MOVING HOME ALONE ......AND TO A NEW PART OF THE COUNTRY

Well done all of you who have taken the plunge and moved on in later life - it is a brave thing to do. I am happy where I live (where I was born), but I do love travel and sunshine; that is something the West of Scotland doesn't offer a lot of 🙂
Like so many here, I should have retired at 60 - but have another 5+ years to wait. I divorced after 32 years, and will be working til I drop at this rate. Nonetheless, I am grateful to have a son I keep in touch with and see fairly regularly, a job that I love, and I'm generally healthy. I can travel either on my own or with friends - and that is what I intend to do; only for short spells though, as home always calls me back. We must all do what is right for us - this should be 'our time'. Good luck all

Best of luck to you... I've just spent a few days with an old octogenarian friend who has sold up a home and moved hundreds of miles to live closer to her family. She is happy and supported but family also have many commitments so it is necessary to do what you already have done... join clubs and general interest groups, craft/book clubs/U3A/National Trust/go to your local library to see what activities are coming up - join coach trips - volunteer. Would it be possible to rent your home and in turn rent a small property in the Warwickshire area, thereby perhaps giving you a little extra disposable income? and in so doing you would have a good idea if this is the area you would like to live long term. The way property prices escalate it seems a shame to sell because at your stage of life it would be almost impossible to get on the property ladder again... and rents can also rise. Then again, unless you make a decision to move, do something, you can remain in a rut and the years pass too quickly. Sometimes making a move proves to be the best thing ever done.

I am wondering where is a good place to move to?
I live in a tiny rural farming community full of young families and very old people, I am 58 and I have no friends or relatives now, most passed over from Cancer.
I spend 24/7 alone, no company, no one to talk to and I am dreadfully lonely and isolated.
There are no places to socialize anywhere near here, for my age group and I crave company, new friends, a new life and someone to share good times with and have intelligent conversations with.
I am not sure where to move to, where I can find a decent rented home, not on a flood plain which gets flooded every year, low crime rate but not highly expensive that I would struggle to pay the rent.
I have a house to sell which has been on the market for almost 2 years and no viewings or offers, has 4 bedrooms, and I use one, can't find someone to share it with so may as well move on.
I am not having an easy time of things financially I work at home on the phone as a life coach and work has all but dried up so might be forced to move anyway if I can't continue to meet the hefty mortgage payments.
Just feel stuck in a terrible rut and I don't know what to do for the best, I would need to sell the house for what it is on the market for just to afford a move and then I need work in a decent area, don't mind what I do.
But I need friends and company too.
Is anyone in the same boat as me?
Any ideas on where a good place to move to us, where it is easy to meet others and fit in as a single person in their late 50's where the crime rate is low and you can get a nice home for rent and a job or is this asking too much in the UK today?!
I would love some company too.
I am friendly, easy going and a people person and would love to find a nice guy to settle down with and share life with.
I love cooking, home making, driving, travel, internet, art, design, music and entertaining.
I am compassionate, caring, genuine, good sense of humour and easy going.
Anyone out there to connect with?
Thanks,
Kaz

I mirror your exact situation and I find the whole situation somewhat daunting, it is a scary thing to do to up sticks and move to a new place which is an unknown quantity though you know you have to do it somehow, and many places seem nice when you investigate them on line and by visiting but from my past experience of moving a lot from place to place, in my younger years, and because of my work, the reality of what life might be like there, is often a very different thing, to what you imagined it to be.
Warwickshire is beautiful but if you are moving, as I am trying to do, it needs to be a place where it is easy to make new friends, lots of things going on where you can go and join in to do this.
Recently I tried joined U3A a national organization for older people to meet, but being 58 and everyone in U3A being well 65+ I stuck out like a sore thumb and the day trips where at night when I work on the phone from home, and the activities were for much older people like chair exercises! Most of them were hostile and I left because I felt out out of place.
There is nothing else around my area for anyone of my age. I would feel bored and uncomfortable going into a pub on my own, not much fun really, so in a rut.
It is also important to consider the crime rate in the area, because you are more vulnerable as you get older, and an easier target for muggers and burglars, so its also a question of the balance between a safer place in the rural outer areas of a major town or city which means travelling into the centre for the bulk of local activities which will get more difficult if your health is impaired, and not having much on your doorstep as with my situation or living in a more central area where the crime rate might be higher and either less affordable in a rough inner city ring or more expensive in a more central affluent area, it is hard really to get all of the facts about an area without living there or knowing someone who already does, and some areas are worse than others, plus with recent flooding in some areas of the UK like Cumbria and Somerset, you need to avoid flood plains and planned fracking sites as well.
I am going to really try and do my homework on an area before moving there, and try and connect with people living there already to get their take on it.

