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Living with my grown child and my grandchildren

Is anyone else in this situation?

I am not living off my child. We share expenses plus I bought the cars and pay for insurance. Since covid and going to school online my granddaughters have started staying up half the night gaming and talking to people online or on games, getting behind in their school work.

I have learned over the years that I am not allowed to comment on any of this without creating a big fuss.

My question is that the past 2 or 3 weeks they are now staying up all night and they are not quiet at all. They may be in the kitchen at 3 in the morning getting something to eat, playing music and laughing. The last couple of nights I even heard them going out the front door in the middle of the night.

All this wakes me up and I wind up not being able to get back to sleep. Then they sleep all day. I don't think they should be leaving the house at 2 or 3 in the morning and they even leave the door unlocked. My son doesn't seem to have a problem with it. He just ordered them new gaming computers as a reward for getting caught up on their school work.

I finally blew up at them yesterday. Their Dad was at work. I thought they were asleep in their rooms as early in the morning they asked if they could use my cc to order food. I went to my room and got dressed and went about my morning. I went out to check the mail around noon and I noticed that the door was unlocked. The girls were down the street just coming home. I blew my top and told them they should lock the door when they leave and then I told them to never leave the house without letting me know that they were leaving and where they were going.

They said that they had asked their Dad and I said that I was the one that was here. I told them that I am a person and I live here. Of course they were mad and went on to bed. I texted their Dad and told him I did not appreciate them leaving and not even telling me they were going. He said he would talk with them but he usually just plays it off as I am just a crazy old woman.

I think I deserve a little curtesy. They are treating me like a piece of furniture. Just over a year ago my son and the girls would just load up and take off. I wouldn't know if they were coming right back or if they were going to be gone all day or half the night. I finally told them I would appreciate it if they let me know they leaving and how long they might be gone. Sometimes I wouldn't even know they were gone unless I looked for them. I finally asked them to please let me know they were leaving so I knew to answer the door or check out noises in the night or plan something rather than waiting around on them. They thought I was being ridiculous.

Am I being unreasonable?

Created By on 28/05/2021

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10th Jun 2021 07:37:16
Thanks for voting!
Good morning BrenC79
I’m so sorry your having to put up with all this . Your certainly not being unreasonable on the contrary too kind . It’s easy for us all to comment but I’m sure as Silver ladies we are all most of us anyway being taken for granted. Young people today appear to have no respect for the fact we’ve gone through a lot already in our lives. For different reasons. I’m very lucky . I have 8 grandchildren 3 great grandchildren . We all live quite a way from one another but they face time me all of them xx. I’m staying with my daughter and grandson . That’s difficult at times Ive learnt to when I can say something when I can’t xx At the moment as my daughter and I have both had health problems . I do almost everything here felt I was taken for granted . But yesterday I heard my daughter tell her friend .My Mothers amazing .She does all the housework gives me good advice I don’t know what I would have done without her. Over thus past year etc so I was taken aback. So I am appreciated. You will have to put down some ground rules never to late ok . Have a meeting when you think they will all be in if not leave them a message. Then tell them if they don’t listen to what you have to say . Be strong tell them they all will have to leave. As they are all being disrespectful. Which should be number 1 on your list xx Your Son especially as he’s their Dad and he shouldn’t want you upset. Make a list as to what upsets you. No matter how long . If they won’t you must tell your son as much as you love him want to help they will have to find alternative accommodation . Seems hard but it just might work. Don’t be afraid and don’t be afraid of being on your own. There are clubs openings up , WI community centres where u can pop in make new friends etc. I’m waiting for a flat CANT wait to be on my own to have my own space again. It will be hard but don’t be treated like a door mat if you don’t tell them they won’t know how you feel. Last straw if you feel you can’t tell them then write your son a letter .Tell him its making you ill. And miserable and sad xxx ok do keep in touch if u can . Big Big hug to you Annyn46
4th Jun 2021 07:27:29 (Last activity: 4th Jun 2021 07:46:09)
Thanks for voting!
You are being totally taken for granted - you need someone in your corner to be with you in making these ignorant people - your family -treat you with respect -your son is the key he needs to learn some respect !!!
Response from Sally - Silversurfer's Editor made on 4th Jun 2021 07:46:09
Hi Victoria3456,

Welcome and many thanks for your first comment in our Forum.

If you already know your way around, then we will leave you to it.

If you are looking for some lively discussions, head on over to the Forum homepage to see what's trending right now and feel free to join in the discussions, with all our friendly members, perhaps ask a question or even start your own post.

29th May 2021 19:50:03
Thanks for voting!
Hey, I’m with you. We are too often seen as people not worth respecting. You are. Dig in. Move and live alone if you need to. I’m about to. I feel for you. Dig deep. Remember, we were the parents, the lovers, the adults who brought our children up and protected them. We are not suddenly a bunch of ninnies who can be walked over.. get out or get them out!, painful but necessary if you are going to have a life. Bless you. Dani.

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