoughtful, and was always generous with cards and presents for his parents. Yet, over the past two years he has changed. Now, it is apparent that he acts under the influence of our daughter in law where the giving of gifts is concerned. Our generosity is not reciprocated in a way that shows their appreciation of all we do for them - babysitting our grandsons for many hours each week, and at weekends. Giving them as much as we can afford to in clothes and outings throughout the year, and helping them at holiday times.
Tomorrow, is Mothering Sunday ... perhaps I am being unreasonable to expect more in the way of thoughtfulness from our children. My son is ill now with the flu, and is dashing out to buy two cards for me tomorrow. I appreciate the effort he is making now, but it always seems a last minute race for him in this regard, and why when there are two of them. My daughter in law always writes on the card so why could she not have bought one when I babysat for an additional hour and a half so she could do a weekly shop alone earlier this week. Just saying, or perhaps I shouldn't!!
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Perhaps now is the time for you and your husband to do things together and concentrate on yourselves in the knowledge that your children are doing exactly what they want.
I am a widow of 14 years and both my son and daughter hold me in contempt. I too cannot do right for doing wrong as far as my daughter is concerned. My son does not wish to meet any males in my life, as far as he is concerned I should live without any male company, otherwise I am betraying the memory of my husband. Mothering Sunday was another cardless day for me too, as will be my Birthday and Christmas. It is upsetting and a little depressing that we have tried so hard to always do right by our children and they have little or no respect for us as their parents.
Reading your heartbreaking story has helped me realise that I am not the only parent treated with such disregard and perhaps dislike.
May I suggest you and your husband focus on one another and SKI (spend the kids inheritance). Live each day as if it is your last and travel the world in style!!
Wishing you both a lovely future.