Ask if anyone on here is from the area you plan to move to.

Some parts of Warwickshire are beautiful but there will be rougher areas where you need to avoid moving to, same in every area I guess, but be careful.

Had you a place in Wariwickshire in mind and a suburb within that area in mind too?

Where is a good part of the UK to live, does anyone have any recommendations? Particularly for someone of our age? I am 58?

Best of luck with your move.
Kaz XX

join a local choir or any group really I joined an am dram group made 30 instant friends!!

hi i am a scot living in rugby warwickshire,i rent a one bedroom flat from rugby council and i love it,i live in a sheltered housing complex we have a community room for games quizes and bingo,day trips and holidays,i joined the committee and help out, and have met some nice people, you do not need a lot of friends just a few genuine ones, i hope everything works out for you,

After living for many years in Hampshire, but working through UK & Europe, The OH and me decided that we should "retire" in our mid 50's. There was a big " re-organisation" in work and I took the opportuniy of a generous severance payout and a company pension and we set about planning our escape.

To cut a long story short, we moved almost as far as we could and still stay in the UK. Several reasons - partly Scottish family, but also you can buy an awful lot more in Scotland for the same same price as in England.

We found an old house in Aberdeenshire and set about restoring it and the garden. This meant learning a lot of DIY skills, but fortunately our neighbours were builders and were a great help - showing us how to do things and lending us tools.

We also became friendly with two lady academics who decided to escape the 'rat race' and establish a market garden just outside the village. OH helps them with the gardening, and I help with maintenance. We get paid in fresh organic veges! We also raise our own rare-breed pigs which we butcher for pork, bacon and sausages.

It did take a lot of our savings initially, but now I'm 65 and have a number of pensions, I now 'earn' more than some people in work!

I don't regret one moment of the decision and I hope that anyone who does up and move, enjoys the same satisfaction as us.

Hello, your letter strikes so many chords as when I finish my mortgage next year , I am going to do exactly what you are contemplating apart from the locality. I wish you well, and I hope you let me know how it goes so that I will carry o being inspired. - have fun!

Hi Suffolknan
Well I guess by now you have probably already made your decision and have your move all wrapped up!
I realised you posted you question back in March so apologies for not answering sooner but I am also new to the forums and have only just taken a look.
My position is very similar to yours, I gave up my part time job just over a year ago having had a couple of operations on my feet. After being on crutches for almost four months and being in a lot of pain I really couldn't face the thought of going back to my old job that involved running around on my feet all day without a break.
Like yourself I should have been collecting my pension now if the government had not pulled the rug from underneath me. I was divorced after 28 years when my husband decided to play the field. So he took the pension pot and I took over the house (and mortgage) as I needed a roof over my head and thought in a couple of years I would get my pension and all would be OK.
How wrong was I? 'You just never know what's round that corner' as they say.
I can totally understand why you have made the decision to rent. I have toyed with that idea but soon realised that with 6 years to survive without any monies and no savings I would have wiped
£72-75,000 out of my capital by the time I retired and doubted if any pension I did get would be enough to survive on. So for me there would be no chance to have trips away, visit friends, enjoy life..etc etc as I would need every penny from the sale of my house just to live day to day.
So my 'sencible head' said this wasn't an option as I would back myself into a very dark corner if I did.
What I am now doing is selling my house and down sizing to a small bungalow. It will leave a little capital to take the pressure off for a few months but then I intend to rent a room to help me make ends meet till such time as I get my pension and then see how I can manage.
It's a case of 'needs must' I'm afraid and it's a means to an end without me loosing every penny I worked so hard to get.
If it doesn't work then it will be back to the drawing board but at least I will still have options.
It's not easy when you are in your own, of that I totally agree with you and evenings can be very lonely.
I hope you found your ideal place to rent in Warickshire and make lots of new friends along the way.
I guess the beautie of renting is that if you don't like it or can't settle then it's much easier and a lot cheaper to up sticks and try another area until you find the dream accommodation in the perfect location.
At this moment in time I'm awaiting a completion date for my move so am knee deep in packing boxes. After living in the same house for 26 years I will be taking lots of memories (good and bad!) to my new home.
I'm anxious and excited at the same time, it will be an adventure and a new chapter (probably my final one) so I am hoping I have made the right decision and can make it work for me.
I hope the same for you and you enjoy the new chapter in your life.
My best wishes...have a great Xmas and I hope 2016 is a good one. (Who knows what a new year will bring) x

My eldest son lives half the year in Italy and the other half in a village near Ayr but sadly neither of our sons could accept or get involved in their Mothers illness and my caring role, they just couldn't handle it and chose to distance themselves so that now I am on my own but they obviously find it hard to come back on board with me.

Hi suffolknan

As you wrote this in March I wonder if you have moved yet. But I'll put my two pennies worth in anyway. Nearly 5 years ago I moved to Ireland on my own. I was very stressed out and retired here where it is quiet and peaceful and the people are very nice. It has taken a long time to find good friends as I was very busy with the house and garden to start with. I found that people tend to stick to their own friends and families and, although I know local people now, I only have a couple of good friends to go out with. I did not rent, I bought a house here - the prices are so low! Now I find that I am out of touch with my family. But you need to meet people, join a group, do some charity work. Personally I wouldn't rent, I spent years renting until I could afford to buy and was constantly moving, which was unsettling. I prefer the security of having my own house to do what I like with, but you do what you are happy with. Its not easy settling in a new area when you are older, but life is what you make it. Hope this helps. You may of course have taken the plunge by now and I hope you will soon make friends and settle down.

I upped sticks 9 years ago to Poole, Dorset. No reason why this area. But chose out of the blue. Had a bad marriage..and needed solace. Leaving my children (5) was the worst thing. They couldn't (wouldn't come) as they all had their lives in London.
I could have stuck with the life..but it was unbearable for me...
Very happy in such a beautiful area...great beaches..Blue flag..new forest on doorstep and only max 2 hours commute to visit children.
I wouldn't ever go back...move forwards is my "motto"
I was alone and still live alone..but have settled well and have my life.
Just going to the beach to watch the world go by is enough for me.
Don't need money to do that...I pay my way myself and have asked for nothing...Very much happier these days. x

Hi hun, I,ve jst joined today, but I read your posting and it resinated with me so much, I have jst returned to my home city of Liverpool after spending twenty five years in North Northumberland and the Scotish Borders. I left with my man and two kids but I knew no one and had little support from my mans family. Although I had a partner his job took him away a lot and I felt extremely isolated and lonley. I dreamed of returning to Liverpool, to familiar teritory. I have jst moved back on my own, I sold things I didn't want, gave loads away and with the help of a mate I hired a van to make the move back home. What I found was, although I have all my family here, no one wants to know me, not in a nasty way but because I have been away so long I don't have the shared family experiences and I feel like a total stranger amongst them all. They are all busy with their own lives. Before I left we used to meet up once a week as a whole family (16 + sometimes) to share food and stories, now I have to ring them for an invite for a cuppa and thats once in a blue moon, they don't ring me.
When I lived away I used to hear about their holidays together or the camping trips, where three generations of family would meet up and I'd hear about the family parties I'd miss via my mum ringing me and I longed to be part of it. I feel just as alone and isolated in my home town amongst my own kin as I was when I left them but I will use this now to my advantage to start something new,I don't know what yet but this forum is a start, I have real friends all over this country just not on my door step but making new friends is all part of the appeal and I'm glad I made the move because I'm starting again.
I found a lovely little house to rent, cuz I don't want sleepless nights worrying about whether the chimney will come crashing through the roof and will the insurance pay out, I'm just getting or not to know my neighbours, some days I'm as lonely as hell but other days I have a coversation with a stranger and it feels worth while, for the moment it's the place I want to be, I'm not stagnating or living to exsist which I would have done if I hadn't moved, I'm just going to take each day, I look at opportunities and if they appeal I'll go for it so I hope you make your move cuz there is always something and someone new to find, good luck

Go for it, you are young enough to explore new places, new interests, and new friends, I have moved many times in my life and always found good friends, and recently moved on my own after my husband passed away, just be open to invitations willing to join active retired groups or similar, so many people out there with the same problems , connect, interact and be happy once more. Good luck. Brenda

Aaah! Toad in the hole! Nothing better. I do make one occasionally. But have become rather lazy, on finding out that Morrisons do a particularly splendid ready meal 'toad'. And it only costs a £1. You just can't make your own for that price.
The weather is getting considerably warmer up here in Central Scotland. I went out on another bird watching stroll yesterday evening. Saw my first Blackcap of the year. No swallows as yet though.

Hi and welcome Blackdog2.
I am sorry to hear what you have gone through. "Lonely and Difficult" is something I can empathise with.
I was widowed 8 years ago, but before my husband died he was a tetraplegic and I cared for him at home for 7 years. Caring is isolating and debillitating and most people have no idea about it.
It was a difficult time for my family, not least because my children were only 17 and 19 when their father collapsed at work with no warning, following a brain haemhorrage.
Everything changed for all of us and none of us are unscathed.
Knowing lots of people round and about can be helpful; but isn't life lonely sometimes, even in a crowd! Got to have a bit of a moan sometimes and sometimes a laugh.
I would love to have a wider social life but find that joining various groups such as U3A and a book circle at least gives me some shared activity and contact with a variety of people.
I am not a natural chatterer in social situations but I am trying to be smiley and helpful as an ice-breaker. I am glad that I took the plunge into this forum as it is good to talk and it helps me in the evening, which is my low time.
A couple of years ago I met a woman (in her 70s) who was living in sheltered accommodation and moving every 4/5 years to a different part of the country. She said that she enjoyed exploring a new area and seeing the sights and enjoyed being able to please herself about what she did. She also enjoyed "doing up" her new nest in the safe environment of a "sheltered" block of flats, where the boring maintenance and safety issues were taken care of. She did however say that she had learnt not to jump into the organised social life of the new place and to expect to make lots of great new friends as the factional nature of some communities could be caustic.
Goldfynche has gone through tough times and is still enjoying himself - I am sure his children enjoy his devotion as much as he enjoys theirs.
I have a bit of a bucket list and I am trying to be active. I think I am still a bit of a trial to my kids - but I am working on it. Whether I stay in Suffolk or go to Warwickshire is still open for consideration.

I have exciting plans for Bank Holiday Monday.......I am cooking toad in the hole while my son and his family go off to Chippenham Park for an Easter Egg Hunt ( As they are vegetarians I don't cook meat at home very often). Got to enjoy the little things in life. 😉 Happy Easter!

That is so sad, but unfortunately all too common. Some people just cannot accept any profound change from familiar normality. My two children, when they lost their mother, more than doubled their appreciation of their remaining parent. The suddenness of their mother passing, hit them very hard. Just 5 weeks, 35 days from feeling normal to not feeling well to passing away with cancer.
I suppose I am lucky. Apart from having two loving children. I will be 70 in about 3 weeks. But I still have the active mind of a 30 year old. So many interests. Indoors and out and about.
There is this vast expanse of Scotland that needs to be explored. Very high up on my 'Bucket list' is to stand on the beach at the waters edge up at Dunnet Head, at low tide. This, being the absolute most northerly spot on the mainland UK. I've already done Lizard Point (south) and Lowestoft (east). Then I just have to sort out exactly where the most westerly point is. Also up here in Scotland.

Hello Blackdog2. You are more than welcome to join in. Yes, my situation is that my ex wife passed away 7 years ago. she lived up here in Scotland, so our 2 children inherited her house. My daughter moved up here. So rather than live on my own in London, I moved up here and she moved in with me so that the house could be sold and they could both get half value each. I am extremely lucky that both of my children love their dad hugely and think the world of him. It does make a big difference to your life if you have family that do actually care.

I hope the two of you do not mind but I have just come across your conversation with interest. I have a similar situation of being alone since I lost my wife two years ago and have found things lonely and difficult but elected to stay put here where I have lived for 45 years. I hope to eventually find a circle of social friends because having been a 24/7 Carer for 24 years all friends, family and social life have long flown away but this is where my roots are, everything around me is familiar plus everybody and anybody around here know me. I have no family anywhere near here and the risk of moving to be near them is the obvious ones that they have their circle and life plus they could very well suddenly decide to move. You are then isolated and have no friends or support around.

That's lovely. I honestly believe that our next 'addition' will be a moggie (or two).